Hunting Shadows (Shadow Series #3) (11 page)

I nodded, but I didn’t pull out the coin that I had put back in my pocket. “I’m sorry
I didn’t tell you about it. I just thought it was best for less people to know about
it.”

“And how many people know about it?”

“Just Simon, Grant and Sarah.” I looked at Ryan pointedly. “And now you.”

“Grant said he didn’t know where it was.”

I shook my head. “Grant and Sarah knew about it, b
u
t they didn’t know where I had hidden
it
. Only Simon and I knew
.”

Ryan gazed at me speculatively before speaking again. “Do you think that’s significant?”

“What? That only Simon and I knew where it was?” I frowned when Ryan nodded. “If
the point of this
talk
is
to convince me that Simon is untrustworthy, you might as well save your breath. I’m
tired and I want to go to bed.”

I made a move to stand but Ryan stoppe
d me with a hand around my arm
. I felt a tingle of electricity from his tou
ch and I abruptly pulled my arm
out of his grasp, feeling unsettled. I stayed seated so he wouldn’t have another
reason to touch me.

“What I really want to talk to you about is the palladium. Where did you find it?”

I sighed and recounted the story of my mother’s death and the scene of her accident.
I had a feeling that Ryan could be very persistent when he wanted to be, and
it was probably
best to just tell him everything. He was silent as I told him about her car accident
at the river and how I had stumbled upon the coin.
I couldn’t keep the emotion from my voice as I talked about my mother, and I felt
slightly embarrassed that I was
revealing
so much to a virtual stranger. Yet it felt comfortable, right even, to be talking
to him about it.

“I’m sorry about your mother,” he sa
id quietly when I was finished.

“Thanks,” I replied simply. I was surprised he hadn’t immediately delved into the
particulars of the palladium, instead taking a moment to be sympathetic. He didn’t
speak again and as we sat there in silence, I nervously wondered if that was the end
of our conversation. Right before I was about to get up to leave, he started speak
ing again, his voice low
.

“It happened ten years ago. I was seventeen and even though I had grown up knowing
the dangers of vardogers, I thou
ght I was invincible. My parents were always
constantly
telling me that I had amazing powers
. I grew up believing that I was special, even among seers.” His mouth twisted in
disgust. “I never even realized how it affected my older sister. She was two years
older than me and also a seer, but a weak one. She was convinced it was my fault
, like I had stolen her powers or something.”

His voice dropped even lower and I had to strain to hear him.
“She had been picking on me all day, telling me that I thought I was better than
everyone, and I was getting angry and frustrated. I told her that she was just jealous
that I was so much stronger than her. That our parents cared about me more than her.”
His voice roughened. “That set her off
. It was like something in her
broke. She started
screaming but she sounded like an animal. Inhuman. We were in my room and my parents
ran upstairs when they heard her scream but she
slammed my bedroom door closed and locked it
before
they could come
inside. That’s when I saw it. H
er vardoger stepped out from the
shadow
s
.” Ryan’s breathing
became shallow and he seemed to have forgotten
I was even there. My heart squeezed
painfully as I listened to his story. I was scared
of
what the outcome would be.

“I yelled at her to be careful, that her vardoger was trying to overtake her, but
she just laughed. She
laughed.
She told me that she had called for her vardoger, that she wanted her vardoger to
overtake her, because then she’d finally be strong enough to destroy me.” Ryan lifted
his eyes to me, pain etched on every line of his face. “No matter the differences
we had between us, no matter how many times we fought, I loved my sister
. I didn’t realize how much she hated me until that moment.”

“What
hap
pened?” I whispered. I took
his hand, squeezing
tightly as his eyes became unfocused, as if he was living the nightmare again.

“All I could think about was destroying her vardoger. I couldn’t let it overtake her.
I was convinced that she was so
angry
she was out of her mind.
She didn’t realize what she was saying.
I channeled my powers and des
troyed it.” His eyes closed
. “That’s when it got even ugl
ier. She was beside herself, enraged that
I had destroyed her vardoger.” He
opened his eyes and
looked at me helplessly. “She actually wanted her vardoger to o
vertake her so she could destroy
me
, torture me
. If she
had
just wanted to kill me,
she could have done it in my
sleep. But she wanted to hurt
me in a way that would shatter
me, and nothing would be
worse
than
her vardoger destroying
me. She was willing to sacrifice her life for it. That’s how much she hated me.”

“I’m so sorry.” I didn’t know what else to say.

Ryan shook his head as if he was trying to shake off the vivid memories. “My parents
were finally able to
break down the door. I told them
what happened, and it was as if my sister couldn’t take them thinking less of her.”
Anguish was etched into every line of his face
. “It happened before I could react. We were all taken by surprise. Even with what
had just happened, I could
n’
t
accept what she did next. I couldn’t believe it even though I saw it with my own eyes.
She smashed their heads in
with my baseball bat before I
even realized it was in her hands. It was then that
I realized that
maybe
I hadn’t destroyed her vardoger. Maybe I hadn’t been successful and it was absorbed
back into her somehow. I have no other way to explain how she was able to move so
quickly.
How she was able to kill them both so quickly.
”

I shuddered
at his words
.
My voice was hoarse with emotion when I spoke. “I can’t imagine how horrible that
must have been.”

