How to Wed a Baron (2 page)

“Disdainful as I am of repetition, I am not in need of a wife, sir.”

“You'll pardon me my rudeness, Wilde, but I cannot find it within me to be concerned in the slightest with what you believe
you
might need.
I
need—no, strike that.
England
needs a suitable, well-born husband for the woman, for reasons of trade and all of that nonsense. You are to consider this marriage a foregone conclusion. Any and all information you might need will be provided to you as you leave. And one more thing—marry her and we're finished. You will no longer be obligated to me in any way. And, yes, before you are so bad-mannered as to ask, you will also find a signed letter from me stating that fact, along with all those pesky details such as the time of her arrival at Portsmouth, which I believe to be fairly imminent. Now, see if you can find your way out without saying something that makes me rethink my generosity. And send in somebody to clean up this mess.”

Justin bowed, his jaw tight, and backed up three paces before turning to exit the overheated chamber. He might banter with the prince, he might even insult him, but there existed no way he could disobey him, not at the end of day, when such things mattered. And they both knew it.

He had his hand resting on the latch before the prince spoke again. Justin didn't know what the man would say, but he had known he would say
something. There was, with the Prince Regent, always something else.

“By the way, Wilde.”

“Yes, sir?” he asked, not bothering to turn around. Christ, the man was so woefully predictable.

“I may have forgotten to mention one other thing. Slipped my mind, I suppose. But, then, why else would I overlook your proven shortcomings as a husband for the lady in favor of your rather unique talents? You see, it would seem that someone wants your affianced bride dead. If any misfortune were to come to her, King Francis and I—indeed, England—would be quite displeased. You amuse me, Wilde, God only knows why. But my amusement has its limits.
Now
you may go.”

 

T
HE HUSTLE AND BUSTLE
of the Portsmouth seaport and the array of tall masts Justin could see from his bedchamber window had not altered considerably in the time it had taken him to bathe and dress; which, for a gentleman of the first stare like the Baron Wilde, was, coincidentally, considerable.

He'd arrived in the town late the previous evening, having delayed departing London until he could be assured word had gotten back to the Prince Regent that it appeared Baron Wilde was flouting His Royal Majesty's orders.

After all, why should Prinny be allowed a peace
ful slumber if he, the victim in this sad farce, was to be denied his?

“Petty,” Justin muttered beneath his breath. “You are a petty, petty man. With a sore backside from being in the saddle for two full days.”

“My lord? You wish something?”

“No, Wigglesworth, thank you. I was only chastising myself for being seven kinds of fool.”

“Somebody should,” the valet answered, nodding his periwig-topped head. “It will take me days to brush all the road dirt from your buckskins, if they are to have so much as a prayer of ever being again presentable, which, sadly, I very much doubt. I'll continue in my duties, then, my lord, if you don't need me.”

“I would no doubt perish without you, Wigglesworth,” Justin assured the man. “Carry on.”

Justin was only half teasing, and both men knew it. Not that Justin needed his valet to survive. Not literally, and not since Bonaparte had been caged a second time and the world was again free to muck itself up without him. But it was Wigglesworth who still kept the facade of Lord Justin Wilde intact, and for a man like Justin, who'd felt himself in need of concealment and for so many years and so many reasons, the foppish, overdressed, fussy little fellow remained the perfect foil.

Plus, Wigglesworth understood the complete
necessity of never overstarching one's shirts. One should never undervalue such talent.

“Still no sign of an Austrian or Czech flag in the harbor, Wigglesworth. I shudder to think we might be forced to endure another day in this dreary hovel before the lady arrives. The prince's man assured me he'd had word her journey was proceeding according to plan as of two days ago.”

“A man of your sensibilities, my lord, could not but be rendered maudlin by such a thought. If the lady's ship does not appear by three, I shall make it a point to prepare your supper myself. You must not be made to endure both this inadequate chamber and a less than excellent repast.”

