“Well, you’re right. I don’t understand.”
“I know. I’m sorry I sprung this on you like I did. And probably nothing will come of it. I mean, for one thing, we work together. And then, you know, she thinks I’m straight.”
“Samantha, maybe it’s just because you’ve been hanging out with her, working this case. You’re around it more. Maybe that’s all it is.”
“That’s what you want it to be, isn’t it?”
“Yes. Is it wrong of me to want you to be normal?”
“Normal?”
“I’m sorry. You know what I mean. I’ve known you ten years. I can’t all of a sudden think of you as… gay,” she finished in a whisper. “I don’t think you should see her this weekend,” Amy said firmly. “You’re not in the right frame of mind. Anything could happen.”
“Amy, it’s her birthday. I’m not going to attack her on her boat,” Sam said with a smile.
“But she might.”
“No. She won’t. That’s just it. No matter what happens, she would never initiate anything. I know that.”
“You can’t possibly know that. You’ve only known her two months. She might get you on that boat and God knows what might happen.”
“I do know her.” And as much as Sam might want Tori to do something, she knew Tori never would. “If anything comes from this, it will be my doing, not hers. Maybe that’s what scares me.”
“Jesus.” Then Amy leaned forward, elbows on the table. “What is she like? I’ve never met her, but I’ve heard she’s attractive in that lesbian sort of way.”
Sam laughed. “Lesbian sort of way?”
“You know what I mean.”
“She is very attractive. She’s a little taller than I am, dark hair, lean, fit. She’s got eyelashes you would kill for,” Sam said. “Most people are intimidated by her. God knows I was that first week. But after that day in the tunnel, she’s opened up to me, let me get to know her, and she’s so different from what she portrays. And I am… attracted to her.” Sam leaned forward. “Amy, last night, it was all I could do not to kiss her. God, I wanted to. I wanted to know what it would be like.”
“Maybe you’re just curious. They say a lot of straight women go through this.”
“They say that, huh? Well I certainly don’t want to sleep with another woman just because I’m curious.”
“Oh my God. I can’t believe we’re sitting here talking about having sex with another woman.”
Sam reached across the table and took Amy’s hand. “Thank you for not freaking out about this,” she said.
“You’re my best friend. I’m not going to freak out. Now, Robert, that’s another story. He will freak out.”
“What makes you think I’m going to tell him?”
Sam balanced her backpack in one hand and the cake in the other. She thought it might be a bit presumptuous, but she’d packed extra clothes in case she stayed overnight. She had absolutely no illusions as to what might happen, but she didn’t want to cut their boat trip short just because Tori thought she had to bring her back.
But she was nervous. Her footsteps echoed on the pier and she paused, letting an older man with three fishing poles pass by her. It was another beautiful day and the marina was busier than the last time she’d been here. Out on the water, boats were already cruising past and just as she heard the roar of a Jet Ski, she was splashed with water as they got a little too close to the pier. She laughed and waved them on when they slowed to apologize.
She found Tori sitting in a lawn chair at the end of the pier, catching the warm rays of the sun. Her breath caught. Tori was in nothing but her sports bra and shorts. She stopped, watching. Tori had her head leaned back, eyes closed, hands crossed at her stomach. She was sleeping. She looked adorable. Sam was quiet as she allowed her eyes to travel over the bare torso.
Walking over, she lightly touched Tori on the shoulder. The other woman nearly jumped out of her chair.
“Jesus Christ!”
Sam laughed. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to startle you.”
Tori quickly grabbed her T-shirt and slipped it over her body in one motion. She then touched her heart and grinned. “I almost had a heart attack.”
“Sorry,” Sam said again. She was amused at how quickly Tori covered herself. She had been enjoying the view.
“Just catching a nap.” Then Tori peered in the bag that Sam held. “What you got there?”
“Birthday cake,” she said.
Tori’s smile faltered, then she raised her eyes to Sam. “For me?” she asked quietly.
“Of course. It’s your birthday, isn’t it?”
Tori clenched her jaw. She hadn’t had a birthday cake since she was twelve. She had forbidden Aunt Carol to ever bake one. That was what her mother had done. Her mother was gone. So were her birthdays. But somehow, this gesture of Sam’s warmed her heart more than she could have imagined. More than she could express.
