“Nate?” Gus said in surprise when he saw my face. “What... what are you doing?”
I had never felt worse than I did in that moment. There was absolutely no good way of getting out of this situation. “It’s a long story,” I said.
Gus wavered for a moment, holding the club like he might still hit me with it. Then I think he saw the pain in my eyes because he set down the club. “Okay, we better go to the kitchen and talk this over,” he said. “I’m going to be very interested in your explanation.”
I told him everything. I told him about my parents and even how Jerry had hit me. I told him about my suspicions about him and my mom and how I had broke in to find out if he was my real father. I didn’t want to tell him any of it but I knew I didn’t have a choice. A teenager couldn’t break into someone’s house and then be selective with his explanation.
Gus listened to my story quietly and with an impassive face. After I finished there was a few agonizing moments of silence and then he said, “Nate, before I say anything else, I think you deserve to know this. I’m not your biological father. I promise you, your mother and I were only friends in high school and I was faithful to my wife since the day we first started dating.”
I nodded even as my heart broke.
“I’m sorry you have had to go through what you have gone through,” Gus said. “It is never, never okay for an adult to abuse his position of strength and power over a child. Also, I believe that every boy has the right to know who his father, either biologically or by love in the case of adoption. The fact that you feel like Jerry was not a good father to you is very disappointing and I feel for you. Furthermore, I want – I need – you to tell me if Jerry is ever in any way abusive to you. I’m serious. I want you to
come talk to me once a week and if your mom or Jerry gets upset about that just tell them to come talk to me. They’re your legal guardians but there are other forms of legal recourse we can take if you really feel like you’re in an unsafe environment.”
“I’m not,” I said, speaking so quietly I could barely hear my own voice. I couldn’t seem to muster the energy to speak any louder. “I mean, I’m safe.”
“That’s good but I still want you to check in with me,” Gus said. “Don’t worry, you can talk to me privately, my daughters won’t know. Now, we need to talk about you breaking into my house and not respecting my privacy.”
I deserved every bit of the following tongue-lashing I got from Gus. I wanted to run and hide in shame but I knew I had to man up and take it.
“Do you understand me?” Gus asked sternly when he had finished.
“Yes sir,” I said. I was on the verge of tears.
“Good,” Gus said. “I will give you credit, kid, you’ve certainly got chutzpah. I never would have broken into a house when I was your age. That can be very dangerous or a very valuable resource, depending on what you do with it.”
“So are you going to tell my parents about this?” I asked, dreading the answer.
Gus thought about that for a moment. “No,” he said finally. “I’m not.”
“I owe you. I’ll mow your grass all year,” I replied as gratitude welled up within me.
“I’m not going to impose some sort of punishment on you,” Gus said. “We do appreciate your help with the grass and I am taking that into account. Honestly, though, I don’t want you helping us out just because you’ve wronged us. I will be happy if you never mow our grass again but you also never get into trouble.”
When I left the Andersons house I felt emotionally drained. I was ready to give up the search for my father. I had let my emotions get the best of me. They led me into doing something extremely idiotic. I sighed. There were worse things than not knowing who my father was – making Gus ashamed of me, for one. I was humiliated and yet strangely pleased that Sadie and Caroline wouldn’t find out. I couldn’t stand it if they realized how pathetic I was.
I looked at my clock as I drove home. The talk with Gus had lasted quite a while but it was still before noon. That would give me plenty of time to lie down, think about what an idiot I had been, and wait for my parents to come home and yell at me for getting suspended.
I turned the final corner in the road before my house and frowned. A silver Jeep was parked in the driveway. That was odd; I didn’t recognize the vehicle and my parents were never home at this time of day. Perhaps it was some traveling salesman or religious evangelist who had just stopped by to see if he could find someone at home. When I caught sight of the front door, however, I could see that no one was standing there. Whose car was that? Maybe some sort of emergency had come up and my mom or Jerry had gotten an early ride home from a coworker.
I parked in my usual spot behind the house and then let myself into the side door of the garage with my key. I opened the door to the house and was about to call out to see if anyone was home. Before I could say a word, however, I heard voices arguing loudly.
“You don’t have any right...” my mom was saying.
“I don’t have any right?” an oddly familiar male voice that I couldn’t place responded. “You didn’t have any right not to tell me.”
“
It’s better this way,” mom said. “It has always been better like this. It’s certainly better for your family. How would Lisa feel?”
“That’s not your concern, it’s mine,” the man replied. “I swear... I can’t believe this. How could you not tell me?
In all these years?”
I walked into the kitchen. Oh great. Just when I thought my day couldn’t get any worse, it did. Mr. Reagan, David and Faith’s dad, was there with my mom. Had he decided to tell her about my drunken adventures after all?
“Uh, hello?” I said with mounting trepidation.
Both my mom and Mr. Reagan spun around to look at me. A look of horror spread across my mom’s face. She opened her mouth to say something but she didn’t get a chance because Mr. Reagan beat her to it.
“Nate,” he said firmly. “I’m your biological father.”
I could hear yelling downstairs. Jerry and Mr. Reagan were both screaming at each other as my mother did her best to calm them down. I just
laid on my bed and let the noise wash over me. My mind was whirling way too fast for it to focus on the uselessness of their bickering.
Mr. Reagan was my father. I realized that I didn’t even know his first name. Talk about a messed up situation. It also meant that I had another brother and a sister. It was strange to think that I already knew David and Faith and yet our relationship would be forever changed.
