“Hey! Hey! You there! What are you up to? Hey!”
“Dammit, the janitor.” Jason glanced over his shoulder, then caught a hold of my hand and began running, pulling me behind him. I couldn’t keep up with him normally, but in my stiletto-heels, on frosty ground … It was never going to be a quick escape.
I slipped but he turned sharply and caught me up, then he ran slower with his arm beneath mine to stop me falling as I stumbled on awkwardly beside him, laughing and breathless.
We scrambled back through the fence a good distance ahead of the janitor though and hurried to get in the truck. We drove off laughing.
I glanced over at him. “Did you ever get caught with Lindy behind the bike sheds or anything? Where was the make-out point?”
He’d been speaking of Lindy all the time. He was at school with her after all. She fitted in his stories, and she’d been a huge part of his past. He couldn’t just wipe all that clean.
But now he glanced at me and gave me a twisted smile which looked a bit bitter. “You are joking, right? She never let me kiss her properly ‘til prom.” He looked back at the road.
“Don’t tell me she was one of those girls who wanted to pop her cherry on prom night.”
He smiled, taking my sarcastic humor the right way, but shaking his head, looking at the road not me as he drove. “No,
that
, I wasn’t allowed to take for another year.”
I rested my hand on his leg again and tapped it gently. “Ah, honey, was the high-school hero’s girl a little frigid?”
His lips twisted as he glanced at me and he shook his head again, but there was an odd look in his eyes suddenly, before he turned to look back at the road. “Do you know what, Rach,” he said to the windshield. “I don’t know if it was that, or if she really just wasn’t that into me… She didn’t want to do half the stuff we’ve done, and I’m sure she never really liked me touching her… I used to think it was my fault, that I wasn’t any good at it.”
Fucking hell, Lindy had given him a complex. I was so shocked he could think that.
I slid my hand higher up his leg and brushed his crotch with my little finger. “Believe me, Jason, the problem was all hers.”
He threw me another smile. “Well, now it’s her I feel sorry for, ‘cause she really doesn’t know what she’s missing out on.” He laughed, but the sound was hollow, and when he turned to look ahead again I saw his expression become serious once more.
“I want to take you to the store now.”
“Yeah?” There had been a note of hesitation in his voice, and then he glanced at me. There was the hard look back in his eyes, the one I’d seen at his parents’ house this morning, when I’d come downstairs, and the muscle in his jaw had tensed again. “But the thing is… Lindy’s working there today.”
“Oh, right.”
“I’m not taking you there to see her. But I want you to see the store. It’s shut the other days we’re here. Dad’s in, and well, I thought we can’t avoid Lindy, so if we’re going to meet her anyway tonight, I’d rather we just did what I want to do, and let her deal with it. I’m not hiding you away, Rach. Are you okay with that?”
I nodded, not knowing if I really was or not. I just wanted to be with him, and see him happy. That’s all I wanted.
He looked at me again, when all I’d done was nod. “Are you sure? You’re okay with it?”
“Yeah.” I had to be. He was right. We were together now, and his parents, and everyone else, just had to deal with me being around––and this was his dad’s store, I couldn’t make him exclude himself from his family just cause I feared being around Lindy.
When he pulled up on the parking lot out front of it, the pride which he’d shown yesterday when we’d come past the store slipped back over his face for a moment, only now there seemed a hard determined edge to that too.
“Feeling brave?” he said, looking at me before he climbed out the truck.
I wondered if his dad knew Jason was going in.
We both walked to the sidewalk, me balancing carefully on my heels over the half melted ice, which was stained by the salt-grit his dad must have spread out here. When we met on the sidewalk, Jason gripped my hand. It was like it was a stand-off.
Perhaps we should go in old western style, all guns blazing.
He took a deep breath and straightened, clearly plucking up the courage to go in, but his grip on my hand stayed protective and gentle.
I was half a pace behind him when he pushed the door open. My heart pounded.
When I caught Lindy’s eye, I imagined myself in her shoes, standing behind the counter. She went white, then red.
She was serving a customer, so she couldn’t speak, but I saw her bite her tongue holding in whatever it was she’d have liked to say to us.
