How to Fall (31 page)

‘I just love him so much.’

‘Which explains why we’re talking about him again.’ I sat up, swinging my feet down to the floor, so I could face her. ‘You know, I have no idea what you’re really like. All I know is that you’re obsessed with him. And it’s really, really boring.’

‘You’re just jealous.’

‘No, I’m not,’ I said gently. ‘I know you’re going to find this hard to believe, but I don’t want to be like you in any way. And that includes whatever is going on between you and Ryan. I don’t want to get involved.’

Her face was hard again. ‘So don’t.’

‘You came to talk to me, remember?’

‘Not so you could give me advice. What would you know about it, anyway?’

‘Absolutely nothing.’ A wave of tiredness swept over me and I just managed not to yawn. ‘Why are you here, anyway?’

‘Darcy told me to come.’

‘Did she?’

‘She said I had to explain my part in what happened. She said it made her feel better.’

Darcy had skipped out of the cottage like a spring lamb after I’d told her I couldn’t have tricked Coco
without
her, as if it overwrote her previous behaviour completely. That was Darcy, though. She couldn’t help being shallow.

To Natasha, I said, ‘I’m not really qualified to forgive you your sins, whatever Darcy thinks.’

‘I shouldn’t have listened to her.’ She stood up abruptly. ‘I’m going to go.’

‘Probably for the best.’ I watched her go to the door, where she stopped, her head down.

‘I’m sorry about what happened. That’s why I came. To say I was sorry.’

‘OK.’

‘Not just about Freya. About what happened to you too.’

‘Fair enough.’

She hesitated, then said in a rush, ‘I can’t believe you cut your hair off.’

‘It will grow again.’

‘Don’t you mind?’

‘Nope,’ I lied. I minded a lot. I missed it like a limb. But I wasn’t about to share that with Natasha. I wasn’t ready for her to become a friend. Forgiving Darcy for having her head turned was one thing, but I couldn’t forget about the campaign of bullying and intimidation that Natasha had organized to torment Freya, or the anger I’d seen in her on the cliffs. She wasn’t
someone
I understood at all and I was wary of letting her get any closer to me than she was already.

She nodded, as if she’d heard what I was thinking. She left without trying any further friendly overtures, and I thought I wouldn’t miss
her
, at least, when I was back in London. I was pretty sure the feeling was mutual.

Later on that day Dan Henderson came to see me, much to my annoyance. Mum answered the door, of course, and blushed before he even said hello. She stood back to let him in, mumbled something incomprehensible and then disappeared into the kitchen. I found myself thinking she had absolutely no game whatsoever. It was a good thing on two counts. One: the very thought of my mother trying to pull anyone was squicky. Two: Dan Henderson was completely off-limits, or at least he should have been. And I couldn’t tell exactly what Dan thought about Mum, but he watched her all the way into the kitchen, and stared after her for a little bit too long once she’d disappeared from view. I coughed, and he looked down at me as if he’d forgotten I existed. A second later he was smiling broadly at me, the charm switched on at maximum wattage.
Fake, fake, fake
was all I could think. But two could play at that game. I
had
decided the thing to do was treat him as if nothing had happened, as if I’d never accused him of anything. So I smiled back.

‘How’s the great detective doing?’

‘I’m fine.’

‘Brave girl.’ He sat down in the armchair and stretched his legs out in front of him, thereby occupying most of the very small sitting room. ‘I wanted to thank you for your hard work.’

‘What’s happening to Coco?’

‘She’s been charged with attempted murder and released on bail.’ He saw the look on my face. ‘She’s not likely to be dangerous to you or anyone else. I spoke to her father. She’s going to plead guilty so you won’t even have to give evidence at a trial.’

‘She’s pleading guilty? I expected her to put up a fight.’

‘She’s got very little choice. I heard what she said to you in the ambulance and she admitted it in interview. Her parents are devastated, as you can imagine. But she’s a minor, and she’ll get a reduced sentence for pleading guilty at the earliest opportunity. She’s looking at ten or twelve years, depending on the judge. Best-case scenario, she’s out of prison in five or six years.’

I shivered. ‘That’s a long time to be in prison.’

‘It’s a serious crime. And she’s only sixteen. She’ll still be young when she gets out. She can do her exams in prison, go to university when she’s released – she’ll still have a life at the end of it all.’

‘I suppose.’ I bit my lip.