What did Reagan want? Did he suddenly want me to be a part of his life? That didn’t seem likely. It was far more plausible that he would demand that I never make contact with his wife or kids again. A man didn’t cheat on his wife, hide it for almost 18 years, and then suddenly decide that he was willing to tell all. It just didn’t work that way.
That was good news, I told myself. At least now I knew who my real father was. I could stop making a fool of myself like I had with Gus. It would probably be good to find out a little more about my family history to learn if there were any medical problems I needed to be aware of. Maybe Reagan would even throw me some money to keep quiet. I could do a lot worse than getting paid off and not having to worry about a jerk dad. I realized that some tiny part of me was curious to know what it was like to have a real dad and more siblings but I quickly stifled that notion. A normal family life was so far out of reach for me that it was laughable.
I stood up and walked to my shelf where I kept articles about Aaron. I started leafing through them as I had done countless times in the past. I always found it strangely soothing to think about Aaron during times when things with my family got intense. My father might change but Aaron would always be my brother and looking at pictures of him with his easy smile and cool, confident demeanor made me remember how lucky I was to have him looking out for me.
There was another round of yelling and then I heard the front door slam. A moment later another door slammed; it sounded like the one to the garage. What did that mean? Who had left the house? My guess was that Reagan and Jerry had fled.
Sure enough, a few minutes later there was a soft knock on the door and my mom poked her head in. “Nathan, can I come in?” she asked.
I shrugged and
lay back down on my bed. It was her house. She could come in if she wanted to.
Mom sat down on the bed next to me. “Nathan, I need to explain something to you. You know that many years ago Jerry and I split up. Your grandparents took Aaron in and I hit rock bottom. I stopped showing up for work and eventually got fired. I started experimenting with drugs – anything to dull the emotional pain I felt.”
I sat up. I had never heard my mom talk about this. She had used drugs? I couldn’t imagine her like that. She always seemed so put together.
“Anyways, I got out of control one night and the police put me in jail. The court assigned me a public defender…”
“Don’t tell me that Reagan was your lawyer,” I groaned. This was getting more and more disturbing. Now it turned out my real dad was a perv who preyed on his junkie clients.
“No, nothing like that,” Mom said. “My public defender was a young man and I was his first case. We actually became friends. A month or so later he invited me to a party at his house and I met Matt – Mr. Reagan. He was handsome, charming, and a successful lawyer. I was immediately smitten. I knew he was married but we just seemed to have a special connection. We had a short-lived affair before his conscience got the better of him and he broke it off. After
that, I went into another downward spiral. Then Jerry came back into my life and he pulled me out of it.”
Mom sighed and dabbed her eyes with a handkerchief.
“When I found out I was pregnant I realized you were probably not Jerry’s child,” she continued. “I couldn’t be sure, though, and I didn’t want to disrupt my relationship with Jerry or Matt’s relationship with his wife by announcing that you might be his child. Matt was providing a great life to his kids and I knew I could do the same for you so I thought it would be alright. When Jerry finally convinced me to take you in to get a DNA test and I found out he was not the father, I thought about telling Matt about you. Things were so complicated with Jerry at that point, though, that I just couldn’t do it.”
“So he never knew about me?” I asked. I wanted to play it all off like it didn’t matter but I needed to know that much.
Mom shook her head. “He never knew,” she said. “Frankly, I thought he would prefer it that way. Apparently I was wrong. He wants to spend time with you now.”
That caught me off guard. “What?” I asked. “Why?”
“He wants to get to know you,” Mom said. “Make up for lost time, he said.”
Make up for lost time? I would be leaving Lakeville in less than two years and hopefully never coming back. How could he think he could develop a relationship with me in that short a period of time?
“So what did you tell him?” I asked neutrally.
“I told him that was up to you,” Mom said. “He hasn’t been around for your whole life so even though that may not have been his fault, no court is going to grant him partial custody now. He doesn’t have any right to you. At the same time, I realize that I have been keeping you from your biological father all these years. I don’t think I have any right to keep you from talking to him if that’s what you want to do. You’re almost an adult now, Nathan. You can make decisions like this for yourself.”
I thought that over. The way she said it annoyed me – almost like she was giving my rights – but she was right. It was up to me. “What does Jerry think about it?”
Mom looked grim. “Don’t worry about Jerry,” she said. “We’ve been married a long time now. I know how to deal with him. Just tell me one thing. What are you going to do now? I suppose you’re going to meet with Matt… I mean, your father.”
I thought about that as well. Why? Why should I bother to get to know a man who had never been in my life? Anger welled up within me. “No,” I said. “I wouldn’t care if he was the pope. Screw him. I don’t want to know anything about him.”
Mom looked at me for a while. “I understand how you feel,” she said. “You’re entitled to feel that way and
it’s okay to tell Matt that. Just think it over and know that it’s also okay to change your mind later if you want to.”
She gave me a hug and left. I paced around my room angrily, not sure how to react. Finally, I sat down at my computer and searched the name “Matt Reagan” and “Lakeville.” I found a law firm website that gave a brief profile of him. There was nothing shocking about it. He was a transactional real estate attorney with a small firm. There were a few references to him at state bar association meetings but not much else. I went to David and Faith’s
Facebook pages to see if I could find more pictures of him. There were a couple but they just showed him smiling and acting like a good father and husband. None of it told me anything about the real man.
I sighed and turned the computer off. Virtually stocking my father would drive me crazy. I needed something else to occupy my attention and it wasn’t hard to think about what could do
that the best: girls. It was time to launch myself into the hookup list as passionately as I could. I smirked. That would definitely help.
Best of all, now that I knew Sadie was not my sister, there was no girl that was off limits.