Honor Reclaimed (All About Honor) (2 page)

The baby John would never know his
amazing mother.
 
For this John was
truly devastated.
 
He hoped the
other children would be able to remember something of her when they grew up.

Not typically one to be overly
intemperate, John stayed completely intoxicated for three days.
 
The care of the children and the
preparation of Johane’s body fell entirely on the servants.
 
Johane had chosen and trained her staff
well.
 
Broken heartedly, Nanny took
it upon herself to send to Severn Manor to notify Johane’s family of her
passing.
 

Chapter
1

Eirian was the only one home when
the messenger arrived from the Priory.
 
He was shown immediately to the library where Eirian sat reading.
 
“May I help you?”
 
Eirian questioned the young man.
 
At seventeen Eirian had become the
beauty she always promised to be.
 
The messenger was unnerved by her and, momentarily, forgot the
importance of the mission he had been sent on.
 
Knowing the content of the message, he hesitated to give
Eirian the letter while she was home alone.

“Mistress, is the Lord of the manor
not home?” he inquired.

“No he is not, nor is my
brother.
 
I am the only family in
residence at the moment.
 
How can I
be of assistance?”
 
Eirian could
see that the young man was nervous.

“Mistress, I come baring the worst
of news and I hate to give this to you when you are here alone.
 
Is
there
not
some other relation in residence?” he asked, his concern clearly evident on his
face.

“No there is not and you must tell
me quickly what has happened.”
 
Eirian was terrified of what the news would be.

“Mistress, I have been told to
inform Sir Morgan of the death of his daughter, Madame Lewis, in
childbirth.
 
I am so sorry.
 
We all loved her so.
 
It is a great lose to everyone.”

“No!
 
Oh - please - God – no!
 
Not Johane”, Eirian cried out in anguish.
 
“Oh my dear, dear sister”, her tears
were flowing freely.
 
“When? When
did it happen and what of the baby?”
 
She finally managed to inquire.

“It happened yesterday.
 
She delivered a healthy baby boy and
then began having seizures from which she did not recover.
 
I am so sorry.”
 
He wanted to gather her in his arms and
comfort her, but it would be highly inappropriate for him to touch her.
 
He just stood there and watched as she
sobbed in grief.

Eirian allowed herself only a few
minutes to give in to her grief.
 
At last, she pulled herself together and began to organize her
thoughts.
 
She dispatched messengers
to inform Galen and Aislinn who were visiting her family and one to Cardiff to
inform her father.
 
She sent her
maid to pack her valise.
 
An escort
was ordered to accompany her and they would leave for the Priory at first
light.
 

The daylong trip was almost
unbearable.
 
All she could think of
was her older sister, who had been more of a mother to her than a sister, when
she was growing up.
 
Her loss would
be very difficult to accept.
 
She
also felt so sorry for the children, because she knew what it was to grow up
without a mother.

 
Tears once again flowed freely when, as she approached to
front door, she encountered the black crepe wreath hung as an indication of a
household deep in mourning.
 
She
was received at the door by Matthews who took her cape and gloves, who in a
voice choked with unshed tears offered his condolences,
 
“Good evening mistress.
 
I cannot tell you how very sorry we all
are for your loss.
 
We all loved
our mistress and will miss her greatly.”

“Thank you, Matthews.”
 
She was touched by his obvious
sincerity.
 
“Could you please tell
me where I might find my brother in-law?
 
I would like to see him immediately if possible.”

“Mistress, if you do not mind me
saying so, you might want to wait until the morning.
 
He has not been himself since Madame left us.”
 
Matthews was sure his master would not
want her to see him in his present condition.

“Do not concern yourself.
 
I know he is in a great deal of pain,
but I must insist on seeing him tonight.”
 
She wanted a few minutes alone with him before the family arrived tomorrow.
 

Matthews suggested she might find
him in his study.
 
When she entered
the room, she found him with his head down on his desk, pillowed in his
arms.
 
She went to him, and bending
forward, wrapped her arms around his shoulder, resting her face against his
three-day growth of beard.
 
“Oh
John, I am so sorry!” she said as she burst into tears.
 

John raised his head staring at her
through blood shot eyes in drunken confusion.
 
“Don’t cry my love, everything will be alright now that you
are here.
 
You know I could never
stand to see you cry”.
 
Staggering
to his feet, he took her in his arms.
 
Drawing her close against his chest he laid his cheek comfortingly on
top of her head.
 
She reveled in
the close contact.
 
In her fondest
dreams she had fantasized what it would feel like to be held lovingly in his
arms.
 
She was in no way prepared
for the overwhelming emotions it triggered.
 
After a moment, placing his finger under her chin, he raised
her face to look up at him.
 
Slowly
he lowered his mouth to hers and kissed her deeply and thoroughly.
 
He slipped his tongue into her mouth
ravaging it with his passion.
  
Pulling back he glanced lovingly down at her,
 
“Johane, I have missed you so much!
 
Promise you will never leave me
again.”
 
He pulled her closer to him
and kissed her with all his heart, pouring out all his pain and loneliness in
his kisses.
 

At first Eirian was too shocked to
react coherently.
 
