I am Not Your Melody: (steamy cowboy romance) (12 page)

Why
? Where would that even lead? It was the wrong road to go down. Allie had already been down that road once before, and look how that had turned out. She’d given her entire life to a man and promised him “till death do us part” — but her ex couldn’t even keep his vows for a few months.

Would Bill be any different?

Maybe it was her own fault. The one common denominator in any relationship she’d ever had, obviously, was herself. If none of her relationships lasted, including the one where she actually got
married
— and then that didn’t last either — why would it ever be different with Bill Edwards?

“We should keep things professional,” Allie said. “Because if we keep this up, if we keep having sex, one of us is going to get attached, and it’ll probably be me. I can’t afford to have my heart stomped on again. And I sure as hell refuse to ruin my new business because of a man.”

Bill jerked back as if she’d slapped him, his expression pained.

“‘Suppose you’re right,” he said. He dropped her wrist. “I can’t stop thinkin’ ‘bout you, thinkin’ ‘bout the hayloft, too. But, if I keep thinkin’ like that…”

“What?” she asked, crossing her arms protectively in front of her chest. “If you keep thinking of me like that, then what?”

“Damn it, Allie,” he said. “Don’t push me.”

She waited. She wouldn’t let him bait her into a fight just to distract from an important conversation.

“I have feelings, too,” he said quietly. “You’re not the only one who could get all attached if we keep on like this.” His voice cracked with emotion. “I’m still broke in half from Melody dyin’.”

He left her standing there, and walked back over to the dance floor, picking up a two-by-four on his way.

“If I fell in love with you — hell, if I lost you too…” Bill wasn’t looking at her anymore, instead staring intently on the partially-constructed platform in front of him. “There would be nothin’ of me left.”

He said the last words so softly, she almost wasn’t sure if she’d heard them correctly or not. The sorrow in his voice…she’d never want to be the cause of that pain.

“I’m going to go out and buy blue paint and some little white lights,” Allie said tonelessly. What else could she say? No one could bear the burden of being the woman who’d completely broken a strong man, who’d killed his very spirit.

It wouldn’t be her. Not today, not ever. Bill was better off without her, he’d said as much, and knowing him — knowing how deeply, how passionately he could feel — she believed him.

She tried to force every warm thought about Bill Edwards out her mind, so she could focus on work. Focus on the renovation.

Bill was just her business partner, and it was better that way.

“Don’t forget to look at the measurements I drew up for that platform stage,” Allie added, and shut the door behind her.

She hadn’t meant for it to slam. But it did.

***

The steam from Allie’s shower fogged up the large mirror in Bill’s bathroom. She ran the water cold, and grabbed her purple toothbrush, pausing for only a moment when she grazed against Bill’s green one. How perfect their toothbrushes looked together in the holder. Like they were meant to be, their handles touching as if they were as drawn to each other as much as their owners were.

It had been nine days since renovations had begun, and amazingly, things were already taking shape. The dance floor was in, the little stage, the new paint and lights and booths along the walls, and the tables and chairs left over from Uncle Fred had been re-varnished in black for a sleek look. All she needed now was to restock the bar with alcohol, and get some beers on tap.

Allie finished brushing her teeth, and stared at herself in the mirror. The dark circles under her eyes displayed her exhaustion to anyone who saw her.

“Zombie,” she murmured to herself as she dabbed a bit of concealer on, blending it until she almost looked rested — or at least less like the walking dead.

She and Bill had been working together around-the-clock to get this done. Fixing her apartment was on hold until the bar was open, per her own request. She needed the money the business would bring in.

And maybe, just maybe, she didn’t want to move out of Bill’s house. Despite everything. Despite needing to distance herself…there was comfort in knowing he was right there, near her.

They worked really well together, and he’d been friendly to her. But he hadn’t touched her, not even once. It seemed as if he’d had to stop himself, sometimes, from even small gestures such as touching her shoulder to get her attention.

But she
missed
his touch. It was good that they had their moment in the loft, perhaps, but all it had served to do was to show her exactly what she was missing.

