She blew a breath slowly out and stared into the orange glow of
the sunset. ‘I would actually be quite choosy about who I married,’ she
started.
‘Despite all evidence to the contrary,’ he murmured.
She looked at him. ‘It’s not like I picked Dan out of a
Proposals-R-Us catalogue. I’d known him a while. I really like him as a person.
He’s bright and dedicated and he has really good family values.’
Would he notice the complete absence of the L-word?
‘You two wanted kids?’
She snorted. ‘We never discussed a week into the future, let
alone years.’ Which only made her proposal even more misguided. ‘But he’d been
looking after his sick sister and her kids for a while. So I got to see it in
action. The potential.’
‘Family’s important to you?’
She frowned, thought about it. ‘The values are important. The
capacity to love and nurture something to adulthood.’
‘Like plants?’
She chuckled. ‘Exactly. Kids can’t possibly be any fussier than
ferns.’
‘And that’s more important to you than money or an address?
Values?’
She looked at him. ‘You’ve seen how I live. Do I strike you as
someone who cares much about money or the trappings of wealth?’ Or threw them
around needlessly?
‘Not having it is not necessarily synonymous with not wanting
it,’ he said. ‘I used to have none and I definitely wanted it.’
‘Some things are more important than money.’
‘So what was the leap year promotion all about?’ he asked
suddenly. ‘If not for the fifty grand. Why put yourself and Bradford through
that?’
The sun touched the horizon. ‘Did you know that sunsets are
only a mirage? By the time we’re seeing it touch water, the sun has already
dropped below the horizon. Something to do with the curvature of the earth.’
He turned to look. And it wasn’t until then that she realised
how closely he’d been watching her before. But then he brought his eyes back
around. ‘I didn’t know that. But I do recognise a subject change when I hear
one.’
‘It’s not... I’m not comfortable talking about it.’
‘Why? You think I’m going to judge you?’
‘I think it might end up in the radio show.’
His face changed, then, in an instant. Back to London Zander.
‘Right.’
‘Zander...’ Her eyes fell shut to block out his offence, but
she forced them open again. ‘I could barely admit to Dan why I’d done it. I
can’t tell the whole country.’
I can’t tell you
. Not without
having to ask herself why Zander’s good impression mattered more to her than
Dan’s.
He stared. ‘Off the record.’
She dropped her eyes and plucked at the long blades of the
estuary bank. ‘Do you know what I do for a job?’
‘You study seeds.’
‘I X-ray seeds. Day in, day out, to find the ones that are
incompetent. The ones that aren’t viable. The ones that aren’t normal. It makes
a person quite proficient at spotting the signs of irregularities in others. Or
in yourself.’
He stayed silent. Waited for her to connect the dots.
‘Everyone I know has paired off. Started families. I felt like
I was falling behind.’
There was no judgement, just curiosity. ‘Is it a race?’
‘No.’ She had years of optimum childrearing ahead of her.
‘But?’
She lifted her eyes. But the clock was ticking. ‘It’s hard,
being with them and not being able to contribute, to understand. They all have
that shared experience in common. They’ve become so much closer.’
‘You were going to get married and have kids just to ensure you
could contribute to conversation? That seems extreme.’
Put like that it sounded as ridiculous as it probably was. ‘I
want what they have.’
‘School debt and early grey hair?’
She went to stand. ‘I shouldn’t expect you to understand. You
have so much—’
His fingers caught her wildly flapping ones. Tugged her back
down. ‘George, sorry. Go on. What do they have that you want so much?’
She stared at where his long fingers held hers. Not releasing
them. ‘Everything. The package. A man and children to love them. A nice house in
the country. Security and someone to celebrate joys with. To be wanted enough
for someone to give up their freedom for.’ All the things she didn’t have
growing up. ‘Someone to fill all the holes inside me.’
‘So Daniel was your gap-filler?’
She stared. Swallowed. Dropped her head with shame. ‘Poor Dan.
That’s awful.’
‘Give yourself a break. Everyone fills their gaps with
something.’
