Lidia’s eyes flickered to the door, where her houseboy hovered; and within seconds he had put a glass of water and a coconut with a straw in front of her.
‘I have beer or wine if you prefer,’ Lidia said anxiously.
Julia shook her head. ‘This is perfect.’ She took a sip of the sweet, sticky liquid and smiled. ‘It’s a new taste, but I like it.’
Julia was aware how intently Lidia was watching her and she blushed.
‘I apologise, Julia, for staring. It is strange and wonderful for me to see the beauty produced from myself and Harry, and my own daughter and your father. Here in my house.’ She smiled broadly. ‘I am pleased with the result, you are very, very lovely. You have inherited the best features of your Thai heritage and English height and bearing. And, of course, a beautiful complexion. Oh, Thai women will do anything to appear light-skinned and European!’
‘I
want
to get a tan,’ stated Julia.
This set Lidia into peals of laughter. It was a sweet sound, rather like the bells that tinkled in the breeze above her. ‘Yes, all white people cannot wait to make their skin brown. It must be God’s little joke. We all want what we cannot have.’ Lidia’s face grew serious and she leant in towards Julia: ‘And, Julia, do not be afraid to tell me what happened to Jasmine when she arrived in England. I have worked it out for myself. As the moon hung high in the sky last night, I understood.
Khun
Bill and his wife, Elsie, adopted my baby, didn’t they?’
‘Yes, Lidia, they did,’ confirmed Julia nervously. ‘There really wasn’t a choice at the time.’
‘Did Harry know?’ she asked. ‘Know his daughter grow up so close to him?’
‘My grandmother –’ Julia corrected herself – ‘I mean, Elsie, told me he didn’t know right up until a few weeks before he died. He came to bring Bill something as a keepsake and met Jasmine for the first time. Then he knew … because she was the image of you.’
‘So my Jasmine did not grow up in Wharton Park, the daughter of a British lord,’ mused Lidia. ‘Instead she grew up with a gardener and his kind wife.’
‘Yes. But, Lidia,’ Julia knew there wasn’t a way to shield her from the truth, ‘Harry’s wife, Olivia, was having a baby at the same time.’
‘I see.’ Lidia’s eyes darkened. ‘You must believe me, Julia, when I tell you that for the time Harry was with me here in Thailand, he never mention he is married. If he had, I would not …’ She shook her head vehemently. ‘It seems both myself and his wife were betrayed by him.’
‘I can understand how you must feel,’ Julia agreed, ‘and I don’t know why Harry didn’t tell you. Perhaps he was frightened he might lose you if you knew.’
‘He was right, he would have done.’ Lidia’s amber eyes were angry. ‘When Bill come to see me here in Bangkok after Jasmine is born, and he tell me this, I nearly die again from the shock. But over the years I understand better.’ Her eyes softened as she talked. ‘I have understood it is possible to love two people at the same time.’
‘No, Lidia,’ Julia corrected, ‘that isn’t the way it was. Elsie told me that from the beginning it was an arranged marriage. Harry had no choice but to marry Olivia and try to produce an heir, in case he didn’t return from the war. Love was not deemed to be important. Olivia was thought suitable and it was simply his duty.
You
were the woman Harry loved and wanted to be with.’
‘And what about his wife? Did she love him? Or did she accept the arrangement?’ questioned Lidia.
‘Elsie worked as her maid for over forty years and she says Olivia adored Harry,’ Julia sighed. ‘It was the real thing for her, which of course made it terrible … when she found out about you.’
‘She find out?’ Lidia clapped her hand to her mouth. ‘How?’
‘She discovered your last letter to Harry, with your engagement ring inside it. And a few days later she lost her own baby. According to Elsie, she spent the rest of her life embittered by what Harry had done to her.’
‘Oh, oh! What pain was caused by our love!’ Lidia shook her head in despair. ‘I feel sympathy for this poor wife. Did she tell Harry she knew about me?’
‘Never. She simply closed her heart to him and put her duty to the estate first. Elsie said they both lived in misery for the rest of their lives,’ added Julia. ‘In retrospect, it would have been much better if Harry had returned to you and released Olivia. But, of course, there was Wharton Park, which was in a dreadful mess just after the war. Harry had dozens of estate workers who looked to him for their livelihood. Even though Elsie said it broke his heart, he had to stay in England. He really had no choice.’
