Hope Smolders (13 page)

Jane. Please answer your phone. I promise to explain.

Jane. I’m sorry.

She didn’t want to hear his excuses. All she knew was he’d disappointed her kids and stood her up. Again.

She knew the first time was work and it couldn’t be helped. But really? The old “my phone went dead” excuse?

Whatever. She was over it. Relationships were entirely too much work, and she didn’t have the energy for it. She spent the rest of the weekend ignoring his calls and messages.

But when he came to her door late Sunday night, she had to answer it. She stepped outside so the kids wouldn’t hear him.

“I’d have come over sooner, but we have a lot of guys out sick with the flu so I had to cover another shift this weekend.”

She crossed her arms. “How convenient.”

He took a step forward. She took a step back.

He frowned. “You’re mad. I understand, but please let me explain.”

“There’s nothing to explain. Your phone died or something. I get it.”

“You don’t believe me? You won’t even give me a chance? You think I deliberately blew you off?”

“I don’t know what to believe. I don’t even care. I’m tired, Will.”

“Seriously? I worked until almost six a.m. Saturday morning, came home, and plugged my phone into the charger. I guess a lightning strike from the storm blew out the charger and I was so tired I didn’t even notice. My phone went dead, my alarm didn’t go off, and I didn’t wake up until one in the afternoon. I couldn’t even call you because I had a dead phone. I had to run out and buy a new charger, charge up my phone, and call you.”

“It’s okay. I took the kids to the show.”

He shoved his fingers through his hair. “I’m so sorry I wasn’t there. I’ll make it up to you—to them.”

“That’s not necessary.”

“You’re really mad about this. Let’s talk about it.”

“I don’t want to talk about it. I don’t want to talk at all.”

“Jane—”

“I need to get the kids ready for school tomorrow. And I think we need a break, Will.”

“Why?”

“Because this is too much for me.”

“
This
being you and me?”

“Yes.”

“Why is it too much for you?”

“Because it is.”

“Because I blew one date with you and the kids because of work, and my phone died so I let you down on another?”

She wasn’t going to do this with him. “I have to go.”

She turned to go back inside.

“Do you know what your problem is?”

Now
he
was angry. That was awesome. She turned around. “Sure. Tell me.”

“You’re looking for Mr. Perfect to replace Vic.”

“What?”

“After Vic fucked up so badly, you’re expecting perfection, and no man will ever be able to measure up. Or maybe that’s what you want?”

She narrowed her gaze. “I don’t follow.”

“Maybe you’re looking for Vic two-point-oh, the Vic you first fell in love with before he got all messed up.”

“Are you kidding me? That’s not at all what I’m looking for.”

“Are you sure? Are you sure that’s not exactly what you want? Your life when it was perfect, before it all went to shit? Because that’s not gonna happen, Jane. That’s never gonna happen for you. So you might just have to settle for something a little less than perfection.”

Anger boiled inside her. “You have no idea what you’re talking about. I don’t want Vic back, either before or after he screwed up his life—and ours. I don’t want him or any facsimile of him.”

“Then what do you want?”

She had no answer for him. Or for herself. She just wanted her life to be simple, and right now it wasn’t.

He took that step forward, and she held her ground.

“I’m not perfect, Jane. I’m far from it, but you know what? Neither are you. Do you know what we both are? Humans who make mistakes. And I’m sorry for hurting you and the kids. I’d rather cut off an arm than hurt any of you. I’m not Vic, and I’d never hurt you the way he did. Because he was the wrong guy for you.

“So when you’re ready to be with the right guy—flaws and all—you let me know. I’m willing to give you the best I’ve got. And yeah, I’ll probably fail you now and then, but I’ll never leave you, and I’ll never deliberately hurt you or Ryan or Tabitha.

“Also…I love you. But that’s got to be enough for you.
And if it isn’t, then maybe I’m not the right man for you. But if I’m not, then by God, no man is.”

He turned on his heel and walked off, leaving Jane staring after him, trying to soak in everything he’d said to her.