If I was her, I’d hate me, and yet I didn’t want to regret being with Jason. I loved being with Jason.
Saying nothing to Lindy, he kept a hold of my hand and pulled me on through the store. We walked along an aisle where the last few Christmas decorations were spread out, now on sale, and at the end of it there was another door.
He knocked, then opened it a second later.
I felt sick again, and like I was going to pass out, when he pulled me through into a small cluttered office. I remembered I hadn’t eaten any breakfast.
Beyond the office, through windows on the far side of the room, I saw the storeroom, a space crowded with racking and piles of boxes. Then my gaze drew back and traveled to the corner of the room. Jason’s dad was behind a desk which faced into the room. He stood up. “Jason? I didn’t expect you…”
“I’m showing Rach about town, I thought we’d drop in and say, hi.”
“When Lindy’s working? Don’t you think that’s a little tactless?”
His dad didn’t look pleased.
“Am I not welcome in the store anymore then, Dad?”
“I didn’t say that.”
Jason’s fingers threaded through mine, as he kept gripping my hand. I gripped his hand harder in return. Feeling like he needed support here, it was my turn to give it to him, now.
“Are you still angry at me for leaving?” Jason said.
“This isn’t the time, son, not with Rachel, here…”
“You can speak in front of Rach, she knows you didn’t want me to go to New York. So, are you cutting me out because of me finishing with Lindy, or because I left and went to New York?”
“I’m not cutting you out entirely, Jason.” His dad sounded annoyed and impatient. “You can come back anytime and they’ll be space here for you––”
“If I’m willing to work for Lindy,” Jason threw at his dad.
I frowned, I didn’t understand…
“I’m not going to disregard Lindy’s feelings,” Jason’s dad continued, his gaze and his body language entirely ignoring me. “She’s been working for me for years, over every holiday, and full-time since you went to New York. As far as I’m concerned, Lindy has a stake in this business.”
“So you’re really going to put her on the deeds, not me…”
Oh my God, I understood now, they were cutting him out in favor of Lindy––this
was
a stand-off. But not just against Lindy, against his dad too; Jason had come here to reclaim his territory.
“You said you don’t want to run the store, Jason. You can’t have things both ways. Lindy is interested, she wants to run it, she’d have run it with you, but…” His dad stopped speaking, and then glanced at me.
“But…” Jason prodded angrily.
“But neither her, nor the store, is what you want anymore, son. And if that’s the case, you can’t have it all your way! I’m not going to work forever. I need a plan for what’s going to happen to the store when I retire. And if you don’t want to work here; then why the hell do you care if I pass it on to Lindy.”
I watched Jason make a bitter face. I hadn’t known he was going to be cut out – he hadn’t told me.
“Look, son, if you change your mind tell me. It’ll take a month or two to get all the papers written up anyway. But in the meantime, just lay off for a little bit will you?”
Jason frowned. “Lay off?”
“Throwing
Rachel
in your mother’s and Lindy’s faces.” Jason’s dad cast a disparaging glance at me as he said it, before looking back at Jason.
“So what? You want me to not come here, or go home? Do you want me to deny I’m your son as well?”
His dad sighed, and ran a hand over his face as he sat back down, then he looked up at Jason. “Jason, look, just don’t make life difficult that’s all. Do what you have to do. But don’t make things harder.”
“Harder? What? How? Like just not being exactly as you want me to be? Sorry, I have my own mind, Dad. Come on, Rach.”
With that we were back outside the office, and Jason was in the worst mood I’d ever known him in. His hand shook in my grip as we walked, and his strides were fast and resolute as he pulled me back along the aisle and out the door.
He didn’t look at Lindy. Nor did I. She hadn’t been serving anymore though and I could feel her watching us.
Outside Jason let go of my hand and I went to get in the passenger side of the truck but stopped when I saw him stop and press his hands down on the hood. Then he bent over and lowered his head.
“Jason?”
I went back to him, and pressed my hand on his shoulder. It was shaking.
I rubbed his back not knowing what to do, and knowing Lindy must be watching. “Jason? Are you okay?”
He stood upright suddenly, and thumped the side of his fist on the hood. “Fucking bullshit! It’s all fucking bullshit!”
