How to Fall (3 page)

In the end, a cheap paperback edition of
Cold Comfort Farm
came to the rescue. I knew the title but not what it was about, and levered it off a crowded shelf to have a look. Sitting in one of the armchairs, I lost track of time as I read the first few pages, and then a few more. I hadn’t expected it to be funny, but it was. I made myself stop reading eventually, checked I could afford it, and went back down the stairs with the grace and dexterity of a three-toed sloth. The boy could run down if he liked. I didn’t mind sacrificing speed if it meant I wouldn’t make a fool of myself by falling. I was so busy concentrating on looking nonchalant that I didn’t notice the boy was gone until I put my book down on the desk. In his place sat a balding middle-aged man in a tweed jacket, the bookshop owner of my imagination. He didn’t crack a smile as I handed him two pound coins, tossing them into the till with something approaching disdain.

Taking my book, I hesitated for a second, then plunged. ‘Where did your assistant go?’

‘Who? Oh – Will. He was just looking after the shop for me for half an hour. We’re not busy today. As usual.’

My book was not going to make the difference between profit and loss, it seemed. I slunk out, hiding it under my jacket to protect it from the rain that was still falling. At least I had found out the boy’s name, if nothing else. It suited him, I thought.
Will
.

And as if I had summoned him, he fell into step beside me.

‘I think we need to talk.’

2

TOO STARTLED TO
protest, I allowed myself to be steered towards a small coffee shop on the other side of the street from the bookshop. It was dark, with sticky oilcloth coverings on the tables and a seriously no-frills approach to décor, but it smelled of freshly baked cakes and good coffee, and almost all the tables were full. Will pulled back a chair to let an old lady out, then nicked the table she had just left, to one side of the window.

An elderly waitress bustled up before I had finished unzipping my jacket, her eyes locked on her notepad. ‘What are you having?’

I didn’t dare ask for time to look at a menu. ‘Just a black coffee.’

‘Same for me,’ Will said.

Her head snapped up at the sound of his voice and she beamed at him. ‘I didn’t see it was you, my
darling
. We’ve got a lovely chocolate cake today.’

‘Not right now, Dot. I’m still full from breakfast.’

‘I don’t believe it. A growing boy like you needs to eat. I’ll bring you a small piece. On the house. With two forks.’ As she said the last bit, she turned to me and winked. I felt rather than saw the shock hit her, amusement fading instantly to doubtful confusion. I busied myself with rummaging in my bag, looking for absolutely nothing, until she had moved away.

‘You’d better get used to that.’ He hadn’t missed it, then. I didn’t think the grey eyes would miss much. ‘It’s a small town. And everyone knew Freya.’

It helped that he had said her name first. ‘Freya was my cousin.’

‘That almost explains the resemblance.’

‘I didn’t know.’ I was fiddling with the end of my ponytail, I realized, and made myself stop. ‘My mum and her mum are identical twins. And my dad looks quite like Jack. They have the same colouring, anyway.’

He was looking at me intently, studying my face. ‘It’s uncanny.’

‘It’s genetic.’

I saw him react to the sharp-edged comment but only because I happened to be staring at his mouth when the corner of it curved upwards. Instead of
responding
directly, he said, ‘You don’t sound like her.’

‘Because I grew up in London?’

‘Because of the things you say, more.’ He didn’t explain what he meant, and I didn’t want to ask until I had a better idea of him, and how well he had known my cousin. Quite well, I thought. Maybe very. But he was asking, ‘Didn’t you ever meet her?’

I shook my head. ‘Mum’s the black sheep of the family, so this is my first trip. We’re staying for the summer.’

‘I’ll sort out the welcome banners. But I’ll need to know your name.’

‘Oh! Sorry. I forgot. I’m Jess Tennant.’

‘Jess.’ He repeated it, as if it sounded strange to him, as if he needed to learn it. I wondered for a second if I had found another halfwit – a matching pair with Conrad – but that didn’t fit with the steady appraisal I was getting. I wondered what he was thinking, and then remembered with a rush of embarrassment that I wasn’t supposed to know what he was called.

‘And you are?’

‘I’m Will Henderson. I live near the Leonards,’ he added with a half-smile.

The Leonards. My cousins. ‘I haven’t met them yet.’

The half-smile widened to a proper grin. ‘It’s an experience.’

‘I can’t wait.’

