Honey Whiskey (A Bastards MC Novel) (2 page)

“I know.” I’d
been a screwed up mess after my divorce—there wasn’t a bottle of
booze I didn’t like. Joes had come to my hotel a few weeks after
I’d left my house and had made me sober up. She’d stayed with me
for days while I acted like a pathetic looser, whining and crying,
and telling her I didn’t have a future without my wife or kid. It
was an embarrassing time, and I’d wiped most of it from my mind. Of
course she’d remembered. I swallowed hard. “You really think
Taylor’s future material? ‘Cause she’s obviously too good for
me.”

Jo chuckled. “Obviously. But,
she’s young and you’re… Well, you’re you. She’s probably convinced
she’s the lucky one.” She shook her head again. “You be nice to
her!”

I’d been seeing Taylor for a
few weeks. Even though I’d told Jo all about her, and Taylor all
about Joes, I’d been dreading introducing them. Becky hadn’t been
bothered by the fact that my best friend was a woman. She trusted
me, and I never would have betrayed that trust. But, some—hell,
most—of the women I’d dated since the divorce didn’t feel the same
way. My last girlfriend had been convinced that I was going to
leave her for Jo one day. Instead, I broke it off because she
wouldn’t stop obsessing about it and wanted me to stop seeing Joes
anywhere other than work. I apparently needed to come with a
warning label:
Hot female best friend
included; petty, self-centered, and jealous women need not
apply.

Taylor wasn’t jealous of anyone.
She knew she was damn close to perfection and didn’t have a problem
letting everyone know she was God’s gift to men. Yet, not only was
the threat of another woman still there, but I would do anything
for the other woman in this scenario, and I just didn’t know how
Tay would feel once she figured out how close Joes and I really
were.

I was worried about Jo, too. She’d
been crushed after the divorce. She tells everyone that I’m her
best friend, but there were times when it seemed that she and Bex
were closer than she and I were. She’d laugh and tell me it was the
‘girl code’ that made her take Becky’s side in arguments and that I
was still her best friend. I’d complain about it, but secretly I
liked the fact that the two of them were cohorts because it meant I
got to spend more time with my two favorite girls. When Bex left
me, though, she’d dropped Jo, too, devastating my friend. I didn’t
want to be the cause of that pain again. If she and Taylor got
close, and then Tay and I didn’t work out, Joes would be left once
more.

It had been almost a month since
we’d started dating, almost two since we’d met, and it was time for
me to introduce the two most important women in my life. Figures it
would happen at such a fan-fucking-tastic time, but the week had
already been shit, and if they didn’t like each other, it would be
par for the course my life had taken lately. I may not have shown
it, but I was relieved at having avoided that bomb, and happy that
at least Jo liked Taylor.

“
When am I not nice?” Jo answered
my question with an angry one eyebrow look. “Hey!” I held up my
hands in defense. “I’m nice to her!” I laughed.

“Who are you
being nice to?” Pretty Boy Billy Boy came up behind Jo and wrapped
his arms around her possessively. There wasn’t a single man in this
bar still wearing what they’d worn to work except for him. No,
everyone else had gone home and changed into jeans. But Billy? His
pompous ass needed the entire world to see he wore a suit and tie.
He needed everyone to think he was important.

Fucking ass hat. I reached out for my glass,
taking a long drink as he slid his face into Jo’s neck. I fucking
hated him with every fiber of my body, but I nodded my hello.
“Billy.”

“Matt.” His
voice was just as cool as mine had been. There was clearly only one
reason we needed to talk to each other, and she was standing right
between us. He gave Joes a quick squeeze, making her squeak. “You
ready to go, Pudge? I’m exhausted!” My hand tightened on the glass
when I heard the nickname he still used
. Fucking hate
him
. I clenched my jaw, remembering
the promise I’d made to Jo last year about minding my own goddamned
business. As much as I wanted to beat his ass into oblivion for the
sly way he constantly talked down to her, I had to hold it in. He
was Jo’s choice, not mine. My job was to support
her.