H
e loved her. He told her he loved her.

He’d not only told her he loved her, he’d told her off. A lot.

And she’d deserved it. All of it.

She sat in the living room with her head resting in the palms of her hands, the mother of all headaches squeezing her temples.

She’d had such righteous anger and indignation burning inside her. She was going to go it alone. She’d done it so well the past couple years. Just her and the kids, and they’d been doing just fine without a man.

Just
fine
.

Until Will had come into their lives and messed everything up by making her kids joyful and fun and filled with life and making them fall in love with him.

Just like she’d fallen in love with him.

She loved him. That’s what the problem was. Because it gave him the power to hurt her.

And one simple mistake on his part and she’d cut him down and cut him loose.

Because God forbid she should ever give another man the chance to hurt her again.

Like Vic had hurt her.

Will had thought she wanted another go-round with someone exactly like Vic?

She let out a soft laugh at that. She never wanted Vic again. She never wanted to see Vic again. She hoped and prayed every day that he never came back. Vic was a train wreck.

Will had done everything right, and she’d crucified him at every turn, just waiting for him to make one wrong move so she could pounce and tear him to shreds.

So she could punish him for everything Vic had done to her.

Because she’d never been able to punish Vic.

She lifted her head, the sudden realization stunning her.

Shit.

Sitting here in the darkness, everything had become so clear to her.

But was it too late to fix things?

So when you’re ready to be with the right guy—flaws and all—you let me know.

He’d left the door open for her. All she had to do was walk through it.

* * *

W
ill paced the small confines of his apartment, too wired to sleep. Which really sucked. He dragged his phone out of the pocket of his jeans to look at the time, realizing it was after midnight and five a.m. was barreling down on him in a hurry.

“This is all your fault¸” he said to the phone, then shoved it back in his pocket.

He turned when there was a knock on his door. Who the hell was here this late? Probably another drunk friend of his neighbor’s coming to the wrong door.

Bad night for this. He flung the door open, intending to yell at the idiot, and was shocked as hell to find Jane standing there.

“Jane.”

“Hey.”

“What the hell are you doing here? Do you know it’s, like, twelve thirty? Where are the kids?”

“I called Chelsea to come stay with them. And yes, I’m aware of the time.”

He blinked, then realized he had left her standing on the front stoop. “Come in.”

She stepped in and he shut the door, still unable to figure out what she was doing here.

“Do you want something to drink?”

She shook her head. “No. I’m fine, thanks. I just want to talk to you.”

They’d parted earlier—or rather, he’d left earlier—on a really bad note. It had been all he’d thought about for the past several hours.

He’d been brutal to her, had said things that, while he didn’t regret them, probably could have been a little less harsh.

But he was tired of tiptoeing around her, so maybe those things needed to be said. And maybe she was good and mad and had a few things to say back.

Okay, he could take it.

“Come on in and sit down. Sorry the place is such a mess.”

“It’s fine. I didn’t come here to critique your housekeeping.”

He dragged his hands through his hair as he led her into the living room. “Good thing.”

She let out a nervous laugh, then took a seat on his sofa. He sat next to her, wishing he could fold her into his arms
and hold her. But since she stared down at her shoes, her hands folded tightly together in her lap, her body language told him she wasn’t in any mood to be held, so he kept his distance.

He had a feeling he was about to get an earful.

He waited.

And waited.

Okay, so maybe she needed a minute to gather her thoughts.

“Are you sure you don’t want something to drink?”

Her gaze lifted to his, and there were tears in her eyes. “I’m sorry, Will.”

Uh-oh. That sounded like the beginning of a breakup conversation, and he was kind of hoping she would take some time to cool down, that they could still talk things out.

Maybe not. “Sorry for what?”

“For not appreciating what a great guy you are. Since we started…being together, you’ve been there for me, and for the kids. And I’ve done nothing but back away and hold you at a distance, because I was scared.”

