How He Really Feels (He Feels Trilogy) (13 page)

We both finished our wine and ordered a second glass, and we alternated between sitting at a table, sipping our wine, and holding each other on the dance floor. The dancing was only serving to heighten the sexual tension between us, so sitting at the table between songs was a good cool down for us both.

We arrived back at Nick’s house a little after midnight, and
he led me up to his bedroom. He lavished me with his attention, kissing me thoroughly and completely as his strong, expert hands worked my body. He made love to me until my body and his were both exhausted and sated. I had never been happier in my life.

I awoke on Sunday morning with a sad feeling. The work week would be starting again in less than twenty-four hours, and that meant that we had to pretend like we weren’t starting the greatest love affair of all time. Going through the motions at work had been tough the week before, and that was before Nick and I had had sex. Now I didn’t know how I was going to be able to fake that I wasn’t in a relationship with him. I was giddy when I was around him, and I knew that I wore my feelings for him on my sleeve. I knew that there was love in my eyes when I looked at him. But that was okay; everyone knew I had a crush on him. The bigger problem was that now I saw the same feelings reflected back at me in his eyes, and no one knew – or could know – about his feelings for me. And even though we hadn’t used the “L” word yet, it was only a matter of time. I think I loved him from the moment I first saw him in the conference room. And by all accounts from him, the feeling was mutual.

I watched him sleep. He was peaceful, and he looked innocent in his sleep. His hair was a mess, sticking out in every direction, and it was totally sexy. Maybe because I knew it was my fault that it looked like that after my hands had been all over him the night before. He was breathing evenly, and I took my breaths in time with his. I glanced over his head at the alarm clock and saw that it was already almost noon. We had slept half the day away, but, I reminded myself, we had spent the better part of the night and well into the early hours of the morning making love. And what a night it had been.

The sheets were wrapped around his waist, and I glanced down at his shirtless chest. God, he was just amazing. I couldn’t help myself; I had the sudden urge to taste his skin. I shifted down the bed and kissed his chest. I kissed my way down to the top of the sheet, and I saw him stir, still asleep. I peeled the sheet back. He was wearing boxers, and I saw the beginning of an erection starting to form through his shorts. I continued kissing down his stomach and saw that his tight muscles flexed even in his sleep. I licked each muscle in his six
pack, and I continued my leisurely journey southward, licking the sexy trail leading from his stomach down past his hips. I kissed his hipbone, jutting out tantalizingly, on my way down, and I saw the outline in his shorts growing harder. I kissed his hardness through his boxers and reached in, stroking him with my hand. I pulled him out further and kneeled between his legs. I had the sudden urge to taste him.

I started by licking the tip, and I heard him moan. I cupped his balls in my hand as I inserted the head in my mouth and sucked. I sheathed my teeth with my lips and sucked my way down, until I had him as far in my mouth as I could take him.

“Oh, fuck,” I heard him moan. His soft grunts only spurred me on, and then his hand was in my hair as I bobbed up and down, tasting his most intimate body part.

“I’m going to come,” he said in warning. I sucked harder and took in as much
of him as I could. He grabbed me by the armpit and hauled me up. “I don’t want to come in your mouth. I want to come inside of you.” He pressed his mouth to mine, and I was lost to the world as he pulled my tiny tank top off of me and then ripped my short shorts from my body. He rolled on a condom and then pulled me up on top of him. I eased down onto him, already plenty wet from my morning exploring adventure, and he held me under my ass as he guided me up and down. The feeling of him inside of me was totally right, and it wasn’t long before those delicious muscles deep inside of me started clenching in satisfaction. He pushed up hard into me just as an orgasm ripped through me, and we both yelled out together.

I collapsed on top of him, and he stayed inside of me for a moment. Then he pulled out slowly, and it immediately felt like something was missing. I wanted him, needed him inside of
me. He pulled me up next to him, guiding me to my side so that he could spoon me, and he held me and it was utter bliss.

“You’re really good at that,” he whispered.

“You are, too. Have you had a lot of practice?” I don’t know why I asked. Morbid curiosity, I guess.

“My fair share.
But you’re really top notch.”

“What’s a fair share?”

“You want, like, a number?”

I considered his question. Did I really want to know? And did I want to reciprocate and tell him
my
number? I turned and looked at him, lying on my stomach with my chin on his chest as I looked up into his eyes. “Do you have a big number?”

“Isn’t it a little early for this conversation?” he asked gently.

“It’s past noon, so I’d say no.” I wasn’t sure why I was pressing, but suddenly I was curious.

He chuckled.

“Well?”

“What would you consider a big number?”

“More than fifty.”

“Jesus. It’s not
that
big.”

“More than thirty.”

“If you say thirty is big, then my number isn’t big.”

“More than twenty?”

He shook his head.

“More than ten?”

“Okay, maybe big. You?”

“Oh, no, mister.
You’re confessing all your dirty little secrets before you get mine.”

“Alright, alright.
You are lucky number seventeen.”

“That’s not that bad.
Especially for someone as hot as you. You could have any girl you want.”

“The one girl I want is in my bed right now. So I guess you’re right.”

“For just confessing that you’ve slept with sixteen other women, you’re pretty good at smoothing things over. You know that?”

“So I’ve been told. But let me just get one thing clear. Not one of those other women has anything on you.”

“That’s sweet, Nick.”

“It’s true. It’s not just a line. I was a little wild in my early twenties, and to be truthful, seven of those girls were one-night-stands the summer before my senior year of college. But they all pale in comparison to you.”

