How Do I Love Thee (20 page)

“And I want them to know that I love you,” she said, clinging to him.

“Then I will speak to them whenever you can set it up.”

She felt better knowing that they would be
able to be open about their feelings for each other. Her parents probably hadn't changed their minds about Ramon, but this time she was determined to stand up for what she wanted. She wanted them to know how badly they'd misjudged Ramon. And she wanted him in her life—he was just the medicine her heart needed to grow strong for the journey ahead of her.

He cupped her face between his hands. Ribbons of bright yellow sunlight lit up his hair and shoulders. His dark brown eyes glowed. “I was saving something to tell you, but I'll tell you now because I can't keep it a secret anymore.”

“Tell me.”

“I've been accepted into a program to become a medical technician … all expenses paid.”

She knew how much he wanted a career in medicine and momentarily forgot her own dilemma. “But that's wonderful! When do you start?”

“In September. I'll give up my grocer's job but still work at the hospital. When the course is over, I can start a new job at the hospital. My
supervisor has already said so. He recommended me for the program.”

She put her arms around him. “I'm happy for you.”

His gaze turned tender, and he brushed her cheek with the back of his hand. “I couldn't have done it without you.”

“I didn't do anything. You did all the work.”

“You gave me hope. You gave me the courage to act on my dream.”

Cradled in each other's arms, they watched the river until the sun began to sink behind a stand of trees. Laura felt soft as velvet, as if warm liquid had filled her mind and soul. In Ramon's arms, all her troubles, all her fears faded. She wished she could stop time and hold these minutes like jewels. But she couldn't. The sun began to dip in the west. “I have to go,” she said retuctandy. “My parents think I'm at Bonnie's.”

“I'll take you Aere, but first…”Ramon reached into die knapsack. “This is for you,” He handed her a slim leather book, beautifully embossed in gold.

“Poetry?” she said, reading the cover.

“Love poems. They say what I want to say
with such beautiful words. I do not have such lovely words. But if I did, I would say them all to you.”

She smoothed her hand across the binding, her heart full of love for him. “I'll treasure it always.”

“Until we can be together forever,” he said.

She wrapped her arms around his neck. “Forever,” she whispered.

He leaned forward and kissed her with a kiss so achingly sweet that it made her cry.

On the following Monday, Laura's father returned from Mississippi with news that he'd found them a small house in Jackson, not too far from the hospital. Laura knew things would begin to move rapidly now, and the sooner they knew about her and Ramon, the better. She told Ramon to plan to come over on Saturday and that she would handle the rest. She plotted with Bonnie for the best way to break the news. She rehearsed a speech, deciding to tell them on Friday after dinner, but early Friday morning, she was roused from a sound sleep by her mother.

“Get dressed,” her mother said.

Laura struggled awake. “Why? What's happened?” Light from the hall spilled into her room, oudining partially packed boxes.

“We just got a call.” Her mother's voice trembled with emotion.

Laura hadn't heard the phone ring because at night the ringer on the phone in her room was turned off.
Met
bedside clock glowed 4:30. “A call?”

“From the hospital. Dr. Simon said to come immediately. They have a heart for you, Laura. They need to operate right away.”

“
-but how?” Laura shook off the stupor of sleep. “The list—”

“I don't know how. They just said to come.” Her mother had turned on the light and was quickly packing the small bag Laura always took to the hospital “Get dressed. Dad's bringing the car around.”

Her father drove through the darkened, almost deserted streets like a maniac. At the hospital, a team of doctors and nurses rushed out to meet them. They put Laura into a wheelchair and wheeled her upstairs to be prepped for surgery. She was groggy with pre-meds when Dr. Simon came in, dressed in hospital scrubs.

“How are you doing?”

“All right.” Laura's tongue felt heavy. “How… did… this happen?”

“I'll tell you all about it after the transplant.” Dr. Simon took her hand. “Dr. Rodriguez will be the chief surgeon. I'll assist. When you wake up in recovery, you'll have tubes everywhere, including one down your throat, so you won't be able to talk. Once you're stable, well move you into ICU. Your parents want to be with you now. I'll see you inside the OR.”

Dr. Simon was replaced by Laura's mom and dad. Their faces looked pale and anxious, but they smiled and squeezed her hand. “We 11 see you in recovery,” her father said.

“We love you, honey,” her mother said. “We'll be waiting for you when you wake up. Be strong.”

“I love you too,” Laura said.

Laura was wheeled into a brightly lit, icy cold operating room, bustling with activity. A doctor with dark brown eyes and a surgical mask in place leaned over her. “I'm Dr. Rodriguez. Are you ready?”

She nodded, all apprehension gone as the
preop medications took effect. “You're Hispanic,” she said, her words slurred. “Like Ramon. That's good. Do you know him?”

“No.” He patted her shoulder, distracted by another doctor who introduced himself as her anesthesiologist.

“I'm going to slip this mask on you, Laura. You'll be asleep in seconds,” that doctor said.