‘What fills yours?’
His answer was immediate. ‘Work. Running.’
The only two things he did. They couldn’t both be gap fillers,
surely? ‘What are you filling?’
He stared. ‘A whole lot of empty.’
Wow. That was quite a mouthful. There was nothing to say to
that. They just stared at each other as the sun fully set. Its sinking took with
it some of the magic of the cusp of night and day, breaking the spell she’d been
under.
How else could she excuse her revelations of the last few
minutes?
She let her eyes refocus over his shoulder.
‘It’s gone,’ she whispered.
‘It’ll be back tomorrow.’
She nodded. But still they didn’t move.
‘Why are we here, Zander?’ she breathed into the fading
light.
He stared at her in the rapidly cooling, darkening evening.
‘Because you followed me up here?’
Half of her was terrified he’d just shrug and blame tradition.
That this
thing
between them wasn’t mutual. But she
wasn’t about to be put off so easily. ‘Here, by the twinkling water as the sun
sets.’
‘Do you want to leave?’ he murmured, eyes locked on hers.
She should. ‘No.’
‘Do you want to feel?’
Her lungs locked up. Suddenly the grass and cows and water
around them seemed to grow as if the two of them had just hauled themselves over
the top of a beanstalk, forcing them closer together and making the scant
distance separating them into something negligible.
Her pulse began to hammer in earnest.
Zander raised his hand and slipped it behind her head, lowering
his forehead to rest on hers. His heat radiated outwards. His eyes drifted
shut.
She hesitated for only a moment, then turned her face to rub
her jaw along his, twisting inwards, seeking out the lips that hunted for hers.
The full lips she’d been wanting to taste since she’d seen them stained with
bolognese sauce and a smile in the restaurant kitchen.
Was that how long she’d been wanting it for?
Her breath came heavy and fast and mingled with his. Then she
turned inwards, drawn by the plaintive breath that was her name on his lips.
Their mouths touched. Sensation sparked between them and birthed a flame, hot
and raw. Zander pressed their lips more firmly together, leaned into her. Curled
his fingers into the hair at her nape. Georgia pressed a hand to the damp, cool
earth and used it to lever herself closer to him, to hold the connection fast.
To explore and taste and experience. His breath became hers. Her breath
sustained them both. She kissed him harder. Greedy for his taste.
Desire raged up around them as though the setting sun had
boiled the waters of the firth and they’d spilled over to the banks where they
lay.
And, yes, it was
lay
. Somehow,
between one desperate breath and the next, they’d sunk down to the grass and
Zander twisted half over her. She couldn’t remember getting there. Her entire
consciousness was consumed with the press of his mouth against hers and the
weight of his body on hers. He leaned on his elbows, both hands free to tangle
in her hair, his mouth free to roam wherever it pleased.
And, boy, did it please.
Her head spun, her chest squeezed, her insides squirmed. Every
cell in her body cried out to just merge with his. As though they recognised
their chemical equal.
It wasn’t until his thigh slid down between hers that reality
intruded.
For both of them.
She twisted her face away from his and sucked in a breath of
fresh coastal air. Sweeter and colder than anything they got in London. It
helped to clear her muddled head, just a little.
Zander lifted his lips and stared down at her. Speechless.
‘Um...’ What more could she say?
Where the hell had that come
from?
One minute they were talking and the next she was crawling down
his throat, hungry for more of the best kiss she’d ever had.
He pressed back up, grinding closer where it really counted and
sending a new wave of heat to her cheeks. He twisted sideways and his heavy,
sexy weight lifted off her.
She missed him instantly.
She sat up and blew air slowly through swollen lips.
‘Georgia, I—’ He cut himself off to clear his throat.
She couldn’t bear to hear him apologise, or declare it a
mistake or express remorse. Not for a kiss like that. Not him. So she jumped in
before he could start again, laughing lightly. Faking heavily. ‘Chalk it up to
your post-race high? All those conquering impulses?’
He’d conquered her all right—like a Viking. And that thought
triggered a rush of new images and sensations. God, how she’d love to just lie
back and concede defeat.
