Horrid Henry and the Scary Sitter (8 page)

“Henry! We’re waiting!”

“Henry! Get down here!”

“Henry! I’m warning you!” Horrid Henry sat on his bed and scowled. His mean, horrible parents could warn him all they liked. He wasn’t moving.

“Henry! We’re going to be late,” yelled Mom.

“Good!” shouted Henry.

“Henry! This is your final warning,” yelled Dad.

“I don’t want to go to Polly’s!” screamed Henry. “I want to go to Ralph’s birthday party.”

Mom stomped upstairs.

“Well you can’t,” said Mom. “You’re coming to the christening, and that’s that.”

“NO!” screeched Henry. “I hate Polly, I hate babies, and I hate you!”

Henry had been a ring bearer at the wedding of his cousin, Prissy Polly, when she’d married Pimply Paul. Now they had a prissy, pimply baby, Vomiting Vera.

Henry had met Vera once before. She’d thrown up all over him. Henry had hoped never to see her again until she was grown up and behind bars, but no such luck. He had to go and watch her be dunked in a vat of water, on the same day that Ralph was having a birthday party at Goo-Shooter World. Henry had been longing for ages to go to Goo-Shooter World. Today was his chance. His only chance. But no. Everything was ruined.

Perfect Peter poked his head around the door.

“
I’m
all ready, Mom,” said Perfect Peter. His shoes were polished, his teeth were brushed, and his hair neatly combed. “I know how annoying it is to be kept waiting when you’re in a rush.”

“Thank you, darling Peter,” said Mom. “At least one of my children knows how to behave.”

Horrid Henry roared and attacked. He was a swooping vulture digging his claws into a dead mouse.

“AAAAAAAAAEEEEE!” squealed Peter.

“Stop being horrid, Henry!” said Mom.

“No one told me it was today!” screeched Henry.

“Yes we did,” said Mom. “But you weren’t paying attention.”

“As usual,” said Dad.

“
I
knew we were going,” said Peter.

“I DON’T WANT TO GO TO POLLY’S!” screamed Henry. “I want to go to Ralph’s!”

“Get in the car—NOW!” said Dad.

“Or no TV for a year!” said Mom.

Eeek! Horrid Henry stopped wailing. No TV for a year. Anything was better than that.

Grimly, he stomped down the stairs and out the front door. They wanted him in the car. They’d have him in the car.

“Don’t slam the door,” said Mom.

SLAM!

Horrid Henry pushed Peter away from the car door and scrambled for the left-hand side behind the driver. Perfect Peter grabbed his legs and tried to climb over him.

Victory! Henry got there first.

Henry liked sitting on the left-hand side so he could watch the speedometer.

Peter liked sitting on the left-hand side so he could watch the speedometer.

“Mom,” said Peter. “It’s my turn to sit on the left!”

“No it isn’t,” said Henry.

“It’s mine.”

“Mine!”

“Mine!”

“We haven’t even left and already you’re fighting?” said Dad.

“You’ll take turns,” said Mom. “You can switch after we stop.”

Vroom. Vroom.

Dad started the car.

The doors locked.

Horrid Henry was trapped.

But wait. Was there a glimmer of hope? Was there a teeny tiny chance? What was it Mom always said when he and Peter were squabbling in the car? “If you don’t stop fighting I’m going to turn around and go home!” And wasn’t home just exactly where he wanted to be? All he had to do was to do what he did best.

“Could I have a story CD please?” said Perfect Peter.

“No! I want a music CD,” said Horrid Henry.

“I want ‘Mouse Goes to Town’,” said Peter.

“I want ‘Driller Cannibals’ Greatest Hits’,” said Henry.

“Story!”

“Music!”

“Story!”

“Music!”

SMACK!

SMACK!

“Waaaaaa!”

“Stop it, Henry,” said Mom.

“Tell Peter to leave me alone!” screamed Henry.

“Tell Henry to leave
me
alone!” screamed Peter.

“Leave each other alone,” said Mom.

Horrid Henry glared at Perfect Peter.

Perfect Peter glared at Horrid Henry.

Horrid Henry stretched. Slowly, steadily, centimeter by centimeter, he spread out into Peter’s area.

“Henry’s on my side!”

“No I’m not!”

“Henry, leave Peter alone,” said Dad. “I mean it.”

“I’m not doing anything,” said Henry. “Are we there yet?”

“No,” said Dad.

Thirty seconds passed.

“Are we there yet?” said Horrid Henry.

“No!” said Mom.

“Are we there yet?” said Horrid Henry.

“NO!” screamed Mom and Dad.

“We only left ten minutes ago,” said Dad.

Ten minutes! Horrid Henry felt as if they’d been traveling for hours.

“Are we a quarter of the way there yet?”

“NO!”

“Are we halfway there yet?”

“NO!!”

“How much longer until we’re halfway there?”

“Stop it, Henry!” screamed Mom.

“You’re driving me crazy!” screamed Dad. “Now be quiet and leave us alone.”

Henry sighed. Boy, was this boring. Why didn’t they have a decent car, with built-in video games, movies, and

jacuzzi? That’s just what he’d have, when he was king.

Softly, he started to hum under his breath.

“Henry’s humming!”

“Stop being horrid, Henry!”

“I’m not doing anything,” protested Henry. He lifted his foot.

“MOM!” squealed Peter. “Henry’s kicking me.”

“Are you kicking him, Henry?”

“Not yet,” muttered Henry. Then he screamed.

“Mom! Peter’s looking out of my window!”

“Dad! Henry’s looking out of
my
window.”

“Peter breathed on me.”

“Henry’s breathing loud on purpose.”

“Henry’s staring at me.”

“Peter’s on my side!”

“Tell him to stop!” screamed Henry and Peter.

Mom’s face was red. Dad’s face was red.

“That’s it!” screamed Dad.

“I can’t take this anymore!” screamed Mom.

Yes! thought Henry. We’re going to turn back!

But instead of turning around, the car screeched to a halt at a gas station.

“We’re going to take a break,” said Mom. She looked exhausted.

“Who needs to pee?” said Dad. He looked even worse.

“Me,” said Peter.

“Henry?”

“No,” said Henry. He wasn’t a baby. He knew when he needed to pee and he didn’t need to now.

“This is our only stop, Henry,” said Mom. “I think you should go.”

“NO!” screamed Henry. Several people looked up. “I’ll wait in the car.”

Mom and Dad were too tired to argue. They disappeared into the station with Peter.

Rats. Despite his best efforts, it looked like Mom and Dad were going to carry on. Well, if he couldn’t make them turn back, maybe he could
delay
them? Somehow? Suddenly Henry had a wonderful, spectacular idea. It couldn’t be easier, and it was guaranteed to work. He’d miss the christening!

Mom, Dad, and Peter got back in the car. Mom drove off.

“I need to pee,” said Henry.

“Not now, Henry.”

“I NEED TO PEE!” screamed Henry. “NOW!”

Mom headed back to the gas station.

Dad and Henry went to the restroom.

“I’ll wait for you outside,” said Dad. “Hurry up or we’ll be late.”

Late! What a lovely word.

Henry went into the restroom and locked the door. Then he waited. And waited. And waited.

Finally, he heard Dad’s grumpy voice.

“Henry? Have you fallen in?”

Henry rattled the door.

“I’m locked in,” said Henry. “The door’s stuck. I can’t get out.”

“Try, Henry,” pleaded Dad.

“I have,” said Henry. “I guess they’ll have to break the door down.”