Hoodie (31 page)

“Dear Lord,” Ms. Robinson said softly.

“I’m going to sit down and talk to them tonight,” Emma said.

“‘Course you are. You don’t gotta choice. You gotta go home,” Anton said, and then he looked at his mother. “Unless she can stay here tonight.”

Ms. Robinson drew in a deep breath. “Do you wanna get beaten? ‘Cause you this close,” she said holding up her thumb and forefinger slightly apart.

“It’ll be fine. My parents will be fine,” Emma said, though she did not believe it.

Ms. Robinson looked at the clock hanging above them.

“I’ve got to go,” she said. “And I don’t want to. I don’t want to leave you two here alone. I’m still havin’ a hard time wrappin’ my head around this.” She rubbed her forehead and sighed deeply.

“Mama, I’m eighteen,” Anton said softly.

“I know, baby,” she replied.

“You know I love this girl, Mama,” Anton continued. “I ain’t messin’ around. You know I’m serious.”

Ms. Robinson smiled wearily remembering when she was eighteen and the certainty of her convictions could not be shaken. She remembered when she turned twenty and those convictions foundered, vanishing along with the man who vowed to love her for a lifetime. He left her alone holding a tiny baby in her arms.

She stood up suddenly and addressed the humiliated couple on the couch. “Go do something today. Go see a movie or something. I don’t want you hanging around in this house. You understand?”

“Okay Mama. We’ll go somewhere,” Anton said.

He watched his mother walk reluctantly to her room to change into her scrubs. He and Emma sat in silence until she returned reminding them to “go do something” before leaving.

When his mother had closed the front door behind her, Anton spoke.

“I can’t even believe she just did that. I am so embarrassed. I cannot believe my mama just sat there and axed if we was havin’ sex. Can you believe that?” he asked, turning to Emma.

She was bent over holding her stomach.

“I don’t feel so good,” she said.

“I know, right? My mama thinkin’ she can just ax us about our personal business.”

“No, I really don’t feel good,” Emma said, and jumped up from the couch.

She ran to the bathroom, slammed the door behind her, and bent over the toilet. She vomited violently, her body shaking and the tears pouring involuntarily. It kept coming, and she had to kneel down for the weakness she felt in her knees. She thought regrettably that she was vomiting all of the love she had just eaten, as though her body were rejecting his mother, his home and family.

There was a break in her sickness, and she wiped at her mouth with some toilet paper. She heard Anton knocking on the door and forbade him to enter. She felt a fresh wave coming, and no sooner had she gotten the words out to him then her head was back in the toilet, her stomach contracting and ridding itself of everything she had put into it. All of the love, she thought. All of the warmth of family.

She wiped at her mouth again, flushed the toilet, and sat back against the wall. She took deep ragged breaths and let the tears slide down her cheeks. She never understood why vomiting induced tears. She heard a tentative knock once more, and reluctantly invited him in.

Anton entered the bathroom and left the door open. He didn’t mention the smell, but she knew he was thinking it. And she wanted to be embarrassed, but she was too weak to care.

“You okay?” he asked softly.

“I threw up,” she said.

Anton tried not to laugh. “I know you threw up, baby.”

“I threw up my entire lunch,” she said, the tears still spilling over.

Anton went over to her and sat down beside her. He wiped at her tears.

“Baby, that’s gonna happen when you eat fifty pounds of food,” he said tenderly.

She laughed softly, tasting the vomit in her mouth.

“You didn’t throw up,” she pointed out. “You ate as much as me.”

Anton couldn’t help but laugh. “Girl, do we look like we anywhere near the same size? Plus, I’m a black man. I’m used to eatin’ that food. You prolly never had so much fried food in yo’ life.”

Emma nodded. “It was so good.”

“I know,” he said, pulling her close to him. She resisted.

“My breath is disgusting,” she said.

“Well, go brush yo’ teeth,” Anton suggested.

“How? I don’t have a toothbrush here.”

“Use mine,” he offered.

“Hmm, I don’t know. That sounds pretty gross,” she said.

“It is. But what else we gonna do? Have you walkin’ around all day with dragon breath? I can get another toothbrush,” he said.

“No, I meant gross for me.”

Anton burst out laughing. “Girl, you kiss me all the time. You put yo’ tongue down my throat, and you gonna be grossed out by my toothbrush? Baby, you crazy,” he said hugging her close.

She let him hold her feeling the love seep back into her. Her heart felt better and the panic subsided. It was there—the love. It was there in many different forms. So maybe she couldn’t eat so much of it. But she could let him hold her, let it flow into her from his strong dark arms.

