Hopelessly Devoted to Holden Finn (14 page)

‘Nice, huh?’ he asked with a slow grin.

She glanced around. It was nothing spectacular – plain walls, mirror-topped dressing tables; it seemed that the wardrobe team had already emptied out as there was very little tour paraphernalia left anywhere.

‘It’s great,’ Bonnie said, unconvinced, but her heart suddenly banging against her ribs as she realised that they were alone together in the tiny space. In all her wildest dreams, she couldn’t have imagined this. This was a moment that would live long in her memory. It was something to treasure. She looked up at him expectantly.

But instead of saying anything, he simply pushed her up against the wall, holding her in an intense gaze with his body pressed against hers.

‘What are you doing?’ Bonnie asked, her pulse racing.

‘What do you think?’ He leaned to kiss her.

Shocked at first, she stiffened, but then the softness of his lips melted her into submission and she began to kiss him back, tentatively, and then harder and hungrier with him.
I’m kissing Holden Finn!
This was like some mad fairy tale where the prince notices Cinderella and, against all odds, chooses her over every noblewoman and princess in the land. This was amazing, this sort of thing didn’t happen to women like her, it was too good to be true…

But then his kisses became rougher, his hands all over her, she could taste the sourness of beer on his breath. There was the sound of a zipper tearing open and then fumbling fingers at the button of her jeans too.

Bonnie pushed him off in blind panic. ‘What the hell are you doing?’

‘I thought you liked me,’ he said, looking confused.

‘I thought you liked
me
!’ Bonnie replied.

‘I do, that’s why I’m trying to get your jeans undone, so if you wouldn’t mind helping me out…’

Bonnie glanced around the tiny dressing room. Now that it was empty, it was more like a dusty store cupboard with posh mirrors. The stockroom at Applejack’s looked more glamorous. ‘You’re trying to get my jeans undone in here? Were you thinking of just sticking it in me up against this wall?’

He shrugged. ‘Well… yeah. Where else do you suggest?’

Bonnie suddenly felt sick. Her mind went back to Paige, even now happily choosing a gift for Annabel, oblivious to the seedy drama unfolding in her absence. ‘You sent my daughter away so you could have a quick shag?’

‘You don’t want her watching, do you?’ he grinned.

Bonnie was overwhelmed by anger. She raised a hand to slap him but something stopped her. The image of Paige in the crowd having the time of her life was the one thing that would make the memory of this night bearable. If she slapped him now, who would security believe? She and Paige would be thrown out, shamed, and Bonnie would have to tell Paige the sad truth about the man she idolised. She didn’t think she could live with being the one responsible for waking that cynicism in her daughter, the same cynicism and distrust that stopped Bonnie from finding happiness herself, that made her pine for some image of perfection which was, when the real and dirty truth was laid before her, a lot less perfect than all the choices she had been faced with before.

In that same second, she dropped her hand and raised herself to her full height, looking him squarely in the eye, all fear and worship gone. ‘If you don’t mind, I’ll go and get my daughter and leave.’

Holden’s mouth dropped open comically. ‘You’re going?’

‘Of course I am. Why would that be such a shock to you? Did you really think you were that irresistible?’

‘You’re the one who’s been drooling all night; I’ve watched you, dying to get in my pants. I thought you’d be happy I chose you. I could have had any of those
younger
women at the party,’ he shot back.

‘Is that so?’ Bonnie said calmly as she straightened her top. ‘Help yourself… And I hope you get Chlamydia.’

Seven

Looking back on that night, Bonnie would never know how she held it together for long enough to avoid Paige becoming suspicious that something was wrong. She mumbled some excuse about the party packing up because they had plans to move on for the next date and Holden, thankfully, said nothing to the contrary. The other band members, oozing professional charm, posed happily for photos and signed armfuls of official merchandise that they had gifted to Paige, oblivious to the mayhem that their band mate had caused; Holden played along with as little participation as he could get away with. But Bonnie had to be thankful for small mercies; he could have made things a great deal more awkward had he chosen to. Holden’s only retaliation for her rejection and humiliation was an icy glare as Bonnie was leaving.

Paige fell asleep on the journey home, leaving Bonnie to drive back in silence, the dark, empty roads stretching out before her as if mirroring her dark and empty life. How could she have been so stupid? As if someone like him would ever have valued her as anything more than another sexual conquest, just one more in a long line of women desperate to catch his attention in whatever form it took.