Lidia nodded. ‘Bill explain this to me when he come to find me here in Bangkok. He was very kind. I think he was very good man. He saved my life.’
‘Well, I adored him,’ said Julia. ‘Every time I went to Wharton Park, I spent most of my time in the hothouses, watching him tend his flowers. Both my mother and I grew up surrounded by the scents of the homeland we never knew was part of us.’
‘That is a comfort,’ Lidia smiled, ‘and I send some special orchid with Jasmine, so Bill can grow it for her. It is very rare, only few in world. I spot it one day in flower market here in Bangkok just before Jasmine is born. I know what it is and I buy it for her. I wonder if it flower for him in England?’
‘Really?’ Julia thought back to the young Jasmine’s painting of the rare orchid that George, her father, had spotted. ‘Yes, I think it possibly did,’ she whispered.
‘And your father? Is he dead too?’ Lidia asked.
‘No,’ Julia smiled, ‘he is very fit. He adored my mother, and they were very happy together. So happy that he has never tried to replace her.’
‘And does he know of his wife’s heritage?’
‘Yes, but only very recently, like me.’
‘I would like one day to meet the husband of my daughter,’ said Lidia. ‘So you, too, were an only child?’
‘Well, no, I … have a sister, but I’ve just found out she was adopted,’ Julia explained. ‘It turns out that my mother didn’t think she could have children, so they adopted my sister, Alicia, as a baby. She’s three years older than me and it was a surprise when I came along. I don’t think my father ever wanted to tell Alicia the truth, but when Elsie told him the story of how Jasmine came to Wharton Park, he felt he had to. Otherwise, she would have believed she too was yours and Harry’s granddaughter. But she is still my sister,’ Julia said emphatically.
‘Of course,’ agreed Lidia. ‘Now, I think we should lunch, yes?’ She gave a nod to her hovering houseboy, who immediately disappeared inside.
‘So, Julia, you are a pianist? Can I hear you play somewhere?’
‘Yes, you can. I’ve played all over the world. I’ve been very lucky,’ said Julia modestly. ‘I was discovered at the Royal College of Music by an agent when I was nineteen. He’s helped me build my career.’
‘Julia, luck does not happen without talent,’ Lidia chided. ‘You must be exceptional. And you are still so young. Where do you go after you leave Bangkok? Do you go to play somewhere?’
‘No,’ Julia replied, as Nong came out of the house, carrying a tray with two bowls of steaming soup. ‘This last year, well, it has brought some – difficult changes,’ she explained. ‘It will be a few months before I play again. And, to be honest, I have literally no idea where I go from here. That’s why I came to Bangkok, to give me time to think.’
‘Well, you must tell me everything, for I can see in your eyes that you are troubled. But first, enjoy Nong’s
Tom Kha Gai.
I think it is the best in Bangkok.’
After the delicious, milky coconut and lemon grass soup, filled with strips of tender chicken, Nong brought out a plate of mango and papaya for dessert.
‘So now, Julia, tell me about your difficult year.’
‘Well …’ Julia still had to steel herself to voice the words, ‘I lost my two-year-old son, Gabriel, in a car crash, twelve months ago. I also thought I’d lost his father, Xavier, but in fact, he walked back into our house in France a few weeks ago. He was driving the car that killed our son and he vanished after the accident. He said he couldn’t face me.’ Julia’s brow furrowed. ‘And only a week ago, I found out that he was very drunk and shouldn’t have been behind the wheel at all. So,’ her voice dropped to a whisper, ‘I left him and came here.’
Lidia’s eyes grew wide with sympathy, and she reached her hand across the table to Julia. ‘This is terrible tragedy for you. I, above anyone, know that to lose a child is God’s worst punishment.’
‘Yes,’ agreed Julia. ‘I can’t imagine anything worse.’
‘There is nothing. I know. Your heart,’ Lidia clasped hers, ‘it is empty.’
‘Yes,’ Julia murmured, ‘there is no comfort or relief from the pain.’
‘No. I too must mourn for the loss of my daughter’s spirit from this earth. I feel I mourn for her twice,’ Lidia sighed. ‘But even more difficult for you: you must blame your husband for your son’s death.’