He helped her up and handed her his toothbrush and toothpaste. She brushed her teeth while he sat on the toilet and watched. He gave her a paper cup filled with mouth rinse, and she was tempted to swallow it. He laughed listening to her gargle. She thought she should be embarrassed doing that in front of him, but she was too busy relishing the feel of a clean mouth.

“I feel like a new woman,” she said after spitting into the sink and rinsing it out.

She looked at Anton who appeared to be thinking about something.

“What?” she asked nervously. “You didn’t have to watch me do that. I know it’s not attractive, brushing your teeth in front of someone.”

“No, I ain’t thinkin’ about that,” he said. “I’m thinkin’ that this is the only time I haven’t felt like havin’ sex with you.”

Emma felt slightly irritated.

“Look, I know I threw up and you had to smell it when you walked in here and then you sat there watching me brush my teeth and—”

“Girl, no. It ain’t about all that. It’s my mama. She just made me feel all weird about it,” he said quietly.

“Oh,” Emma said with a sigh. “I know.”

She stood in front of him waiting for the invitation. He moved his arms to let her sit on his lap. She settled in and felt his arms go around her waist.

“It’s because I’m seventeen,” she said.

Anton sighed. “You more mature than I am,” he said frustrated.

“I know.”

He made a face at her, and she giggled.

“It’s also because she’s your mother,” Emma pointed out.

“I’m eighteen! What she expect?”

“It doesn’t matter. She’s still your mother. She’s looking out for you the way a mother is supposed to.”

Anton shrugged. “I really wanted to have sex with you today.”

Emma laughed at his disappointed tone.

“Look, I don’t want to have sex either,” she said. “I just threw up all my insides.”

Anton squeezed her lightly and she winced.

“It’s just weird now, you know? My mama know what we doin’. I mean, I think I always knew she knew. But now it’s out in the open.”

Emma made a noise and shrugged.

“You in for it tonight,” he said after a time.

Emma’s heart dropped. “I know.”

“I can’t believe you did that, Emma,” he said chuckling. “What was you thinkin’?”

“They were just giving me a hard time about going to church with you. You know, because it’s on this side of town. I just got pissy. It was the complete wrong way to go about it, I know. But they just made me so mad.”

Anton grinned. “Well, that’s ‘cause you scrappy.”

“Hmm.”

“What if they make you stay away from me?” Anton asked after a moment. His tone was suddenly serious.

“That won’t happen,” she replied.

“But what if they—”

“That won’t happen,” she said again more firmly.

Anton nodded and said nothing.

“So what should we do today?” Emma asked.

He had no idea.

CHAPTER 21

MONDAY, MAY 10

Anton swaggered down the hallway holding Emma’s hand. He nodded politely to students at their lockers and asked them how they were doing. Most stared at him blankly. A few told him where to shove it. But some actually smiled and answered him.

“Stop being so goofy,” Emma said.

“I can’t help it,” he replied. “You know how happy I am? I can’t even believe yo’ parents okay with us bein’ together. I feel like I been reborn or somethin’.”

She smiled remembering her phone conversation with him the previous night. She had gone home that evening to face the wrath of her parents. She knew they would object, demand she stay away from him, argue that he was no good for her and would never be. She prepared herself for the fight, but the fight never came.

They asked her a few specific questions about him and then asked her if she was happy. Her parents asked her if she was happy, Emma thought in disbelief. She never thought that was a concern of theirs, but when they voiced it, she could do nothing but run into her mother’s arms and hug her tightly. Then she ran to her father and did the same.

She told Anton over the phone and he nearly rendered her deaf by his reaction. Then he insisted she was lying, but she promised him she was not. It was all too real, but she felt like she was living in a fantasy. The world around her was getting bigger as she let the ones she loved in on her secret. She liked feeling utterly exposed. Now no one was in the dark, and the hope grew inside of her that she and Anton could be happy. Possibly forever.

“Now you officially my shorty,” he said.

“Oh jeez,” Emma replied.

He scrutinized her. “Hmm, you really short. Maybe I’m’ll have to call you my shorty shorty.”

“You’re silly,” she said laughing and nudging him.

“Say, what the world look like down there?” He squatted until he was eye level with her. Then he looked around him, down at his feet and up above.

Emma stood staring at him, hands on her hips.

“Man, it feel weird down here,” he said. “Like I could walk right into a mouse hole no problem.”

She smacked his arm. He shoved his face into hers, their eyes dead even.

“Gimme a kiss,” he ordered, and she had to obey.

He stood up and stretched his back.

“What does the world look like up there?” Emma asked after a moment.

“Well, climb on and I’ll show you.” He squatted again and let her climb onto his back. He latched his arms under her knees and stood straight up.