Ryan took in a deep breath and straightened. “You can never trust a vardoger. There
are no limits to their evilness. I’m convinced that the vardoger affect
ed
my sister’s mi
nd somehow. There’s no way she c
ould
have done something like that on her own. I can’t believe that.”

“What happened to her?”

“She
was arrested and tried for my parents’ murder. She
pled
insanity and is
serving a life sentence in a facility for the mentally ill back in Seattle. I visit
her about once a year, when I can, but she hates i
t when I do.” His hand around mine
tightened. “Her vardoger must
still be inside
her. She yells horrible things at me whenever I visit. But I know my sister, my
real
sister, is still in there somewhere. I’m hoping that I can still save her.”

I felt breathless from everything Ryan had revealed. He seemed so strong, so sure
of hims
elf, but he had been through a horrible
trauma
tic event
. It was a testament to his strength that he was still standing and still living his
life with such purpose.

“That’s why you have to be careful around Simon,” he insisted urgently. “You have
no idea what he’s capable of.”

I suddenly became keenly aware that we were still holding hands, and I let my hand
slide out of his grip. “I understand your reservations about Simon, especially considering
what you’ve been through. But he’s different from the other vardogers.”

Ryan shook his head sadly. “That’s where you’re wrong, Caitlin. They’re all the same.
They’re all evil.”

I rubbed my forehead tiredly. I couldn’t argue about this tonight. My
mind was whirling with everything
that had happened, and as sympat
hetic as I was about
what Ryan
had been through, I didn’t appreciate him using it as a method to make me distrustful
of Simon.

“I’ll be careful, but I’m going to
make my own decisions about who
to trust.” I stood up determinedly. “We’ll talk more in the morning.”

“We need to destroy the palladium,” he called out, but I just ignored him and continued
down the hallway.

Simon was sitting on the bed when I entered my bedroom, looking agitated. I closed
the door behind me and sat
down
next to him. I pushed the doubts th
at Ryan had tried to cast on Simon
from my mind. If there was one thing I could trust in all this craziness, it was
my belief in Simon.

“What did he want to talk about?”

“He asked why
I lied about not
know
ing
where any palladiu
m
was
.”
I
decided to not
tell
Simon
about what Ryan h
ad told me about his family. Not only was
it
too personal, but Ryan had told me the story to try
to make me suspicious of Simon.

“When did you talk to him about palladium
?”

“Last night while you were asleep. I woke up from a dream and when I went to take
over watching Grant, Ryan stayed for a litt
le bit
because he wasn’t tired. He brought up the subject of palladium, and I thought it
was better that I didn’t advertise that I had
a palladium coin.” I pulled it out of my pocket and fingered
it
. “I’m sti
ll convinced that it can help me
somehow.”

Simon frowned at me
, ignoring the palladium
. “What dream?”

I hadn’t had time to tell Simon about my dream, and as I recounted
it
to him, I shuddered as if I were reliving it. It had seemed so real, and instead of
fading as dreams often do, it was still brilliantly vivid in my mind.

“Did you tell Ryan about the dream?” Simon’s to
ne was neutral, but I could sense the tension in
his body.

“It was fresh on my mind when I saw him last night, and it was ab
out him,” I replied. “
I told him
about it
.”

Simon’s jaw tightened. “I didn’t realize he was becoming such a confidante.”

I sighed in frustration. The last thing I needed was for Simon to get jealous. We
had to deal with life and death matters and I didn’t have time for Simon’s possessiveness.

“Can we not argue about this right now? I’m exhausted and just want to
go to bed
.”

Simon gathered me in his arms, holding me tightly as he buried his head against my
neck. I could
feel the tension radiating through
his body and I raised my hands, rubbing his back soothingly. “Simon? What’s wrong?”

I could feel his warm breath against my neck as he spoke, his voice low and muffled.
“I thought I was going to come apart when I heard you scream my name. I moved as fast
as I could, but it wasn’t fast enough. When I saw you on the ground…
I thought it was all over. I thought I had lost you.”

“But you didn’t,” I said reassuringly. “I’m okay.”

“No thanks to me.” Simon raised his head, his eyes looking dull. “I didn’t protect
you. If it hadn’t been for
him,
I might have lost you.” His eyes narrowed. “Although I’m still not convinced that
it wasn’t some part of a setup he masterminded.”

My sympathy for Simon’s feelings
wavered. It was like I was being pulled in two directions, and I didn’t relish the
feeling. Simon should know my loyalties lay with him. I just needed Ryan to help me
defeat my father. That was all I wanted from him. A sliver of doubt ran through my
mind as I remembered what it felt like to
have
his hand around mine, but I quickly squashed the thought. Whatever attraction I had
towards Ryan paled in comparison to my feelings for Simon. Still, that didn’t mean
I couldn’t be frustrated with him.