How to Date a Dragon (4 page)

He was very glad the female dragon wanted to meet him tomorrow. A little more than twenty-four hours suddenly felt like a long time.

***

“No, no, no! Not her! Anyone but her!”

Mother Nature stared into the bright sky, gathered two fistfuls of her long, white hair next to her ears, and squeezed. “Gahhh!”

Apollo abandoned his poker game and joined her near the window. The entire top floor of the office building was covered in a glass bubble, so essentially the entire perimeter was a giant window that allowed the Supernatural Council an unobstructed view of Boston.

“What’s wrong, Grandma?”

“I told you never to call me that,” she hissed through gritted teeth.

“Sorry, Gaia. It’s just that you gave birth to Zeus, who’s my father, so therefore…”

She glared at him and a violent wind ripped through the room, blowing cards off the table and rippling everyone’s long, white gowns.

“Sorry, Goddess. Forgive me.”

She sighed. “I’ll forgive you this time, but only because you’re my favorite.”

The other gods gaped at them, several with raised eyebrows.

“Oh, relax,” she called out. “You’re all my favorites.” Then she rolled her eyes.

They looked away, although some of them still appeared tweaked. A moment later, the cards were magically back in their hands and they resumed their game.

“So what’s wrong? How can I help?”

“That fucking Caribbean dragon, Zina,” Mother Nature muttered. “What’s she doing up here?”

Apollo shrugged. “You probably have a better idea than I do since I don’t know who you’re talking about.”

Gaia pointed her long finger at a motorcyclist cruising down Storrow Drive. “That bitch right there. Thanks to a voodoo priestess, she’s run amok for two centuries and there’s nothing I can do to stop her.”

“What’s she doing that you need to stop?”

Gaia threw her hands in the air and whirled away from the glass. “Everything. That creature does whatever she damn well pleases and cares nothing about the consequences. I understand she has a lair where she keeps sex slaves. She finds men vacationing alone, and suddenly they’re never heard from again.”

“Why haven’t we been supplicated? Beseeched? Prayed to for help?”

Gaia chortled. “Come on… Do you really expect men to complain about being sex slaves?”

Apollo shrugged.

“But that’s not all. Humans have almost spotted her in dragon form, either through her carelessness or because she’s tempting fate on purpose. It’s happening more and more frequently.”

“Why would she do that?”

“I swear she’s goading me. She’s a spoiled brat, and the last time I caught her flying, I paid her a little visit. I thought she understood my stern warning. After that, I decided to take a nice walk on the beach and she zipped past me, singing, “Neener, neener, neener.”

“Don’t let her get to you.”

“Oh, sure. Be the bigger goddess, right? Ignore her, right?”

“Exactly.”

“I
can’t!
” Mother Nature shouted so loudly the gods jumped and dropped their cards. “She’s coming into her fertile cycle. If she mates with another dragon, I’ll have to deal with more of them.” Mother Nature crossed her arms and muttered under her breath, “I was almost rid of them too.”

“Why do you want to get rid of them?”

“I don’t make mistakes, but sometimes… Never mind.”

“So, what should we do?”

“We shouldn’t do anything, yet. There are barely any dragons left, so chances of her finding one are slim. But just in case, contact the Balogs and ask them to keep an eye on that bar where the paranormals hang out. If she shows up there, we’ll need to know right away.”

Bliss sat at the family dining table, trying to concentrate on her work despite constant interruptions. For some reason, her mother could not understand that talking while Bliss was trying to think was the same as interrupting.

“Is it so terrible to be back home? You’ve done nothing but mope for days.”

Her mother stirred the pasta sauce bubbling on the stove. The tangy tomatoes mixed with garlic and spices smelled like home. Under other circumstances, it would be wonderful. If Bliss were in her own apartment, she would have simply opened a jar.
Try
to
be
nice.

“I’m sorry, Ma. It’s not bad. It’s just…”

“Just what?”