“Thank you,” she whispered.
“You’re welcome,” Sam said just as quietly. Then she handed the bag to Tori. “I brought some wine, too. And a few snacks. I didn’t want to come empty-handed.”
Tori still stared. “You don’t know what this means to me. No one’s ever done this.”
“Well, it’s your birthday. We’re going to celebrate.”
“In that case, come aboard,” Tori offered.
They left the marina as soon as they had Sam’s things stored inside the cabin. She again sat up top with Tori as they cruised slowly around the lake. It was a warm day, hinting at the heat that would be upon them in a few months, but Sam doubted it was ever that stifling here, out on the water. She leaned back and watched their surroundings. The trees were all leafed out again and the drab, brown landscape of winter gave way to the brilliant green colors of spring. It was rejuvenating, being outside like this. Growing up in Denver, Sam had enjoyed the outdoors, even in winter. She was no stranger to the ski slopes and she always thought that if her parents would have allowed it, she might have done quite well in competition. But her mother insisted it was no sport for a lady, especially one destined to marry the Mayor’s son.
She wondered why she had gotten away from outdoor activities. College? She supposed that’s when it started, but once she was working, she was often too tired. Then, Robert. He was your typical city boy. Brunch on weekends usually followed by a movie or a trip to the mall. Dinner in, which they cooked themselves, or out with a small group of friends. His friends, mostly. It wasn’t that she didn’t like them. In fact, she’d gotten on well with most of them. But, still, they were Robert’s colleagues. And truthfully, most of the men she worked with and the few women would never have fit in with Robert’s friends. But all of that left little time for play. She looked around her again, finally settling on Tori, who looked so tanned and fit and relaxed sitting up here on her boat.
“You’re being quiet,” Tori finally said.
Sam waved her hand, dismissing her comment. “A thousand things running through my mind,” she said. “What time did you get out here?”
“About four.”
“You drove up last night? You were exhausted, Tori.”
“Yeah. But I’d rather be exhausted and wake up here than in my dark little apartment,” she said.
Sam tried to picture what her apartment would look like. She envisioned a cramped older building with tiny, dark rooms. There would be little furniture and the blinds would always be closed. It was a sad thought, the sight in her mind. But she doubted it was far from the truth.
Tori pulled into one of the many small coves on the lake. She dropped anchor and they went below, pulling out chairs into the sun. Sam took the beer that Tori offered her and she settled back, letting her eyes close. The rocking of the boat lulled her and she felt sleep tugging. She tried to fight it off. She rolled her head to the side, watching Tori. She was sorting through fishing lures. Sam wondered if that was Tori’s passion or if it was just a means to pass the time when she was alone. Which was often, Sam reminded herself.
“Have you always liked to fish?” she asked.
Tori nodded. “We used to go camping all the time. Usually on a lake. In fact, we came here quite often. My dad loved to fish. I think it was therapy, you know? You just toss the line in and reel it back, over and over. It’s easy to forget about… things.” Tori stood and cast the line over the side, letting it sink, then began pulling it back in slowly. “We went up to Colorado several times, too. My dad bought an old camper,” she said. “We were cramped as hell, but it was so much fun. The mountains are beautiful. You must miss that,” she said.
“Yeah, sometimes I do. I always think I’ll go back some summer and do some camping and hiking. But then, if I do that, I’d feel obligated to see the folks. And that just depresses me,” she admitted. “So, I haven’t gone up there.”
“When’s the last time you went to see them?”
Sam grimaced. She always hated this part. “You’ll think I’m an ass,” she said.
“No, I won’t.”
“My grandmother’s funeral, six years ago.”
Tori only nodded. She wasn’t one to judge. Just because she’d had an ideal family growing up, didn’t mean everyone had. She saw it all the time, kids running away, parents disowning their own children for whatever reason. Expectations were high, she knew. And so many parents wanted to relive their own life through their kids. To try to undo past wrongs. It seldom worked.
“Did you not have grandparents, Tori?”
“My mother’s family was from Michigan. We didn’t really see them much. My grandmother-my dad’s mother-was alive, but not in good health. My dad’s brother lived here and he was a cop, too, actually. But they never really got along, and that trickled down to the kids, so they didn’t exactly welcome me with open arms. I did stay with them for a while, but they couldn’t deal with it. Couldn’t deal with me.”
