i 024767349a4cae9a (28 page)

Two days after the funeral Rosie returned home. She was not a little perplexed at Helen's reaction to her husband's death and she said as much to John;

also, that Helen seemed to be more at ease with Mrs Wheatland, and she had asked if John didn't think that Mrs Wheatland was a rather strange woman, for at times she never stopped talking, while at others she would sit and not open her mouth. But Helen did not seem to mind her either way.

John understood that Rosie was a little peeved that this strange woman should be more acceptable company to Helen than herself. And he understood the both: Helen would prefer Daisy's company, for Daisy, even when she was being amusing, emanated life, painful life; whereas Rosie had, in a way, regained the joy of living which could not be entirely hidden by the tears of compassion or comforting words, or by the unnatural solemn expression.

Johnson met him in the hall and said, "Her Ladyship is in the drawing-room, sir."

"Thank you, Johnson." Then John paused for a

Hpnent before he said, What d'you intend to do PW? I mean, are you going to look for another poHave bar ion in your own line?"' yO. thats been all arranged, sir. Her Ladyship

bar tSo asked me to stay on and look after the establish-Isnt while she is away. I'll infor her Ladyship that IJH-A'RE here, sir."

H bar H'd inform her Ladyship that he was here.

This Bs the first time he'd had to be announced. But, of rse, it had been usually one of the girls who JU-PENED the door to him. He realised now that he Blindlly disliked this man: something about him got ligjader his skin. But she had ade arrangements and pparently everything was settled, at least with reard to the running of her household. Like Rosie he bar bar eUs slightly piqued.

12ar When Johnson said, "Doctr Falconer, m'lady," he

fJust the urge to thrust the man aside.

Helen was sitting on the couch. He walked slowly

HP the room towards her, saying as she made to rise,

pDon't get up." He did not

in"...mediately sit down be-

pftde her, but as he had not previously taken off his

pvercoat and was carrying hat in his hand, he OW aid these both on a chair, saying ironically,

Jlallyour butler needs training, adam; he has omitted

o divest me of my outer gaments."

bar bar "Oh." She moved her hea slightly. "He's not my

bar iller, John; quite candidly* comshe gave him a wan

I saale- 'I don't know what to call him."

bar No? Well, he informed e almost before I got

Iacross the step that you hav arranged for him to be in charge of the house whilst you are away... It's al arranged then? You're going away?"'

'Sit down, John." She motioned to a chair opposite her. And when he was seated, she said,

"It's all been done in a hurry. I had a letter yesterday from Leonard's cousin in Paris. She's the old lady; I think he mentioned her to you as someone who has never lifted a finger for herself in her life. Well, she wrote to me apologising for being unable to attend the funeral-she's in her late seventies-but expressing a deep wish that I should visit her. It's a very nice letter, very moving. And so, well, I wrote straight back and accepted her invitation because-" she now leaned forward and made a motion of appeal with her hand towards him as she said, John, I must gt away. I'll.. .i'll break down completely if I stay here. It will only be for a time."

'What d'you mean by a time, Helen?"'

She closed her eyes as she said, "I don't know. A few months. I... I won't admit his loss, John; I can't not while I'm here."

"So, you're going away to get rid of him, and his memory, to wipe him out as if he had never been?"'

He had expected her to deny this vehemently, bt she surprised him with her answer. "Yes. Yes, somthing like that, because I can't put up with this pain I knew it would be bad. For a long time I had faced up to what it would be like, at least, I thought I had; but now I'm in this vast... vast emptiness. There is nothing or noone I can reach out to."

"Noone?"' His words were deeply sad, and she turned her head away from him and drew her lower

tly between her teeth before she said, "I... I be you would understand." one changed now as he murmured,

"Yes. Yes, bear. Yes, I do. I, too, am feeling the pain of i, but of course it's nothing compared with Ses, I do uderstand." ay back on the couch and, taking a handkerom her cuff, she wiped her lips. There was of tears in her eyes: they were dry and bright y fixed on him now as she said softly, If anyone who could keep me here, it would be hn...and Daisy. The rest' comshe gave a conms lift to her chin- "they flood in daily now i danger of infection is passed. But as I out to dear Gwendoline Fenwick, I wasn't were had contracted it; that it was a very conta[sease, and I could actually see her shrinking ler voluminous gown.