Bliss sighed. “I don’t know. I feel like a nine-year-old when I’m back home, letting you cook for me, sleeping in my old bedroom.”

Her mother wiped her hands on her apron. “If you were married, I’d let you have the guest room.”

“And give up the opportunity to sleep in a bunk bed again?” Bliss slapped a hand over her heart in a dramatic gesture. “Perish the thought.”

“Yeah, yeah, Miss Sarcastic. Look, we don’t know how long you’ll be here. It could be months or years, and what if your married brothers and their lovely wives come to visit?”

Bliss tried not to groan out loud. “Why would they stay over? They live less than a mile away.”

“You never know. Besides, your sister and her husband could decide to visit from India at any time. I’m sure it wouldn’t be a short stay. The thing is, you should be married and in your own home by now. If you were married, you could forget about that silly competition. I’m sure your husband would support you no matter what happened in life. It’s good to have someone you can count on, and Daddy and I won’t be here forever. The older you get, the more I worry. I was married by the time I was twenty.”

“You were pregnant with Ricky.”

“No I wasn’t. Your brother was born early. And for your information, your father and I had been engaged for two years, so we were ready to settle down. We just waited until he graduated from the tech. You’re nearly twenty-eight! What are you waiting for?”

It was the same old argument. Bliss didn’t know why they continued with the charade. Her brother would have had to be about four months early to make the timeline work. She usually let it go, but maybe if she pursued it, her mother would be the one to shut up and let her get back to work.

“Why did Nonna and Nonno rush the wedding plans?”

“There was no rush. I just wanted a June wedding. If you want to talk about a rush, your grandmother was married at the age of eighteen after a two-week engagement.”

“And look how well that worked out. The two of them bickered each other into early graves.”

Her mother crossed herself and faced Bliss head-on. “That’s just how they communicated. They loved each other dearly. Why do you think they had six children?”

Bliss smirked. “I don’t know… lack of birth control?”

Her mother tossed her hands in the air. “You have an answer for everything. Always did.”

“Speaking of which, I should get back to work. I need to put into words all the things people are too afraid to say.”

“That business of yours is what scares the men away. Honestly, the vicious things you write in those cards… it’s dreadful. And now, because of that stupid TV show, everyone will know about it.”

“Hopefully. My cards are funny and people love them. If I get the kind of exposure I think we’re going to get, I should sell tons.”

“I’ll never understand that. If anyone gave me one of your cards, I’d be very upset.”

You
don’t know how close you’ve come to getting one.
Her mother would also never know how many snarky cards she’d inspired. There was just too much rich material to ignore. “I really do need to get working.”

As Bliss strolled toward the adjoining dining room, her mother said, “Why don’t you work at the desk in your room? It was always where you did your homework.”

“Because I like my legs at a ninety-degree angle and under the surface I’m working on. If I sat at my old desk, my butt would be below my knees and they’d bump up against the side of the desk. Why are you keeping that old thing anyway?”

“You never know… Maybe I’ll have a grandchild someday after all.”

“Emilio and Ricky are married. Why don’t you bug them about having kids?”

“Who says I haven’t?”

Bliss chuckled. “I love my brothers, but thank God it’s not just me.”

Her mother crossed her arms. “Aren’t you worried about your biological clock?”

Hell
no. The alarm isn’t going off and won’t for years.
“Ma, I don’t want to marry the wrong man just to have kids.”

“Has it never occurred to you that you might marry the right man? Honestly, you’re such a pessimist.”

“I am not. I just have a pessimistic life.”

“Oh, really? What’s so bad about your life?”

“For one thing, I cannot work in this house, and I have a deadline to meet.”

“Deadline, shmedline… Why are they giving you a deadline? Are there greeting card emergencies?”

“Mom. I’m finally hopeful of landing big contracts. Remember how it was in the beginning? Me helping my big sister take cards to craft fairs and small gift shops? How many did she sell?”

