House of Ravens (The Nightfall Chronicles Book 2) (13 page)

I've been trying all day not to think of Jax or what he's about to endure tonight. He swore me to secrecy, so I can't even tell my friends. No one's supposed to know who's being whipped until it happens. I think this place likes to keep secrets just for the sake of keeping them half the time.

As we leave Order and walk to dinner, I look for something to distract my increasingly anxious thoughts. We pass the courtyard to the dining hall, and I see Kira training with her sword, doing katas I recognize from Jax.

"What do you know about her?" I ask, looking at Kira. She's an enigma to me. I thought she hated me, but then she wasn't so bad, but she clearly has a thing for Jax, and maybe he had—or has—a thing for her.

If I had an appetite, that last thought would have killed it.

"She's an orphan," Wytt says. "She was raised here and is crazy focused on her training."

"It's all she really has," Corinne says. "It's kind of sad."

That makes it harder to resent her, which is probably a good thing. I have enough enemies at the moment.

We go through the line to get our food, and I sit with them, picking at another uneaten salad as I sip my Life Force. I have to do a better job at eating human food or my friends will start to worry.

My mind is wandering when Wytt nudges me. "You look distant. What's going on in that beautiful head of yours?"

Kai is also looking at me from across the table, a small frown on his face.

"I'm… just thinking about stuff. I'm not feeling well. Tired, I think." I stand and pick up my tray. "I think I'm going to get some rest before tonight. I'll meet you all later."

"Do you want me to come with you?" Corinne asks.

"Nope, I'm good. I'll see you soon."

I head to my room as quickly as I can and collapse on my bed. Nox jumps onto my chest and curls into a warm purring ball of fur. I close my eyes, squeezing out a renegade tear. I don't want to see Jax whipped tonight. But I don't want him to go through that punishment without my support, either.

This makes me sick, that we do this to each other, that these kinds of punishments even exist.

There's a knock at my door and I groan. "Scarlett's not here right now."

The door opens and my grandfather comes in, closing it behind him. "Then she won't mind if an old man rests in her room for a moment."

I sit up and move the reluctant cat to my lap, while my grandfather sits in the chair at my desk.

"No, she won't," I say.

"Jax said he told you about tonight," he says. Nox jumps off my lap and onto my grandfather's, who pets him.

"Yeah."

"Are you alright?"

"No. It's not right, what they're doing to him."

He nods. "You're right, it's not. But it will help Jax."

"How so?"

"Right now he's the Knight who got away with murder. Tonight he will be the Knight who faced the consequences of his choices with bravery. It will help him in his career, and he will be fine. He's more worried about you than himself."

I sigh and flop back on my bed.  "Sometimes I wonder if I'm meant for this world."

"I think we all feel that way from time to time." He stands. "Shall we go? I think he'd like you to be there for him."

I stand. "I suppose I should."

Nox rubs himself against my grandfather's leg. "He's a good cat, but this might not be the best place for him, cooped up in a dorm room all day."

"You're probably right," I say, leaning over to pet his head before we leave. "Perhaps he's not meant for this world either."

***

When I arrive at the courtyard, it's already teeming with excitement. It makes me sick that people take such perverse joy from seeing others hurt. My grandfather nods to me and leaves to stand at the front, where a whipping post has been erected.

Large eScreens have been placed to hover over us, broadcasting everything live as a team of Order reporters cover the story.

The council members are standing in a semi-circle behind the post as Jax is escorted out by an Inquisition Guard. He's got a robe on, which he drops to the floor. He's wearing only a pair of jeans, and his muscles flex as the guard ties his arms to the post. His eyes search the crowd, and when he finds me, I hold his gaze, willing myself not to avert my eyes no matter what happens.

He gives me a small smile, and I try to smile back.
I'm here, Jax. Whatever else is happening between us, I'm here.

I feel a hand on my arm, and Corinne and Wytt flank me. "You knew?" Corinne asks.

I nod without breaking eye contact with Jax.

She slips a hand into mine, and Wytt takes my other hand. Their support means so much. I'm not alone in this. Jax isn't alone in this.

There's so much noise—from the people, from the televisions, from the reporters. I want to scream at everyone to shut up. Instead, I tune them out and just connect with my best friend.

