How to Ruin My Teenage Life (14 page)

Does he? And where does Nathan fit into all of this?

Ugh, I'm an emotional mess.

Avi's hand reaches out to mine. As he takes hold of it, the warmth and comfort I've been missing since the summer comes rushing back to me. His other hand touches my shoulder and slowly moves up, caressing my neck and cheek. I lean my cheek into his palm, the warmth of it drawing me in.

“I missed you, too,” he says.

I tentatively lick my lips, scared for this first kiss that will tell both of us where we stand in this relationship. We've got a lot to live up to. Our summer makeout sessions were sensual and emotional and made me feel drugged without any chemicals or alcohol.

He leans forward, watching me. His eyes are fixed on mine. “I shouldn't want you so bad,” he says, then his full lips capture mine.

It starts off like before. He brushes his lips over mine as if he's painting them … memorizing the shape and softness. I'm totally getting into it, but then my mind wanders. I have no clue why. Thoughts of Nathan, and Mutt's fiasco, and my mom's pregnancy, and the dates I keep bungling and …

When Avi's tongue reaches for mine, the events of the day are swirling in my head. And I have this nagging feeling I'm forgetting something really important, but I can't remember what. Especially while Avi's trying to take our kisses to the next level, concentrating is impossible.

I lean back and break the kiss.

Those beautiful brooding eyes are staring back at me. “What's going on? Is it that guy? Just
tell
me,” he says.

Now I remember! With his lips on mine I couldn't think, but now my brain starts to function again. “I have to go to work,” I say and hop off the couch.

18

Jonah tried to dis God by refusing to go to Nineveh as God commanded. The poor guy was thrown into the sea and sat in a fish's belly for three days as punishment (Jonah 2:1). Didn't Jonah know you can't hide from God—He knows everything. My boyfriend, however, doesn't. (Except when my friends open their big mouths.)

Avi insists on accompanying me to work.

When we enter the elevator again, I want to tell him everything that's been on my mind and why I'm confused. But there's no time. My life is spinning out of control and there's no button or switch to stop it. Time sucks that way.

“Avi,” I say. I don't really have anything to tell him, I just want him to stop looking away from me.

“Yeah?” he says, turning to me. I wish I could tell what he's thinking.

“I'll see if I can get some time off work this week so we can do some Chicago sightseeing.”

“I don't need sightseeing, Amy.”

He doesn't have to say he came here for me. The fact that he came all this way to spend a week in Chicago is flattering and overwhelming at the same time.

At the Perk Me Up! counter, I introduce Marla to Avi. Marla smiles wide and drops the cup she's holding so she can shake his hand. Then she giggles, which I've never seen her do before.

When I first met Avi it was a really confusing and awkward time in my life. To be honest, I was rebelling. Avi is the only guy who has ever challenged me. He stayed in the fight long enough to duke it out … mentally, of course. He's as strong on the inside as he is on the outside.

I'm taking care of customers. Avi sits on one of the big cushy chairs and waits. He's leaning back with his arms crossed in front of his chest and I can't believe he's actually here while I'm making skim vanilla lattes instead of spending time with him.

I glance over at him every time I have a free second. And when there's nobody else in the café, I ask Marla if I can make Avi one of my fave hot chocolate drinks.

“You didn't tell me he was visiting,” Marla whispers while I'm mixing the drink.

“Yeah, well I didn't know. My dad did, though,” I inform her as I top off the cocoa with a triple dose of vanilla-flavored whipped cream.

“And he forgot to tell you?”

“I guess they wanted it to be a surprise.” I have yet to tell my dad I hate surprises. Surprises are like having your period in the middle of class. Initially you're shocked and confused, then you're embarrassed and have to deal with everyone staring at you. I'm self-conscious enough as it is; I don't need surprises in my life to make me feel more aware of people gawking at me.

Marla holds out a cup holder for me so I can slip it onto the perfectly made hot cocoa. “I miss my teenage years,” she says with a wistful smile on her face. “Boys, school, friends. Enjoy it before you grow up and have more responsibilities than you ever signed up for.”

I already feel like I have more responsibilities than I signed up for. And I'm only seventeen.

My specialty drink in hand, I walk over to Avi just as the door to Perk Me Up! opens. It's Jessica.

“I heard about what happened at the dog park today. Amy, are you okay?” Her hair is brown and stick-straight and her eyes look darker than usual because she's wearing a black top. It takes her a second to focus on the guy in the chair, but when she does, a little shriek escapes from her mouth. “Avi?” she asks, totally pointing like a little kid.