“Geez, Nick. Seven?”

“Yeah.
If I could change that part of my life, I would. But there’s no sense in living with regrets. You can’t change it, so you move on. I know that I was lucky and I could’ve ended up with a disease or whatever, and I am thankful that I escaped from that summer healthy.”

“Why were you so… wild?”

“It’s definitely too early for that story. Let’s save it for a rainy day. Now tell me your number.”

“Guess.”

“One. Just me.”

“Ha. You wish.”

“I do. You know, I haven’t had sex in over a year?”

“I would never have guessed. You’re so good at it that it seems like you just did it yesterday.”

“I did just do it yesterday,” he deadpanned.

I giggled. “You know what I mean. Why haven’t you had sex in a year?”

He took in a deep breath before he responded. “Honestly?” he asked. I nodded. “You,” he whispered.

“Stop it,” I said, giggling.

“I’m serious, Julianne. I told you, it’s only been you since the day I met you. I went on a few dates, but I couldn’t stop comparing other women to you. My heart just wasn’t in it, and I kept waiting to meet someone that would get you off of my mind, but no one ever did.”

“Seriously?”
My voice squeaked out higher than I expected.

He grinned and then nodded.
“So how many before me?”

“Guess.”

“Two.”

I shook my head. “Three?”

“You’re number five.”

“That’s low.”

“It’s only five fewer than you minus your reckless summer. And you’re so much older than me.”

He laughed. “Good point. Well, except for the age thing.”

My stomach growled.

“As much as I don’t want to move from this spot,” he said, squeezing my naked bottom, “we need to get breakfast. Or—
“ he glanced at the clock. “—lunch.”

I kissed his chest. “Let’s do it.”

“Again?”

“Lunch, nerd.”

He laughed and smacked my bottom hard. I yelped, and then we both got up out of bed to face the day.

Nick made sandwiches while I poured us each a glass of water, and then he set our food down and sat across his kitchen table from me.

“So tell me about your last girlfriend,” I said, curious about the sixteen women before me after our morning talk about numbers.

He paused, swirling his water around his cup. He glanced up at me.

“You first.”

“God, it’s been awhile.”

“For me, too. Start at the beginning and tell me all of it.”

“All of it?”

He nodded. “Sure. We’re getting to know each other, and our past makes us who we are, right?”

I shrugged. “Well, I dated Travis my junior and senior year of high school. We broke up before college, but we still hooked up occasionally after that. During my junior year, I dated a guy named Mike. He was a year older than me, and he was the first guy who showed an interest in me besides Travis. I fell hard for him. We broke up in the fall when he took a job in Chicago when he graduated, and I wasn’t ready to just pick up my life and relocate to somewhere I hadn’t even visited before. Then I kind of dated around my senior year. I met Holly at McMillan, and a few months after I started, she introduced me to a friend of a friend named Tim, and I dated him for a little over a year. He was the last guy I dated seriously before I met you.”

“So that’s three,” Nick said. “Who was the fourth?”

“A guy named Anthony. It’s cheesy, but I met him at a bar, and we dated for about a month shortly after I broke up with Tim. I slept with him and he turned out to be a total douche, so I don’t count him as a serious relationship.”

“So how long ago did you and Tim break up?”

“It’s been, God, about a year and a half now. I liked him a lot, but we were stuck in a rut and we had only been together for a year. I just don’t think either of us saw it going anywhere long term, you know?”

He nodded.

“So tell me yours now. I want to know about all sixteen before me.”

He smiled. “It all started with a girl named Jennifer when I was in high school. She was a senior when I was a freshman and she was the first girl I ever slept with. We broke up when she went to college.”

“You dated a senior when you were a freshman?”

He nodded. “Yeah. I was always tall for my age, and I bulked up in eighth grade. I didn’t look like a freshman.”

“So you’re saying that you were sexy even back then?”

He grinned. “I guess Jen thought I was.”

I giggled.

“So after Jen, my sophomore year, I hooked up with Heather. She was a junior, and we dated until prom. I went with her to prom and broke up with her shortly thereafter.”

“That’s mean!”

“She was a drama queen and I was tired of it. After that was Kim, another drama queen, and I dated her off and on my junior and senior year. She was a year younger than me. We broke up when I went off to college.”

“So you slept with three girls in high school?”

He shook his head. “No, those were just the ones I had relationships with.”

“Jeez!”

He shrugged. “There was only one other girl, the summer before college started. Let’s just say that it was a short-lived relationship.”

“So we’re up to four. You had the seven during your wild summer, plus me. That leaves five.”

“My freshman year of college, I met Sarah at a party. She was funny and cute and so different from the girls I had dated in high school. I dated her for three years, almost all of college.”

“Did you love her?”

He nodded. “Yeah.”

“So what happened?”

“She and I had so much fun together, but we fought a lot. She was stubborn, and I was immature, so I would egg her on just to piss her off. It got to the point where it felt like we were fighting more than we were getting along. In the end, I couldn’t remain in a relationship where all I did was fight. It was exhausting, and even though I loved her, I knew that we weren’t right for each other.”

“Very insightful for a college student.”

“As you know, I had a bit of a rough summer before my senior year. That part of the story gets complicated, but suffice it to say, I stayed away from women my senior year of college. I had a broken heart after Sarah. And then I graduated and immediately went back to school for my Master’s. I met Stephanie in my Master’s program, and I dated her for four years.”