“I have no idea.”

“Not a hell of a lot. If she didn’t have a friend in advertising, she might never have gotten the business off the ground. Now that she’s entrusted it to me, I want to make it an even bigger success.”

“If success was so important to her, then she wouldn’t have left the business and moved to India. I’m sure she’d understand if you wanted to quit and get a
real
job. Maybe you’d meet someone if you worked in an office.”

Bliss actually bit her tongue and counted to ten.

“And this contract is important, I take it.” Her mother prattled on as if Bliss hadn’t said any of the angry, sarcastic things streaming through her brain.
Oh, that’s right… for once I managed not to.

“Yes, Mama. It’s a make-it-or-break-it moment. If I deliver the designs I envisioned in the finale, I could win, and Hall-Snark cards will be in all the large chain stores.”

“And if you don’t?”

“It’s back to the craft fairs.”

“Is that so bad? You could do it as a hobby if you were married.”

Bliss wanted to knock her head against the table—repeatedly.

***

Drake waited outside the Shamrock to meet the female dragon. He leaned casually against the large window made up of several smaller panes, feeling anything but casual. Cool, calm, collected—nope. All of those positive traits had deserted him.

Mating with a human would never produce the children he wanted to have someday. Not just wanted… he needed to have them to save the species. He would do his best to find a female dragon, settle down, and propagate like mad. Only another dragon could do that.

He checked his watch again. Four o’clock on the dot. He saw no one who looked as confident as a lady dragon with dark hair and a silver streak down the middle walking toward him.

A motorcycle roared up to the curb, and the black-leather-clad rider pulled off his helmet. Correction.
Her
helmet. Long, matted, dark dreadlocks fell over her pierced eyebrow, past her pierced nose and pierced lip to her shoulders, and horrors, a shock of silver hair flowed from her widow’s peak.

“Zina?”

“Dat me. And ya be Drake, naa?”

“Uh-huh.” Too late to deny it. Somehow, it had never occurred to him that the lady dragon might be a dragon lady. A tough biker chick with a crazy accent.

Bliss popped into his mind again. She seemed like a direct contrast to this, and he didn’t even know Zina yet. He doubted this chick could measure up to beautiful, funny, intelligent Bliss and, well… he really needed to give Zina a chance before he made rash judgments. It was important because she was a dragon. Maybe the only single female dragon he’d ever find.

She dismounted her bike and chained it to a nearby tree. Then she planted her hands on her hips and said, “So, are ya gonna to buy me bagjuice, or wha?”

Bagjuice?
Drake would have preferred the “or what” but she had come from somewhere far away to meet him, so buying her a drink was the least he could do. She had a heavy island accent, but he could make out what she was trying to say… barely. With the Rasta hair and accent, he’d guess she was from Jamaica.
There’s something I can open a conversation with.

“We goin?”

He made himself smile. “Of course. After you.” He gestured toward the Shamrock’s front door.

“Me bet you wanna see me backside.”

“Er… or I could just want to be a gentleman.”

She shrugged. “Mehbe, but me rather ya seein me backside. Is strong as rock.” She smacked her ass and swished it into the bar.

What could he say to that? Nothing.
Say
nothing, Drake.

She picked a table and sat on the side closest to the door. Damn. If he wanted to flee, he’d have to pass her and she’d probably grab his arm. Dragons, even in human form, had excellent reflexes.

She eyed him as he sat down. “So, mon. Do ya do da workout?”

“What? Do I work out? I’m having a hard time understanding you sometimes.”

Her lips thinned. “Ya wan me do speaky-spoky?”

He had no idea what she’d just said, so he thought he’d better skip it and carry on. “In answer to your question, sometimes I work out. There’s exercise equipment at the station. If I’m bored or haven’t had any runs for a while, I’ll lift weights or…” Why did her eyes just narrow?

“Station? Ya a cop?”