Well" comshe nodded- e I'll not be seeing again." betion d'you intend to leave?"' bar *Within the next day or two." bar And you're travelling alone?"' I'YES. Yes, John." She nodded. 'It's done these Jys, you know."

bar *I...I know that." His tone was sharp.

But...b I ndered, what about Daisy? S'allyes, I thought about asking her, but her life is ll arranged, with her leper committees and good eds.

Now, in no way am I ridiculing those. What's tore, she has never come anywhere near to sugfcsting that she should accompany me. Yet, I know at had she done so I would readily have accepted her company for, as Leonard used to say about her,

"She, tightcoer fellow." The sayng goes back to Leonard's Indian corporal; when men had to be chosen for a dangerous mission, he would say, hat one, tight-comer fellow."

John was to remember and to endorse this description of Daisy.

There was a short sience before he said, D'you know Leonard asked me to... well, to be your friend to help you in... in any way you needed me?"'

'allyes. Yes, I know." Her words came rapidly now. "Yes, I know, John, and...

we"'11 talk about it some time later. I know I couldn't have a better friend;

and he knew that, too. es' comher head was bobbing now- "We'll talk about it later, some time."

She rose quicky to her feet now and he could see she was disturbed, and he said, "Will I be seeing you before you go then?"'

"Yes. Yes, of course. It will be another couple of days or so before all arrangements are made."

"And you are leaving Johnson in charge?"'

"Yes." Her eyes widened now and there was an appeal in them as she said, "What else can I do?

I can't just walk out and expect either you or Daisy to come and keep an eye on the staff. As good as they are, and they are wonderful, they need to have someone in charge, someone who is used to arranging and giving orders." She paused before she added, "He's a little bumptious, I know, and very conscious of his posion.

I think it is far better to have someone of that nature, one whom you can trust, than the

ative, which is to engage a housekeeper. Don't Saak so?"'

bar bar fes. Yes, I suppose you're right.

Yes, of course

1[are,

conbar bar bar gain they were facing each other; and now she

an nervously to straighten the narrow hem of the jKfterchief in her hand, and she had brought it into p"...nplete square before she said,

"I'd...I'd like to this to you, John-I've...

I've wanted to say it ,bar Bre-it's just that I'm...I'm so sony that your i... marriage, went awry. You... You deserve a Jppy home."

knew his face was flushed; and it was as if his gitce had suddenly taken on the depths of a baritone he uttered "I have a good life with my mother." bar bar 0h, John, I'm...I'm sorry I've spoken about it; I wanted you to..."

JjIhe colour was now ebbing from his cheeks and

,eap thrust out his hand towards her and when hers J" i it he said, "Don't worry, Helen, I understand. ne could say it was my own fault, for my marcame about through my indulgence in homewine."

had hoped to make light of the matter for he dismiling at her; but the next moment her eyelids igtean to blink and her lips to tremble, so he said jplwiffly, "Please! Please! Don't distress yourself. ook! Believe me," and now he proceeded to lie galijlany, "my life is just as I want it. I have made it as t is and I'm content with my handiwok. I am not andoubled by her, not at all. We don't see each other, bar j8o there is no irritation on either side. Now look, I

am going; I'll pop in tomorrow." He let go of her hand now and went to pick up his hat and coat from the chair as he said, "And if you're all ready and packed, I'll see you to the station. That's if-" he was now shrugging his arms into his coat and he repeated,

"that's if you promise to write to me."

She swallowed deeply before she said, "Oh, yes, John. Yes, I'll write to you."

"Dyou intend to stay in Paris?"'

"Oh, I won't know until I get there and meet the old dame, as Leonard used to call her."

"And if you don't like the old dame you'll go on?"'

"Yes. Likely I'll go on."

"Have you any place in mind?"'

"I'd like to go to Italy; Rome. And Austria intrigues me."

"And al on your own?"' He sounded anxious now:

looking as she did, she would be a prey to men of all types. But, he could do nothing about it.

His voice sounded quite ordinary as he said,

"I'll see you tomorrow then?"'

"Yes, John."