“Is your uncle still alive?”
“Yes. He retired as a Captain about six years ago.”
“But you’re still not close?”
Tori shrugged. “He never made it a secret he didn’t like me. I never knew if it carried over from my dad, or the fact that Aunt Carol and Louise raised me. We didn’t have a whole lot of run-ins, though. He was already with CIU when I moved to Homicide.”
“You didn’t have a lot of run-ins? Does that mean you had some?”
Tori laughed. “There was one instance when he told me I was unmanageable and out of control, and I’d be lucky if I lived to see thirty.”
Sam shook her head, trying to imagine Tori as a twelve-yearold and then again as a young woman. She would have been difficult to deal with, Sam suspected. Then she smiled. Most thought she was still difficult to deal with.
They sat quietly as Tori continued to cast her line, only to reel it back in again. Conversation was sparse, but it was not an uncomfortable silence. It was companionable, relaxing. They both took turns retrieving beer and by the time the sun was sinking, Sam was feeling a buzz. A nice buzz. But she was starving. She went inside and cut up the three cheeses she had brought and piled a plate high with crackers.
“Mmm,” Tori murmured with a mouthful. “I guess it is that time. I’ve got a couple of steaks. Is that okay?”
“That would be fabulous,” Sam agreed.
“You don’t need to get back, do you?”
“No. That is, if you don’t mind company again.”
“I don’t mind yours.”
Sam watched Tori walk away, back inside. She sat down, holding the plate of cheese and stared out over the water as it shimmered a rosy pink. The sun was all but gone and the lake stilled, becoming glass like in the early evening. Soon, the peeps of frogs and the answering call of the cicadas and crickets pierced the stillness. It was a beautiful spring evening. Sam couldn’t think of a better place to be at that moment.
Tori came back with the bag of charcoal and two wineglasses.
Handing the wine to Sam, she poured charcoal into the grill. They sat quietly as the charcoal burned.
“Are you okay about last night?” Tori asked suddenly. She had been worried about it all day. The dances they shared last night had become intense. At least to her. By the end of the evening, she had a hard time convincing herself that they weren’t on a real date. More than once, she’d had to stop herself from kissing Sam as if it were the most natural thing in the world. But they had fun. The cause for them being there in the first place was tragic, but she treasured the few hours she’d had with Sam. She found out that Sam was fun. Delightful, really. And a bit of a tease. Tori wondered if Sam was even aware of it.
“Last night? Of course. What do you mean?”
“I just… if I did anything to make you feel uncomfortable, I’m sorry. It wasn’t intentional.”
Sam smiled. “No. You didn’t. In fact, I had fun. I know that sounds terrible, considering the reason we were even there. But I… enjoyed being with you last night.”
“Good. I did, too. I mean, I don’t get out much.” Then she rushed on. “Not that I thought last night was anything other than work,” she explained quickly, embarrassed. “It was just nice to get out and do something other than…”
“Be alone?” Sam guessed.
“Yeah.”
Sam reached across the space between their chairs and curled her fingers around Tori’s arm. “I had a good time, Tori. I’m glad you did, too.”
Tori nodded, all too aware of the fingers resting warmly against her arm. Then she felt those fingers slip away and she sighed. “You haven’t said anything about Robert. Is he upset that you’re here?”
“He doesn’t know. I haven’t actually seen him since Thursday,” Sam admitted. “We talked. About us, I mean. I told him that it wasn’t going to work, that I didn’t want to marry him.”
“He took it hard?”
“He thinks that we were meant to be together, like soul mates or something,” she said quietly. “But he’s not my soul mate.”
“Do you believe in that sort of thing?”
“I don’t know. It would be nice, wouldn’t it?”
“Mmm.”
“I feel better since I talked to Robert, though. I hurt him, I know. He doesn’t really understand.” She really didn’t understand it herself. Six months ago, she was content in her relationship. But content wasn’t the same thing as satisfied. And she knew she couldn’t live her life like that. She and Robert had just been existing in their relationship. Moving along at the same steady pace as they had been for two years.