Okay, that hadn’t gone like he thought it would. “You don’t have to be sorry about that, Jane. You were protecting yourself and Ryan and Tabitha. I get it. And I was pushy. When I know what I want I’m single-minded about it, and I’ll bully my way into having things my own way. Sometimes I can’t see how that affects other people. It comes from being single for so long.”

She looked at him. “I can see that about you. But that’s hardly a character flaw.”

“It makes me stubborn and bullheaded sometimes. I have to learn to look at the other side of the picture. I’m a single guy and I’ve never been hurt the way you have or the way the kids have. I thought I could just be in your life and it was going to be easy. I should have known better.”

She frowned. “Don’t make excuses for me or let me off the hook so easily.”

He tried not to smile. “Okay, I won’t.”

“I probably fell in love with you when you mowed my lawn, or when you took me out that first night and made the most incredible sweet love to me that anyone ever has. But God, Will, you scared me, because you made me feel things that I thought I’d never feel again. You made me feel secure and cared for and you made me trust in you.”

She took a deep breath and Will grasped her hand. She fought it, but he grabbed it anyway until she let him. “It’s okay to be scared, Jane. I know how much Vic hurt you.”

She nodded, and big fat tears spilled down her cheeks.

“I hate how much he hurt you and the kids. I’d give anything for you to not have that big hole in your heart because of what he did to you.”

“The thing is, I never got to blast him for all that hurt. After he left town, our divorce was handled long-distance. So I never got to tell him to his face how much he hurt me.”

She paused, looked down at her shoes again. He knew he needed to give her time to work through it all in her head, and to get it all out. So he waited.

“So I held it all inside and I stewed. And then you came into my life and gave me the outlet I needed. And I took it out on you. I put all that mistrust on you. I backed away from you and ran away from you. And that’s not fair. Because you never did anything to hurt me or the kids.”

“I’m sorry I let you down.”

She looked at him and gave him a rueful smile. “You never let me down. You’re one of the most honorable men I’ve ever known. You would never intentionally hurt anyone. And you were right in what you said, that there’s no such thing as perfection. I’m not looking for perfection, Will. I was just looking for an opening so I could jump on it, so I could point my finger and say, ‘See? See? It’s going to happen again. I was right not to trust you,’ when in fact, you didn’t do anything wrong at all. It was stupid. I’m stupid.”

He pulled her against him and kissed the top of her head. “You’re not stupid. You were protecting your heart and your children. I love how fierce you are about keeping them safe.”

She pulled back and gazed up at him. “I was afraid to give my heart to you, because I was in love with you. And that gives you the capacity to hurt me.”

Hearing her say the words back to him made his heart squeeze, made his throat go tight with emotion that he’d never felt before. He swallowed. “I’ll make mistakes with you, Jane. I know I will. But I’ll never hurt you. I promise.”

She finally lifted her gaze to his. “I know. I believe you. I believe in you, Will, because I love you.”

His hopes soared. “We can make this work, you know. And we’ll take it slow. We won’t rush things. The kids need to get to know me better.”

She swept her fingers across his jaw. “My kids love you as much as I do.”

He brushed his lips across hers. “We’ll still take it slow, because you all need that. And we have all the time in the world. I’m in no hurry, and I’m not going anywhere.”

Jane sighed and fell into his arms. Will wrapped his arms around her and sealed the deal with a kiss that curled her toes inside her tennis shoes.

She felt foolish for being so reticent, so stupid for hurting him. And he’d been so easily forgiving when she didn’t deserve it. She didn’t deserve him, but she’d spend as long as it took making it up to him, and proving to him that she could make him happy.

When he finally broke the kiss, she was lying across his lap.

“Do you have to go home?”

She shook her head. “Chelsea said she’d stay the night, because I told her I might be here with you—talking—all night long. Or at least that’s how I hoped it would go.”

His lips curved in that devilish smile that never failed to
make her stomach flip. “Well, you can stay the night, Jane, but I don’t think there’s going to be a lot of talking.”

She reached up to pull his head down to hers. “I like the way you think, Will.”