Authors: Dean Murray
He
said it like it wasn't any kind of big deal, but he had me wondering.
Had he purposefully tried to get me in with the flyers because he'd
wanted to spend more time with me? A very loud part of me kept
screaming that there was no way that a guy like Jackson could
possibly be interested in me, but the evidence was starting to mount.
We
walked towards the football field in silence. I didn't know why
Jackson had gone quiet, but on my part it was because I was trying
very hard to keep the butterflies in my stomach from making a break
for it.
**
Miss
Winters announced that I would start training as the backup flyer at
the beginning of practice. Everything after that went even worse than
I'd expected. At one point, I had to stomp on the urge to look around
to see if someone had a voodoo doll dressed like me. I'd read about
people staring daggers, but this was the first time that I'd been
able to actually feel the hatred coming off of someone.
It
was unsettling enough that I missed my cue and screwed up a couple of
times in the number five routine. The only thing that got me through
it all was the fact that Cindi and Sheree both gave me big smiles and
thumbs up every time our eyes met. That and knowing this was my
ticket to spend more time with Jackson.
The
squad scattered even faster than normal when Miss Winters released us
to go home. I tried to tell myself that I was being silly, that the
world didn't revolve around me, but the first words out of Cindi's
mouth seemed to indicate that my fears weren't completely unfounded.
"Wow,
there were a bunch of panties all knotted up today."
Sheree
frowned, but it wasn't an angry frown, more along the lines of her
not being comfortable with saying something so harsh about the other
girls on the squad.
"It
wasn't just my imagination then?"
Cindi
shook her head at me. "No, you just pulled off the coup of the
semester. The older girls are all going to hate you even more because
this means that they aren't going to make flyer unless one of us gets
hurt."
Cindi
took a long pull from her water bottle and then offered it to me.
"Not only that, you're going to have seniority, which means that
two of us will have to get hurt before they'll get to perform at an
actual game."
Apparently
we'd moved far enough away from the harsh stuff and close enough to
the verifiable truth for Sheree to feel comfortable joining in.
"It
really is too bad for the seniors. They aren't like any of us; they
can't look forward to another chance at flying next year."
Cindi
shrugged. "Realistically, none of the seniors besides Missy are
small enough to be flyers anyways."
Now
I was the one frowning. "They can't really help their genetics,
Cindi. When you get right down to it I'm too big to be a flyer too."
Cindi
and Sheree both went into the special kind of reassurance mode that
you could only get from other girls. Sheree got her words out first,
but Cindi was only half a heartbeat behind her.
"No,
you're one of the skinniest girls here."
"Sheree
is right, Adri. You're totally small enough to be a flyer now."
It
was probably just my imagination, but I almost thought that Cindi put
a little extra emphasis on the 'now' bit of that statement. I told
myself to calm down and not take everything so personally, but
apparently some of what I was feeling made it onto my face. Luckily
Cindi wasn't looking at me and Sheree misinterpreted what she was
seeing.
"You
really will make a great flyer, Adri. I wish there was a way to prove
it to you."
Sheree
looked around as though she expected to find the proof she was
looking for just lying there on the grass. I expected her to realize
how silly she was being, but it only took a second before her face
brightened up and she let out the kind of yell you usually only heard
out of Sheree at actual games.
"Jackson!
Could you come help us for a few minutes?"
I
turned and had to fight down the urge to blush. Jackson was far
enough away that I was astonished that Sheree had known it was him.
He'd changed back into the shorts and polo shirt that he'd worn most
of the day and had obviously been headed home, but was headed back
towards us now.
Sheree
was practically bouncing with excitement by the time Jackson made it
over to us. "Hi, Jackson. Adri is a little nervous about
practice next Tuesday. Would you be willing to do a couple of tricks
with her while Cindi and I spot for the two of you?"
"Sure,
I can do that."
There
was something to Jackson's look that made me want to blush again. I
looked over at Cindi to buy myself some time and saw that she didn't
look happy about the way things were headed. Her expression shifted
so quickly I almost believed that I'd imagined her unhappiness, but
it had definitely been there.
"Is
that not okay with you, Cindi?"
"Hmm?
Oh. No, it's okay, I just have a history test that I need to study
for still tonight. I can help out for a few minutes though. It
wouldn't be safe for just Sheree to try to spot you."
Sheree
excused herself for a minute to call and let her mom know that she
was going to be later than expected. Once she was done with her call
we got started. Actually, it would probably have been more accurate
to say that we
tried
to get started.
I
was really bad. Jackson's comment about me having good instincts
notwithstanding, I'd expected to be terrible when it came to actual
stunts. It turned out that I was worse even than I'd been expecting.
We
started out with the same kind of lift that we'd done so unexpectedly
at the game the day before. I think everyone figured it was a safe
starting point given that I'd already done it once before. We
couldn't have been more wrong. Jackson was strong enough to get me up
into position almost regardless of how badly I messed things up, but
that didn't mean that the stunt looked right, or graceful, or even
remotely like I knew what I was doing.
After
twenty minutes where I showed a frustrating lack of progress, Sheree
suggested that we try something else. We tried an arabesque, but I
just couldn't seem to keep my balance during the portion of the lift
where Jackson picked me up and put me above his head. I was pretty
sure that Jackson was as rock steady as anyone could possibly ask
for, but once I got above a certain height I started shaking too
badly to get my back leg up into position.
Cindi
suggested basket tosses next under the assumption that, at least
initially, I wouldn't have to worry about actually
doing
anything, so I could just enjoy the ride as they threw me into the
air. I kept closing my eyes, which meant that I came down awkwardly
and made it harder for the three of them to catch me.