“No. Firefighter.”

“Whew. Aright.” She seemed to relax.

“I take it you don’t like cops?”

“Nah, me no like dem.”

She didn’t offer any further explanation, but he could guess she’d been on the wrong side of the law at some point. He honestly didn’t care enough to pursue the subject, so he let it drop. Suddenly, he wondered why mating with another dragon mattered so much. The thought of doing what he had to do with this woman was completely distasteful.

He’d be polite, have a drink with her, then be on his way and never look for a female dragon again. He wanted Bliss more than ever.

As their conversation wore on, he found himself unable to interpret what she was saying on several occasions. Apparently she was renting a condo just outside the city in a nice neighborhood. She wanted to find a “bupps,” whatever that was, and she valued her “kulcha.”

“So, why did you ask if I worked out? Do you belong to a gym?”

“Me buildin gots one. Ya go dere sometime?”

Uh-oh. Change the subject, quick
. “You have beautiful eyes.”
Why the hell did I say that? Now she’ll think I like her.

She leaned back and looked smug. “Ya wanna cock it up? Me be ya baby mudda?”

Oh, crap. He figured this might be a good time to use the language barrier to his advantage. “I’m really sorry, Zina. I’m afraid I’m just having too hard a time understanding you. It was nice to meet you, though. I’ll pay for our drinks on the way out.” He rose and tried to walk past her.

Her hand shot out, clamped around his wrist, and squeezed. “I see. Perhaps you’d prefer I speak the King’s English with a Brrritish accent?”

“What the…” Why the hell did she use the island accent if she—
Oh, no. Does she have multiple personalities?
Drake twisted his wrist, trying to extricate himself from her grasp, but she held on tight.

“I can talk like you do too, Mr. All-American.”

He gave up the struggle, his curiosity getting the better of him. “Okaaay. If you were perfectly capable of eliminating your accent, why did you make it so hard for me to understand you?”

“It was fun.”

“Fun?”

“Yeah, fun. You should have seen your face.” She finally let go of him.

Drake rubbed his wrist. “Hmmm… Well, I really do have to leave.”

Before he took a step, she enunciated, “Sit. Back. Down.”

He folded his arms and stood his ground. “I can’t. There’s somewhere I need to be.”

“Where?”

“My annual firefighter’s physical,” he said, without missing a beat. It wasn’t until next month, but she didn’t have to know that.

She stared at him a moment, then wrote a phone number on her cocktail napkin and shoved it at him. “Here. Call me when you can take a joke.”

“What if that never happens?”

“Call me anyway.”

Drake folded the napkin and stuffed it in his pocket.

She leaned back in her chair with a satisfied smile, as if she knew her will would be obeyed. And just to rub in the point of her being a female dragon, her eyes shimmered gold.

I’m sorry, Mother. I just can’t do it. Even you wouldn’t want me to marry this bat-shit crazy dragon to continue the species.

***

“I’m going to check greeting card companies. Maybe I can find the brunette there.”

He had told the guys about the Internet producing a disastrous blind date. They encouraged him to keep trying, but what he really needed to do was delete his profile completely. He ambled toward the community room that housed the computers.

“I hope you find her,” Ralph said. “We’ve run out of friends to introduce you to. And none of us would let you near our sisters.”

“Good thing,” Drake called over his shoulder, “if they’re as ugly as you mucks.”

“Ha. You wish,” Mike said. “Irish girls are the prettiest in the world—or at least in Boston. Brazil might have a few chicks worth lookin’ at.”

While Mike and Ralph debated the best places to find good-looking women, Drake settled himself in front of the PC and typed in his user name and password.
I’ll delete my profile right after checking my last lead.
He searched for “greeting card companies.” Bliss was the woman he wanted, if only he could find her.

Up came a list of them. He scanned and scanned and scanned some more.
Holy
shit. There must be a hundred of them.
And those were just the
A
’s.