Authors: HT Pantu
“Relax, I’m not trying to pick ye up; I have a favor to ask ye. And it’s not a gang bang, so don’t look so scared.”
“Oh.”
“No need t’ sound so disappointed either.” I chuckled and the guy blushed. “Anyway, first off, it’s not for me. Yer not my type. See the guy over there? The one that was on ma knee?” I added because we now couldn’t see Josh’s face, but given the guy’s reaction to me, he must have noticed us.
“Yeah, I saw him before. Your boyfriend is cute—but did you check his ID?” I laughed because the guy had gotten over his shock and he had a sparkle in his eyes as he finally put his phone down.
“Yes, but he’s not my boyfriend. Which is the point. He’s just recently come out, and he begged to come here wi’ me.” The guy’s eyebrows flicked up his forehead in mirth. “Yeah, I know; poor guy doesn’t have a clue. I promised his brother I would look after him, and well, I dun really need to try, do I?”
“No, no one in their right mind would approach you guys.”
I smiled because I knew it was the truth. “Well, just so ye know, we’re not that bad, or at least, not always.” I gave an absent wave to cut off whatever he was about to say. “The point is, I can’t—won’t—let him come on his own, but I’m not about to sit here and let him think he’s not gorgeous. Which he is, by the way.”
“So you’re pulling guys for him?” He looked slightly aghast and kind of impressed at the same time. “If he’s so gorgeous, why not just bring him into your group?”
So he definitely knew who I was and what I was like, and he was still playing hard to get. That meant he probably wasn’t going to come over just to get in with me and Dan, which meant he might be a nice guy.
God knows I’d been tempted by Josh once. And if I wasn’t off sex, the chances were I would have damned myself further to hell and taken the boy to bed. But I
was
off sex because of the James thing—because it was definitely the James thing; there was no way I was hung up on a dick like Trystan. Even Dan had offered before he’d even met Josh—and slightly more enthusiastically when he finally met the gorgeous youngest Jackson. And although I knew that Dan would have made it great for Josh—I knew firsthand after all—and despite the fact that I was happy with my sex life—or had been before I’d seemingly lost my ability to feel lust—it wasn’t like I didn’t realize it wasn’t particularly normal.
“Pah, not a chance in hell; ye think that’s healthy?”
He frowned at me; he clearly hadn’t expected me to belittle my own habits, and I gave him a small shrug in return.
“So, are ye meeting someone or would ye like to come and chat to an awkward and embarrassed friend o’ mine? He’s a nice guy, gorgeous eyes, likes camping and Xbox,” I added with a grin.
The guy chuckled, and he glanced over my shoulder once more. He was seriously thinking about it, which in my books was probably a good thing. “Why the hell not? I’m Chris.”
“Nice t’ meet ye, Chris,” I said and shook his hand as he got to his feet. “I get the impression ye know already, but I’m Idrys, and the handsome man at the back is Dan. Yer cute blushing date is Josh.” I let my smile slip slightly and stared down at him from my full height. “And if yer screw over my friend, yer’ll be dealing with me, Dan, Echo,
and
his brother. His brother’s scary as hell. Understand?”
Chris met my gaze and shrugged. “Sounds fair.”
I mediated some brief and amusingly awkward introductions, and then I deposited Chris and Josh on a table in watching distance and made sure the barman knew not to serve Josh anything alcoholic. Then I went back to Dan. There were plenty of curious looks as I leaned against Dan with a small sigh and returned to my beer.
“Even for us, this is weird,” Dan said softly as we kept a surreptitious eye on the pair.
“I guess so, but I feel sorry for the kid. Ye would too if ye knew his family.”
“So this has nothing to do with him having a massive crush on you?”
“Well, it would make my life easier if he could get over that, yeah.”
Dan said nothing for a moment, but I could feel him building himself up.
“What’s going on, Ide? I spoke to Ashlie and Echo and a couple of the others, and from what I’m hearing, you haven’t been with anyone for, like, a month? I mean, there’s nothing wrong with that, but why now? You got a guy you like?”
“It’s complicated,” I said softly.
“You know all of us would do anything for you, right?”
