Honor Reclaimed (All About Honor) (39 page)

Just as John predicted the junior
officers were released the following morning.
 
The senior officers remained uncertain of their fate until
the end of the day when they were informed that they would be escorted to the coast
the following day and loaded on ships bound for Barbados.
 
They would serve a period of three
years indenture and then be free to find their way home if they so chose.
 
John tried to find solace in the fact
that he would remain alive, but he could not look forward to the separation
from his family and he was concerned for their welfare.
 

Eirian was a remarkable woman.
 
Her mind was as sharp as any
man’s.
 
He felt sure that she, with
the help of his steward, could run his estate capably until his return.
 
He would miss her unbearably, as he
would his children, but at least he had a hope of eventually being reunited
with them.
 
He had to hold on to
that hope.

As they were escorted from the
castle, John was saddened to see the huge pile of books from Worcester’s
extensive library being set to fire.
 
Some of these works were ancient and recorded the history of their
country by putting to paper the stories of the ancient bards.
 
It was such a needless waste and a
reflection of the narrow mindedness of the members of Parliament.

As they passed out to the gates of
the once great castle, which was even then being dismantled room by room with
even the paneling being removed along with all of the furnishings, he was
dismayed to see the destruction to the great tower.
 
While much of the tower remained intact two sides of the
six-sided tower had been slighted and lay in ruins.
 
John saw a parallel to his life; it seemed to be lying in
ruins at the moment, but much of it remained intact and could hopefully, if he
survived, be rebuilt.

Chapter
21

Home, it was the most wondrous site
after three years of exile.
 
It
contained everything important to him.
 
His older children had grown up while he was gone. Eirian had been left
to finish raising them by herself.
 

William was well on his way to being
a man when he had been sent away.
  
He was now the same age that John had been when he and Johane
married.
 
Was he married with a
family of his own yet?
 
The older
girls, Gwen and Lettus, would be of a marriageable age as well.
 
He hoped that William and Eirian had
seen to it that they made a worthy match if they were already married.
 
John would be approaching manhood at
sixteen.
 
The twins, Johane &
Andrew, would be fifteen.
 
He
wondered if Johane had developed into the beauty she had shown promise of being
when he left.
 
Edward was thirteen
and Elizabeth would be almost twelve.
 
Morgan should be eleven years old by now.
 
If they had not lost the baby, she would have been nine
years old.
 
She had been such a
beautiful child.
 
Losing her had
been one of the most devastating events of his life.
 
Eirian had blamed herself and had mourned her loss to the
point of illness.
 
He had briefly
worried for her sanity.
 
She did
recover, but she had lost a lot of her joy in her life.

He wondered if Eirian had changed as
much in the last three years as he had.
 
His blond hair had begun to gray, but being so bleached by the sun it
was barely noticeable.
 
His fair
complexion had turned brown and leathery from the almost continual exposure to
the sun.

 
He had developed deep wrinkles at the corners of his eye and
on his forehead, yet he had still managed to turn a women’s heads on the
streets of Barbados.
 
His physique
had improved with the physical labor, building up his muscles in his upper
body, trimming his waistline, and firming his backside.
 
Gone however was the dignified young
gentleman of
Monmouthshire
, and his place was a
ruggedly handsome middle-aged man.
 

Would Eirian even recognize
him?
 
Well, there was only one way
to find out.
 
He spurred his horse
and rode down the hill to the manor.

John rode up to the front steps of
the manor and was greeted by the groom who, after greeting him like a returning
hero, took his horse and led it into the stables.
 
He knocked on the front door and was greeted by an
unfamiliar butler.
 
“Is your
mistress in?”
 
John asked feeling
foolish asking admittance into his own home.

“Whom may I say is calling?” the
butler looked at him with thinly veiled contempt, as if trying to decide to
send him to the back entrance as all tradesmen and workers were required.
 
John knew what he must look like in his
course clothes, and it certainly was not like the gentleman of the manor who
had been sent into exile almost four years earlier.

“Tell her that it is her husband
returned from Barbados.”
 
John
replied with as much haughtier as he could manage.

“Please sir, my apologizes.
 
I could not have known.
 
She is not in
Sir,
she has gone to call on the vicar’s wife, but her son, or rather your son, is
here.
 
Shall I announce you?” he
stammered.

“Do not bother, just tell me where I
might locate him.
 
I am very
familiar with the house as you might expect.”
 
John stated dryly.

“Of course sir, my pardon

.
 
They are in the solarium.”
 
He responded.

John hurried to the back of the
house.
 
He was so anxious to see
anyone from his family that he did not stop to ask which son was in the
solarium.
 
The site that greeted
him brought back a host of memories.
 