Without frther word, he left

He had a number of calls to make, but as he drove into the town he recalled that he had made up a bottle of medicine for a bronchial patient, but hadn't put it in his bag. And he was surprised when he opened the door of his surgery to come face to face with Doctor Comwallis.

"Oh! Oh! I thought you were on your rounds."

"Yes, I am on my rounds. were you wantig something?"'

ffes, I wanted the loan of that... this." He held up 'jlyringe. 'Doctor Rees is ham-fisted; he's broken during the last month.

I'm taking it out of his Bary. I've told him."

He went to pass John, but then jlpped and, looking him fully in the face, he said ad to visit your wife early this morning."

yoctor Comwallis seemed to be waiting for some nent, and when none was forthcoming, he said,

*jid she ever complain of feeling unwell when you re..well, living with her?"'

yi wasn't living with her Doctor I was married to

Oh well, we wont split

hairs." And there was a disch of anger in his voice as he said, 'I'm asking

Jdid she have turns, as it is colloquially put?"' wasn't aware of any "turns", specially." Veil, I wasn't there when this one happened, but oked like a fit. And, al I know is, she was as

Iff as a board when I did get there."

IW-HAT do you mean, "as stiff as a board?"

She's

dead?"'

'ationo, she's not dead. But if my diagnosis is correct, e's suffering from a form of neurosis, all to do s bar i the mind."

comII-OHN repeated to himself, "All to do with the ajBnd" The man was explaining neurosis as if to a

Jan. Nevertheless, he hadn't experienced any surprise.

Do you know what I think?"'

to less-than o Doctor; but I'm sure you will tell me."

I "Oh-" Doctor Comwallis turned a red face to-ds John and retaliated, saying,

"That manner of

" *

yours annoys me, do you know that? Sometimes "m for you because I know you're hooked up to a woman whose behaviour seems anything but normal; but at other times, as now, when you're acting like a yong whipper-snapper, I'd like to kick you in the...

arse, and not metaphorically speaking either, bad leg or no bad leg."

John bowed his head and bit on his lip. He had a great desire to laugh as he watched his superior tarn his imp into a march as he made for his office.

And after closing his door, he leant back against it and put his hand over his brow as he repeated to himself, Metaphorically speaking, bad leg or no bad leg." He couldn't help it, he liked the old boy Nosy Parker or not. What had he really come into this room for? There was nothing he could find in here, except that which had to do with his profession. And yet be had been clever enough about the syringe. Oh, he was a devious old boy.

He now went into his dispensary and picked up the bottle he had forgotten. He did not, however, immediately leave, but leaning against the marble slab, he stared ahead as he muttered quietly to him self, Neurasthenia? Turns? Stiff as a board?"' Well, he wasn't surprised. She had likely had what seeed like a fit before the seizure took hold. Unbalanced, he had implied. Oh, be would endorse that; but that wouldn't be neurasthenia. He gazed down at the bottle.

How long would he have to remain tied to her? A legal separation was, after all, just a separation. What was he going to do with his life? Was it to be spent every day but one in a week between that room

ww'

The Obsession 289

Knd this little cubby hole? And what was left evenings? Sitting with his mother. No longer Ithere be any visiting. and a tomorrow or the next day he would not even

Jto glimpse her. France, Italy,

Austria. And erywhere men, and she was only human.

She rink she was, for she was convinced that the her loss wold never leave her. But love was ase, and, like some diseases, it could be cured e patient be given a new lease of life. And it 1 easily happen to her if she met up with some athetic smart alee... Oh, for God's sakel let

bar get out of here and do some work. "5 he was stepping into the passage, the door op Jfe opened and out stepped... tht woman. She ,gg'ed haggard and bedraggled. He recalled he had eed an item in the paper last week, reporting that Jhad been charged with soliciting and had been ,*bar ai the option of a fine of five pounds or ten days j bar ail.

She had paid the fine. He thought of her husgg'bar today and her son and of the effect on them. ile hadn't seen her since the night her husband

8 put her out of the house. Yet, as he looked at J now, he felt sorry for her. She was a pitiable Sature. If it had been the demands of her body that , brought her low, then he could couple her with ,satrice, for if anyone was crazed with her body's sires, it was his wife.

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