Margaret burst out laughing. “Too funny. But she’s just as you described.” After Abby handed her mother the tea, her mom fiddled with the tea bag. “Tell me something.”
“Sure.”
“What’s this about you being in love with a man named Brody Singer?”
Vanessa chose that moment to enter the kitchen. She glanced from Abby to Margaret and turned around and left. “Gotta go,” she yelled from the hallway, and not two seconds later, the front door opened and slammed shut.
“Big mouth.” Abby sighed. “It’s complicated.”
“I know. Vanessa told me all about it.” Margaret smiled. “So in addition to her supposedly large ego, she has a big mouth. To match her big feet. I mean, wow. I didn’t know shoes came in that size.”
“For women,” she and her mother said as one. They laughed together. And then Abby tried to explain how she was doing her best to get over Brody. One day at a time.
***
Brody clenched the card in his hand and waited with Mutt outside a local coffee shop. They were both freezing in the snow, although Mutt liked the coat Brody had bought for him. An early Christmas present.
The past week had been fraught with thinking, feeling, and general pain-in-the-ass, unannounced drop-ins from the rest of his family—the McCauleys. Pop had stopped by to measure his living room for the new built-ins he intended to help out with. Mike had shown up in time to argue with his father about who was building what. Cam found time in his busy schedule to bring Chinese food and bitch about Vanessa, who was driving him crazy. That Brody could see the sparks flashing between the pair was a clear warning they were going to clash, and clash hard.
Flynn brought Colin a few times to play with Mutt and complain about Theo, though he also hoped his cousin would join the business, because he had promise. Even Bitsy made an appearance, wanting to bring Brody some home-cooked meals and talk about Seth, whom she’d met and liked instantly. Flynn innocently denied any involvement in the clan showing up, though Brody knew damn well he’d gabbed about poor old Brody.
All in all, he’d had one hell of a busy “alone time.” It had been difficult at first, because despite his breakdown with Flynn, Brody wasn’t used to talking about his feelings. With the guys, they provided that presence, the untalked-about support, which he appreciated. Bitsy, on the other hand, had managed to drag all his insecurities out of him and gently chastised him for ever doubting his place in the family. She’d had a good cry about it too. Fortunately, he’d used up all his tears last week, so he’d been able to comfort her even as she read him the riot act for being so stand-offish. Then she’d forced him to confront his feelings for Alan, Jeremy…and Abby.
Alan he wrote off. He hated the bastard. But Jeremy… He’d told Bitsy what Jeremy had said and tried to figure out how it made him feel. In the end, he’d been able to identify reluctant curiosity, anger, and pity. With her help, he’d decided to crack the door open. No, he’d never be best friends with the guy. But he could offer some forgiveness. Maybe. If Jeremy begged for it on spikes, on his hands and fucking knees.
So he waited to meet the guy outside on the snow-covered sidewalk, still wondering if he’d made a mistake in reaching out.
He recognized Jeremy as soon as he turned the corner. To his bemusement, they really did look alike.
Jeremy lit up with a smile as soon as he spotted Brody. “Hey.”
“Hi.”
Mutt barked once but otherwise sat quietly. He and Brody had made tremendous progress, and ever since Brody had lost his friggin’ mind and poured out years’ worth of grief, the dog had become the most loyal creature.
“So you brought your dog. We going to get the coffee to go?”
“I thought we could walk and talk. It’s only snow.” Hey, if the guy didn’t like the cold, he could—
“That’s fine with me. The snow is light enough. Besides, all the Christmas lights are on—it’s pretty, actually.”
It was surreal, having a conversation with Jeremy that didn’t involve fists, drugs, or guns. Brody kept waiting for the guy to ask for money, but Jeremy paid for his own coffee after Brody bought his. They walked down a mostly empty Queen Ann Avenue and talked about Jeremy’s life since he’d had a crucial awakening.
To Brody’s surprise, it sounded a lot like the turning point Brody himself had gone through, realizing how he kept everyone at arm’s length, how he wasn’t worthy, how he’d never fit in the way he wanted.
They walked in companionable silence for a while, sipping their coffee while Mutt sniffed at everything within reach, enjoying the walk.
There was something to be said for dogs, who took pleasure in the simplest of things.
“So do you still hate me?” Jeremy asked quietly.
Brody drank his coffee, giving the question some thought. “I don’t think so. I still haven’t forgotten what you did. I don’t think I ever will.”
“I don’t expect you to.” To Brody’s bewilderment, his brother seemed to mean it. “I admit, I want your forgiveness, but I came to you and gave you my number because I wanted you to know that back then, the problem was me. Not you. And you shouldn’t have to bear that burden.”
“I don’t. Not anymore.” It was true. He’d been feeling better about life lately. Getting over his past had given him a sense of peace he’d been sorely lacking.