Weighing up his choices showed in his face, even in the dim
light. ‘We could say that.’
She took a breath.
‘Or we could acknowledge the chemistry that’s been between us
since we met.’
Acknowledge it
sounded a lot like
forgiving it. Releasing it.
Ignoring it.
‘Since we met?’ Though she still remembered the spark as he’d
handed her the coat out at Wakehurst.
‘It had to come to a head at some time.’
‘You ignored me for so many weeks.’
‘I was trying to ignore
it
. Not
you. Our relationship was a professional one.’
Past tense? ‘And now?’
‘Now it’s going to be even harder keeping things
professional.’
‘Back in London?’ Back in the real world. Where
adrenaline-fuelled kisses and dramatic sunsets didn’t happen.
‘It would be inappropriate for me to start something with
you.’
‘Inappropriate?’ She sat up and tucked her knees to her chest.
How politically correct.
He followed her upright. ‘I’m the manager of the station
running your promotion. I sign the cheques that pay for your classes.’
And would do for months yet.
‘And it’s not fair to you, either. You’re not equipped for
something like this.’
She sat back, hard. Shook her head. ‘Like what?’
‘Something happening between us.’
Not everyone’s cut out for
seduction
, he’d joked back at spy school, though maybe it hadn’t been
entirely a joke. She had failed abysmally at flirting her way to information
from a stranger in class, though Zander’s eyes had remained glued to her the
whole time. But that was...you know...a stranger. And this was Zander.
Totally different situation.
Though maybe not for him. How cruel to kiss her half to death,
to make her feel so desirable, and then to back-pedal so very obviously.
He rambled on. ‘This was—’
Fantastic? Overdue?
‘—an aberration.’
Pain sliced through her. Could he have found an uglier
way of saying it was a mistake? She stared across at Scotland, and would have
given anything to spontaneously teleport over to the far bank.
‘I should have had more control,’ he said. ‘This is my
fault.’
Oh, please.
‘I came up here
willingly.’
‘Not expecting that, I’m sure.’
No. Definitely not expecting that. She just wanted to get to
know him a little bit. But she’d discovered a whole other Zander hidden inside
the first one. ‘So now what? We just go back to how it was?’
He looked at her.
Did he need it spelled out? ‘You ignoring me?’
‘I won’t ignore you, George. I couldn’t, now.’
George
. The same nickname her
friends used for her. The irony bit hard. ‘So then business as usual?’
Silence was nod enough.
She pushed to her feet. ‘OK, then. Well, my first order of
business is to get back to London before dawn.’
‘I’m staying at the Arms. Maybe they’ll have a second
room?’
Was he joking? Stay anywhere near him and not want to be with
him? While he found her so...ill-equipped?
‘I have a prep session for the personal makeover tomorrow
morning. Measuring and stuff.’ Never mind that she’d never felt less like doing
anything. Despite—apparently—needing all the help she could get. She grasped her
excuses as she found them.
‘I’ll walk you to your car,’ Zander said.
For a guy who had protested so vehemently about her catching
the underground home after a couple of wines, he was sure very willing to let
her drive a deadly weapon half way across the country with still-scattered
wits.
Maybe he wanted her gone as much as she needed to be there?
They walked, in silence, back up the road to her vehicle. The
rapid journey from body-against-body and lips-against-lips to this awful,
careful distance was jarring, but the cold night breeze helped her to blow the
final wisps of desire from her mind like fog from shore.
It was for the better. Almost certainly.
She turned and faced him, a bright smile on her face. ‘See you
Wednesday night, then?’
Salsa class.
She held her breath. If he was going to pull out of his pledge
to go with her, now was the moment it would happen.
He stared down at her, leaned forward as if to kiss her again,
but pulled on the handle of the car door behind her instead. ‘See you
Wednesday.’
Him being chivalrous with the door went exactly no way to
making her feel any better about what an ass he’d just been back on the bank of
the firth. She grunted her thanks, slipped into her front seat, and slammed the
door shut on his parting words.