‘Don’t feel guilty about it. You didn’t force her to behave that way.’

‘I sort of did. If I hadn’t made her come to the top of the cliffs, she’d never have thought of trying to kill me.’

‘She made her own choices. She has to live with the consequences.’ Dan stopped, abruptly, and looked down at his hands, as if what he’d said had some resonance for him that I couldn’t understand. After a second or two he looked up, and again, the transformation was total, the cheerful mask back in place. ‘You must be tired. Have a decent rest, Jess. Then get on with enjoying yourself while you’re down here. Don’t spend the whole time in that dusty shop.’

‘I won’t,’ I said, but I was actually missing it quite badly. My window display needed to be changed, and there was Sylvia’s hoard of donations to work through. Sylvia herself had sent a Get Well Soon card and a gorgeous pair of jade earrings I had admired one day in the shop, and I wanted to say thank you. All in all, the sooner I got off the sofa and back to reality, the better.

I was just about to ask Dan how Will was when he stood up. ‘I want a quick word with your mother before I go.’

I watched him walk over to the kitchen with a deep sense of unease. He knocked on the doorframe to get Mum’s attention, then went out of my line of sight. It was a tiny room. They had to be standing very close to one another if I couldn’t see him. His voice was low, so I couldn’t pick out any words. All I heard from Mum was a laugh that she tried to smother. I didn’t like it. I particularly didn’t like the look on Mum’s face when she followed him out of the kitchen and went to the door to see him out. It was very unguarded and somehow vulnerable, and I worried about it for the rest of the day. I didn’t want her to get hurt. And I didn’t want her to do something unforgivable, like flirting with a man whose wife was dying.

I thought I’d been doing a great job of looking unconcerned, but apparently not. I had just climbed into bed that night (slowly, carefully, wincing as I did so) when Mum tapped on the door.

‘Is everything all right?’

‘Of course.’ I switched on a smile. ‘Except that the painkillers aren’t doing it. Killing the pain, I mean. At best they’re annoying it. Calling it names. Talking behind its back. Low-level stuff.’

‘Poor you.’

‘I’ll live.’

‘You could have died.’ Mum said it in a very matter-of-fact way but I knew better.
Uh-oh
 . . . She came and sat on the end of the bed, avoiding my poor bruised feet, for which I was grateful. ‘I haven’t spoken to you about it before now because I was too upset.’

‘Upset?’

‘You didn’t trust me.’ There were tears standing in her eyes. ‘You should have come to me instead of putting yourself in harm’s way. I could have talked to Dan. I could have—’

‘Mum,
I
talked to Dan. He didn’t want to know. He told me to mind my own business.’

‘Well, it wasn’t your business.’

‘Mum!’

‘I’m sorry, Jess, but I can’t say I’m happy about it. You risked your life to find out what happened to Freya.’

‘So Tilly and Jack and everyone know what really happened, and Coco isn’t going to get away with it.’

‘That wouldn’t make up for you dying.’

‘I didn’t die,’ I pointed out. ‘I’m here. I’ll be back to normal in a couple of days.’

‘You were lucky. If Dan hadn’t turned up when he did—’

‘That was only because Will told him he had to. Dan was in a panic that I’d die and it would put off the tourists.’

‘Dan was worried about you,’ she snapped. ‘You should remember that.’

‘I remember that he didn’t care about finding out the truth until I forced his hand.’

Mum stood up, and I realized she was properly angry. ‘You know, you think you know everything, but you don’t. You’re not invincible. You’re a child.’

‘Age has nothing to do with it.’

‘Didn’t you think Dan had his reasons for not encouraging you to interfere?’

‘Yeah, I did, but they were bad reasons.’

‘He wanted to make sure you were safe.’

‘Is that what he told you?’ I really wished I wasn’t lying down. It made it so much harder to look Mum in the eye. ‘Did he tell you about his wife too?’

She blushed, which told me all I wanted to know. ‘That has nothing to do with our discussion, Jessica.’

‘You know she’s dying, though, don’t you?’

A nod.

‘And?’

‘And nothing. It’s very sad. I’m sorry for Will, and for Dan.’

‘And for her,’ I prompted.

‘Of course.’

I had a reckless, now-or-never feeling. ‘Do you know her? Did you know her when you lived here?’

Mum rubbed her eyes, looking exhausted. All the fight had gone out of her. She never could stay angry, with me or anyone else. ‘Do we have to talk about this now?’