“I’m glad. I hated Dad for a long, long time. Some days I still do. I blame him for making me this way.” Jeremy paused and looked up at the sky, smiling. “But there’s too much good in the world for that. I mean, dwelling on him just takes me down, back where I don’t want to be. You know?”
“Yeah.”
Jeremy looked at him. “I’m focusing on the good. Trust me, I’m not all Pollyanna and shit. But why worry about crap you can’t change? I’m taking control of my life. It’s never too late.”
“Good for you.” Brody looked into Jeremy’s clear eyes. “You sound like you’re in a good place.”
“I am. You?”
“Almost. I’m just about where I need to be. I just have my own atonement to handle. And it’s not going to be easy.”
Jeremy gave him a rusty laugh. “Trust me, I know. Facing you was the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do in my life. I know you don’t owe me jack shit, but I can’t thank you enough for seeing me.” They started walking again, no particular destination in mind. Just enjoying the crisp, snowy afternoon.
Brody had thought long and hard about what he wanted to say to Jeremy. All the hurt, the cycle of abuse, the heartache. “Jeremy?”
His brother stopped. “Yeah?”
“I forgive you. I still think you were a total shit for what you did, but I forgive you. Ever try looking at me the wrong way now, though, and I’ll kick your ass from here to Canada.”
Jeremy’s smile grew wide. “Yeah, I get you. You’re pretty big now anyway. No way I’d ever make a move on you, and not with that monster by your side.”
Mutt stared at the snow, grinning, his tongue hanging out.
After a few more blocks Jeremy said, “Merry Christmas.”
“Yeah. You too.”
They walked again, not speaking, and saying exactly what the other needed to hear.
Brody had intended to get his apology to Abby over and done with so he could focus on making it up to her. But the next day when he knocked on her door, he found Vanessa at home alone.
“Damn. I was looking for Abby.”
The cool blond quirked a brow. “Were you now?”
He blew out a breath. He’d known this was coming. After Cam had told him what a pain in the ass the woman had been about Brody’s many grievances against her friend, he’d realized he’d have to battle her as well as Abby to earn Abby’s forgiveness.
“Look—”
“Save it.” She held up a hand. “Do you love Abby or not?”
“I do.” He didn’t have to think twice.
“Then prove it. That woman thinks the world of you. She’s gone out of her way to tell all of us to give you space. I wanted to chop your nuts off, but she insisted I leave you alone.”
He forced himself not to cringe. “Uh, thanks?”
“Her mom’s in town.”
“How’s that going? Because last time her mom gave her a lot of shit.” He worried. Had Abby been having a hard time, dumped on by him
and
her family?
Vanessa smiled, not her wolf-like, I’m-going-to-suck-the-marrow-from-your-bones grin, but an honest expression of happiness. “Her mom saw the light. She’s now Abby’s biggest fan.”
He relaxed. “Good. She deserves it.”
Vanessa’s joy faded. “Yeah, she does.” She poked him in the chest with a bony finger. “So unless you mean business, go back to being the funny blond doofus and leave her alone.”
“Wait. Doofus?”
She crossed her arms over her chest and glared.
“I can’t leave her alone. I tried. I miss her too much.”
Her tension eased. “Well then. What do you plan to do about it?”
“I think I know how to show her I’m serious, but it’s going to take a few favors and some wide leeway on your part.”
She narrowed her eyes. “What kind of leeway?”
When he explained, she groaned. “Oh my God. What I do for you people in love.”
***
Saturday morning, after Abby dropped her mother off at the airport, she drove home in a much better mood. But as she plowed through the snow and listened to Christmas music, a familiar melancholy settled over her.
“Oh, Brody. I miss you.” Part of her knew she never should have gotten involved with him. Things could only have ended badly. What did she expect? That, like her gorgeous, successful roommate, she’d find love with the perfect man?
No. Stop thinking that way. Reverse.
She forced herself to be positive, even though her heart felt like it had gone three rounds with a kangaroo in boxing gloves and lost. “I had a wonderful affair with a sexy man. He gave me orgasms. Many, many orgasms. We had fun. Don’t regret it, Abby. You deserved that sexy happiness. You are capable of it.” She wondered if she should phone Rick when the holidays ended.
Glumly, she knew she wouldn’t. She didn’t know if she would ever get over Brody. And there was still that slim chance he might change. She couldn’t give up on him just because he’d given up on himself. Then she had to ask herself if she was hanging around only to fight a losing battle.
Abby sang along to Rudolph and Frosty and forced herself to think instead about her new series, excited to put Del—er, her tough mechanic—in tune with her feelings over a stubborn man who refused to open himself to love again. Brody. Or Mike, as she’d started thinking about them. Del and Mike—they made a nice couple. Though her readers would soon be introduced to them as Selena and Chance.