From the corner of her eye, she saw an adjoining operating room door swing open and heard another doctor say, “The patient's ready for retrieval.”

She felt a deep sense of pity, then gratitude. In the next room lay her donor.

“We're ready here too,” Dr. Simon said.

The mask slid over Laura's mouth and nose. The sounds around her faded, and she tumbled headlong into a river of darkness.

Laura was aware of a bright light spilling into her eyes and a voice calling her name. Her chest felt as if a great weight were pressing her down. She tried to move but couldn't.

“Laura, wake up,” the voice said. “It's over, honey. Wake up now.”

She struggled to open her eyes and squinted
at the light. “That's the girl,” the voice said. “The surgery's over and you're doing fine.”

“Honey?” another voice said. “It's Mom and Dad, Laura. Can you see us?”

She saw her parents and a nurse behind them. She couldn't move. Her bed was an island in a sea of high-tech equipment. Tubes seemed to be sprouting from her body. Her throat was completely closed off. She felt immense pressure across her chest, but no pain.

“Look at your nails, Laura.” Her mother lifted Laura's hand for examination.

Laura saw that her normally blue nail beds were pink, her fingertips rosy.

“The new heart's working, baby. It's doing a fantastic job already. Oh, Laura, we're so happy.” Her mother's quiet, joyful sobs blended with the steady beep of regular, bright green lines displaying the rhythm of her new heart across the screen of her heart monitor.

Laura nodded slightly, then closed her eyes. The transplant ordeal was over, and she was alive!

The tube down her throat was pulled the next day, and she had never been so glad to be
rid of anything. She could talk again, but the one question she wanted answered—Where's Ramon?—she couldn't ask. She was kept in a sterile room, and her only visitors were doctors and her parents. All had to wear paper gowns and masks. She was still monitored by an array of equipment, and despite strong pain medication, she hurt. “The worst is over,” Dr. Simon told her.

They had her out of bed by day three. She took a few hesitant steps and felt as if she'd run a mile. By the end of the week, she could sit up in bed unaided, and many of the tubes had been removed, “You're doing fine,” Dr. Simon said. “I'm amazed at how quickly you're recovering. It's because you're young, Laura. And because you have an incredible will to survive. Keep up the good work.”

“I have questions.” Laura's voice was still raspy from the tube.

“I know. And I'll answer all of them. But not now. Not until you're stronger. Not until we're sure you won't reject.”

The constant flow of antirejection drugs had made Laura's face round as the moon. She was
told it would return to normal when the drugs were backed off, but after looking at herself in the mirror, she was glad Ramon hadn't seen her. Still, she missed him terribly and kept thinking of ways to get him a message. She asked her mother if she could talk to Bonnie on the phone. Perhaps Bonnie could get messages to and from Ramon.

“Um—Bonnie's well aware of what's happening, but she had to go off on vacation with her family. You can call her in another week.”

Laura thought it strange. Bonnie hadn't mentioned any vacation plans. And without Bonnie's help, there was no way she could contact Ramon. “When am I getting out of ICU? When am I going home?”

“You'll have to ask Dr. Simon,” her mother said, which seemed uncharacteristically vague. Her mother always knew everything.

Laura grew anrious as the days passed with no word from Ramon. She lay awake at night, her mind racing.
Where are you, Ramon? Why haven't you found a way to contact me?

Laura was twelve days into her recovery when Dr. Simon came in and pulled up a chair
beside her bed. Since she'd already checked Laura earlier in the day, Laura hadn't expected her. “Is something wrong?” she asked. “Is my heart all right?”

“You're doing fine. In fact, I'm going to release you very soon. You can complete your recovery at home.”

Laura grinned. “That's what I've been waiting to hear.”

Still, Dr. Simon didn't move. “There's something else I want to talk to you about. Remember the night of your surgery, when you asked me how you advanced on the list so suddenly?”

“I remember.” Laura sat straighter in bed. She'd wondered about that ever since she'd awakened after the transplant. She knew that donors’ names were kept confidential, with a recipient meeting a donor's family only rarely and under special circumstances. “We were planning to move, you know.”

“I know, and moving was your best bet until this happened.” Dr. Simon held a manila folder on her lap. “One way to move up on the recipient list is to have a donor designate an organ to a recipient. It's done all the time in kidney
transplants. A relative will agree to give a kidney to another relative so that person can go directly into surgery without having the long wait for a cadaver kidney. The odds of rejection are lower too because many of the genetic factors are similar.”

“What's that got to do with me?”

“I'm going to show you something,” Dr. Simon opened the folder and removed a newspaper clipping. “It's not going to be an easy thing for you to see, but you must.” She handed Laura the clipping.

It was written in Spanish, so Laura couldn't really read it. But she didn't have to. There was a photo of a body lying on a sidewalk. Two words jumped off die page at her:
Ramon Ochoa.

“
o,” Laura cried, burying her face in her hands. “No. No. No.”