“Be sure to take our good friend and personal protector Brutus with you again if that unhappy event should become mandatory,” Justin warned, as Wigglesworth remained the only man in all of Creation to believe it was his consequence, and not the hulking Brutus's mountainous physique (and fearsome expression) that opened the doors to sanctuaries like inn kitchens. Bless Brutus, he was an army unto himself, and invaluable to Justin.

“Yes, my lord.” Wigglesworth brushed some imaginary lint from the foaming lace jabot at his throat. He was a man who believed in his heart of hearts that Mr. Brummell should have been horse-whipped for convincing the gentlemen to give up their silks and satins and laces in favor of looking
as if they were all a flock of penguins heading off to some perpetual funeral.

He fluttered about the inn bedchamber now like a small exotic bird himself, uncertain where to land.

Poor Wigglesworth. The man had a mind alive with bees….

Wringing his delicate hands, the valet finally flitted to the dressing table, counting for only the fourth time the number of brushes, combs and other silver-backed necessities of the well-groomed English gentleman to be sure none had slipped into the swift and crafty hands of the inn servants who had visited the chamber to light the fire or deliver his lordship's breakfast, the fine repast Wigglesworth himself had overseen being created in the kitchens.

“Will you be climbing down from your usual worrywart alts anytime soon, Wigglesworth?” Justin at last inquired lazily from the chair beside the window before the man could suffer some injury to himself for lack of anything to do. “Or will I be forced to find a bootjack in this decrepit establishment in order to remove my boots? You did notice this spot on the left toe, did you not?”

Wigglesworth threw up his hands in horror and joy at the same time. How he needed to be needed. “
Merde!
A spot? A
smudge?
Say it is not so!”

Justin rubbed lightly beneath his nose, as it wouldn't do to allow his valet to see him so amused at his expense. “Wigglesworth? Do you have any
idea what you're saying, have been saying ever since you broke bread in the common room last night with the chevalier's valet?”

“Your pardon, my lord?” Wigglesworth asked as he ripped through the contents of one of the many pieces of luggage the baron required for an overnight stay on the road, at last coming out with a fresh white cloth and a tin of boot black. “And what is it I would have been saying?”

“
Merde,
Wigglesworth. You have been almost constantly parroting the word
merde
all the morning long.”

Wigglesworth dropped a small rug fashioned just for the purpose in front of his lordship's chair before carefully placing his mauve satin-clad knee to it and motioning for his lordship to, if he pleased, lift the leg currently bearing the offending footwear.

“Yes, I have, haven't I? Frenchmen are by nature a filthy people, but their language is quite melodious, don't you think? So much better to say
merde
than
mercy,
which sounds so…plebian.”

Justin allowed his good angel and his naughty angel a few moments of debate before deciding he should be a better man. “
Merde
is not French for
mercy,
Wigglesworth. It is, in point of fact—and forgive my blushes—the word employed most often by the French in referring to…excrement.”

Wigglesworth, who prided himself on having risen from the depths of being put out as a chimney
sweep in Piccadilly forty years previously to the heights of caring for arguably the most exquisite gentleman in this or any realm, looked up at the baron with tears in his eyes. “I am devastated, my lord. Ashamed. Aghast. Humiliated.”

“Yes, I should think you would be. Shall I give you the sack?” Justin asked him as Wigglesworth applied boot black and began rubbing an invisible mar with everything that was in his pitifully thin body.

“If it would be your wish, my lord.”

Damn. It was difficult to joke with Wigglesworth. The man was much too committed, too serious. “No, I shan't dismiss you. After all, if you left you'd probably take Brutus with you. I would miss his conversation.”

“Brutus doesn't speak, my lord,” the literal-minded Wigglesworth pointed out as he gave one last swipe at the boot and stood up once more.

“Precisely. Which puts him head and shoulders above most people. He can be counted on to never say anything boring. Ah, much better, thank you. I shall now not be ashamed to show myself in public.” He looked toward the window once more, and frowned to see a new flag blowing in the breeze. “Wigglesworth, it would seem the lady's ship has just dropped anchor. Promise me you will not flee screaming from the docks if she should not be all you believe necessary in my wife.”