‘I despise him for what he did, not only to Gabriel, but to me too,’ answered Julia, unable to keep the anger from her voice.
‘It is only natural you feel this way. But, one day, you must forgive him for what he has done, for your sake, Julia. I learn it is not good to carry such anger inside. It eat you up, destroy you.’
‘I know, Lidia, but it’s so hard in practice.’
‘Yes, it is. We have both been betrayed by men we loved and trusted. Your husband, he sound like a weak man, but then, many men are,’ commented Lidia. ‘At first, I think Harry is too, but now I see maybe he was not. He must be strong to stay in England and do his duty.’
‘If it’s any comfort, I truly believe, from what Elsie told me, that the decision broke his heart. You really were the love of his life.’
‘As he was mine,’ Lidia replied. ‘Did you love your husband?’
‘Very much, and I believed he was the love of
my
life, until …’
Lidia sat forward in her chair expectantly and Julia felt the colour rise to her cheeks as she struggled to explain: ‘When I thought I was a widow, another man in England was very kind to me. He cared for me when there was no one else. With his help, I began to recover and see there might be a future for me. And us.’
‘I see.’ Lidia listened intently. ‘And where is he now?’
‘In Norfolk. Ironically, he’s the new Lord Crawford,’ admitted Julia. ‘He lives at Wharton Park.’
Lidia stared at her for a few minutes, trying to comprehend what Julia was saying. ‘But that means … ?’
Julia saw her train of thought and halted it. ‘No. We’re not closely related. Harry did not have any more children after Olivia lost their baby. Kit and I are – we think – third cousins.’
A look of relief appeared on Lidia’s face. ‘I am happy to hear that, Julia. I can see in your eyes you feel strongly for this man. Do you love him?’
‘I thought that maybe what I felt for him was because he was there when I needed him. But when Xavier reappeared, and I became his wife again, all I could think of was Kit. And,’ she confessed, ‘it still is.’
‘But then, my dear Julia, why are you not returning to him?’
‘Because … oh dear.’ Julia swept her hair off her shoulders, feeling uncomfortably hot. ‘It’s all too complicated. I didn’t even speak to Kit to explain that Xavier was back. He had to find out through the media that my husband was still alive. No,’ she shook her head, allowing the breeze on her neck to cool her, ‘I’m sure he would never want me again. I’ve hurt him too much.’
‘You must be aware of the irony,’ Lidia said slowly. ‘You are in love with Lord Crawford of Wharton Park, and here with me in Bangkok. I think we both cry many tears into our pillow for those that are far away in England. Perhaps,’ she shook her head, ‘it is Wharton Park itself that is cursed. It is like helpless baby, needing to be fed and cared for constantly. It does not think of those whose lives are sacrificed for it.’
Julia smiled at Lidia’s imagery. ‘Actually, the estate will have to be sold eventually. Kit has no money to repay the loans on it, and the restoration will cost hundreds of thousands of pounds. Soon the “helpless baby” will have a new and, hopefully, wealthier set of parents.’
‘It is hard to think I lose love of my life to a house,’ grimaced Lidia, ‘but I understand it is more than that. It is heritage, and it is sad that this will die.’
‘Yes, because however much pain it has caused, Wharton Park is so very beautiful. Oh, Lidia, I wish you could see it,’ breathed Julia. ‘I’ve always loved it, since I was a little girl, and I think back now to living there with Kit as some of the happiest few weeks of my life.’
‘It is in your blood,’ Lidia nodded sombrely. ‘If you had been a boy, surely – as Harry’s grandchild – it would be yours?’
‘Perhaps. My sister tells me that these days, with DNA tests, I could make a claim. But I would never do that to Kit,’ Julia said firmly, feeling it was time to change the subject. ‘Do I have other relatives here in Thailand?’ she asked.
‘Oh!’ Lidia clapped her hands together. ‘You have plenty! Aunts and uncles, and so many cousins I could not begin to count. Some of my great nieces and nephews are very successful,’ she added proudly. ‘They are university educated, and live in Japan and America. Even though I come from a simple fisherman family, we were always clever,’ she smiled, ‘especially my father. He won scholarship to Chulalongkorn University in Bangkok and become successful journalist and political activist. Now, may I see the photographs of my Jasmine?’