Avi stands and I clear my throat. “Jessica, this is Avi. Avi, this is my best friend Jessica.”

“Call me Jess,” she says, smiling so wide I think her cheeks are going to crack and her lips stretch out so much she reminds me of that elastic woman from the cartoon movie.

“Why didn't you tell me he was coming?” she says through gritted teeth although Avi can hear every word that's coming out of her mouth. Duh! He's standing right here.

“I didn't know,” I say back. “It was a surprise.”

“Oh.”

Jess knows I hate surprises, thus the understanding “Oh” comment.

“What happened at the dog park today?” Avi asks.

I didn't really want to share the disaster so I just say, “Um … ”

“Mutt humped another dog and impregnated her right in front of everyone,” Jess blurts out. “The owner of the other dog almost called the cops.”

“It was no big deal,” I say, trying to blow it off. Well, at least I'm trying to make it look like I'm blowing it off. It actually is a major deal and my dad is going to kill me when he finds out Princess's womb is ruined because of my dog. And the fact that he might be a grandpa to a basketful of puppies in a few months.

“Amy, are you
kidding
?
Everyone
knows,” Jess says.

Avi leans forward with a confused look on his face. “Why didn't you tell me?”

“I … I don't know.” It's the truth.

I'd like to give Avi the hot chocolate concoction I made him, but the whipped cream is melting and running down the side of the cup onto my hand and it doesn't look as decadent and appetizing as it did before Jess came in the café. And now my hand is all grody and sticky from the melting, now lopsided whipped cream.

“I'm going for a walk,” Avi says, obviously upset I've shut him out. I can't even blame him for being pissed as I watch him open the door and step out into the cold. I wish I could tell him what's going on, but how can I express it to him when I don't even have it all figured out.

So now it's just Jessica and me standing together. “Ooh, can I have that?” she says, eyeing the drink in my hand.

I shove my “Avi peace offering” at her and go back to working behind the counter.

Why can't things go my way? Is this God's way of entertaining me so I don't have a boring life? I swear, for once I'd like to have a calm, uneventful day.

Marla is in the middle of blending the new Tango Mango Crème Blend for a customer. The entire café now smells like mangoes.

“Can I have the rest of the week off?” I ask her. “I'll work double the hours next week.”

“It's okay with me.”

Jessica has parked herself at a computer terminal when I start wiping down the tables. “Can you please
not
tell Avi about my life?” I ask her.

“Why not?”

“Because if I want him to know something, I'll tell him. He doesn't need to hear it secondhand from my friends.”

Jess cocks her head to the side and says, “What are you trying to hide from him, Amy?”

“Nothing.”

Okay, that's not the honest truth. I'd like to hide the bad parts of me, and only share the awesome parts. You can't blame me. He's only here for a week. If he knows I screw up all the time there's no way he'll want to be my … non-boyfriend.

I'm seriously sick of referring to him as the “non.”

Something in my life seriously needs to change.

19

Even though the Israeli army is strong, I worry about Israel. I pray for the safety of my family living in Israel and my boyfriend who is in the military there. Is there anything I can do to make this a more peaceful world?

I'm almost done with my shift at Perk Me Up! when, you guessed it, Nathan comes sauntering in. He walks up to the counter and says, “Medium green tea with ice, no sweetener.”

He doesn't even look at me. He's focused on the sugar packets next to the register. And he's obviously not interested in sugar packets because he doesn't like his drinks sweetened.

Marla is standing next to me, humming a little tune as she's purposely trying not to pay attention to the interaction between me and Nathan.

When I hand Nathan his drink, he says, “Where's Abi?”

“His name is Avi, and you know it.”

Nathan takes a sip of his cold tea while looking at me above the rim of the cup. When he stops drinking he says, “Whatever … ” mimicking our previous conversation. “Did he ditch you already?”

It wouldn't hurt so bad if it wasn't so close to the truth. “No. Can't you see I'm working?”

“I'm a customer. I think you're supposed to be nice to customers.”

I turn to Marla, who is not pretending to ignore our conversation anymore. “Go on,” she says. “Don't mind me. This is extremely entertaining. I think I might even start charging admission … or start a Perk Me Up! open mic night.”

Taking a deep breath, I shake my head and turn back to Nathan. He's still standing at the counter. The guy won't leave.

He leans forward and whispers, “You don't like me because I'm a geek … dork … lame … weak sauce … whatever you want to label me.”

“That's not true,” I say.

“Oh, yeah? Then why are you so hung up on this Avi dude? Tell me his brain is as big as his biceps.”

