T
HE
E
VE
OF
B
ATTLE
AND
S
TORMING
THE
C
ASTLE
L
ATE
INTO
the night they plotted and planned, squabbled and drank. Astrin fell asleep, leaning against Rowan’s shoulder. Neive appeared from nowhere and sat at the other side of the table.
She smiled gently at Astrin. “He has a habit of doing that, doesn’t he?”
“He didn’t until today, but it’s something I could get used to.”
Realizing what he’d said, Rowan looked up sharply, his eyes going from soft affection when they gazed at Astrin to fearful horror when they met Neive’s.
“It’s all right, Rowan. All your secrets are safe with me, but I see such sadness in your eyes. At some point you’re going to have to talk to him.”
“Maybe… one day. When this is over.”
“Why wait that long?”
“Because I can’t do this if every time I look in his eyes I see disgust or fear or….”
“Are you so sure that’s what you would see?”
“I’m sure. Very sure.”
“Personally, I think you’re going to be surprised—and so is he.” She nodded knowingly. “But you must do this in your own time. I understand that. Only don’t let it destroy you or tear your heart out. I have seen that happen too many times.”
“I’ll try not to.” They smiled at each other.
“I think your boy is ready for his bed.”
“I think we both are.”
“Go speak to Connor, and ask him for the upstairs key. They will be drinking and talking for a good while yet.”
Astrin woke as Rowan rose, and sat up, rubbing his eyes.
“I’ll be back in a sec. I’m just getting a key so we can go to bed.”
“Bed sounds good.” Astrin gave Rowan a bright smile that stayed with him as he slipped into the crush of bodies.
“He’s a good man.” Astrin was startled when Neive spoke, so he just smiled and nodded. “Why do you let him think you don’t know?”
Astrin stared at her, and then he said, “You knew?”
“I knew you weren’t asleep.”
Astrin sighed and dropped his eyes. “Our countries have been at war for longer than I’ve been alive. He’s spent most of his life hating me, and we’ve only known each other for what… a week?” He sighed again. “He doesn’t know how he feels. His mood swings. And after having hated me for so long, I think he now mistakes friendship for… something else.”
“Are you sure? Are you sure he is mistaking his feelings? And how would you feel if he isn’t?”
Astrin stared at her, his light green eyes cloudy and confused. “I don’t know,” he said quietly.
“Would it disgust you?”
“No, of course not. Rowan’s my friend, and he always will be.”
“Would it scare you?”
He pursed his lips and chewed on the bottom one, thinking, although Neive knew he didn’t have to search too hard for the answer.
“Yes.”
“Why?”
“Because… because I don’t know how to handle it, what to do with it. I don’t want to spoil what we have by acknowledging what he wants.”
“What do
you
want?”
Again he stared at her, his full lips trembling, and he shrugged, shaking his head. “I don’t know.”
Neive patted his leg. “You’re very young. It will work out as it should.”
“Are you a seer?”
“Maybe, in my own way. Not like you are but… more subtly perhaps. I get feelings, vague but usually accurate.”
“And what do you ‘feel’ about me… about us?”
Neive looked deeply into his eyes, and darkness fell over her face. She shivered, then shook her head, blinking, and turned her face away. When she looked back again, she was frowning, seeming almost afraid.
“I think you need to work things out—and soon. Something bad is coming to you, and I have a feeling Rowan is the only one who can save you from it.”
“How did you know that?” Rowan’s voice snapped from behind her. He’d come to her shoulder right at the end of her words. She turned to look at him and seemed shaken.
“I don’t know. It has never come to me like that before. It felt… it felt as if a huge dark shadow were falling, a hand reaching out and….” She closed her eyes. “There was only you.”
“Only me? What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. But….” She squinted at him. “You’ve heard that before, haven’t you?”
“I… kind of. My… my aunt said something…. I have to admit I wasn’t paying much attention since I was impatient to leave. I haven’t thought about it since.”
“Then I believe it is time to think about it now. Anyway, do you have the key?”
“Um… yes.”
“Then follow me.”