She sang and envisioned her characters having a snow-covered, intimate Christmas together. Abby planned on finishing decorating the house. She, Maddie, and Vanessa had found a tree they liked at a nearby tree farm, and Maddie had coerced Flynn into setting it up for them the other day.
The three of them had appointed Abby head decorator, so as soon as she built her Christmas spirit back up to snuff, she intended to spend her weekend decorating the tree and the house, readying for Christmas in just a few days.
Before she could head home, she realized she had forgotten Vanessa’s lengthy grocery list. With a groan, she turned the next corner and made her way toward Whole Foods, because God forbid she didn’t buy organic.
An hour later and a hundred dollars poorer, with only two bags to show for it, Abby wrestled the groceries into the car and headed home. Before she arrived, her phone rang.
She pressed a button on her car.
Hurray
for
hands-free, especially in this snow.
“Make it quick. I’m driving.”
“Oh good. I caught you in the car. Say, where are you?”
“Hello, Vanessa. Why yes, I did get your expensive vegetables. You owe me.”
“Yeah, yeah. Hey, I’m trying to help Flynn out with Maddie’s gift. It’s a diamond necklace, or is it earrings? Right, earrings. That jeweler down in Green Lake. Can you run and grab it for me?”
“Me? I have groceries in the car.”
“It’s cold enough they’ll keep. You know that place with the blue banner facing the lake? Mortel’s or Mormon’s or something like that?”
“Yeah, I know it.” She’d once gone in to get some information on jewelry sizing and repair research for a book. The guys there had been most helpful.
“Right. Your research.” Vanessa was great at reading minds. “Anyway, go in and pick up the earrings. Or earbobs, as you fancy writers say.”
Abby grinned, despite the hassle. “Fine. I’ll pick them up. He paid, I take it?”
“Yeah. I called them and let them know you’d be picking it up instead of me. Joaquin remembers you. Thanks!”
Before Abby could think to ask why Vanessa couldn’t get the earrings, or Flynn for that matter, Vanessa had disconnected.
Another hour and a half later, after slugging through snow, around an accident, and up the driveway, she returned home, tired. She managed not to drop everything as she made her way awkwardly to the door.
With Maddie going out of town this weekend with Flynn, and Vanessa off to God knew where, she wouldn’t get a better chance at downtime than now. A nap seemed in good order. Maybe after a cup of hot peppermint cocoa—her one extravagance at the market.
She unlocked the front door and froze at what sounded like a…bark? After a moment, when nothing materialized in the entryway, she told herself she’d been hearing things. She closed the door behind her and locked it, then dropped everything to strip down to her jeans, sweater, and fuzzy socks. Lugging the bags and Maddie’s gorgeous diamond earrings—that Abby had been salivating over forever, since she’d first spotted them while doing her research—she walked down the hallway past the open living room, backtracked, and then froze.
She stared in awe at a gorgeously decorated Christmas tree. Gold ribbons and red and gold balls draped the fir, lending it a majestic air. No kid tree festooned with paper ornaments and cutesy crap. A few gifts had been planted around it, dressed in sparkling bows and ribbons. The entire living room and hallway, now that she took a good hard look, had been tastefully decorated in a red, gold, and green rustic Christmas theme. And there. She cocked her head, bemused to hear the growing hum of Christmas music near a…
“Crackling fire?” She gaped at the fire blazing in a hearth she hadn’t realized actually worked.
She wondered if she’d mistakenly interrupted a romantic date between Maddie and Flynn. But she could have sworn the pair had gone out of town. Hurrying to the kitchen, she shoved the cold things in the fridge, put the rest of the groceries away, then took the bright blue foil box of jewelry and set it under the tree.
When she straightened, she turned around…
and
shrieked
.
“Well, not exactly the welcome I was expecting.” Brody stood near the couch with a fresh haircut, a navy blue sweater that did wonderful things for his coloring, and a pair of black jeans.
God, he was swoon-worthy. She cleared her throat and tried to calm her racing heart. “Oh, hey Brody.” Confused, she glanced around. “Are you looking for Flynn?”
He smiled, and the warmth in his expression turned her inside out. “Actually, I was looking for you.”
“Huh?”
He closed the distance between them. “I’ve really been missing you, Abby. I’m so sorry.”
Yeah, she’d heard that before. He placed his hands on her shoulders and leaned down to kiss her. She hated herself for doing it, but she put a hand on his chest to stop him. “Hold on. What the heck are you doing here?”
He sighed and pulled back. “Think we could sit and talk?”
She glanced around, and seeing no one else, figured why not. “Sure.”
They sat, but before she could speak, he rose and held up a finger. “Hold on. Be right back.” He left, headed toward the kitchen, and returned moments later with one of those cocoa makers she’d been wanting. It sat on a tray with two mugs and a small bowl of marshmallows. “Would you like some hot chocolate?”