There sitting in the middle of the floor playing with a beautiful little
girl of about three years of age was his oldest son, William.
 
The family resemblance was
amazing.
 
The girl looked just like
a small version of his darling Johane.

 
She had the same brilliant blue eyes and sweet smile.
 
It took him a minute to realize that
she had Eirian strawberry blonde curls.

William caught a movement out of the
corner of his eye and glanced over to see his father standing there.
 
His heart was filled with joy and dread
all at the same time.
 
“Father,
welcome home at last!”
 
He jumped
up and hurried over to his father holding his hand out to shake his father’s
hand.
 
           
John clasped his hand and then pulled his son into his embrace, holding
him in a bear hug and pounding on his back.
 
He could not believe what a solid young man his eldest son
had grown to be.
 
“Now, you must
introduce me to this little beauty.
 
Could this be my granddaughter by chance?
 
She is the spitting image of her grandmother, with a wee
measure of your aunt as well.
 
She
is a fine looking child.
 
Come see
your grandfather little lady and give me a kiss.”

Anna toddled right up to him and
held her arms out to be picked up.
 
John scooped her up in his arms and holding her very close.
 
He received a big kiss from the little
cherub.
 
It was obvious that she
was well loved, and was use to having an abundance of affection displayed
towards her.
 
He instantly fell in
love with her.

“When do you expect your mother back
and where are the others?” he asked.

“Mother should be back any time,
Johane, Lettus and Gwenillian are at Severn Manor.
 
Aunt Asilinn is helping to prepare Gwennie’s trousseau and
they wanted to spend some time with grandfather before Gwennie marries.
 
I think you will approve of her future
husband.
 
I know she will be so
happy that you are back in time for the wedding.
 
John and Andrew are studying at Oxford, we will send for
them right away of course.
 
Edward,
Elizabeth and Morgan are upstairs with their tutor.
 
Shall I send for them now?”
 
William was obviously nervous, and John was wondering why.

“No that is alright, there is plenty
of time.
 
I will catch up on things
with you first.”
 
John went over to
the chair by the fire and settled the child in his lap.
 
“Now let me look at you pretty thing.
 
What is your name wee one?”
 
John balanced her on his knee so he
could really inspect her.

“Her name is Anna.”
 
John jumped to his feet at the sound of
Eirian’s voice.
        

“Mommy, Mommy,” the little girl ran
straight for Eirian who swept her protectively up in her arms, looking over her
precious head to judge John’s reaction.

Shock would not quite describe he
reaction.
 
She could see him
mentally doing the calculations and coming up with the only answer he could
have.
 
She saw the pain and disgust
as the reality set in.

“William, could you take Anna to the
nursery please.
 
I need some time
alone with your father.”
 
Eirian
said with as much calm as she could manage.
 
She knew this moment would come some day and she had dreaded
it.

“Mother, are you sure?
 
I could take Anna and come right
back.”
 
William was afraid of his
father’s reaction.

“I will be fine.
 
Now run along.”
 
She followed them to the door and
closed it quietly before slowly turning to face the consequences.

“Madame, would you care to explain
who that child is.
 
Please spare us
both.
 
Do not try to convince me
that she is mine because we both know that is not possible.”
 
John’s expression had gone from pain to
anger.

“She is mine, as well you
know.”
 
She answered flatly.

“Who, pray tell, is the father?” he
demanded.

“That I can not tell you,” she
answered her voice almost a whisper.

John did something that he had never
done in his life.
 
He slapped her
full force across the face, knocking Eirian to the floor by the impact of the
blow.
 
He was immediately ashamed
as he saw the blood trickling out of the corner of her mouth.
 
“What you really mean is you will not
tell me.
 
Who are you trying to
protect?”
 
He was ashamed of the
thoughts that crossed his mind.
 
Was it possible that Andrew had returned from the colonies and was the
father of the child?
 

All of his dreams lay shattered on
the floor with Eirian.
 
His anger
was so great that he did nothing to apologize for his actions.
 
Rather than offering Eirian a hand up,
he turned on his heel and walked over to pour himself a stiff drink.
 
He downed that drink in one gulp and
poured another.
 
When he turned
around to further berate his wife, he found her quietly exiting the door.
  

“Get back in here Madame.
 
We still have much to discuss.
 
You cannot sneak off with your tail
between your legs.
 
I want
answers,” he demanded.

“No John,” she said dabbing at the
blood in the corner of her mouth.
 
“I think you need time to calm yourself.
 
When you are ready to talk, and not to strike out, I will be
available to you,” she turned again to leave.

John crossed the room in three
strides.
 
He grabbed her arm again
to stop her retreat.
 
She drew back
in a defensive gesture expecting another blow to fall.
 