Rowan sent an inquiring look toward Astrin, who shrugged, then they followed Neive out of the room and across the landing to a narrow door, which she unlocked. Behind the door even narrower stairs led upward, creaking in protest as they were mounted and eventually spewing them out into a large, dim room.
Neive snapped on a light, and they blinked under the naked bulb. The room was full of narrow beds, each one bearing a sleeping bag.
“It’s a bit basic but the best we have at the moment. There’s a toilet and shower through there and coffee-making things in the cupboard at the end. Make yourselves comfortable wherever you want… it’s all communal, and we’re not territorial.”
“Thank you.”
“No problem. You are the king after all; you both are. In one sense, everything we have belongs to you anyway.”
“No, I… we….”
Neive smiled. “I know. Sleep now. Tomorrow will be a long day.”
After Neive left, Rowan went to the toilet, and when he came back, Astrin was stretched out on the bed with his jacket, boots, and shirt in a neat pile on the floor. He had his arms behind his head, looking relaxed but pensive.
“You okay?” Rowan asked, pulling off his own boots.
“Yeah, just….”
“Hmm?”
“Now that it’s so close, I’m having doubts. I’m just not sure anymore.”
Rowan huffed. “I’ve
never
been sure.”
“Then why did you come?”
“Because you were so sure. I believed in you.”
Astrin snorted. “Yeah, well… I wish I did. You’re right, I
was
sure, absolutely sure. I had the vision and it possessed me. It was all I could think about. And then things happened, and it all fell into place and felt so right, and then… then we were here and…. Connor was right—it is a stupid thing to do. If we fail, if we fall into Strebo’s hands, then we’re done. It’ll be all over—everything. He’ll have us,
all
of us. We should have stayed as far away from here as we possibly could. I’m scared, Rowan. I’m really scared.”
Rowan looked over at his friend and didn’t know what to say. How could he reassure Astrin when he felt exactly the same way himself? In the end he just sighed and lay down on the bed.
“I still believe in you, Astrin.”
“Rowan?”
“Yeah?”
“I… I need….” Astrin sighed and turned over on his side, away from Rowan. “Thanks.”
T
HE
NEXT
morning they woke to find the room full of snoring, farting, waking, and rising people.
Rowan watched Astrin wake up, smiling to himself. His fear of what might happen later was eclipsed by the sheer joy of watching the man he… the… his…. Astrin waking up. There was something about the way his nose wrinkled as he rubbed his sleepy eyes, about the way he flicked his hair back as he yawned and opened his eyes. Seeing Rowan watching him, he smiled drowsily.
“Good morning.”
“Hey. You ready for today?”
The smile faded from Astrin’s face, but he nodded, looking determined.
“You okay?” Rowan asked.
“Yes. Just nervous.”
“Not surprising. We’ll be okay.”
Connor appeared at their side. “We’re moving out in stages, leaving at different times, in ones and twos. As far as we know, this place is not marked, and that’s how we want it to stay. We all need a bolt-hole for when this is over. Kal will stay with you, and when it’s time, he’ll lead you where you need to be. If…
when
you get out, come back here. We’ll take care of you and make sure you get home safe.”
“Thanks.”
“It’s my pleasure.” Connor paused, checking his display. “It’s 10:00 a.m. now. Leave here at eleven thirty. There’s no point in exposing yourselves any more than you have to. Wait at the spot Kal takes you to until the time is right. Then we’ll get you to the gate. After that it’s up to you.”
“Got it. Thanks, Connor.”
Connor nodded and smiled, then disappeared.
It was a very tense morning. The boys got dressed and went down to the meeting room. Breakfast rolls appeared, but no one was hungry. One by one everyone disappeared.
Finally there were only the two of them and Kal, a reticent teen with bright red hair and buck teeth. He seemed angry to have been left with them and huddled scowling in a corner, hugging his knees and ignoring them pointedly. In the end they just left him alone.
Astrin was particularly restless and jumpy. He paced like a caged lion.
“Will you please sit down? You’re making me nervous.”
“Well, you
should
be nervous. Do you realize what might happen to us today?”
“It has crossed my mind now and again.”
“Don’t be flippant, Rowan. This isn’t a joke. This is serious.”
