I Just Want My Pants Back (22 page)

I wandered away, grabbed a Corona from the bar, and weaved through a sea of formalwear until I made it to the deck. Then I kept going, out onto the sand, down toward the water. The music began to fade behind me. I wished I knew a sea chantey, I felt like belting one out. As I stumbled along, I reached inside my jacket pocket and whipped out a perfect little joint. From my pants, I pulled a lighter. I brought the two together. I had a feeling they’d become fast friends.

I found a spot, lay back on the sand, and stared up at the sky, thick with stars. The moon hung low and bright, not quite full but in the ballpark. I put the joint to my lips, took a huge hit and held it, held it, held it, slowly letting the smoke pool in my mouth. Then I made an “O” with my lips, mentally prepared myself for success, and exhaled.

ACKNOWLEDGMENTS

The author would like to buy the following people a pony:

Gerry Howard, my sagelike editor; Emilie Stewart, my agent and
consigliere
; Sandra Garcia, Noah Vadnai, Mallory Kasdan, Evan Benjamin, Tami Brown, and especially Rachel Kash, early readers and gentle critics; Chris Noel, Darin Strauss, Cheryl Van Ooyen, Mark Sarosi, and Penny Hardy for their shrewd suggestions; Fred and Karen Rosen for their love, encouragement, and genetics (height and eyesight notwithstanding); Becky Cole for her support; Rachel Rokicki, Anne Watters, Katie Halleron, and everyone at Broadway who helped make the magic happen; and my dog, Billy, for his patient bladder.

PUBLISHED BY BROADWAY BOOKS

Copyright © 2007 by David J. Rosen

All Rights Reserved

Published in the United States by Broadway Books, an imprint of The Doubleday Broadway Publishing Group, a division of Random House, Inc., New York.

www.broadwaybooks.com

BROADWAY BOOKS
and its logo, a letter B bisected on the diagonal, are trademarks of Random House, Inc.

This book is a work of fiction. Names, characters, businesses, organizations, places, events, and incidents either are the product of the author’s imagination or are used fictitiously. Any resemblance to actual persons, living or dead, events, or locales is entirely coincidental.

LIBRARY OF CONGRESS CATALOGING-IN-PUBLICATION DATA

Rosen, David J.

I just want my pants back / David J. Rosen.—1st ed.

p. cm.

1. Jewish men—Fiction. 2. New York (N.Y.)—Fiction. I. Title.

PS3618.O8314I18 2007

813'.6—dc22

2007000293

eISBN: 978-0-7679-2850-2

v3.0