Finally arriving home in the early hours of Sunday morning and seeing Paige to bed, she slipped beneath her own covers. But sleep wouldn’t come. Instead there were hot tears and bitter thoughts and the knowledge that she would never trust another man again.

***

When Bonnie arrived for her weekly catch up after work one night, Jeanie was in her spare bedroom surrounded by half-packed boxes and dusty belongings organised loosely into piles around the floor.

‘Here you are!’ Bonnie said, peering around the doorway. She cast a critical glance at the debris littering the floor. ‘What are you doing?’

‘Sorting out,’ Jeanie said, dropping a duster onto of a set of drawers. ‘I thought it was about time I started.’

Bonnie was gripped by a horrible realisation. ‘Started for what, exactly?’

‘For when I move out,’ Jeanie said, forcing an airy smile.

‘You’re really doing this?’

Jeanie nodded. ‘You knew I was.’

‘I know...’ Bonnie faltered. ‘I suppose I thought you might change your mind.’

‘No,’ Jeanie said softly. ‘I’m not going to change my mind.’

Bonnie picked up a faded rag doll from the floor, threads hanging from a grubby dress. ‘Sally Raggy. I didn’t know you’d kept this,’ she said sadly.

‘Of course. It was the only thing that would get you to sleep for the first three years of your life. I remember the time we left her in the caravan in Wales; what a nightmare that was, I thought your dad was going to blow a gasket when we told him he’d got to go back.’

Bonnie smiled. ‘That’s one of my first proper memories, that holiday.’

‘Take Sally Raggy with you, if you want.’

Bonnie put the doll down on a pile of books and folded her arms across her chest in a defensive stance.

‘Despite what you think, you’ll be ok, you know,’ Jeanie said. ‘Come down to the kitchen and I’ll get the kettle on. There’s something I want to talk to you about.’

***

‘I know you’ve always been adamant that you don’t want money from me, so I’ve stood by and watched you struggle since Henri left and it’s killed me,’ Jeanie said. Bonnie made to argue but Jeanie held up a hand to stop her. ‘Listen, for once.’ Bonnie closed her mouth with a frown and Jeanie continued. ‘Juan has a gorgeous big house in Spain which he owns outright, and he doesn’t expect me to pay anything into it. Your dad made sure that I would be looked after too, if anything happened to him. So I’ve been thinking. What’s the use of me selling this house? What if things don’t work out with Juan and I want to come back? Besides, this is the house you were born in and I love it, I don’t want to see some strange family in here.’

‘You could rent it,’ Bonnie cut in.

‘I’m getting to that, Bon, just shush for a minute, will you.’

Bonnie dragged her tea across the table and took a sip.

‘So, I could rent it out but that would mean trusting my tenants not to trash it. And again, what if I wanted to come back? I’d then have to get them out and it doesn’t seem fair.’

‘What can you do then?’

‘I want you and Paige to have the house.’

Bonnie put her tea down and stared at her mum. ‘I can’t afford the rent on this place.’

‘I don’t want rent.’

‘What...’

‘I want you to have it, live here for free. I mean...’ Jeanie added quickly, sensing a fresh line of argument, ‘it would come to you anyway when I die, so why not have it now?’

‘Because it’s yours and you need the income, or at least the stability of knowing it’s there for you if you want to come home.’

‘I don’t need the income. And I want to see you have some stability while I’m around to appreciate it, not when I’m six feet under. And as for knowing it’s there if I want to come home, would you turn me away if I came back with my suitcase and a box of tissues?’

‘Of course not,’ Bonnie said, ‘you know I’d never do that.’

‘Exactly. This way, everybody is happy.’

‘Not me.’

‘Think about someone else for a change,’ Jeanie snapped. She paused for a moment and then softened her tone. ‘Don’t be so stubborn all the time when it serves no purpose. Think how good this would be for Paige. And how much more settled I’d be knowing that you have this rock solid roof over your head, no rent to worry about, no threats of eviction...’

Bonnie looked at her thoughtfully as she took another sip of her drink. ‘What about legal stuff?’

‘I’d sign it over; there’s no point in messing about.’

‘I wouldn’t want you to do that.’