Rowan stopped Astrin’s pacing with his hands on Astrin’s shoulders. “I know this is serious. I know it is, but we’re going to be all right. I—I’m going to look after you. I swear it.”
Astrin stopped and looked into Rowan’s eyes, breathing hard. Slowly he calmed down until he could smile. “Thank you.”
“I mean it… what I said. I’ll take care of you, no matter what.” Rowan paused. “Astrin, I don’t know what’s going to happen today or where we’ll be at the end of it. There’s something I need to—”
“Don’t.” Astrin shook his head, still looking into Rowan’s eyes.
“But… I need….”
Astrin lifted his hand and pressed his fingers against Rowan’s lips. “Don’t. Please don’t. Not now.”
“But you don’t know—”
“I know.” Astrin bit his lip and dropped his eyes. “I know.”
“But how? What do you—?”
“Rowan, now isn’t the time to have this conversation.”
“There may not be another time.”
For a moment Astrin gazed at him, his eyes wide. Then he nodded. “Maybe not. Rowan, I don’t want… I’m not––” Astrin took a deep, shaky breath. He was shaking all over. “I––” He couldn’t look at Rowan, his eyes roaming everywhere but his face. “I like you. I like you a lot but…. I’ve never… and I can’t.”
Rowan stopped him by putting his fingers under his chin and tilting his face up, bringing his eyes to meet his own. “It’s all right, Astrin. It’s okay. You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect anything from you. Nothing.” Suddenly Rowan felt calm and at peace. The chaos he had been feeling crystallized and focused into this one blissful moment of utter acceptance and release.
“I need to tell you, but I don’t expect anything back—nothing. Do you understand?” Astrin tried to look away, but this time Rowan wouldn’t let him. “I need you to know, just in case we… just in case. I love you, Astrin Raphael. I’ve never been surer of anything else in my life.
“I’ve been fighting it, but I don’t want to fight it anymore. I know you don’t feel the same, and I’d never, ever try to force you to feel or do something you don’t want to. I don’t want anything from you. I don’t expect anything from you. I just needed to say it. I needed you to know.”
Astrin paused; then he swallowed hard and nodded. Rowan smiled tenderly, then walked away to give Astrin space to think, knowing he would no longer be thinking about the demonstration.
A
T
ELEVEN
thirty the two boys slipped out of the bar and followed Kal through deserted back streets, working their way upward, skirting the main road. When they ran out of back streets, they emerged onto a road that was surprisingly busy. It seemed that everyone was excited by the prospect of a spectacle. The whole place had a festival atmosphere, and the street was lined with traders hawking their wares.
There was a heavy police presence, but they were hanging back, there more for show than to try to control the crowds. The boys just let themselves be swept along by the tide and were soon climbing steeply with the walls of the citadel looming over them.
Rowan’s heart began to beat faster as they approached the crowd gathered around the gates. Astrin stopped short and stood still. The people behind bumped into him, then passed by with muttered curses.
“What’s wrong?”
Astrin didn’t respond. He stood still, his eyes wide and staring.
“Astrin, what is it?”
Rowan was concerned, having never seen his friend like this before. He worried that fear might have got the better of him. If he was going to be like this now, they’d be better turning and walking away since he’d be nothing but a liability to Rowan and all their new friends. Better to walk away and find a new plan.
However, while these thoughts were flashing through Rowan’s mind, Astrin took a sharp breath and blinked, his face going pale.
“What is it?”
“Nothing. I had a vision. It’s okay. I’m all right now, come on.”
“What did you see?”
“Nothing.”
Rowan stopped him. “Astrin, please. It’s not ‘nothing.’ I can tell it’s not nothing. Tell me what you saw.”
Astrin looked at Rowan and swallowed. He shook his head. “I don’t know. I think… I think I saw….” Astrin closed his eyes and shuddered, then opened them, finding Rowan’s again. “Rowan, I think I saw… death.”
“What do you mean?”
“I don’t know. It was—darkness, just darkness, and a hand. I—I’m okay. Come on. We need to go.”
Rowan tried to hold him, but Astrin pulled away and powered into the crowd, no longer waiting for Kal, plowing through the bodies aimlessly but purposefully. Rowan hurried after.