‘Please, Mum.’

She sat down again and jammed her hands between her knees. ‘This all happened such a long time ago, Jess.’

‘I know. It’s ancient history. But, Mum . . . I’ve seen the way you look at Dan. And I’ve seen the way he looks at you.’

She was blushing again. ‘He doesn’t look at me in any way at all. Don’t be ridiculous, Jess.’

‘You know what I’m talking about.’ I sat up. ‘Look, I’ve worked a lot of it out for myself. I can probably guess the whole story. But I’d rather hear it from you. Dan was the reason you left Port Sentinel, wasn’t he?’

‘Oh.’ Mum swallowed, keeping her composure, but I could see she was on the verge of tears. ‘You’re right. But I’ve never regretted it.’

I flapped a hand. ‘Taken as read. Go on.’

‘I started going out with Dan when I was fifteen. Even younger than you are now.’ She shook her head.
‘We were such babies, but we thought it was true love. We thought it was going to last for ever. And it felt like for ever.’

‘Three years?’

‘Two and a half,’ Mum corrected. ‘Because after two and a half years we had a fight.’

‘About what?’

‘Nothing. Nothing important.’ Nothing she was going to tell me about, I realized, knowing better than to try wheedling it out of her. ‘And we broke up.’

‘That must have been awful.’

‘I saw him every day. I was waitressing in one of the cafés in town and he was working on a building site, getting some money together to go travelling. He came in for lunch with his mates all the time.’ She had a faraway look in her eyes, lost in her memories. ‘It was horrible. But I was stubborn. He wanted me to admit I was wrong, and I wouldn’t.’

‘And?’

‘And I met your father.’

‘I always knew Dad was a rebound,’ I said wisely. ‘Such a bad choice.’

‘Not that again.’ Mum reached out and shook my knee, amused. ‘I thought your dad was so funny and clever. He was so different. He went after me from the
moment
he first saw me. I told him I was in love with someone else but it didn’t put him off.’

‘He wore you down.’

‘No. I chose to go out with him.’ Her voice was sharp. ‘I know you think I’m a total doormat, but I really liked him, and I was flattered, and I knew it would upset Dan. I was fed up with him pushing me around.’

‘He’s that sort of person.’

‘He hasn’t changed. Anyway. Where was I?’

‘Dad. And Dan. I bet he wasn’t thrilled.’

‘He decided to teach me a lesson. Karen had been in love with him for ever and a day. So he called her up and asked her out. Just like that.’ She clicked her fingers. ‘It was that easy. I knew what he was doing, and so did he. Talking to Dan this week – he was the same as me. He was sure we would end up together. Your father and Karen were just diversions on the way.’

‘Except not.’

‘No.’

‘Because . . .’ I prompted.

‘Karen got pregnant.’ Mum’s face was bleak as she remembered. ‘Dan came and told me. Then he went and asked her to marry him, because he thought it was the right thing to do. And she said yes.’

‘Oh. My. God.’

‘Yeah.’ Mum gave me a crooked smile. ‘I had to get out of Port Sentinel. I couldn’t bear to stay and watch them settling down to married life. I called up the only person I knew in London.’

‘Dad.’

‘One and the same. He met me off the train and that was it. We were together from then on.’

I was trying to do the sums. ‘So Karen was pregnant with Will.’

Mum nodded. ‘He was born five months after they got married. Dan had wanted to be a doctor but he joined the police because it was a steady job, he didn’t need to go to university to do it and he would be earning decent enough money from the start. It changed his life.’

‘No wonder he hates Will.’

‘Hates him? No.’ Mum sounded definite. ‘He’s proud of him.’

‘He has a funny way of showing it.’

‘He’s a complicated person.’ She turned away but I saw the smile on her face and it sent a chill through me.

‘Mum, what happens when Karen dies?’

‘Jess!’ She whipped back. ‘I hope you’re not suggesting what I think you’re suggesting.’

‘It’s a valid question. He was the love of your life.’

‘No. He was my first love. That’s different.’

‘But—’

‘No.’ She sounded very definite. ‘What’s done is done.’

‘Are you sorry?’ I had to know. ‘Do you wish you had ended up together?’

‘We talked about this before, remember?’ I did, but it felt as if that conversation had taken place a million years ago, not just a few days. ‘If it hadn’t worked out that way, I wouldn’t have you.’ She touched my cheek briefly. ‘I wouldn’t want things any other way.’