How to survive a crash
Oh my God! You didn’t! You forgot! Try not to panic. Most files can be recovered; in crashes and moments of catastrophe the work should be saved somewhere on the hard drive. Computers have a built-in auto save, so even if you don’t save, they should do it for you every so often. The only problem is you will only find out after a crash how efficient and effective the software and its auto save is. Hmm, pull the plug and pray.
Due to fabulous technical advances crashes and bombs should happen less and less. But just as you are most likely to snag your tights or find your car breaks down when you are late, of course they still happen.
Generally speaking:
Bombs
are due to software failure, malfunction or error.
Crashes
are more likely to be a fault in the hardware.
Both are a drag, not a drama.
If you don’t have access to an IT department, or a computer whiz, the safest thing to do is to turn the machine off.
With a desktop you do this by turning off the power supply, so try pressing the On button off, but don’t worry if this isn’t having much effect – in addition you can turn off the power at the mains. Ha!
If you have a laptop you need to unplug it. You may also need to take the battery out of the computer. Even if you do this for only a few seconds, you will cut the power supply and stop the freeze flow before returning the battery and its energy source again.
Count to thirty – ten is not enough for the technical beast – and turn it on again.
As you won’t have been able to shut the computer down in the correct way, closing all the files and so forth, the computer will have a bit of a moan at you, and then will run its own recovery/check-up and correct any faults. It’s like it’s giving itself a quick MOT and tweaking any of the damaged parts so it is all ship-shape again. If only all inanimate objects could do this. Once it has gone through the tests, it is back to where you were, almost.
Save everything
This may seem obvious, but leave nothing to chance. Why lose a masterpiece?
The way to quick save is to press the Control button and the S key whilst mid flow, but it’s far safer, and more effective, to save it properly.
To do this use the mouse to click and open File (top left-hand of your tool bar), scroll mouse down to Save As, then you can name the file, check it is in the right location, and then confirm the ‘save’. It’s a bit like checking your credit card tab before you sign.
Safe mode
Sometimes Windows does its start-up in ‘safe mode’. What this means is that if your machine has crashed it should have preserved what you were working on and you will be able, once the machine has been rebooted, to carry on. You may have limited access in safe mode because while it’s repairing itself, access to external components such as printer, CD and other modems is restricted. In safe mode it doesn’t allow any ‘foreign’ invasion, such as a computer virus, until it feels the core is stable again.
How to find and delete viruses
Unlike the human variety, these are taken VERY seriously. They are more than a case of computer sniffles. A virus can disable a computer, wipe its memory and then infect all of your address book and spread the nightmare to them – and how mortifying would that be? There are preventative measures that you can take.
You must install an anti-virus program IMMEDIATELY. A computer without one is like a house with no front door. You are asking for uninvited visitors. If you don’t Scotch-guard suede, a puddle is the inevitable next step. An anti-virus application is like installing a mini army of micro-troops to patrol your cyber post box.
The most effective anti-virus programme on the market is by Norton. Norton sends you weekly updates of new viruses, so your anti-virus program can recognise them, a bit like the penicillin method. It is easy to install and will zap any trouble on sight.
Most common viruses are sent via email. Hotmail and most of the email servers offer virus protection, but sometimes the rascals are just too clever for these.
Viruses in your hard drive or software are rare nowadays; if you get infected it usually comes from an outside source.
Viruses are less common in Macs, but you still have to be très careful.
Email inboxes are the most vulnerable point as emails are received from all kinds of servers and addresses, so it is here you need to be most on your guard.
If you get an email from an address you don’t know ring Alarm Bell One. If there is an attachment on such an email above Alarm Bell Two should be ringing. Delete it. NOW. Opening the attachment could unleash the virus. Look at it this way; if it is clean and important they can call you or send again.
Even so, you will find your inbox increasingly clogged up with Spam (cyber term for junk emails). Best policy is: if in doubt, delete. And don’t forget to empty your trashcan/recycle bin frequently. Be as hygienic as you are in the home.
How to understand the world wide web
‘When I took office, only high-energy physicists had heard of what is called the worldwide web. Now even my cat has its own page’
Bill Clinton
The story goes that a group of academics wanted to discuss ideas and theories and so they started to compile a database. As it spread they asked more people for their ideas and the database grew and grew. Essentially the world wide web is a result of the world’s largest chain letter.
Not only did it slash encyclopaedia sales, and end the tyrannical reign of librarians, it made access to all subjects available to anyone with internet access. Search engines such as
www.google.com
and
www.ask.co.uk
are a good starting point for any questions, and
www.build-your-own-computer-tips.com
is good for techno worries.
You can also use the internet for video-conferencing, downloading music, and researching images, but try not to get too ahead of yourself too soon. Remember: Rome wasn’t built in a day.
Who invented the web?
‘My dear Christian! You’ve made the world look new!’ gushed
Bazaar
editor-in-chief Carmel Snow after Dior’s 1947 New Look presentation. Things are a little less fluffy in techno.
You can’t credit the invention of the web to one person. Key to its success are names such as Vint Cerf and Bob Khan who defined Internet Protocol (IP). The advent of the Domain Name Service is also worth noting and this was standardised by Paul Mockapetris.
The world wide web (or W3) itself was invented by Tim Berners Lee, an Englishman based in America. Apparently other names he was considering were Mine of Information (MOI) or The Information Mine (TIM) but thought both were too egocentric.
How to download from the net
Er, what?
