Hush (39 page)

Ivy picked up the red cloth journal Max had
left on the table beside her bed. The title? Death as the Reward, a
Manifesto by Grant Ruby.

The book contained pages of notes Ruby had
put together over the years. But it was the final entry that
solidified her decision to move to Chicago as nothing else could
have. Max knew her so well.

It was written with intricate precision, in
small, neatly printed letters of black ink. The lines were as
straight and exact as if the paper had been ruled.

Medication is always the suggestion.
Medication? I don't need medication. Why do I need medication to
keep me from seeing the truth? To paint my eyes with false hope and
false reality? People dressing nicely, talking nicely, saying good
morning, saying excuse me. A lie! A lie! People are stupid. They
create false worlds, false realities, in order to deny the
purposelessness of their lives. They construct houses and have
children in order to control the chaos, to fool themselves into
thinking life has meaning. They are able to say, Look! I'm mowing
the yard! Look, I'm feeding the dog! Look, my kids have a happy
childhood! See, life is more than suffering and pain. People are
stupid. They don't understand that death is the prize! They don't
understand that I'm simply a creature of the world who is able to
see things the way they really are. If I want to kill, there's
nothing wrong with that. I'm just more advanced than you, a few
generations ahead of you. So when you are alone in your house, when
you are alone in your car, when you are traveling, when you are
running out for a gallon of milk, BE AWARE. BE VERY AWARE. I'm out
there. I'm not alone.