‘You might not have to. Hugo and Petra are around today. I think they went down to the harbour.’

I leaned back in my seat, unable to keep the dismay off my face.

Will raised his eyebrows. ‘What’s wrong?’

‘You mean apart from having a whole family I’ve never met? What about looking exactly like their dead sister?’

There was a clunk as Dot dumped my cup in front of me. She had to have heard the last bit, and I stared down at my coffee as she gave Will his and set the cake between us. I was afraid to see the expression on her face. Without missing a beat Will engaged her in conversation about business and the tourist season and what she’d done at the weekend while I wished the window opened wide enough to let me escape. After what seemed like for ever, she creaked off.

‘It’s OK. She’s gone.’ Will sounded amused.

I gave him a filthy look. ‘Is it any wonder I’m on edge?’

He relented. ‘Don’t be. You don’t need to be.’

‘Oh really?’

‘Really. Word will get around pretty quickly that you’re her cousin.’

‘But until then I’d better get used to the staring and whispering.’

‘It won’t be that bad.’

‘You think?’ I fiddled with my cup. ‘You had a pretty strong reaction when you saw me.’

‘I slipped.’

I really wanted to take him at his word, but I couldn’t. ‘I bet you could go up and down those stairs a million times a day carrying a hundred books, blindfolded, and you’d never put a foot wrong. I know what I saw. You were freaked out.’

‘Not me.’ He looked interested. ‘What do you mean by everyone else?’

‘Take your pick. Pretty much everyone in here has had a look at me since we came in. Some of them are still staring. The girl in the corner hasn’t noticed me yet, but it’s only a matter of time.’

‘There’s no need to be paranoid. You’re just not used to the small-town atmosphere.’

‘It’s not paranoia. And I’m not so sure it’s a small-town thing either.’ He looked sceptical and I added, ‘Before you suggest it, I’m not imagining it.’

‘I wouldn’t dream of it.’ He spun his cup on its saucer. ‘You can’t be surprised about the staring. Given what happened.’

I leaned across the table, lowering my voice. ‘That’s
the
thing. I don’t
know
what happened. Everyone hints but no one actually says it.’

‘People don’t like to talk about that sort of thing.’

‘I get that. But I also have the feeling I’ve come in halfway through the story and I’m never going to catch up. And I want to know more about Freya.’

‘What do you want to know?’

I hesitated, thinking of what Mum had said about not asking questions in case I hurt someone’s feelings. But Will wasn’t part of Freya’s family. And he was basically offering to tell me all about it. I couldn’t let that opportunity go.

‘Were you friends with her?’

‘Of course.’ He looked wary, as if he didn’t like where I was steering the conversation.

‘Were you more than friends?’

His eyebrows shot up. ‘Direct, aren’t you?’

I held my nerve. ‘You haven’t answered the question.’

‘We didn’t go out.’

That didn’t mean he hadn’t had feelings for her, or her for him, but I didn’t have it in me to push any further. ‘Right.’

‘If it’s any help, you needn’t worry. No one’s going to confuse the two of you for long.’

‘What’s that supposed to mean?’ I demanded.

‘Freya was Freya and you aren’t. Simple as that.’

I was more interested in finding out about my cousin than in snapping back, but he was as irritating as nettle stings on bare legs. ‘What was she like?’

He shook his head. ‘I can’t sum her up. She was herself.’

‘Very helpful.’

‘Sorry.’

I had a sudden urge to make him uneasy, to set him on edge again, to shake him and see what fell out.

‘Right. Let’s start at the other end.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘I want to know how she died.’

‘Can’t help with that either.’ From one second to the next, his eyes had gone the colour of steel.
Back off
.

Torture wouldn’t have got me to admit it, but it was the first time I’d felt scared since I arrived in Port Sentinel. I had the impression that I was wading confidently into dangerous waters, that I would soon be well out of my depth. Which was clearly ridiculous.

‘You must know.’

‘Why do you care?’

I shrugged. ‘I don’t have the full story and I don’t want to put my foot in it when I meet my cousins for the first time. This is the kind of thing I should know.’

Whether he agreed with that or not, he answered
me
, but his jaw was tight with tension. ‘She fell off a cliff.’

‘Fell? Or jumped?’

He drank his coffee, not answering.

‘Was she suicidal? Did Freya want to die?’

‘I don’t think I can answer that.’