This is the process of translating a file from one computer or server to your computer.
As with most things, practice makes perfect. The first few times you rode your bike you probably fell off; at least with the net all you should lose is time and researched information. No physical damage.
There are lots of ways to download from the web and, a bit like a child in a candy store, once you get the taste for it you will be back for more, eager to try different sites. If a site has a file to download it will normally be indicated by the underlined word ‘download’, often written in blue. Click on this (you should see a pointy hand leading you to do this anyway) and the computer will either download and save the file, or download and run the file itself.
Cut and Paste is the old faithful chewy-toffee way to send information you have downloaded. PDF is another way (Portable Document Format). A flashy designer fizzer. And Adobe is a flying saucer, i.e. great for images and colour. MP3 is the liquorice allsorts for music downloading.
Downloading can include manuals and instructions as well as images, graphs and statistics, games and ‘wallpapers’ (screensavers and jazzy backdrops). You can, if you are clever, download music, video clips and art. But be careful as they usually make you download a whole host of adverts to confuse you and you’ll be online for hours.
Sometimes, to access video clips or music, you are prompted to download an application that will make this possible. Follow the instructions and it should be straightforward. If you have Windows most things should download with ease, and play in format, but other times you will need applications such as Quick Time or Real Player. If it gets too laborious ask yourself if you really need to have the new Miss Piggy dance routine, or whatever it is, downloaded.
How to create ‘bookmarks’
Once you have found a good website you will want to come back to it again and again. Rather than having to type in the full address and faff about finding it you can create ‘bookmarks’ on the web, to which you add your favourite. You do this by selecting your chosen website and adding it to the Favourites option, which is found in the toolbar along the top of the screen. You click on Favourites and the option Add to Favourites will appear. Book-marking means that each time you log onto the internet, it will throw up a few old faithfuls rather than making you trawl through the entire world web. If only it was that easy getting dressed.
If you are a creature of habit, or like regular updates, get a site or newsletter mailed to you. This is like a subscription, but because it’s the internet it’s likely to be free. Find the website you wish to get regular updates from, be it shopping, house hunting or the latest news headlines. Usually they offer a mailing service if you simply follow instructions and insert your own details.
How to have fun on the web
The web isn’t all technical technical – there is shopping and fashion too!
Best sites include:
www.amazon.com
: for books
www.brownsfashion.com
: for when the weather is too bad physically to go there
www.ebay.com
: for an online vintage bidding fest (see below)
www.fashionwiredaily.com
: for a daily dose of fashion news
www.google.com
: for any burning unanswered question
www.netaporter.com
: for the latest fashions and exclusive online must haves
www.style.com
or
www.vogue.com
: for the best reviews and runway shots
Then there are all the design houses, for example
www.dior.com
and magazines online. Hours of fun and no need to dress up. For further technical or DIY tips try
www.howstuffworks.com
. And for the ultimate in luxury and whimsical indulgence why not join the chic online concierge service to the stars
www.quintessentially.com
.
How to eBay
The worldwide flea-market where you can scour the globe and every stall and not leave your home. eBay is the fastest-growing way to buy and sell what you thought no one but you would ever want, which is especially helpful after Christmas. As well as uncovering treasure there is a lot of rubbish to trawl through, but eBay is seriously addictive.
Before you can even browse you have to register your name, email as well as mailing address. If you are using a hotmail or a ‘free’ email address you will have to give your credit card details at this time too. This is not to say that they do not welcome window shoppers, they just don’t humour time wasters. Do not lie about any of your information, what is the point? If you order anything it won’t ever reach you. If you are just getting started it is far better to log onto
www.ebay.com
and get a glimpse at the world up for auction rather than limiting your search to the UK (at
www.ebay.co.uk
). If you are searching for shoes you will find it has thousands for you to view so try to refine what you are looking for from high heels and designer shoes, to Manolo Blahniks, and see what it comes back with.
If you see a pair you like, they look good in the photo and they are the right size click on User Feedback. This is where you can look at the seller’s history as all eBayers get rated. If they have lots of positive comments and happy customers, great – place a bid. If, however, they have never delivered, lied about what they are sending or been a general headache, move on to another product; you don’t need the hassle.
eBay is the leading online auction site as it is regulated and all users are monitored, so you cannot rig auctions or bump up prices.
The thing about eBay that is slightly frustrating is that when you see something you have to bid, and risk either not getting it, or getting so competitive you bid over the odds. But don’t worry, you do not have to stay glued to the machine to monitor any rival bids – you can opt to vote by proxy which means you log in the maximum you will pay and the clever old computer will up your bid to try to help you be the winner. And likewise, if you are the seller, there are ways to protect you. You register, photograph and add a description of your product and you can place a reserve price, so you will not sell if you get less than the minimum you think it is worth.
Like gambling and other bets there are, of course, more complex options and competitive bids, such as Dutch auctions, where you can bid on multiple quantities. But start off with one pair of shoes, calculate delivery and postage, see if the product arrives, it fits and you are happy before going crazy.
How to use email
You use a telephone network, internet or broadband, and your computer to send written messages to different systems. Providing you have the correct email protocol (in English: email service) you can send email instantaneously anywhere in the world, for the cost of a normal boy-length telephone call (and you know how brief and cheap those are). Internet cafés have become a sight as common as Starbucks. They have sprung up all over the world, allowing gap-year travellers and roaming wanderers to keep in touch with those of us stuck at home, and tell us what a fabulous time they are having.