“Mmm, I know, Dan, and I’m sorry….” I looked round at him, and he held my eyes in his as he pressed a kiss down over my lips. It was soft and tender and full of love; but I knew already. I didn’t need him to tell me; I knew that he would go exclusive for me. I knew that what had once been nothing more than a mutually beneficial agreement had turned into something more on his side. And I hated that after everything he had done for me, all I was able to do was hurt him.
“Wow, I kind of want to meet the guy that’s finally tied you down.” Dan gave me a sad smile as he broke the kiss.
“It’s not like that, Dan.”
“So this has nothing to do with Trystan?”
I shrugged, because it had everything to do with Trystan and nothing at the same time.
“I just don’t feel anything, Dan. It’s worse than when ye first met me; then at least I felt
something
, even if it was only lust. But last Sunday, the cute little piece of ass I’ve just sat at the table over there with another man practically threw himself at me. Josh was practically begging me to take him, and I felt nothing.”
Dan pressed a kiss against the side of my head as we watched Josh across the bar.
“It happened again, didn’t it? You should’ve just told me, Ide. I guess I can’t help you this time?” He spoke gently, and although his words were a question, I knew I didn’t need to answer.
I’d gone a bit mental after the disaster that was my first time. My ass had healed, and after a bit longer so had my head—to a degree. I’d sworn never to bottom again and proceeded to fuck as many guys as possible. Which had been fine when I lived in the middle of nowhere, but when I moved to York, I’d had a practically inexhaustible supply of willing partners. I’m not suggesting that the me right now is some chaste little angel, but I’m practically a saint these days compared to how I was before Dan sorted me out.
Dan had never hidden the fact that he’d done the whole thing just so he could fuck me and that he knew I was scared behind my callous attitude. I’d fucked him once, in a toilet I think, and then he’d basically stalked me, cock blocking me over and over, giving me little choice but to sleep with him again or go without. I think at one point I’d fucked him about five times in a single evening in an attempt to get him to back off. He hadn’t, and then one day I’d woken up in his bed with his finger up my ass. He was real clever about the whole thing. He’d started with just the one finger. He’d not pushed for anything more, just fingered my prostate when he sucked me off. Then after a week or so he moved up to two fingers. When I’d got used to that, he’d stopped doing it altogether. He’d simply waited for me to ask for him to start again. And when I did he’d fucked my brains out.
Dan had made it clear from the start that he didn’t want to date; he just wanted to fuck me. And once I’d discovered that I quite like being topped every now and again, it worked quite well for both of us. Dan introduced me to Echo via a threesome, and I introduced him to Ashlie. And others have come and gone on the edges of our messed-up sex lives, but the four of us have more or less remained the same for two years.
Except that now Dan was in love with me.
“Looks like the date is going well?” Dan said softly. I followed his gaze to where Josh and Chris were laughing together, and the doe-eyed look I’d only ever seen Josh use on me was now in full force on the poor unsuspecting Chris.
“Those bloody Jackson eyes; honestly, they should be illegal,” I said gently, and at my back Dan heaved a sigh.
D
ESPITE
DOING
nothing much more than sit, drink beer, and watch other people flirt, I was surprisingly exhausted when I finally got back home. I’d had maybe four pints, and despite what had gone unsaid between Dan and me, I had ended the night with a nice warm glow from a job well done. It wasn’t late but I was ready for my bed.
So I was kind of irritated by the angry big brother waiting for me on the other side of the door.
“Where the hell is Josh? You fucker.” He didn’t grab me and slam me up against the wall. I could tell that he wanted to, but instead he glowered at me and backed me into the wall just by stepping into my personal space. It had much the same effect. And although I knew he was resisting the urge to manhandle me because of all the shit with James, it amused me that he thought this was any better. It didn’t matter anyway; I wasn’t scared of Trystan. I knew he could hurt me if he wanted to, but that was just one of the many things I knew he didn’t want to do to me.
I leaned back against the wall and stared into those gorgeous brown eyes. Even narrowed in anger they should still have been illegal.
The beer I’d drunk was merrily making its way through my veins. He was so close I could smell him and just about feel the heat of his body as he stood over me. I stared into angry brown eyes and felt about ninety percent of the progress I had made by ignoring him this week dissolve into a soft wash of warmth. So I let a languid smirk spread my lips and tucked my hand around his waist. I ignored the flash of irritation on his face as I pulled him slightly closer to me.