Allie wrapped one of Bill’s towels around herself, opened the bathroom door — and shrieked with surprise.

“Whoa!” Bill said, rubbing his forehead.

He was naked except for a towel wrapped around his narrow waist like a kilt.

“I’m so sorry!” Allie said. “Did I just hit you in the head with the door?”

Goodness, that body of his. The broad shoulders, the powerful arms that he’d once used to embrace her… That chest, those abs…

Don’t look at him. Don’t think those thoughts
.

“I deserved it,” Bill joked. “I would’ve walked in on you in your towel.”

He moved his hand from his forehead. It wasn’t as red or painful-looking as Allie had feared, thank goodness.

That chest…those abs
.

“I only put the towel on just now,” she corrected, unable to keep her eyes from wandering down his impeccable physique. “Only a moment ago, I wasn’t wearing anything at all.”

Oh, I’m being a bit naughty
.

It shouldn’t bring her so much pleasure to flirt with Bill, to tease him — especially since they’d both been so good about keeping their hands to themselves. But their banter did bring her pleasure — and judging from the look on his face, Bill wasn’t about to complain, either.

If only flirting with him didn’t come so easily to her — and to him. His good looks weren’t to blame — after all, Zach and the other ranch-hands were incredibly handsome, with physiques that would put male models to shame, thanks to their years of hard manual labor on the ranch. And, they were all still bachelors. Yet she had no interest in those guys other than as friends.

Only Bill. As hard as Allie tried to fight it, she wanted him —
needed
him — as more than just a friend, or business partner.

Bill looked at her and raised his eyebrows, clearly seeing the change in her tone, her demeanor. “Maybe I should’ve opened the door a little earlier, then.”

“You’ve already seen everything under my towel,” Allie said softly. “Remember?”

It felt strange to be nearly naked next to him, absorbing the heat from his bare skin, contrasting with the chill on her own body. Rivulets of water ran down onto her from her still-wet hair, and goosebumps arose on her arms.

“I’ll never forget.” His voice was low, husky with desire.

“We look like twins,” she teased with a shiver, gesturing to their matching blue bath towels.

“‘Cept I need a shower, an’ you’re all clean,” Bill murmured.

He stepped in closer to her, and Allie let him, enjoying the warmth from his heated skin.

His broad shoulders were even more incredible bare than they were filling out his T-shirts. The towel only served to accentuate his trim torso, six pack abs, and the light dusting of chest hair that led to his navel, then straight down below the towel.

“I don’t mind that you’re dirty,” Allie whispered.

She reached her hand out tentatively, and traced the trail of hairs down his stomach, running her fingers over his rock-like abdominal muscles.

Bill groaned with desire and put his hand in her wet hair, holding her to him as his lips came down on hers… a deep, strong kiss. Allie gasped with pleasure as he tightened his hold on her hair, pulling her head back to accept more of his kisses.

Should she be even doing this?

Yes
.

Even if it was just for the amazing physical connection they had, she needed to reconnect with him on that level. She needed it in her very soul. Being with him in this way would almost be worth any torments that might come of it.

“Make a decision,” Bill said in her ear. His breath was hot. “Go now, back to your room, shut the door and get dressed.”

Allie shook her head, enjoying his commanding tone. “Or what?”

“Or you’re mine,” he said, his voice low.

“I’m not going anywhere,” Allie said with a smile. “I’m yours.”

With a passionate growl, Bill pulled her towel away from her body, letting it fall into a puddle on the floor in the doorframe. He dropped his towel as well, and gently rocked her back so her bare feet hit the cold tile once more.

“I still need to shower,” he said, turning on the water until it came down like rain, the steam billowing around her in the bathroom.

Allie stepped into the shower with him, and he handed her the soap with a grin.

Oh my goodness
. She’d never experienced anything like this before. Just the way that he was, the way he seemed so in line with her needs and desires, but was still so dominant and strong… it slayed her in a delicious, undeniably sexy way.

While Bill showered, shampooing his hair, and helping Allie to lather up his body, she kissed him. She just couldn’t stop, he tasted so good.