She had always
been in-love with John, every since she first met him as a little girl.
 
She had loved him from afar as he was
her sister’s husband.
 
She had
bemoaned the fact that she was too young when he came to call on her sister, or
she might have been the one to marry him and fulfill all her dreams.
 
Now the man who had haunted her dreams
for ten years and who had been totally out of her reach was holding her in his
arms.
 
It mattered little that he
thought she was her sister.
 
She
was willing to take whatever crumbs she could get just to be with him.
 
She knew she should have pushed him
away when he drew her into his arms, but instead she found herself allowing,
and virtually encouraging, his advances.
 
John was holding her so close that she could feel him as he hardened
against her belly.
 
His hand slid
to her breast and began to knead it gently.
 
She felt her stomach tighten in an unfamiliar way.
 
She began to tingle all over,
especially between her legs.
 
His
kisses trailed down her neck to her shoulder, while his hand was busy loosening
the laces to her gown.
 
He quickly
exposed her breast to his searching hands.
 
The sensations it elicited were totally foreign to anything
she had ever experienced and she was unsure how to react.

Eirian had never so much as kissed a
man before, but she had guiltily dreamed of being loved by this man before she
even understood what it meant.
 
She
also knew she intended to stop him, but somehow she forgot to.
 

John bent to suckle her breast.
 
He took her nipple in his mouth and
nibbled it between his teeth.
 
Eirian thought she was going to pass out right there in his arms.
 
He ran his tongue around the nipple and
then sucked it greedily in his mouth.
 
She arched against him, pressing her breast more fully in his face.
 
John slowly lowered them to the rug in
front of the fireplace where he quickly raised her skirt and began to rub
against her through his clothes, stimulating her in ways she had never
experienced before.
 
He reached
down between them ran his finger along her wet folds, stopping to rub her tiny
bud until it was almost as hard as he was.
 
He then slid his finger inside her working her until she was
ready to receive him.
 
Almost
without losing a beat he had released himself from his breeches and was
positioned over her.
 
As the head
of his penis brushed against her she came out of her trance like state of
excitement.
 
The reality of what
she was doing hit her hard.
 
“No!
John stop!
 
Please.
 
This is wrong.
 
We must not do this.
 
Stop!
 
It is not right,” she exclaimed as she tried desperately to
push away from him.
 

“Please baby, I need you so.
 
I have missed you so much.
 
Do not say me nay now.”
 
With that he pushed home breaking
through the proof of her virginity in one deep thrust.
 
Fortunately,
her
scream of shock and pain was muffled by his mouth
over hers.
 
She struggled to throw him off, but the
more she struggled, the faster and more intensely John drove into her.
 
Finally, with one more deep thrust, he
moaned loudly and collapsed on top of her.

The physical
effects of his assault left her shaking and in tears.
 
It was her tears that seemed to reach him as nothing else
had.
 
He looked down at her in
confusion, trying to figure out what had just happened and how it was Eirian’s
face under him and not his beloved Johane.
 
He withdrew and saw the blood between her thighs and on
himself.
 
What had he done?
 
He could not believe what had just
happened.
 
Had he just raped his
little sister in-law?

So deep was his guilt that he was
gripped with a wave of nausea.
 
“Eirian, what just happened?
 
Have I hurt you?
 
I am so sorry!
 
I cannot believe what I have done.
 
I wanted Johane so badly that I made
myself believe you were she.
 
It is
despicable!
 
I do not know what I
am supposed to do now.
 
What can I
do to help you?”

“Please, give me a minute”, she
sobbed as she struggled to sit up and pull her skirts back down over her legs
and her gown up to cover her breasts.
 

Afraid to touch her again, but
wanting to do something to help her, he reached out to give her a helping hand
up.
 
He pulled her to her feet and
helped her over to the sofa.
 
“Can
I do anything?” he asked again as he helped her to refasten her gown in the
back.

“Can you give me back my virginity?”
she asked spitefully.
 
She then
felt guilty herself because she knew that she could have and should have
stopped him well before it got too far out of hand.
 
She was as much to blame as he.
 
No, she was more to blame because she knew the whole time
what she was doing but he had deluded himself into thinking she was her sister
and she had even known it at the time.
 

John felt so guilty that he would
have gladly been lead out in front of a firing squad to be shot.
 
If there had been anyway to take it
back he would have.
 
He not only
felt like he had committed adultery, but he felt incestuous as well.

She wanted to apologize for being so
harsh, but she was too embarrassed to admit that she had been in-love with her
sister’s husband for years.

“I am not sure how to handle
this.
 
I need some time to think
this through.
 
I am just so
confused right now.
 
I still do not
know how I am going to manage without your sister.
 
My children need a mother and I need my wife”, his voice
cracked and he was in danger of breaking down into tears in front of this young
women.

Eirian starred off into space for a
few minutes trying to collect her thoughts.
 
She then looked John in the eyes before she said, “John, you
do not owe me anything.
 
It was as
much my fault as yours.
 
I should
not have let you kiss me in the first place.
 
I just felt so sorry for you I wanted to ease your
pain.
 
We both just got carried
away until it was too late.
 
I will
be fine.
 
You have enough to worry
about right now.”