Hope Over Fear (Over #1) (33 page)

“It wasn’t really a date, Adam. We spent half the night talking about you, okay?” I expel an exasperated sigh and stand to meet Adam’s eyes. “Marlo and Alex were pushing me to go to the barbeque, but I couldn’t bear the thought of being in the same room with you and not being with you, ya know? I couldn’t just sit home, either. I need to be around people, and James is
just a friend.
”

“Look, after everything went down last year, I shut down. I turned into myself. I fell into a dark hole and shut out everything and everyone. I just can’t do that again. I don’t think I’ll recover from it.” I fight to hold back the tears as I plead with him to understand.

Adam’s forehead drops to mine as he takes hold of my shoulders to keep me close. Our breath intermingles, and the air surrounding us ignites. His smell, his touch, his eyes inundate my senses.

“I don’t want that for you. That’s the last thing I would ever want to happen. Please, don’t fall into yourself.
Fall into me, Sara.
Because God knows I’ve fallen into you.”

His words paralyze me, and my breath catches in my chest. In this moment, his love feels like a living thing that surrounds me, fills me, heals me. The tears I’ve been fighting fall unchecked down my cheeks.

“You have to forgive me, Sara. You just have to; the alternative is too unbearable to even think about. There’s nothing we can’t move past. What happened tonight, what happened a year ago? None of it changes how I feel about you. I want you in my life. I want you in
our
lives.”

The gravity of his words isn’t lost on me.
Our lives.
No other words could sound more beautiful. No other words could be more healing.

“I want that more than anything, Adam. God, I can’t tell you how much I want that. My head just needs a minute to catch up. I have some things to work through. I have things to tell you, things you’ll have to accept about me so we can move forward, but I don’t know if I’m ready yet. I know you say none of it matters to you, but it matters to me. Please be patient with me. I’m getting there, I promise.”

“Okay.” Adam lifts his head from mine, but doesn’t break eye contact. The brilliant blue of his eyes stands out in stark contrast to the black of his pupils.

“Okay,” he repeats with more resolve. “Fuck, who am I kidding? I’ll wait forever for you, Sara.”

Adam places a lingering kiss on my cheek, and I intuitively lean into his touch. His nose traces the curve of my neck, and I inhale the familiar and delicious scent of him. My Adam. “Head inside and lock your door so I know you’re safe.”

“Okay,” I say softly. Fuck, when did I become so eloquent? The man makes my knees weak by professing love and family, and I can’t string two words together.

As I cross the threshold, Adam’s voice prompts me to turn around. “Hey, I’m playing open mic night tomorrow at The Courtyard. It would mean a lot to me if you’d show.”

I can sense the vulnerability in his request. “Of course I’ll be there. Absolutely.”

For the first time tonight, a smile lights up his face.

“So, how’d you find me? This place is kind of off the beaten path,” Cain asks.

“Yeah, you could say that again. Is this where you plan on putting your double wide and your donkey when you settle down with the little wifey?” I joke, hoping to break the ice.

I got an early start this morning with every intention of finding Cain to clear the air. He wasn’t at his apartment, so I called Celia. She said Cain spends most Saturday mornings fishing at his pond. After getting directions from her, I made the thirty-minute trek to every country boy’s dream fishing hole.

Century-old water oaks are scattered about the edges of the pond, offering shade and beautiful scenery. Isolated at the end of a very long and somewhat treacherous dirt road, the only sounds are the lapping of the water and the chirping of the birds. There is a small boat tied at the end of a weather-beaten wooden wharf, but it looks as if Cain has decided to fish right off the shore today.

“Don’t get smart with me this morning, girly. I’m still mad at you,” Cain says in warning, but I detect a hint of amusement behind his words, and I can’t deny that it comforts me.

“Don’t get your knickers in a twist, big boy. I spoke with Adam last night. You’re services are no longer needed,” I joke good-heartedly.

“Oh, I assure you, my services are always needed,” he says with a flirtatious grin. “Seriously, I’m glad to hear it. I wanted to shake some sense into you when I saw you at the restaurant last night, but it seems that Adam took care of that for me. It’s about time you two worked this thing out.”

“Well, we aren’t back together or anything, if that’s what you mean. But we’re talking, and that’s the first step, right?”

Cain lets out a heavy sigh and slowly nods his head. “I suppose you’re right. Celia keeps talking all kinds of therapist mumbo jumbo about you needing to believe in yourself and how you deserve to be happy. I don’t know what the shit she’s talking about, but she’s usually pretty smart about that kind of stuff. I’ll tell you what I do know.
They deserve it.
Adam and those kids deserve to be happy, and if that means you, then I’m cool with it. What Adam’s been through with his sister? Those kids never knowing their mother? They deserve a win. I need you to see to that.”

“Well, I’ll get right on that,” I joke.

“Look, I’m sorry if you feel like I ratted you out to Adam—”

“No, don’t apologize. I get it, Cain. He’s your friend.”

“You’re right, he’s my friend. But you’re my friend, too. I told him because I thought it was the best thing for both of you. I did it because I care about both of you.”

“Aw, Cain, you’re such a softy.” I laugh and shove Cain’s shoulder. “I’m glad we cleared the air. I have a feeling it would suck to be on your bad side.”

Cain shoves me right back and chuckles. “You don’t even know the half of it. I take revenge to a whole new level. Speaking of sucking, don’t you still owe me some kink? I’ve been waiting patiently. Shouldn’t I be rewarded?”