‘I know you wouldn’t... which is why I’ve already looked into the legal side of things and there are clauses you can have written in that will protect me and make you feel better.’ Jeanie smiled encouragingly, sensing that Bonnie was beginning to come round to the idea.

‘Have you decided when you’re going?’

‘Just as soon as I have this sorted. There doesn’t seem any point in putting it off. I love Juan, crazy as that might sound to you, and I want to spend what years I have left with him.’

‘In a gorgeous Spanish villa surrounded by orange trees and sparkling mountains and year round sunshine,’ Bonnie pointed out with a faint smile.

‘Exactly. And you know that you are welcome whenever you want, you and Paige. And now that you won’t have a pokey flat to worry about paying for, you’ll have a little spare cash for the air fare.’

‘I never said that I would take the house on.’

‘No,’ Jeanie said, ‘but you will.’

Bonnie sighed. ‘I’ll have to talk to Paige about it.’

‘As if she’s going to say no.’

‘It might mean her moving schools,’ Bonnie replied practically.

‘You’re making excuses. She has a year left, less in fact, and I’m not going straight away. You can certainly manage for that long.

***

Try as she might, Bonnie couldn’t help but smile when she thought of the future that could now be hers. Alone, other than Paige, but at least the burden of keeping a roof over their head would be lifted and they could maybe live a little – take some of those trips they had often discussed, buy that new dress when she fancied it, go out for that impromptu tea after work instead of scraping the freezer for unidentifiable leftovers. Maybe she could even cut her hours at work – she would have to see how things went first but the idea turned her smile into a grin that seemed like it would never stop spreading.

Paige had been upset when she first found out about Jeanie’s move, but when she learned that they would be taking on the house and would also be welcome for holidays at any time in Spain, she had acted in a typically Paige way and promptly forgot to be annoyed with her nan and her mum. In fact, she had taken herself off to her bedroom to begin packing, despite the warning that nothing was set in stone just yet and there was no practical timescale to work to. Bonnie didn’t see the point in stopping her; why not let her enjoy the excitement of the moment? And after the few
weeks Bonnie had endured, maybe it was time she enjoyed a bit of good fortune too, instead of feeling guilty about it.

With Paige in her room busily organising her belongings Bonnie remembered that she hadn’t yet opened the post that had been lying on the mat when she got home. A quick shuffle through revealed a handful of bills and junk... apart from a thick, parchment-coloured envelope, handwritten and addressed to her. Dropping the rest of the letters onto the table, she opened it quickly. Inside was a hastily scribbled note on the same paper.

Dear Bonnie

I got your address from Capital Sounds. My PA did, anyway. I know it sounds weird, but will you meet me? Let my PA know your decision, the number is on the letterhead up top, and she’ll sort out a venue.

Holden Finn

Dazed, Bonnie wandered into the living room and dropped onto the sofa. She read the letter again. It had to be some kind of joke, some sort of sick revenge for what she’d done to him. Or was it one of Paige’s friends? It had to be something more than it seemed to be.

‘Mum...’ Paige called from her bedroom.

Bonnie hastily stuffed the letter into her pocket and went to see what she wanted.

‘Do you think we could put these toys on Ebay?’ Paige asked, holding up a box of what could only be described as filthy, malformed plastic lumps.

‘What are they?’ Bonnie asked in a bewildered voice.

Paige peered into the box. ‘Um... I can’t remember.’

‘In that case, probably not,’ Bonnie said. ‘How would you write the product description?’

‘Modern art?’ Paige grinned. ‘Ok, I’ll bin them.’

‘They should have been binned years ago,’ Bonnie commented. ‘Where did you find them?’

‘Under my bed.’

‘Hmmm,’ Bonnie looked around the room thoughtfully. If there was that much junk hidden away, maybe Paige’s enthusiasm to get started early wasn’t such a waste after all. They might have to spend the next year clearing the flat out.

Paige tossed another couple of bits of unrecognisable plastic into the box and stretched. ‘I think I’ll call it a night.’

Bonnie glanced at the chaos in her daughter’s room. It wasn’t so much sorting, as simply moving the rubbish around. ‘Maybe you want to move this stuff before you go to bed. A trip to A&E at midnight because you’ve fallen over Harry Potter’s wand while getting up for a drink of water is not my idea of a good night out.’