“I will do my utmost to contain myself,” the valet promised. “It remains to be known what
you
will do, my lord.”

Justin accepted his hat from the valet and headed for the door. “Prinny took refuge in cherry brandy, as I've heard it told, when he first espied his affianced bride. I think I'd rather face my potential demon fully sober. Although, if our worst fears are confirmed, I suppose a blindfold as I enter the bedchamber for the first time wouldn't come amiss.”

“We shall hope for the best, then, my lord. It's important that she's presentable, if she is to bear our name, if you are to have her hand on your arm as you go about Society. Pleasing to the eye.”

Justin hesitated at the door, and Wigglesworth ran forward to throw it open. “Physical beauty is over-rated, you know. As long as she is passably intelligent and well-spoken, and does not eat little children or frighten the horses, I believe we'll term the thing a success. Not that we have a choice. We must also remember that this marriage is not the lady's fault. Why, she may take me in complete dislike.”

“Never, my lord,” Wigglesworth said, bristling. “She is the most fortunate of women.”

“Oh, hardly that. I fear I am not an easy man.”

“You are a very good man, my lord,” the valet said, following the baron into the hallway.

“Why, Wigglesworth, I don't believe, in our
nearly half-dozen years of acquaintance, you have ever before so insulted me.”

Brutus, stepping out from the shadows to make one of his own with his considerable height and breadth, made that snuffling noise that passed for laughter, anger, bemusement and most any other emotion, and fell into step behind them before taking the lead once they were on the street in front of the inn.

Brutus never touched another human as they made their way to the docks. There was nary a shove, a push. But, as was always the case, the bustling tradesmen and loitering sailors and importuning streetwalkers all melted away in front of him, clearing a wide path for his employer and his employer's valet to follow. Brutus, Justin often thought, was more effective in parting the crowds than a fanfare of trumpets.

The whispers followed, too:
Who is that fine set-up Lunnon gentleman? He must be very important. Did you see the cut of his jacket? Coo, ain't he grand? I'd let him tup me for free, no lie! And look at the little fellow, all dressed up like a Christmas pudding. Let's follow, see what he's up to….

Justin liked to think of this recurring phenomenon as hiding in plain sight, a ploy that had worked well in his years of service to the Crown. Or, as someone once said (on quite a different subject, but no matter), there are none so blind as those who will not see.
Why sneak in and out of cities under the cover of darkness? Why skulk about in alleyways if there are well-lighted streets to be had? And who suspects someone so determinedly visible of any skullduggery, when it is so much easier to write him off as a fool, a fop, a man concerned only with his own consequence and the tailoring of his waistcoat?

Who? Not the trail of dead men he had left behind him over the course of those years and in a half-dozen countries, that much was certain.

Justin had wearied of the game long before the war, and the necessity for it, was over. But he had held on to the facade, one he felt he needed now more than ever. If people, and most especially his few real friends, could be allowed to see past the silliness, the banter, the supposed fascination for show and fashion, they might be able to glimpse the darkness inside of him, the assassin he had been, the deeds he had done…the mistakes he had made. The one most terrible, unforgivable mistake he had made.

He was alone now, for the most part. Letting anyone in, truly
in,
was no longer in the realm of his possibilities. That's probably why he had so easily brought himself around to the idea of marrying at the Prince Regent's request. Better a stranger than someone he might care for. Better someone who had no interest in really knowing him, someone he had no interest in cultivating. An ancient title, a fine
estate, a generous allowance, a blind eye turned to any discreet romantic peccadilloes once the heir was assured and an entrée into Society at the highest level. These were more than sufficient for any wife.

Bringing his mind back to attention, he realized that Brutus had halted at last, halfway along the dock, and stepped aside to give a clear view of the ship and those now in the process of disembarking down a— Was that a red carpet rolled out over the gangplank and onto the dock? By God, it was. And there were ribbons tied to the rope railings. With streamers.