Ragathon steps up with a whip in hand. I hate him. So much. He's enjoying this, and that makes my blood boil. I want to unleash my wings and fly up to him and… I squeeze Wytt and Corinne's hands and take a deep breath. I promised Jax I wouldn't do anything stupid. And I won't.

When the first lash lands on his back, splitting open skin, tearing through tissue, I sway from sudden dizziness. Jax doesn't scream. He doesn't cry. He just keeps looking at me. And so I don't cry or scream either. If he can be strong, then so can I.

Another lash of the whip. More blood. More pain.

The cameras zoom in on his back, and I feel vomit rise in my throat.

On one of the screens the image breaks into two as they continue the live coverage while showing Jax killing the Officers. I'm there, behind him. When that scene finishes, the eScreen reverts to the live feed of Jax being whipped. Next to him is an image of my face as I watch him receive his punishment. I'm huge on the screen, my blue silver eyes shining with the tears I refuse to release. My jaw locked in pain. They're saying something about me being the girl he saved. The girl he's being whipped for.

Ragathon seems to be getting angrier and angrier as he whips Jax, his punishment more cruel with each lash. I think he wants Jax to give in, to cry, to scream, to acknowledge the pain, but he doesn't.

It's becoming too much. I have to stop it. I break eye contact to look at my grandfather, but it isn't the Chancellor who steps in, it's Master Varian who rips the whip from his brother's hand. Ragathon looks ready to murder him, but Varian announces that Jax has accepted his punishment with the bravery of a true Knight.

I hear respect in his words. Admiration.

I can finally breathe again as they untie Jax. With his first step, he stumbles, his back in shreds. Grandmaster Marian offers to help him walk, but he shakes his head and takes another step, his legs shaking, then bows to the council. Varian nods his head at Jax, and Jax walks behind the Council and toward the Infirmary with Marian at his side.

Once he disappears from view, Corinne turns to me, her face streaming with tears. "Are you okay?"

I stare into the space where Jax was. "I'm not the one who was just whipped."

As we stand there, the crowd is parted by a swarm of reporters shoving microphones into my face. "Miss Night, can you tell us how it feels to watch Sir Jax whipped for standing up for you that night?" "Miss Night, what really happened that night? Can you tell us the details?"

More questions, more pushing and shoving. I'm about to lose it when Kai steps forward and grabs my hand and whispers into my ear, "I'll handle the press, get out of here."

So I do.

***

I walk around the Castle to avoid reporters and those morosely fascinated with the whipping. It takes me longer than it should to get to the Infirmary.

By the time I reach it, I've come to a decision. I'm going to tell Jax everything. Well, not everything. I can't tell him about Nightfall. But I'm going to tell him how I feel. He stood up there and took the worst beating of his life for me. He killed several men to defend me from an unknown fate at the hands of the Inquisition. He's the boy from my childhood I've always loved. It's time I told him the truth of my heart.

Master Varian is leaving the Infirmary as I enter. He nods his head to me. "Miss Night."

I walk past him and straight to Jax, who's already bandaged up and standing, ready to leave. He smiles when he sees me. "I'm glad you're here," he says, and my heart pounds harder.

He puts a robe over his shoulders, wincing only slightly, and Grandmaster Marian frowns. "Keep the bandages clean, and come by if it gets worse. But you should heal quickly with the medicine I gave you."

"I'm fine, Marian."

She huffs, and he chuckles as he puts an arm over my shoulder.

"Let's take a walk," he says.

"Are you sure?"

He nods. "I'm fine, honestly. It looks worse than it is."

I don't believe that, but if he's up for walking, I'll walk with him. We leave the Castle grounds and head toward the shoreline, and the sky opens up once again, showering us with rain.

"Do you want to go back in?" I ask.

"No, I like the rain. It's cleansing. Healing." He stops and pulls me to face him. "I need to tell you something."

I look up at his handsome face, a face I've had memorized since my earliest memories. "Me first," I say, before I lose my nerve. Around us, the sun sets, casting waves of rainbow light over the river as rain droplets disperse the color into fractals. It's all so beautiful, but nothing as beautiful as the man in front of me.

"Jax, I'm tired of this distance between us. I know you've had a different life than I thought, and I understand why you couldn't tell me, but I can't keep this up."

"Scarlett, I—"

"Wait, just let me finish, okay?"

He nods.