“Not that it's any of your business, but as a matter of fact he's really smart. You don't always have to judge people by their grades. Being fun and outgoing and street-smart is important, too.”

“If you're so hung up on the guy, why did you kiss me in the elevator? Oh, that's right. You did it as a joke.”

“Did not.”

“Yeah, right. Plastic girls like you like to play with people's lives. You never think about the consequences of your actions or who you'll hurt.”

My mouth goes wide. Is Nathan kidding? I wouldn't kiss him as a joke, or even a dare. I kissed him because I wanted the upper hand. If he started liking me because of our kiss, I could control our relationship. I could make him hate me or like me. I admit it was manipulative.

Nathan's glasses slip on his nose and he pushes them back up. “I bet if I acted cool and dressed cool you'd dump that Avi guy and want to date me.”

“Wanna bet?”

The door to the café opens. It's Avi. And he doesn't look happy that I'm talking to Nathan. Nathan must sense my hesitation because he takes his iced tea without sweetener and stomps off to his usual chair to study.

Marla taps me on the shoulder. “You can go, Amy. Your shift is up.”

Thank the Lord.

I peel off the yellow apron. I lift myself on my tiptoes and give Avi a huge smooch while wrapping my arms around him. That'll show him how much I missed him, Nathan how much Avi means to me, and everyone else (including Jessica) how important Avi is in my life.

Taking my cue, Avi wraps his arms around me. “Let's get out of here,” he whispers against my mouth, then takes my hand and we leave the café together as a couple.

I think the ice has broken between us as we step out into the cold night air. My cell phone rings. It's my dad. “Hey,
Aba
,” I say into my phone.

“Did you get a big surprise today?”

“Yep. He's standing right beside me.” I'll talk to my dad later about the new “no surprise rule” I'm about to set up.

“Let's all meet for dinner. How about Rosebud?”

Rosebud is an unbelievable Italian place on Rush Street right near our building. On a Saturday night it's one of the most crowded restaurants in the city. “Sure.”

“I'll be there in a half hour.”

“Cool. See you there.”

I hang up and hadn't even realized I was leading Avi away from our building and Rosebud. I notice we're not holding hands anymore. We're headed toward the beach even though Lake Michigan is freezing and the wind is blowing hard enough to make my face freeze up, making it hard to talk.

“I thought if I told you I was coming you'd tell me not to,” Avi says. We're still walking, both of us looking straight ahead at the lake peeking through the city streets.

I want to grab his hand and hold it as we walk, but he's got both of his fists stuffed inside the front pockets of his jeans. “I thought you forgot about me,” I say.

He gives a short laugh. “I didn't have time, Amy. I was in basic training, remember?”

I'm totally aware that other girls walking past us on the Chicago city streets are checking him out. Will it always be like that? Does he exude that charisma and confidence on purpose? “What if you did have time, Avi?” I ask him. “Would you find someone else, some pretty Israeli girl to replace me?”

“Why? So you wouldn't feel guilty starting a relationship with that guy Nathan?”

“I kissed you in front of him, Avi. Like I'd do that if I liked him.”

“You did it to make him jealous,” he says matter-of-factly.

“Did not. Besides, you don't even want a real relationship. You made that clear last summer. No commitments, no boyfriend/girlfriend stuff. You know what I tell my friends … that you're my
non
-boyfriend. Do you know how that makes me feel? Well, I'll tell you, Mr. Israeli Tough Guy. It makes me feel terrible, like I'm not worth the time or effort or emotion to put into a real relationship.”

I swallow, but it's not easy because my throat is starting to close up from emotion. Most of the time I try to keep my emotions deep inside, far from the surface. So this sucks, doubly so because it's Avi, the one person I don't want to get too emotional with because I know it'll just push him away.

He tries to pull me toward him, but I swat his hand away. I don't want his sympathy. I want his love.

What feels the worst is that I don't even think he's capable of giving it. God knows he'd never say it.

“I don't know what you want,” he says, totally frustrated now. “Amy, I'm sorry. I thought we had this all worked out.”

“Yeah, well, we don't. Why did you come here? Just to screw around with my life?”

“No,” he says, pulling me into his chest and this time doesn't let me resist. Holding me tight, he whispers into my hair, “I finished combat basic training and am assigned to a specialized fighting unit. The IDF is taking a different approach to terrorism; they're going to teach us how to think, act, and be the enemy.” He takes a deep breath and says, “I don't know if I'll get authorization to contact you in the summer when you visit.”