She blinked. “Er, yeah.”
He poured her a cup and gave her two marshmallows. Just the way she took it. To her astonishment, he’d used her favorite, the peppermint cocoa. Then he poured some for himself.
“This is terrific.” She sipped and sighed, in heaven. Snow outside, a toasty fire, cocoa, and a smokin’ hot man by her side. Too unreal. “I just bought more of this. I was almost out.”
He drank some and licked the excess from his mouth, making her wish she’d thought to kiss the chocolate off first. “You have good taste.”
Easy, girl. Down, libido.
She drank some more to give herself time to concentrate. “So you had something to say?”
“Yeah. Seth’s passing hit me hard. Right on top of dealing with Jeremy, it was too much for me to take.”
“So you ran away,” she had to say and wished she hadn’t.
“You aren’t going to make this easy, are you?” he asked wryly.
She flushed. “I’m sorry.”
“You’re right, though. I don’t seem to do well with drama. I can’t process it without stressing, so I shut down. I always have.”
She remained quiet, letting him talk. She sensed he needed to say it as much as she needed to hear it.
He stared at the mug in his hands. “I had a really hard time growing up. I mean, I loved Bitsy and Pop and the guys, and they’ve never been anything but good to me. But I think maybe I felt like I never really belonged.” He glanced at her. “It took me a long time to trust Bitsy, and an even longer time with Pop. I loved them, but letting them comfort me wasn’t easy. I laughed and joked, was easygoing, to hide… This isn’t easy.”
She put the mug down, placed her hands over his, and squeezed. “I know. You can stop anytime you like. I appreciate you telling me.”
“But you’re still pissed.”
She shrugged, uncomfortable at being honest because he’d bared a part of himself and no doubt felt raw. “You hurt me, Brody. I put it all on the line for you and you rejected me.”
“I know.” He let out a heavy breath. “Wait a minute.” He set his mug down on the coffee table and circled around behind her. His hands settled on her shoulders, and she tensed.
“What are you doing?”
“I thought about strangling you, but people saw me enter the house. And you know, I left prints everywhere.”
“Ha ha.” She moaned when he started rubbing her shoulders, easing her tension. “Oh, that’s nice.”
“Good. You relax and I’ll finish what I came to say.”
“Sure. Go ahead.”
He chuckled, then cleared his throat. “I’m sorry I blamed you for anything. I know Seth was at his end. I just… The guy was a friend. A good one. He acted all tough, but inside he was alone, like me. He never had real family, you know. He made that up so I wouldn’t feel sorry for him.” He snorted. “Old bastard was just like me. I used to pretend a lot too. That I was happy being alone all the time, dating and skating. That I had no problem adjusting to being part of the clan. Sometimes it was overwhelming.”
His fingers eased up her neck and he started massaging her scalp. Besides soothing her, he was arousing her just by being near. When he shifted, she caught a faint whiff of cologne that went straight to her head. God, could she possibly be dreaming this? Brody not only apologizing, but explaining himself to her?
“I didn’t go into too much detail with you before, but my older brother did a real number on me. He hurt me bad growing up. A lot of it was screwing with my head as much as pounding on me. I didn’t want anyone to know. I was ashamed, like it was my fault. I know.” He squeezed her shoulder in warning, and she stopped her automatic denial. “Stupid to think that, but I was a kid at the time. And as I grew older, the shame and fear grew with me. But Flynn knew anyway, he just never said anything. Asshole.”
He rubbed her head again. Small circles that pressed into the base of her skull and relieved pressure she hadn’t been aware she was holding. “Oh my God. I’m totally listening to you, but this massage is just… I’m a limp noodle.”
“Good. You had a lot going on. You had to handle my drama, then your mom’s visit. I heard that went well though, huh?”
She smiled and closed her eyes. “Yeah. She came to apologize and tell me how sorry she was. You two have a lot in common.”
He paused on her shoulders. Then he circled around to her front and sat next to her on the couch again. “You’re right. She and I both love her daughter,” he said softly.
She blinked at him. “What’s that?” No. He hadn’t really just said he loved her, had he?
“Scoot back and put your feet in my lap.”
She stared.
“Offer expires in three-two-one—”
She nearly gelded him.
“
Oomph.
”
“Well, you started the countdown.”
“So I did.” He chuckled, pulled off her socks, and started rubbing her feet with large, warm hands. “I also hear you’re going to be filthy rich since your books are being fought over in a bidding war. Congrats, baby.”
She flushed. “Well, filthy rich is a relative term. For a writer, it’s like moving a step beyond welfare. But I’m happy to say my agent expects good numbers, enough to keep me in rent and food money through next year.”
“Merry Christmas to you.”
“Yeah.” She smiled, extraordinarily happy just to be with him. But… “Did you say you loved me?”