Pudge, Joes told me once,
was his term of endearment for her. I didn't understand how a name
like that could ever be anything other than an insult. And, only an
absolute selfish fuck would not be able to see how much it bothered
her. It freaking bothered me
for
her
. She wasn't fat. I hated the word
curvy, it had been overused in the last few years to explain away
obesity, but that was exactly what Jo was. She reminded me of the
50's pin up girls in Uncle Liam's workshop—full and round in all
the right places, tight and toned in the rest. Lately she'd gotten
too thin for my liking, a fact I blamed on Billy and his insulting
nickname. I tried to keep my face blank, but knew the repulsion
must show.

Jo caught my look and, for an
instant, shame drifted over her face and she broke eye contact.
Patting Billy’s hand, she nodded. “Yeah, babe. I’ll be right there.
Go get the coats?” Billy grumbled but retreated back to their
table, and she turned eyes that vaguely reminded me of the
Caribbean Sea to me. “You sure you’re ok? ‘Cause if you need me to,
I can stay.” She smirked suddenly. “I’m not sure how your
girlfriend would feel about me hitching a ride home, but…” she
trailed off.

I fought the urge to grab
her and haul her into my arms, instead reaching out a hand and
cupping the softness of her cheek. I stared into her eyes, getting
lost for a minute as I thought about what I really wanted to
say.
Fucking right I need you to stay.
I need you to come home with me, need you to make this entire week
fade into oblivion
. Reality crept in,
and I shook my head. “No. Go home. I need to go save Taylor from
Teagan anyway.”

She reached a hand up, covering mine. “You
know I’m here if you need me, right? I'll always be just a phone
call away.” I nodded. There wasn’t much I was sure about anymore,
but that fact was clear. She dropped her hand, moving it to my
chest as she stepped into me, stretching up on tip toes, and kissed
my cheek. “Love you, Matty.” She smiled quickly then backed away,
my hand falling from her. “See you tomorrow!” Jo called over her
shoulder as she made her way to Billy.

I finished off the whiskey before I turned and
leaned back against the bar. Taylor was lost in conversation with a
group of clerks from work, not even noticing that I wasn’t where
she’d left me earlier. I watched her laugh with my friends, waiting
for her to realize I was staring, hoping she could feel my eyes on
her. She never gave me as much as a glance.

Jo was wrong. Taylor wasn’t my
future. I had to be honest with myself, as much as I fucking hated
the idea. There was only one woman that I wanted to be with for the
rest of my life. And she was taken by a dickwad that thought he was
too good for her. If she were mine, I’d do anything to keep a smile
on her face, make her happy, and keep her safe.

I glowered at that thought,
knowing I’d never have the chance. The ball busting truth was that
Billy wasn’t the only one bad for her—the skeletons in my closet
terrified even me and were hidden away for a damned good reason. If
Joes knew a quarter of my shit, the secrets I kept, she’d run away
screaming. I’d never be able to let her in because, once I did,
she’d leave and never look back. That was not a chance I was
willing to take.

No, Jo would never be mine.

That cold hard fact pissed
me off more than everything else that had happened this
week.
Fuck my life.
I turned back to the bar and ordered another
round.

Chapter 1

Jo

I tried to be a good, attentive
friend and listen while Teagan talked about her day. However, I
couldn’t keep my eyes from drifting to the phone next to me and
only heard a few words as I let my mind wander. I bit my bottom
lip, determined not to turn my cell over and look to see if anyone
had called. What was the point of silencing the ringer if I was
just going to drive myself nuts checking it every five minutes?
Keeping my resolve intact, I leaned back against her headboard,
making myself concentrate on her voice.

“…
just so grown
up, ya know? It blew me away. He isn’t even close to being the same
kid he was five years ago. I really think that this placement will
decide to adopt. As long as he can keep himself out of trouble.”
She laughed. “I had to lay down the law again, gave him the old ‘I
love you but if you are a brat and screw this up, I will kick your
butt!’ speech. You know which one I mean?” I nodded even though she
couldn’t see me. Teagan seemed to have the worst behaving teenagers
on her caseload. Thank God she had the patience of a saint and
loved them all.