“Well, I found a suitably old, debauched, and decrepit pervert and left them to it,” I whispered with a smile. “Would ye like me to show ye what they were up to when I left?” I ran my tongue over my bottom lip and reached forward slightly, so that my lips almost touched his. “Unfortunately for the pervert, yer mam rang, so Josh is on the phone to her outside,” I finished in a more normal voice.
I laughed lightly, only the problem was that Trystan’s look of irritation hadn’t wavered and he hadn’t moved his face away from mine. And as I stared at him, it was becoming harder and harder to convince myself to lean back against the wall and open up some space between us.
“It went something like this.”
I touched my lips against Trystan’s. It was the softest almost-caress I could steel myself against, and I could have cried at the fire that my body finally decided to release.
Why?
Why not the lovely Dan who would have done anything for me? Why not even Josh who would have at least been fresh and willing? Why this immobile man who stared down at me with hard eyes? My head didn’t know, but my blood sure as hell didn’t care about that, and it flooded my body with delicious bliss. And it demanded more. And I was going to give it more.
“Right, so
you’re
allowed to pester Ide but I’m not?” Josh complained as he appeared in the doorway. “How exactly is that fair?”
Trystan jerked back from me and I was left reeling. Josh had his arms crossed over his chest and he was kind of joking, but I could see an edge of irritation in his eyes that his good night wasn’t quite able to soften. With a smile dusting my face, I gently raised my hands to Trystan’s chest and pressed him the rest of the way out of my personal space.
“Don’t worry, Josh, yer brother likes playing gay chicken,” I said with a smile that I didn’t really feel but was helped along by the beer in my system. “He doesn’t quite get that I’m gay and am therefore always going to win,” I finished with a wink.
Josh looked at me and then turned his puzzled frown on his brother.
“Was Mum okay?” Trystan asked. He had backed away from me, and despite the considerable evidence that I had looked after his brother, he was still scowling.
Josh nodded absently, and he was frowning too; what was it with these two? “Yeah, she just wanted to know I was home. Text her and let her know I’m with you, please.”
I wanted to go to bed, and yet I knew that the echoes of lust that I felt were going to keep me up.
I tried to work it out; it really had been four weeks since I’d been with anyone, and the only action I’d had was that wet dream. Sheesh—no wonder I felt so on edge. Yet I couldn’t deny that last weekend I’d kissed Josh and felt nothing while I’d hardly touched my lips to Trystan and had rarely felt so high on sexual energy. It was obscene—and annoying.
“Come on, Josh.” I held my hand out to him with a smile. Half because I knew it would piss off Trystan and half because I had a feeling Josh was not the kind of guy to go slowly and getting advice in quickly was going to be a necessity.
“Where’re you going?” Trystan snapped irritably as Josh took my hand and a smile returned to the younger brother’s lips. I paused at the bottom of the stairs and shot Trystan a wicked grin over my shoulder.
“Isn’t it obvious? After spending the evening introducing Josh to other guys, I’m taking him t’ my room to ravish him.” I rolled my eyes and let my sarcasm slide away. “I’m going to talk to him about gay sex. Come if ye want.”
“Please don’t,” Josh muttered. His brother ignored him and followed us upstairs.
At my room Trystan paused in the doorway and looked suddenly awkward. I cocked my head to one side and shot him a questioning smile. He met it with a scowl and so I waved him over to the bed. He sat on it, shuffling back so he could lean against the wall and his legs were spread out across the length of it. I found I had mixed feelings about the whole thing as I sat in my office chair and called Josh over to sit between my knees. On one hand this was almost certainly going to be awkward for Trystan—which I liked—but unfortunately having him here would also be a pain for Josh. Having him on my bed also meant there was a chance his scent would remain, and that could be a good or bad thing, depending on my mindset.
I decided to just stop worrying about it. Trystan wasn’t about to leave, and Josh needed to know what he was getting himself into.
“Right, what was that website called?” I mused as I fired my laptop up and pulled up a web browser. I had to go to an e-mail Jorja had sent me in the end, and eventually I found what I was looking for—mangafox.