He turned away. “Let’s just get in the truck and go.”
Remembering his pride for the store the other day, and even earlier when we’d arrived, I climbed in.
He was silent when he started the engine, then he over-revved it before pulling out sharply as his jaw clenched again.
He only drove a short way up the high street before pulling in again, then leaning forward over the wheel for a moment, before sitting back and striking it with the heel of his hand. “Fuck! She’s manipulating them. She’s taken over everything.”
He sat back then and looked up at the roof of the car, taking a deep breath.
I rested my hand on his leg. A part of me feared he was angry because of me. But his hand came down and rested over mine and then he looked sideways at me.
“Sorry, this wasn’t what today was about. I just wanted you to see the store… But… God. He told me this morning that he’s setting Lindy up as a partner. He’s right, I shouldn’t give a damn, but I grew up in that store, stock taking and stacking shelves at the weekend, and fuck, I’m his
son
… It’s like they think more of her than
me
.”
“They’re nice people, Jason. They just feel guilty cause you’ve let her down, they’re probably just trying to make it up to her.”
He looked at me. “By giving her my inheritance? It’s a fucking kick in the teeth. Whatever I do is never good enough for him.”
I leaned across the truck and hugged him, and he brushed his fingers through my hair.
“Sorry, Rach.”
“You haven’t anything to be sorry for.”
“We should’ve stayed in New York.”
“You wanted to see your parents…”
“Yeah, but they clearly don’t want to see me.”
“Jason, you can’t expect them to take the news about me and the baby and celebrate. You should’ve told them it isn’t yours.”
“Yeah right and have them condemn you more. I’ll be the child’s father. Let them work it out if they want to. It makes no difference. The child will be like mine.”
I pulled away and met his gaze.
“And remind me to never condemn my son,” he added, his eyes bright with anger and glowing with determination. “I am going to encourage him to do whatever he wants. I’m never going to be like my dad.”
My heart burned with admiration and love. He was speaking about
my
child like it was his.
“Jason Macinlay, when my child grows up, I want him to be just like you. If he is just like you, he’ll be perfect, and I’ll be the proudest Mom in the world.”
He smiled and chucked me under the chin. “Thanks, Rach, but call the baby
ours
…”
I hugged him again, then remembered what I’d thought last night, about his family, before I’d gone back to bed. They were good people, who just wanted to do good, and have good done to them. “You know, Jason, your family is important to you, too, and if I was you, I’d go back in there and tell your dad how you feel about the store.”
“He ought to know it, Rach.”
“Yeah, but maybe you going to New York means he isn’t sure, maybe he’s hurting, too, Jason.” Hell, I knew when I used to row with Mom and she thought I didn’t give a damn, I was only rowing with her because I
did
. I’d wanted so much more than she would give. And now I thought of it, there had been good in me. I wasn’t born bad. I’d just learned to be that way because there was no one to help me onto the good path. Jason needed to stay on the good path, and I needed to join him on it, not take him off it. “Why don’t you just go back and talk again, more calmly, and see if he’ll listen.”
He looked at me, his brown eyes glowing. “Okay, but I’m not driving back, it’ll look ridiculous, are you up for an icy walk in your heals?”
I nodded, smiling. “If I’ve got your arm to hang on to.”
“You’ve got it, but when we’ve been in there, I’m buying you some practical boots. Maybe that’ll stop them thinking of you as some man-stalking, city-girl.”
But I had been that for years… Maybe their judgment wasn’t so far out.
Not only did he let me hang onto his arm but he picked me up and carried me over the worst of the compacted ice at the edge of the street which hadn’t caught the grit.
“Now if you go down, we both do.” I laughed, realizing people in the street were watching us. Of course, a small town; everyone probably knew him, and everyone probably knew Jason-and-Lindy, and that he’d finished with her. That pond of sharks had turned into a lake of piranhas; everyone wanted a bite of me. But he was worth this, I wasn’t running and I wasn’t gonna let them push him out. He was special. He didn’t deserve that.
He put me on my feet before the store and smiled. “Ready?”
“I am if you are?”
“I am. You’re right. I’ve got to do this.”