They shouldn’t be doing this. Shouldn’t be giving in to temptation.

But the pull between them was too strong.

Bill turned her around, so the shower beat down on her back, covering her with warm rivulets of water. She sighed with pleasure.

“Will you get cold?” she asked, her eyes closed, enjoying the sensation.

She could hear him pulling the shower curtain back and reaching for something, but she kept her eyes closed anyway, enjoying having the opportunity to focus only on physical sensation, and not know what he might do next…where he might touch her next.

His hand came up between her thighs from behind, playing with her, and Allie inhaled sharply. The sound of a foil packet being ripped open made a shiver of anticipation run down her spine, despite the hot water splattering on her skin.

He held her back against his chest, his strong arms wrapped around her body, and whispered in her ear.

“Are you mine?”

“Yes,” she whispered back, without hesitation.

Only then — slowly at first, then harder, deeper — he thrust inside of her.

“Yes,” Allie gasped.

Bill took his time with her, bringing her to new heights of pleasure, running his hands, lathered with soap, all over her body…over her shoulders, her neck, her breasts…

They moved together as one until the water turned cold. Only then did they stop, her pruned and wrinkled fingertips incongruent with the rejuvenation in her soul.

“Go put some clothes on ‘fore I ravish you again,” he said with a satisfied smile.

“Maybe I’ll just stay naked,” she said, grinning back.

As much as the idea appealed to her, Allie left him with a quick peck on the cheek, and went back to her room to get dressed.

Still wrapped in the towel, she sat on her bed — Melody’s bed.

What were Allie and Bill really trying to accomplish with these moments of uncontrolled desire? Their desire not just for sexual contact, but for each other. What did any of this mean?

He had said that he didn’t want to get involved in a relationship. He had said he would never love anyone again.

Did this mean he could be changing his mind? Or was Allie just setting herself up for the one thing she’d sworn she’d never let happen again — complete, and utter heartbreak?

Chapter Eleven

Allie hit the switches from behind the bar, and the overhead lights in the room darkened, and then the space lit up with ambient lighting. The little pinpoints of brightness, the stars that sparkled on the wall behind her, gave the space a distinctly special feel. Two TV monitors in the corners of the wall behind the bar were off, for now, but the first weekend after opening they would start showing whatever big game was playing. The pool table, the same one that had been in complete disrepair not too long ago, looked brand-new after getting refurbished. A new pool set, balls, and pointers hung neatly on a rack on the freshly-painted wall.

“This is our bar,” Allie whispered in disbelief. “I am an actual co-owner of a business I’m super excited about.”

Bill stood behind the gleaming mahogany bar-top with her, gracing her with the biggest smile, all straight white teeth.

“Yeah, you are,” he said. “You’re gonna be great at runnin’ this place. Folks ‘round here, they see you. They see you workin’ hard, building somethin’ for the good of the town.”

“You really think I’ll fit in?” Allie asked. “I’ve been warned about how hard it is to fit in and feel welcomed in such a small town. Not that I’ve found that in Bear Creek Saddle,” she added quickly. “I’ve just been so busy here — with you — to meet people.”

“You’ll make friends real quick,” Bill said, with the certainty of a man who could tell the future. “Especially after the official opening night.”

With the renovations complete and the alcohol stocked, the place was ready to go. They only needed one thing: a “practice night” to work out any bugs before the grand opening party.

“Place looks good,” Bill said, whistling under his breath as he took it all in. “
You’re
good. This never would’ve happened without you.”

“Thank you for saying that,” Allie whispered. She moved in closer to him and kissed his lips, then pulled away slowly with a smile. “You did an amazing job yourself, you know. I was lucky to have such a skilled jack-of-all-trades.”

The gravel crunched in the parking lot outside. Allie, in the spirit of choosing her battles, had let Bill win when it came to not paving over the lot.

“They’re pulling up,” Bill said. “The guys’ll love this. Usually, they just bring beer and dates to the barn,” he said with a laugh. “An’ annoy the hell out of the horses.”