Cain lowers his head and dramatically bats his eyelashes. “Oh hush. We’ve already decided that you don’t really want to know about my kink. Adam’s junk, remember?”

“Yeah, yeah. Keep that shit to yourself. I want to be able to look my friend in the eye,” Cain says as he gazes out over the pond. “Ya know, they keep asking about you. He won’t tell you that, but I will.”

“Huh?”

“Lily and Gage. They keep asking Adam to call you to come over. My boy’s too proud to pull out the big guns, but I have no qualms about going for the jugular.”

“Well, you definitely hit your mark. Thanks for that,” I say as I mindlessly rub the ache in my chest that Cain’s comment created. I search my mind for a subject change to relieve the heaviness of the air around us. “Hey, have you and Alex played golf together? I heard y’all talk about it, but she hasn’t mentioned it. I got my hopes up thinking there might be a love connection, then radio silence. What’s up?”

Cain may be just what Alex needs to get her out of her funk. He’s such a free spirit, and he would keep her in stitches.

“Alex and I have a standing weekly golf game, but I promise you there’s no love connection. I believe both of our hearts are otherwise occupied right now. We’ve become pretty good friends, actually. She is something else that you need to see about. I know you didn’t come out here to get a “to-do” list from me, but she needs you.”

“That’s weird she didn’t tell me she’s been playing with you. I feel like she’s been pushing me away lately, and I don’t know what to do about it. Do you have any idea what’s going on?” I ask Cain, hoping for some clarity.

“She may be pushing you away, but it’s high time you push back. All I know is she’s looking for someone from her past. It’s been going on for a while now. She’s all torn up about it, and I’d guess that’s why she’s keeping her distance. She doesn’t want to answer your questions. I don’t ask a lot of questions and do my best to keep her spirits up. That’s my job. Getting to the bottom of this shit? That’s your job.”

Cain’s speculation about Alex’s situation sounds eerily similar to what I stumbled upon when I went home with her. That was months ago, and it seems it still hasn’t resolved itself. I think Cain may be right. Alex needs reinforcements.

“Look, I’m gonna go before you add any more chores to my list,” I say as I stand up and brush the grass off my shorts. “I’m on the Alex thing, okay? Thanks for being there for her.”

“Don’t mention it. Sure wish she’d give me a break on the golf course, though. She’s relentless.” Cain casts his line out into the water and gives me a backward glance. “I expect to see you at The Courtyard tonight, Sara.”

“Ballsy much? Enough with the tasks, big man! I’ll be there, okay? Not because you told me to, but because Adam asked me.”

Cain’s chuckle lingers as I close my car door.

“Endlessly” by Green River Ordinance

TWINKLING LIGHTS SNAKE through the trellises that cover the outdoor patio of The Courtyard, creating an air of enchantment. Summer has officially taken hold in Providence, and the evening feels downright steamy. I scan the crowd searching for familiar faces as I nervously wipe my sweaty palms on the front of my dress.

A trickle of moisture runs down the small of my back. I’m wearing a loose-fitting black linen sundress and open-toed black wedges, aiming for fashionable yet comfortable. I keep my face bare except for a touch of lip-gloss; Louisiana summers are famous for making women look like rabid raccoons, so I forego all other makeup.

I feel his presence before I see him, and his eyes tip up to meet mine almost instantly, as if he senses me, too. He’s sitting near the stage with his guitar, and his mouth curls into a devastating smile that trips my heart up a bit. The other musicians who sit beside him attempt to get his attention, but neither of us is willing to break eye contact with the other. My soul feels lighter at the mere sight of him. Complicated feels simple. Unlikely feels inevitable. Only he makes me feel this way—like I can climb whatever mountain life puts in our path.

He gives me a small wave that I return and then points to a table in the front. I follow his directions, and see our friends have commandeered the front and center table. I weave between the tables and chairs, dodging feet and purses as I make my way to the front.

A chair knocks me sharply in the hip, and then I overhear a loud sigh. “Oh God, you’ve got to be kidding me.”

I can’t believe I didn’t see that pointy little nose from across the room. Melody’s words seethe with venom, and I sidestep quickly to dodge whatever else she may shove my way. I scan the table and realize she’s sitting with several of our college friends who are enthralled with the twinkling lights, their drinks, or basically anything to ignore the scene Melody is creating—and me.

“Excuse me, Melody,” I say with an even tone. I keep making my way through the crowd before she can respond. She will not ruin this night; I refuse to let her.

Celia notices my approach first. She lets out a girly shriek as she jumps up to hug me and then whispers quickly into my ear, “I’m so glad you came, Sara. It means a lot to Adam, I promise you.”

“There’s nowhere I’d rather be,” I say with a smile and then scan the table. “Wow, are y’all planning on feeding the entire Northern U football team?”

Cain, Alex, Marlo, Audrey, and Celia have ordered more than enough bar food—cheese sticks, nachos, salsa, guacamole, egg rolls, chicken wings, and fried onions are spilling over the sides of the table.

“You know what they say, Sara. Nothing complements bad poetry and pitchy vocals like fried cheese,” Marlo quips.

“Who says that?” Celia asks innocently.

“Jeez, girl, you’ve got to catch on to the back and forth if you’re going to hang with us. Get with the routine!”

“Just ignore her, Celia. That’s what we do.” Alex laughs.

“They try to act like I annoy them. Whatever, I don’t buy it,” Marlo huffs as she crosses her arms and looks away.

“Hey Sara, I want to introduce you to my cousin, Will. He’s a freshman at Northern U this year. I’ve taught him everything he knows.” Cain raises his eyebrows suggestively.