How I Came to Sparkle Again (11 page)

“Is that your plan now?” Tom asked.

“It’s been my plan for a couple weeks now,” Lisa said.

“Hm,” Tom said. “Yeah, me too.”

Lisa busted up laughing. “Sure it is. And how’s that going for you?”

“You don’t believe me? I’m hurt. I really am.” Tom helped himself to a beer from her fridge.

“Hey, who do you think could go the longest without sex?” Eric asked. “Besides Jill, of course. No offense, Jill.”

“None taken,” Jill said, and poured herself a glass of water.

“I have more self-control than all of you put together,” Lisa said.

“Did you hear that, Hans?” Eric asked.

“Those sounded like fighting words,” Hans said.

“I smell a wager,” Tom said. “How ’bout this: Starting today, we all count all the days in one stretch we go without sex. If you go longer than all of our days combined, we give you free labor on your attic remodel for Jill. I think we could finish the attic faster than your carpenter goons are going to finish the rest of your house. If, however, you do not exceed all of our sexless days combined—”

“Wait,” Eric said. “I’m trying to think of a prize that would be better than having sex. I think this wager is a bad idea.”

“It’s okay,” Tom said. “I can do this by myself.”

“Ooo,” Lisa said. “This just got more interesting, and P.S., I think you’ll be doing it by yourself a lot.”

“Now those sound like fighting words,” Hans said, and then looked at Eric and mumbled quietly, “We’re totally getting out of this.”

“But if I win,” Tom said, “I get to take sexy naked pictures of you and turn my favorite into a poster, which I will proudly hang on the inside of my closet door, which I will open and look at when I feel lonely.” He gave her a daring smile.

“Ooo!” Eric and Hans said as their eyes grew wide.

“Don’t do it, Lisa!” Jill shouted, horrified.

“So tell me about the remodel,” Lisa said, unshaken. “Actually, let’s go up to the attic now, and really specify what you’re going to be doing.”

While Lisa and Tom went upstairs, Hans and Eric, from the threshold of the bathroom door, began flicking bottlecaps into the dirty mugs in the sink.

“I’m out,” Jill said. “It’s been a long day.” She put on her boots and opened the back door.

Eric looked at the clock. “And it’s about time for the late shift,” he said, so he and Hans made their way out the door as well.

“Game on,” Lisa said as she came down the stairs, excited about the prospect of her remodel.

“Game on,” Tom echoed, excited that Lisa wouldn’t be sleeping with anyone else for a while. He’d agonized through the night before, believing she was out with some creep. He wanted her for himself. Now maybe he’d just bought himself enough time to make that happen.

At the bottom of the stairs, they realized they were alone. Tom smiled, helped himself to another beer, and made himself at home on her couch, where they watched the rest of Hans’s birthday movie together.

chapter seven

SNOW REPORT FOR NOVEMBER 30

Current temperature: 22F, high of 28F at 2
P.M.
, low of 19F at 2
A.M.

Light snow. Winds out of the south at 30 mph with gusts up to 35 mph.

36" mid-mountain, 44" at the summit. 1" new in the last 24 hours. 3" of new in the last 48.

“You don’t have to knock,” Cassie said to Jill, who was standing on the doorstep. “You can just come in.” She left the door open and walked away.

“Well, I don’t have a key and the door should be locked,” Jill replied as she walked in the house.

Cassie didn’t answer. Instead, she went into the living room and turned the television up loud.

Jill unpacked the groceries and wondered whether this was a battle she wanted to fight, and if so, whether she really stood a chance at winning. She poured Cassie a large glass of lemonade and brought it to her.

“Is this volume really comfortable to you?” Jill asked, playing dumb.

“Yes,” Cassie snapped. “And I’m not going to turn it down. It’s my house.”

“Oh, I wasn’t going to ask you to turn it down,” Jill replied. “I was just going to make sure your father took you to an audiologist as soon as possible to get you a hearing aid. I know kids often don’t like wearing them, but you have long hair and it will cover it up.” She smiled sweetly and returned to the kitchen to start dinner.