“I will not strike you again, although
I would like to beat you as you deserve.
 
For three years I have thought of nothing but what our reunion would be
like.
 
I could not wait to hold you
in my arms again.
 
I wanted romance
and nights of unending passion.
 
I
assumed that you would be just as anxious to see
me
as
I was to see you.
 
Never would I
have imagined that you would have betrayed me the moment my feet left our
shores.
 
Did my bed even have time
to get cold before you were welcoming another into it?”

“I will not defend myself to you of
all people, you who should know my character better than anyone.
 
It hurts terribly that you still doubt
my loyalty and my love.”
 
She could
barely force the words out through the unshed tears lodged in her throat.

They were both surprised to see
William return.
 
He took one look
at Eirian’s face and turned on his father.
 
“Do not ever lay a hand on her again.
 
If you do, I will kill you
myself.”
 
The look of disgust on
his face convinced John that his son meant what he said.

“You do not have to worry.
 
I have never struck a woman before and
while she deserves it, and much more, I am ashamed that I stooped that low
now.”
 
John was still clinching and
un-clinching his fists in attempt to shake the desire to hit something.

“Did you even ask her what happened
before you took your anger out on her?”
 
William himself was shaking with barely suppressed anger.

“She could not or would not even
tell me who the father was.
 
He
must be a real scoundrel that she feels he has to hide behind a woman’s
skirts.”
 
John answered angrily.

“She does not know who the father
was.”
 
William began.

Eirian placed her hand on his
sleeve, “He does not deserve an explanation, not when he is in this
condition.
 
Once he calms down I
will talk to him.”

“No mother.
 
He is your husband and he does deserve
an explanation even if he won’t like it.”
 
William had matured beyond his years in his father’s absence.
 
“Father, if you will quit pacing and be
seated, Mother come sit by me.

The day we learned that the siege
was over and the king’s men had surrendered we were devastated.
 
We thought that all of the survivors
would be put to the sword.
 
We were
not even sure if you had survived the siege, but assuming you had, we thought
we were going to loss you to the executioner.
 
Mother was beside herself.
 
There was no way to console her.
 
She would not wait to hear what the outcome would be.
 
She was going to go to Raglan by
herself if necessary.
 
Of course, I
could not allow her to do that.
 
I
escorted her there in hopes that she would get to see you one last time.
 
The roads were unbelievably
crowded.
 
People were trying to get
away from town and escape the violence of Cromwell’s troops.
 
I tried desperately not to let her out
of my sight, but in all the confusion we did get separated.
 
I searched frantically for her for
hours.
 
Eventually I found a boy
who told me of a woman he saw lying in an alley a few blocks down.
 
He thought she might be dead.
 
I hurried to the place he told me about
not knowing whether to pray that it was her or not.
 
It was she, and she was barely alive.
 
She had been cornered by a group of
Cromwell’s men who had passed her around between them raping her repeatedly and
beating her nearly to death.
 
You
could not imagine the condition she was in when I found her.
 
Her face was so battered I almost did
not recognize her.
 
Her eyes were
swollen shut.
 
She was a bloody
pulp, beaten beyond recognition, yet all she could think about was you.
 
She asked me if I knew yet what was to
become of you.
 
There she was
broken, bleeding, and repeatedly violated and all she could feel was your
pain.
 
She wanted me to try to
arrange for her to see you.
 

I found an empty house to hide out
in until she was able to travel.
 
I
guess the owners had fled the mayhem.
 
I stayed there with her for several weeks until she was in condition to
return home.
 
She did not want
anyone to see her the way she was because she did not want to have to answer
the questions she knew would follow.
 
She just wanted to put the whole incident behind her.
 
She wanted to forget it ever happened.
 
She never wanted you to know what she
had suffered in her effort to see you.
 

I will never forget her reaction
when she realized she was pregnant.
 
She had been so distracted with her concerns for you that she did not
realize that she was pregnant for about three months.
 
When she did, I think she wanted to die and I was afraid she
would do something to harm herself.
 
I offered to try to find someone who would rid her of the problem, but
she finally decided against it.
 
It
surprised both of us that no one questioned the paternity of the child.
 
I think everyone assumed that she had
been with you at some point while we were at Raglan.
 
We talked about putting the baby in a foundling home when it
was born, allowing people to think that it had died.
 
When the baby came she was so precious and so beautiful that
we could not part with her.
 
It
seems like she is part mine now.
 
I
was there when she was born and I have been there for her everyday since.
 
I am the only father she has ever
known.
 
If you would just give her
a chance, she would win your heart.
 
Do not hold it against her because of how she was conceived.
 
If Mother can love her after what she
went through then surely you can be man enough to accept her.”