Read How to Beat Up Anybody Online
Authors: Judah Friedlander
How to Beat Up Anybody (6 page)
WATER CAN DILUTE THE POWER OF THE SOAP.
It’s necessary to have
clean hands so that you can get a good grip when you’re choking someone
.
Plus, chicks love guys with clean hands
.
Indoor training is great, but
most fights occur outdoors
. So training outdoors is essential. It gives you many advantages that training indoors does not.
Balance and strength are very important and must be practiced together.
WEARING LOW-TOP ROLLER-SKATES, JUMP UP AND DOWN ON A SKATEBOARD WHILE DOING CHEST-STRENGTHENING EXERCISES WITH STEEL COILS.
I TRAIN WEARING 230-POUND JEANS.
This exercise works your upper and lower body at the same time. It helps your balance, coordination, and jumping ability, and it strengthens your chest.
It’s
perfect training
for a situation where you have to jump in the air and
rip off an 8-foot-tall creature’s head while roller-skating and skateboarding
.
ROLLER-SKATING WHILE SKATEBOARDING ON A BUMPY SIDEWALK AT 60 MILES PER HALF HOUR IS A GOOD BALANCE EXERCISE.
TRAINING IN POOR CONDITIONS MAKES YOU A BETTER FIGHTER. ALSO DO THIS EXERCISE UPHILL.
ROLLER-SKATEBOARD DOWNHILL TO PICK UP MORE SPEED.
This is good training for your sideway balance. Don’t always attack head-on. Occasionally it’s better to attack from the side.
BREAK YOUR SKATEBOARD SO NO ONE CAN COPY YOUR TRAINING TECHNIQUE.
LATER, WELD IT BACK TOGETHER WITH THE HEAT FROM YOUR HANDS.
If you’re not at the level of welding metal with your own bare hands, do not break your skateboard
.
OUTDOOR TRAINING ON THE HIGHWAY: FOOT SPEED
Many karate schools teach how to punch and kick. But they never teach the value of foot speed. Foot speed is crucial. The best way to get faster is to practice running really fast. There’s no better place to test your foot speed than on the highway. It’s important for me to be really fast, so that I can outrun cop cars and solve crimes before they do.
In photo 1, you can see me getting ready. In photo 2, I spot a red SUV and decide to race it. In photos 2–6, you can see me running much faster than the red SUV. I’m just getting started so I’m still at my jogging pace of 58 mph. If you move your feet faster than a car’s wheels can rotate, you will beat it. That is the key to racing cars on foot. That’s why you’ve never seen a spaceship with wheels on it. It’s also why I have seen spaceship with feet. In general, aliens have better speed knowledge than humans.
Once I start picking up speed, I just get faster and faster. Quickness of stride is more important than the length of stride. In a fight, foot speed is more valuable than leg span. If I was running at full stride, I’d be beating this SUV by even more.
In photo 6, you see me way ahead of the SUV as I catch up to a big blue van that’s going 70 mph. In photos 7 & 8, I easily start to pass the van. In photo 9, I spot a stretch limousine—the fastest car legally allowed on the street. By concentrating on correct form, I get even faster and blow the limousine away. Stretch limousines are cool-looking vehicles, but they have yet to make one that matches my foot speed (see photos 10-12).
Highway running offers many advantages that a treadmill at the gym cannot. Treadmills don’t go this fast. Treadmills can’t race each other, so they provide no competition or incentive of victory. Running on concrete is better for your knees than a treadmill because it makes your knees stronger. Plus, the treadmill limits your speed and the highway lets me run as fast as I want, all while inhaling fresh freeway air. Recent tests show that running on a regular basis can lead to weight loss. So be careful, you always want to weigh 225 pounds. Remember to always hold your breath when you run. And when running on the highway, signal before you change lanes.
Racing cars on foot is not challenging for me, but it does warm me up for more intense training.