When
Sheree finally told us that she needed to get home, I was surprised
to find out that we'd been at it for nearly an hour and a half. I
thanked Jackson and Sheree both and then Cindi and I went back into
the school for our books before heading home.
It
wasn't until we'd been walking for a couple of minutes in complete
silence that I remembered that she'd been wanting to get home and
study for her history test.
"I'm
sorry, Cindi. I didn't realize that we'd been at it for so long."
"It's
okay, one bad test probably isn't going to pull my grade down in the
class by too much."
I
opened my mouth to say something else apologetic, but I knew her well
enough to know that she was more pissed off than she wanted to admit.
She wasn't going to listen until she'd had a chance to calm down and
work through things on her own.
We
made it home a few minutes later only to find that Dad and Mom were
in a huge fight.
"It's
just a couple pairs of jeans and a few tops, John. Honestly, do you
want your daughter to run around naked?"
"That's
not the point and you know it. Adri had clothes. They may not fit
very well now, but you should have talked to me before going out and
charging three hundred dollars on the credit card like that."
"What
do you want me to do? Should I start selling camera lenses in order
to keep our daughters fed and clothed?"
"Yes,
if that's what it takes. Maybe if you had to sacrifice a little to
keep the wheels from coming off around here you'd appreciate what I
go through keeping you in lenses and photography supplies."
Cindi
and I hadn't meant to sneak into the house, we'd come in through the
front door just like always, but Mom and Dad had been yelling so loud
that they hadn't heard us arrive. Mom's voice was getting really
pitchy just like it always did when she was nearly to the point of
tears.
"That's
not fair, John, and you know it—to me or Adri either one. Why
should Adri have to settle for the cheapest clothes we can find while
Cindi gets designer labels? As for my equipment, you haven't had to
lay out a single red cent in years. I pay for my supplies and
whatever else I want out of my own earnings."
"Fifteen
thousand dollars."
My
dad's voice was low enough that I almost couldn't make out what he'd
said, but my mom obviously heard him and it apparently was a
long-standing point of contention between them.
"Not
that again."
"Yes,
that again. We spent fifteen thousand dollars on your hobby six years
ago. You said that it would be a fun thing you could do on the side
to bring in money while the girls were at school. The truth is that
every miserable penny you've earned has gone right back into buying
yet more gear and it's so far beyond a simple hobby that the girls
and I hardly see you anymore. It's become an obsession."
"You're
a fine one to speak of obsessions. How many hours did you work last
week? Seventy? Eighty? I turned to my photography because
you
were never around. The girls have each other and their friends at
school. You have your coworkers and your work, my photography is all
I have"
I
opened my mouth to tell them that we were here but Cindi grabbed my
arm and shook her head. Dad responded to Mom's latest allegation
before I could tell Cindi that I thought it was a really bad idea for
us to be listening to them fight.
"I
took this job specifically for you. I took a pay cut because you were
singing this exact same song back then."
"And
how long exactly did that last? You're working just as many hours now
as you were six years ago."
"I
started working more hours because you were never around, and putting
Cindi through cheer camps and keeping her in those damn designer
jeans was eating into what little savings we had left. If I can close
this project out at work then I'll finally have something to show for
the last few years. I'll be able to move back up into the kind of
position I had at my last job."
"There
will always be another project, John."
"Just
like there will always be another print that needs developed?"
I
was saved from hearing Mom's response by the fact that Cindi burst
into tears. She ran through the house and slammed our bedroom door
with a crash that was too loud even for Mom and Dad to miss.
The
next hour or two was kind of a blur. Mom yelled something about Dad
being an insensitive jerk and stormed down to her cave. Dad came into
the living room for just long enough to give me a hug and then he
followed Mom down into the basement. He shut the door on the stairs,
so I couldn't hear much of what was said after that. Even when they
were shouting at each other I couldn't make out more than a word here
or there.
I
didn't want to eat, but between the calories I'd burned off in the
dream the night before and the calories that got consumed at
practice, I figured that skipping dinner wasn't an option. I made
myself a club sandwich and then pulled out my English homework.
Normally I was a pretty big procrastinator, but between normal cheer
practices and the extra Tuesday practices that I'd just agreed to, I
figured I'd better keep my nose to the grindstone homework-wise or
I'd be in pretty big trouble.
The
yelling downstairs went on for nearly another hour without much in
the way of pauses. I heard Cindi come out of our room to use the
bathroom at some point, but she went back into our room without
saying hi, so I decided to continue giving her space.
Dad
finally came back up about the time the sun went down. He looked
tired, but then he always looked tired lately. This was something
more than that, he looked like someone who'd been fighting a battle
for a very long time. Someone who'd just realized that maybe the
battle wasn't worth fighting after all.
"I'm
sorry that you girls had to hear that, Adri."
"It's
okay, Dad. I'm sorry you and Mom are struggling."
Dad
gave me a sad smile. "It's not your fault, sweetie."
"Isn't
it?"
He grimaced. "This fight wasn't about the clothes. Honestly I wish I
could dress all of us in the height of fashion, but with the economy
going the way it is right now things are just too tight."
"I
understand, Dad."
"I'm
not sure you do, not really, but I appreciate you being so willing to
forgive. I'm sorry that I haven't put my foot down before now and
made your mother stop buying Cindi such outrageously expensive
clothes without doing the same for you."
"What
are you going to do now?"
The
look of exhaustion was back on his face. "I'm going to go talk
to your sister and try to convince her that I still love her despite
what she heard when the two of you got home."
"That's
probably a good idea, Cindi could use some reassurance right now, but
that wasn't what I was talking about."