And when the lemonade hit Cassie, as Jill knew it would, and she went to the bathroom, Jill took the cord that connected the cable box and the television set and hid it in the dryer, confident that Cassie was not going to be doing any chores and therefore wouldn’t find it in there.

“What did you do to the TV?” Cassie asked when she returned, angry.

“It just stopped working,” Jill replied.

“Really,” Cassie said, unconvinced and impatient. “I go to the bathroom for two seconds and the television stops working in that improbable window of time?”

“Good use of the word
improbable
!” Jill said. “I’m impressed! Have you been studying probability in math or science?”

“Why are you here, anyway?” Cassie asked. “Dad says you’re a nurse. If you’re a nurse, why do you need to be a babysitter?”

Jill paused to think about her reply and then said, “Sometimes something happens in life that changes everything.”

“You probably just like my dad.”

Jill closed her eyes, shook her head, and said, “Good talk, Cassie,” as she walked back to the kitchen.

Cassie followed her. “He’s not available.”

“Wow, you’re really making some bold assumptions. You know what they say about assuming.”

Cassie looked at her blankly.

“When you assume, you make an ass out of you and me.”

“Did you just call me an ass?” Cassie asked. For a split second, Cassie looked at her just as Kate used to—as though she didn’t understand or was pretending not to understand.

“So what will be your favorite thing about living in Arizona, Cassie? The sunshine?”

“I hate you.”

“Well, there’s something you can enjoy doing in Arizona. It’s almost as fun as skiing,” Jill shot back.

Cassie stormed up the stairs, slammed her door, and kicked it.

Jill made burritos, left a plate in the refrigerator for Cassie, and then read a book in the living room.

And later that night, when Cassie screamed from her night terror, Jill went to her room and paused outside the door for a moment before she reached for the doorknob. When she tried to turn it, she found the door was locked. She stood there for the longest time, unsure of what course of action would make things better and what course of action would make things worse. In the end, she went downstairs and heated a mug of milk in the microwave, then stirred in a package of Swiss Miss hot chocolate with marshmallows and brought it back up the stairs.

She knocked softly. “Cassie? I made you some hot cocoa.”

The room was silent.

“I’m setting it outside your door, so don’t trip on it.”

With that, Jill retreated to her own quarters.

The next day, Jill sat quietly over a cup of tea while Cassie went about her morning business. She wondered what, exactly, she had gotten herself into but figured ultimately that she had dealt with patients who were much more difficult than this.

Cassie rushed in, grabbed a breakfast bar and a banana, and made for the door just as fast as she could. No words were exchanged.

Jill was retrieving the cord she’d hid in the dryer when Mike came in.

“Hi!” he called out.

“Hey,” Jill replied.

“So, how’d it go?” He seemed so optimistic.

She hated to crush him and winced just thinking about it.

“Oh,” he said.

“Yeah, I thought it might be better, too, but when I arrived, she was ready for war.”

“How’s that?”

Jill recounted the evening’s events and concluded with, “I’m not sure where we go from here.”

Mike pursed his lips and nodded slowly as he thought. “Would you be kind enough to give me twenty-four hours to try to turn this around? I really want this to work. I think Cassie and I need to have a little heart-to-heart tonight.”

“Sure,” Jill said.

*   *   *

When Jill returned to the Kennel, she found a box. It was from David. After checking out the selection of underwear available at the grocery store, she was grateful to see a huge stash of her own. On days when the one pair she showed up with had been dirty, she had somehow tolerated wearing two horrible pairs that she’d bought at the drugstore, which creeped. Also in the box were some cotton long-sleeved T-shirts, cotton sweaters, cotton socks, yoga pants, a fleece jacket, a little nightgown, and running shoes. Jill surveyed all of it and realized how useless most of it was. Well, cotton would be nice in the summer. Fortunately, David also included a check for a thousand dollars. Still, that wouldn’t buy her gear and the clothes she needed for a winter on the mountain. It wasn’t going to solve many problems at all.

*   *   *

When Cassie arrived home from school, she noticed things were different. The table was set and on her plate was a Southwest Airlines ticket. Her dad was in the kitchen, cooking. It smelled like chicken and gravy—her favorite.

