How to Ruin My Teenage Life (20 page)

26

I love the Lord
for He hears my voice, my pleas;
for He turns His ear to me
whenever I call (Psalms 116:1).
Sometimes my brilliant ideas get me in trouble
and I need a little help from above.

“Knit caps?”

Miranda holds out our newly purchased hats for our kidnapping operation. “Check.”

“Black clothes?”

Miranda does a scan of me, Nathan, Jess, and herself. “Check.”

“Flashlights?”

We all click them on to make sure they're working. “Check.”

“Walkie-talkies?”

Jess holds up four Motorola ones her parents use when they go to Disneyland every year so nobody gets separated for too long.

“Handcuffs?”

I hold up the plastic ones I bought at Walgreens.

“Lipstick and scrunchies?”

“Now here's where I draw the line,” Nathan says, flicking the light from his flashlight in my face.

“Nathan, obviously I didn't mean you. Miranda, you've got the keys?”

Miranda jingles her keys in front of her. “Got your dad's keys, your dad's car, and the address. You ready for this, Amy?”

Considering my heart is beating a million times a second and I haven't eaten for two days because I've been nervously looking forward to today, I'm ready.

We pile into my dad's Lexus and drive north toward Evanston. Miranda is driving. I'm in the front passenger seat. Jess and Nathan are in back. When we're close, I order everyone to put on their knitted caps from their back pockets.

“Do I have to?” Jess asks. “My hair will get all flat.”

I roll my eyes. “Do you think commandos worry about their hair being flat?”

“Amy, we're not real commandos. And Avi will know it's you. This isn't a real military operation. It's a girl who wants her guy back.”

It's a real operation to me.

At Allison Hall, we park out front.

“Now what?” Miranda asks.

I scan the area, analyzing the best place to plant ourselves.

“How do you know he's even here?” Jess asks. “He could be out for the night, staying in for the rest of the night … ”

“Jess, you're not helping,” Nathan chimes in.

Jess shuts up.

“Okay, here's the deal,” I say. “Jess, you go inside and ask around. Pretend you're a student and ask if people know where Tarik is.”

She puts her hand on the handle to the car door, but pauses before she opens it. “What's his last name?”

“I don't know. But I'm sure there's not an abundance of Tariks in the dorm.”

While I watch her saunter to the front doors of the dorm. Manicure be damned, I peel off the remaining nail polish from my fingernails, then start to chew on each nail.

“Stop that,” Nathan orders. “Nail biting creeps me out. Listen, if he likes you he likes you and if he doesn't … well, that's his loss. Either way, whether you bite your nails or not isn't going to change the outcome.”

“You're heartless,” I tell him.

“I'm a realist,” he argues.

I disagree. As a person who thinks when life gets shitty you can plow right through the shittiness and change the course of your life, I'm going to do what I can to change it. I do think I can change my destiny.

Every guy who enters the dorm I think is Avi. Every girl who enters the dorm I think is there to see him. Oh, man, I know what Avi means about how dangerous your mind can be.

“Is that him?” Miranda says excitedly for the millionth time.

“No.”

Ten minutes go by and my great kidnapping idea maybe isn't so great, after all. When Jessica finally comes back to the car I'm ready to ditch the plan and trek back home.

“Tarik left about a half hour ago with a guy I'm assuming is Avi.”

I grill her with questions. “How do you know? Did you ask a guy or a girl? Do they know where they were going? Do you know when they'll be back? Who else was with them?”

“Amy,” Jess says. “Why don't you go in there and ask the guy yourself. I got the info you wanted. He's not at the dorm. Do you want to stay and kidnap him when he comes back, or do you want to abort the mission?”

I consider both options. Leaving here means I'm giving up on him … on us. Leaving here means that my insecurities and self-doubt have overpowered and won over my desire to change the course of my life for the better.

“We're staying on course,” I tell them.

“Can we abort the stupid knit hats, at least?” Jess asks.

“No.”

I hand everyone their walkie-talkies and we sync our channels. “You all know what he looks like, right?”

Miranda bites her bottom lip. “I've only seen him once in real life and once in a picture. It's dark out, but I'll do my best.”

“Good enough,” I say. “Nathan, you wait by that tree on that side of the dorm and Jess … you wait over there by that statue. When you see Avi, Tarik, or both of them, announce it on the walkie-talkies and we'll surround them. Got it?”

Nathan shoves the black knit cap on his head and heads for the tree with the walkie-talkie in hand.

Jess puts her cap on, but leans over the front seat and turns the rearview mirror toward her so she can see what she looks like. After loosening some curly wisps of tendrils from beneath the cap she says, “I'm doing this because we're best friends, you know.”

“I know. And I love you for it.”

“Uh huh. You owe me big for this, Amy,” she says, and jumps out of the car, marching toward her lookout spot.

“Where are you going to stalk him … I mean, stake him out?” Miranda asks.

I stick the handcuffs in my back pocket and shove my hair under the cap. Then I stumble out of the car, toss my cell phone at Miranda, and say, “I'll be across the street. I've got to have all sides of the building covered.”

With a walkie-talkie in hand, the cuffs hidden in my back pocket, and my hair hidden from sight, I seriously feel like I'm undercover.