"Jax, you've been like a brother to me, but you're not my brother. You're my best friend, but you're so much more." My stomach flops around as I find the courage to say the next few words. Words that could change everything. "Jax, I'm in love with you. I have been for a very long time. I've just never been brave enough to tell you until now. But seeing you up there, whipped to protect me, it broke my heart. And I can't keep this from you anymore. I love you."

I pause, waiting, assessing his eyes, his body language, my heart hammering in my chest. My mouth goes dry, and I'm about to freak out when he lifts his hands to my face and strokes my cheek with his finger. He feels so warm, so strong.

"Oh, Scarlett," he says, and then he leans in and presses his lips against mine. They are hot, soft, then firm, familiar and new all at once. I kiss him back, moving closer so our bodies connect as his hands cup my face and mine land on his chest. His kiss deepens and unlocks more emotion than I thought I could contain.

When it ends, I feel filled and emptied all at once. I look up at him again, wondering what this means. That was not a friendly kiss. It means something, surely.

"Scarlett, I love you too. I always have—" my heart soars until his next words, "—but, things are complicated."

"Complicated? Things are always going to be complicated in our world. We can work with complicated," I assure him. Myself. Us.

"Scarlett, I'm leaving. That's what I came here to tell you. I'm leaving, and I don't know when I'll be back. I just found out tonight."

"Leaving?" I feel like something is stuck in my throat. "Where are you going?"

He looks away. "I can't tell you."

My hands drop from his chest and I step back. "Can't or won't?"

"I'm not the guy for you," he says, "even if I want to be." He steps closer and caresses my face again. "More than anything, I want to be."

I throw a rock into the water too hard to make it skip. Right now I just want it to splash. I want to throw hard and let out all my frustration on the rock and the lake. Jax offered to walk me back to my room, but I told him I needed time alone to think.

But thinking is really not helping. Neither is being alone. But I don't want to be around anyone either. What I really need to do is beat something up. Zorin comes to mind, and I give my reflection in the water a rueful smile. That might work. Besides, I have a present for him.

I walk back to my room, still angry and sad and confused. Where is Jax going? Why more secrets? This is obviously Order business, but what? Will he be in danger? Will I ever see him again? I can't function with all these thoughts shoving paths through my mind. And that kiss. Why'd he kiss me if he was just saying goodbye? I should have hit him instead of kiss him. That would have possibly been more productive.

Corinne is sitting cross-legged on her bed sketching in a notebook when I come in. She looks up and gives me a half smile. "Hey. You okay? I saw you walking with Jax."

She sets her sketches to the side, and I see Nox is her subject. She captured his wide-eyed, bedraggled look perfectly. "I'm okay. Just. Men. You know? They are infinitely frustrating sometimes. I don't understand."

I drop onto my bed and pull Nox, who's already purring and nudging his head against my hand, onto my lap.

"They can be perplexing at times," she agrees.

"Have you ever been serious with anyone before?" I ask.

She shakes her head. "Being the crown Princess, I have to be careful with whom I get serious. It's not just my happiness on the line, but the fate of my country."

"Right. That must be hard."

She shrugs. "I guess. But I also haven't found anyone I really love, either. Let's just hope the person I end up falling in love with is also good for Sapientia."

"What will you do if they're not?"

She stares past me, her purple eyes lost in thought. "I don't know, to be honest." Then her eyes snap back to me and she leans forward. "Did something happen with Jax?"

I hesitate. I'm not used to having a friend other than Jax. It's… strange. But I kind of like it. "Um… "

She scoots forward, her eyes widening. "It
did.
What happened?"

"We sort of kissed. Kind of."

"Kind of?"

"Not kind of. We kissed. And then he told me he's leaving and not the guy for me."

She frowns. "You're right. Men are irritating."

"Yeah." I lift Nox up. "I need to head into the city for a few hours. We can't keep a cat here, so I'm going to give Nox to some friends."

She reaches over to rub the cat's head. "I'm going to miss him. Want some company?" she asks.

"Nah, but thank you. I need some time alone to… process."

"I understand." She picks up her sketchbook and resumes her sketching, but then looks up, a lock of now-green hair falling into her eyes. "Oh, Jax left you another note. It's on your desk."

I nudge Nox off of me and pick up the paper airplane sitting on my books. I open it and read.

No matter where I am, I'm always thinking of you.

~Friends to the end

I exhale loudly in frustration and toss the note into the trash next to my desk. I reach for my backpack, empty it and create a little bed for Nox with one of my old shirts. He doesn't make a sound as I put him in the bag and zip it half way.