She pulled out another armful of
purses and balled up clothes, shoving them into the already giant
pile, and pushed her mahogany hair out of her face. “It’s in here,
I swear! I just never wear them, but they will be so cute with that
top you bought!” She’d been in her closet for almost half an hour,
searching for a shoe that she insisted I had to wear out tonight,
while I sat cross-legged on her bed, drowning in misery.

I couldn’t care less about the
shoes. There was only one thing weighing on my mind and it didn’t
have a thing to do with what I was going to wear out later. Hell, I
didn’t even want to go out anymore. If I hadn’t promised half my
coworkers that I’d meet them, I’d stay in my pajamas all night and
sulk in my room. I wondered, once again, if Matty was going to make
an appearance. I gave in, picking up my iPhone, and groaned when I
saw I didn’t have one single missed call or unread text. Sighing, I
tossed the phone angrily back down on Teagan’s bed. I didn’t know
what annoyed me more—the fact that he hadn’t called or that I was
upset about it.

Teagan leaned back on her
haunches, concern etched on her beautiful face. “You sure you don’t
want me to cancel? I will if you want me to come out with you
all.”

I smiled at my dearest friend,
trying to offer reassurance. I could honestly say I don’t know
where I’d be without T. She’d not only offered me a constant
shoulder over the last few months, she’d taken me in and given me a
place to stay. “Don’t you dare!” Her boyfriend, Tom, was finally
coming home after three weeks away for work. Both her daughters
were gone for the night, and with me going out, that meant they had
the apartment alone for the first time ever. “You and I can go out
drinking any time. You need to enjoy Tom while he’s here.” She
frowned at me skeptically, but turned back to the
closet.

A few minutes later she yelled,
“Aha!” and picked up a sexy, red, spike heeled stiletto that looked
way too dangerous for me to wear. “Found it!” She turned, beaming.
Her face fell when her eyes met mine. Pushing her giant frame off
the floor, she joined me on the bed and leaned her head back next
to mine. The bed tipped slightly under her weight, and I adjusted
so I didn’t roll in to her. I wasn’t a tiny woman, but Tegan
dwarfed me by a good ten inches and roughly sixty pounds. “Oh,
honey! He’s probably got a million and ten things going on right
now. It was a crazy week! He’ll call.”

I didn’t argue. Teagan had always
adored her ‘biker boy,’ and told me once that if she’d been a
little younger, he wouldn’t know what had hit him. She loved us
both, but she’d never thought we were a good match. Even though she
didn’t like us as a couple, she’d been extremely supportive. She
hugged me when I was angry with him and got giddy and girly with me
when things were good. I knew she must be tired of me moping,
especially after the last few days. Instead of snapping at me or
telling me that she knew this would happen, she only smiled and
told me we’d get through it. I couldn’t bear the thought of telling
her how badly I’d screwed things up this time.

I hadn’t spoken to Matty since
Tuesday and that conversation hadn’t gone as planned. There was so
much I needed to say to him, so many things I wanted to tell him,
but instead, we’d argued. Feeling bad because I had been such a
bitch during the call, I’d sent him a text apologizing and told him
where I was going tonight, asking if he wanted to meet me. He
hadn’t even written back to say no. I sighed again, closing my
eyes.

After what felt
like years of radio silence, the two of us had reconnected two
months ago. Well, if you could call Matty picking me up, carrying
me to his car, and demanding I talk to him, connecting. We’d talked
hundreds of times since then, and exchanged a few thousand text
messages. However, every time we’d made plans to get together, life
always got in the way and one of us had to cancel. I was desperate
to see him. I needed my boyfriend to be more than a voice on the
other end of the phone.

That’s if he was my boyfriend. To
be honest, I wasn’t sure what we were anymore. Matty had said I was
his forever, but that we just didn’t work right now. When I asked
if he thought we could fix us, he said we could, but that it
wouldn’t be easy. He was worth the effort, and I was willing to do
almost anything to get us back to where we were last summer. I
believed that our declarations of love after Todd’s adoption party
was the closure each of us needed in order to put the past few
months of hell behind us, moving forward to work on mending
whatever was broken so we could be together.