I sit on a bench at a bus stop across the street from the dorm. And wait. And wait some more. I think we've been on the stakeout for over fifteen minutes.

“Ten-four, do you read?” Jessica's voice calls over the walkie-talkie.

I press the talk button. “Do you see him?”

“No. I just wanted to know what our operation's name is. Every operation has a code name.”

“Yeah,” Miranda chimes in. “How about Operation Wildcat. You know, for the Northwestern Wildcats.”

“How about Operation Kidnap Avi,” Jessica chimes in.

“How about Operation Stupidity,
ten-four
,” our fourth accomplice chimes in.

“Nathan, shut up,” Jessica says.

“I was just wondering … ” Nathan says. I'm trying to keep the walkie-talkie on a low sound level so no one else can hear us. I didn't know my recruits were going to be so chatty. “What do you want me to do if I see him?”

Well-thought-out plans are not my strong point. I say, “Stall him.”

“How?”

“I don't know … do whatever it takes to stop him,” I whisper into my walkie-talkie. “Just make sure he stays still long enough for me to handcuff him and lead him in the getaway car.”

“This is Northwestern campus security,” an unfamiliar and very authoritative voice comes through the walkie-talkie speaker in my hand. “Identify yourself and your location immediately.”

“Don't give out any information,” Nathan says. “They'll never find us.”

Spoken like a true bad boy.

“I'm scared, Amy,” Miranda's voice comes through the walkie-talkie.

I bang my head against the lightpost I'm leaning on. “You just said my name.”

“I'm sorry. I didn't mean to. I'm turning this thing off right now.”

“This is chief of security on Northwestern campus,” the walkie-talkie bellows. “Amy, you're on a campus radio frequency and we have your entire confession recorded. If anyone is assaulted on my campus, we've got evidence against you.”

His threat gets met with silence until Nathan chimes in with, “I'm hungry.”

“I'm cold,” Jess says.

I think I need new recruits.

Just as I'm about to send everyone home, I see two guys out of the corner of my eye who look just like Avi and Tarik. In fact, I'm sure it's them. I quickly press the talk button. “I see them! Nathan, they're headed to Allison Hall, almost reaching you right now.”

I hear a “Stop right now!” and the walkie-talkie goes dead. I run across the street, aware Jessica is behind me trying to catch up.

The area is dark and is surrounded by trees, but I can make out the scene without light. Nathan is moaning on the ground, Avi is in deep commando mode with his hands in fists, and Tarik is standing behind them.

I run and kneel on the ground beside Nathan. “Are you okay? Oh my God, you're bleeding,” I screech when the side of his face catches the light.

“He punched me and did that Israeli self-defense stuff on me,” Nathan says while staying in the fetal position.

Avi holds his hands up as if he did nothing wrong. “Are you kidding me? You tried to tackle me.” He takes a look at me and Nathan, then at Jessica. “Wait, why are you all dressed like burglars?”

“We're kidnappers, not burglars,” Jessica corrects him.

“Who're you going to kidnap?”

I stand up and whip out the handcuffs. “You.”

Avi looks down at the cuffs dangling from my fingers. “They're plastic.”

And cost me a dollar ninety-nine. “Yep. Now turn around and put your hands behind your back so I can complete this mission.”

Avi turns to Tarik. “I guess we're not hanging out tonight.”

Tarik is smiling wide. “This is better than reality television, man. I'd do what the girl wants.”

Following my instructions, Avi places his hands behind his back and I secure the handcuffs to his wrists.

Just as I'm ready to escort him to the car, flashing lights and campus security cars screech beside the sidewalk. Security personnel come running at us from all directions. There's no escape.

“Which one of you is Amy?” a big guy who I swear could double as a WWE wrestler asks.

“Listen,” Avi says to the guy, stepping between me and the security guard. “I'm responsible for this whole thing.”

“Are you Amy?”

I think Avi is sizing up the guy, seeing if he could take him and his attitude on while handcuffed. My Israeli knight in shining armor.

“I'm Amy,” I tell the guy while slowly raising my hand and peeking my head around Avi.

“Amy, I can handle this,” Avi says.

“I can, too,” I tell him. “Besides, you're handcuffed. I woudn't be arguing while handcuffed.”

Avi gives a short laugh. “Do you ever think there's consequences to your actions?”

“Not usually.”

The security guy clears his throat, getting our attention. “Are you done with your private conversation?” Shaking his head, he points at Nathan on the ground, looking like a wounded puppy. “Are you hurt?”

“Yes. And my ego is, too,” Nathan responds.

The big guy surveys the situation. “We have a hazing policy on campus,” he says. “I warn you; for breaking the policy you not only get stripped of your Greek affiliation, you get kicked out of the university.”

“Lucky we're not students here, then,” Nathan says groggily.

“Is there a reason this guy is in handcuffs?” the big guy asks, eyeing Avi and getting more annoyed by the second.

Letting out a breath I say, “Okay, here's the truth.” I point to Avi. “This is my boyfriend … well, sort of. And he came to visit me but when he found out I kissed him … ” I point to Nathan, “he left and stayed with him … ” I point to Tarik. “My best friend is here for stakeout purposes and moral support,” I say as I point to Jessica (who has taken off her hat), “and I have another friend in the getaway car over there,” I say, pointing to the car.