She walked into the kitchen. “What’s going on?”

“I wanted our last dinner together for a while to be special,” he said plainly.

“What are you talking about?” Cassie said, panicked.

“Well, I thought I was going to have to ship you off to Arizona on Thanksgiving, and then Jill came along and saved the day. I figured it was clear to you that she was your big second chance … and your last chance. I guess that’s why it just broke my heart to hear how you treated her. I thought you loved me more than that. I thought you would do your part to make sure that you and I could stay together. But, I guess I was wrong to assume that. Anyway, I wanted our last dinner together to be special, so I’m making your favorite.”

Cassie was speechless.

“What did she do that was so awful, anyway?” Mike asked.

Cassie’s mouth gaped, but no words came out. Finally, she said, “Nothing. She was nice.”

“Hm.” Mike continued to peel potatoes. Neither of them spoke for a moment, and then he said, “I put two suitcases in your room. Why don’t you go get started figuring out what you’re going to take with you?”

Cassie didn’t move and didn’t speak.

Mike looked up. “Do you have regrets?”

Cassie nodded.

“Well, you could call Jill and invite her to dinner, and try to make things right.”

Cassie took a big breath and nodded.

Later, when the three of them sat down together, he let Cassie stumble through her apology. And when Jill accepted it, he wanted to throw his arms around both of them.

chapter eight

SNOW REPORT FOR DECEMBER 16

Current temperature: 18F, high of 26 at 1
P.M.
, low of 15 at 5
A.M.

Clear skies, winds out of the southwest at 10 mph.

45" mid-mountain, 53" at the summit. 1" new in the last 24 hours. 6" of new in the last 48.

Ever since Mike returned from the last call, he had been cleaning. He cleaned the bay. He washed the truck. He took apart the chain saws, cleaned them, and put them back together.

Pete had been around long enough to know that’s what some of the guys did when they had something to work out. He stayed in the office writing up his reports.

Ben was preparing chicken, potatoes, and green beans for dinner and shaking from time to time. It was the first time he had been to a scene like that. He had been warned, but he never could have imagined how horrifying it could be. When the roast and potatoes were in the oven, he walked out to the bay. “Need help?” he asked Mike.

“Nah, I got it,” Mike said.

Ben paused a moment too long before going back inside.

Concerned, Mike turned around. “Are you all right?”

Ben shrugged. “Are you okay after that call?” he asked.

Mike shook his head. The call had bothered him, too, but for a different reason. Mike had been to other calls where someone had eaten a gun. He knew to expect teeth embedded in the ceiling and brains dripping off it. He had seen a man’s face with the rest of his head blown off the back more than once. He could even tell you what caliber of gun was used based on the damage. But this time, it bothered him for a new reason.

“That was messed up,” Ben said.

“It was,” Mike agreed. He turned back to the chain saw he was working on, wanting to be finished with the gruesome memory. But he could feel Ben still looking at him. Finally he said, “I just keep thinking how hard Kate fought for her life, while this guy just threw his away. It makes me really mad.”

Ben nodded sympathetically. “Yeah.”

“You know, in my mind I have this room with a big steel door and a lock, and I just put all those ugly calls in there. I don’t even look at the door. I know what’s in there. I don’t need to look. But ever since Kate died, it’s like I’m not able to keep that door shut,” Mike said.

Ben paused to consider that. “When I go home, there’s no one there, and you know, sometimes if I’m just coming off a call with a dead person, I feel like they’re following me. I mean, I turn around and don’t see anyone, so I know they’re not … but I don’t know. I used to have a motion detector light in my backyard that I kept on all the time, and now I turn it off. I know it’s stupid, but I’m afraid that if it goes on and I look out there, I might see a ghost. When I think about it during the day, I know it’s like a kid who thinks there’s a monster under the bed and that it’s ridiculous. But at night, I don’t know. I kind of lose it.”

“It’s nice having someone at home—another grown-up, I mean. I miss it. It was like Kate’s just being there pulled me into a different world—one without a whole bunch of dead kids and people who shot themselves and each other,” Mike said. “She sort of normalized my world.”