I change out of my robes, throw a jacket on and grab the backpack. I'm walking out of the room when I glance down at the crumbled airplane at the bottom of the trash. I sigh, then lean down to pick it up and put it on my desk.

Men are so frustrating.

***

I love New York City at night—when no one's being executed and my hand's not being cut off, that is. Multi-colored glowing orbs dot the sidewalks casting shadows of light along the path as I walk. Genetically modified trees stretch over me with iridescent flowers that occasionally twinkle in the night as well. It's no surprise that so many couples enjoy walking hand in hand along the city streets when the sun goes down.

It's also why I decided to take the subway into the city instead of flying straight to the Cathedral from the Castle. I need this time to pause, reflect, breathe.

I pull Nox out of my backpack and hold him, stroking his soft black fur as I walk. He nuzzles into my arms, content to be treated like the royalty he surely imagines himself to be. I'll miss seeing him in my dorm room, but I know he'll have a lot more freedom at the Cathedral. And Zorin needs a pet, even if he doesn't know it yet.

My emotions are starting to settle after the whipping and kiss, and I'm wondering if things would indeed be different if Jax weren't leaving. Would we really work together? As much as my heart aches for him, my mind tells me it's a mistake. How could I be with him and still be Nightfall?

He is against Nightfall and everything I'm doing as her. What kind of life together could we really have?

I hate this. I hate that he's partly right.

It's not so much that he's not the right guy for me. It's that I'm not the right girl for him.

Or, rather, Nightfall isn't.

***

It's getting late, and I still have school, so I cut my walk shorter than I'd like. I find a private place to unleash my wings and head to the Cathedral in search of Zorin. He's sitting by the fireplace in his room, playing chess against himself. He looks up and smiles as I come in. "I thought you had homework?"

"I do. I can only stay for a few hours. But I brought you something."

I pull Nox out of my bag.

Zorin raises an eyebrow. "A cat?"

I pass him the restless feline. "His name is Nox. He needs a good home, and my dorm room is too small."

"We're raising a cat together now?"

I smile. "Yes. So don't eat him."

Zorin chuckles. "I make no promises." The cat purrs and rubs against Zorin's hand demanding to be petted. The Nephilim obliges, running long fingers over the cat's fur. I can tell they will be great friends.

Carter knocks on the door and peeks in. "May I have a moment of your time, miss?"

"Of course."

He walks in and offers me a Life Force. He also passes me a small golden box. I flick it open, revealing a key and paper. "Your apartment is set up," he says. "The address is in the box. All has been arranged."

"Is it safe to take my friends there? They want to see it."

"I think you'll find that the accommodations meet your approval."

Zorin hands Nox to Carter. "Can you get the cat set up somewhere?"

"As you wish." He walks downstairs, petting Nox as he leaves, and I sit across from Zorin and stare into the fire.

"Want to play a game?" he asks.

"No."

"Want to practice the Way of Nyx?"

"No."

He leans back in his chair, sipping from a golden goblet. "You're quieter than usual. I saw the news of the whipping. Do you want to talk about it?"

"No. Yes. I don't know." I look at him. "Why are men so complicated? Why do they have to make everything so hard?"

Zorin chuckles. "And women are so easy?"

"Jax kissed me tonight. Then told me he's leaving. Every time I think we might have a chance to make it work, something gets in the way. I don't get it."

"Some people are not meant to be together, no matter how hard they try. I once…" He stares into the fire. "I once knew a man who loved a woman. He was a Nephilim, and she was sick. She didn't look sick, but she was and, on their wedding day, she died."

"What happened?" I ask.

"Back then we had no explanation. Now, we'd call it a brain aneurysm or a stroke." He looks troubled. "The man turned his wife to save her, and they lived together for a while, but it did not last. She died too young. Even immortality couldn't save her."

"How'd she die?"

Zorin gazes at the fire, his face filling with rage. "They burned her. The Inquisition deemed her guilty of witchcraft, and there was no defense. She did not cry at the end. She did not beg. She looked happy. She told the man to live on. But how could he?" Zorin drops his head, tears welling in his eyes. "How could he?"

I touch his shoulder. "What was her name?"

He glances up, eyes red. "Who?"

"Your wife?"

"Danika," he whispers. "Her name was Danika Star."