‘Can’t? Or
won’t
?’ The irritation was back and it made my voice sharp. I leaned forward. ‘Come on, Will. It’s not difficult. Did she kill herself? Or was she pushed?’

‘Are you looking for trouble, Jess?’

‘I’m just trying to find out what happened to my cousin. Why should that cause trouble?’

‘Because there are people who might not like you asking questions about Freya.’

‘Including you?’

He shook his head, as if I was a fly buzzing at him. ‘Just leave it alone.’

‘I’m not afraid of trouble.’

‘Maybe you should be.’

I didn’t feel scared any more. I was too angry. ‘Is that a threat?’

He laughed, a degree of self-possession returning. ‘Hardly. Call it friendly advice.’

‘You can call it what you like. I’m more than capable of making up my own mind about that sort of thing.’

‘You really are surprisingly feisty. I mean that as a compliment,’ he added quickly.

I ignored the second part, though I could tell I was blushing. ‘Why are you surprised? Wasn’t Freya?’

‘No. Not really. But she had principles. She was the sort of person who stood up for what was right. She didn’t back down if she believed in something.’

‘Me neither.’

‘I have no doubt.’ He looked out of the window, then pushed the untouched cake towards me as he stood up. ‘If you want to meet your cousins, now’s your chance.’

Before I could say anything else, the café door swung open. Without saying goodbye, Will went across to greet a boy I recognized as Hugo. He was frowning, his expression lightening as he saw Will. The two of them spoke for a moment, their voices low, Hugo looking over Will’s shoulder at me as he listened. No surprise. No shock. Hugo, at least, was prepared. I wished I felt the same way.

‘I’m getting soaked.’ The voice was shrill and came from behind Hugo, who stepped back to allow Petra inside. I would have known her immediately even though her hair was longer and her face thinner than in the photograph. Her hair was a lighter brown than Hugo’s, sun-bleached around the front where
curls
frizzed, fighting free of their clips. She shook water off her bright yellow raincoat and yanked it off, revealing a purple T-shirt and green trousers. I blinked, feeling suddenly drab in my faded grey sweatshirt and ancient jeans.

‘Oh my God.’ Petra had spotted me straight away, and her voice cut through the hum of conversation in the café, making people turn to look at her, at me. ‘You’re here. Hugo, she’s here.’

She didn’t wait for him to answer but dodged through the tables to get to where I was sitting. I was braced for her to hug me but she stopped short once she was within reach, as if she had suddenly realized that I was a stranger, even if we were related. Even if I did look unsettlingly familiar. Seeing me wouldn’t be easy for her, or anyone who had loved Freya, and I realized it was up to me to set her at her ease if I could.

I smiled. ‘You must be Petra.’

‘And you’re Jess.’ A smile spread across her face, wider than the one I had managed. Uncomplicated welcome, for once. ‘We wondered if we’d see you in town.’

‘You knew we were here?’

‘Mum said.’ A faint shadow of doubt. ‘Is
your
mother here?’

My mother was hiding in our cottage, trying to
come
to terms with something I didn’t fully understand. I settled for, ‘She’s around and about.’

As I spoke, I noticed Will walking past the window, head down against the rain. He didn’t look at me, but then again, he hadn’t since he’d stood up to go. I wondered if he’d got what he wanted. I thought he might have got more than he bargained for.

In contrast to Petra, Hugo made his way towards me at a saunter. He stood shoulder to shoulder with his sister, gazing down at me with a mocking smile on his face. I wasn’t sure whether I was invited to share the joke or whether I
was
the joke.

‘Hello, cousin. Fancy meeting you here. We thought we’d see you at the house tomorrow.’

‘Are we invited?’

‘For tea. I’m making scones.’ Petra was round-eyed with excitement.

Hugo snorted. ‘Don’t worry. There’ll be plenty of other stuff to eat.’

‘Don’t be mean!’ She elbowed him hard in the stomach. I watched, amused and very slightly wistful. This was family life, up close.

Hugo gave Petra a shove in the direction of the empty chair. ‘Sit there and shut up.’

She stared at the cake. ‘Are you eating that?’

‘All yours.’

She dug into it enthusiastically, the cake oozing chocolate fudge sauce that smeared around her mouth. Hugo found a spare chair at a nearby table and drew it up beside me. He stared at his sister in horror as he sat down.