I Kissed The Boy Next Door (11 page)

“Because I love you, and you infuriate me.” He glanced away. Look at her any longer and he’d repeat it, only it’d be stronger next time.

“I
have another confession to make,” she said.

He sighed. “What is it this time?”

How deep did she dig? Talking to his mom was one thing, but––

“I tried to find out about your little bro
ther.” She didn’t give him time to speak. “But before I called her, I … I called a hospital. I thought I could get names, something to work with to find her. But they wouldn’t tell me anything. That’s when I thought about looking on your phone.”

He returned his eyes to her face.

“And your mom, she was nice. She remembered me. She said …” She hushed.

“She said what
?”

Lucy tucked her hair behind her
ears. “She said you loved me.”

Despite his anger, his heart warmed.
“I do love you. You already know that.”

“Yes, but she said … t
hree years. You didn’t see me for three years. How could you feel that way?”

He
stared at her. “Answer me this. Did you forget me in all that time?”

She shook her head.
“No.”

“Then there’s your answer.”

She brushed a hair from her face. “So you came here and you would have … looked for me?”

Looked and looked.
But he didn’t think he’d have to search very hard, nor had had he thought she’d be right next door.

“Yes,” he said.
“Does that satisfy you? What does it matter anyway? We’re here together, and my feelings for you haven’t changed, though I am really mad at you for doing this.”

She didn’t respond, inste
ad she stood to her feet. “I should tell you the rest.”

“What else
is
there?” he said.

She inhaled deep.
“Your mom sent me an email, and she said to show it to you.”

CHAPTER 16

I called up the computer screen and clicked on the browser icon. Surfing my bookmarks to my email link, I held my breath and scanned the new messages. Sure enough, at the top was one from Linda Phillips. I hadn’t known her name was Linda.

Jackson was standing immediately behind me, and his presence made me squirm. For someone who was mad, he was awfully silent. I didn’t know how to deal with that.

I clicked on the email and it opened in a tab. I read it out loud.

Lucy,

Thank you for calling. I have many regrets, and the damage done to my children is the largest. Jackson is a sweet boy. I meant what I said about his having you. Attached is a letter to him and a photo. It is
the only photo I have of my Joseph.

Feel free to email me sometime
and tell me how you and he are doing. I’d love to know about school and your lives there.

All the best,

Linda Phillips

The document she’d sent opened in its own window, and I glanced back at Jackson. I didn’t want to read it if he didn’t want me to.

“I’ll go,” I said. I made to rise, but he pressed his hand on my shoulder.

“No.” His voice cracked. “Please stay. I’m … afraid.”

I twisted around to better see his face. He’d reddened, and his eyes taken on a glaze.

“You … read it to me,” he said.

I faced back around. “Jackie.”

“I wish she wouldn’t call me that,” he said.

I smiled to myself. Jackie sounded like a girl’s name. I continued reading. “I wish I could talk to you and tell you how much I love you. But I’m afraid that you’re still too upset with me to hear it. You and your sister deserve so much better than a mother like me.”

I paused and glanced upward at him. He squeezed my shoulder. “Keep reading.”

I searched for my place. “Lucy said you thought I abandoned you like I abandoned Joseph. I understand why you feel that way. But I didn’t abandon Joseph. He is with his father’s family. Attached is a picture of him with his grandparents.”

I waited to look at it until I finished reading. “They are good people and very happy to raise him. I am allowed visits, though it is strictly out of their kindness. The father is not in the picture. I’m sorry, but I will not explain that. It is too personal.
Know that my sin I carry in my heart, praying to God for forgiveness I do not deserve. I hope one day to find it.”

“Son, I didn’t want
to let you and your sister go, but you’ve never been happy here, and your father didn’t want to stay anywhere near me. I don’t blame him. So I thought you’d simply be better off there. It isn’t that I didn’t want you with me, but I have no income, no way to support you. I promise to come for your high school graduation, if you’ll let me. Maybe before then, you can call me sometime. However, only when you’re ready. I love you very much, more than you will ever know. With love, your mother.”

I hesitated before calling up the picture. If he protested, I wouldn’t. But he waved me on with a flick of his hand. Joseph was a beautiful baby, all chubby and round with a thick head of hair. His grandparents were smiling from ear to ear.

“He looks like you,” I said. He actually did. I wasn’t making that up.

“You think?” Jackson
replied.

I dipped my head in response.
“Yes. I can print it for you … if you like.” He said that was good, so I hit the print button. The papers squealed into the tray, and he scooped them up. He turned, pausing at the door.

“Jackson, I’m sorry … for going behind your back.”

He nodded, the back of his head bobbing up and down. “I’m going home. I’ll see you later.” He left before I could speak, and his withdrawal pinched my heart so tight the pain crushed my chest. I sat there numb, unsure what to do, what to think.

My cell
phone buzzed. I touched the screen. It was Jackson.

I love you
, but I need time. Please understand.

I stroked the words with my thumb and muttered beneath my breath. “Forgive me
. Forgive me. Forgive me.”

***

I sunk into the doldrums, Jackson’s absence hitting me harder each day, and laid about inert, staring at everything and nothing at all. I skipped breakfast, just the thought of sitting in there and Jackson not being around made me want to cry, and picked at my lunch and dinner. It all tasted like paste anyway. On the third night, I crawled into bed at nine o’clock. I mean, why stay awake? Sleeping seemed preferable.

But I didn’t sleep. I kept glancing over at Jackson’s room, tormenting myself. He’d closed his blinds, probably to keep me out. And I ran over and over in my mind the whole thing. It seemed more and more needless the longer I thoug
ht about it, and so I was feeling pretty dumb and very depressed when I finally drifted to sleep.

Jackson’s voice
woke me up. “You sleeping?” he asked.

Why
ask me that when you’re sitting right beside my bed and can see that I am?

“I was,” I said. I rubbed my eyes. “What time is it?”

“Six.”

“A.M.?”
I screeched. He’d never awakened me that early. Then it hit me he was Jackson, right here in my room, and he’d ignored me for three days. My eyes got all squishy, and I started blubbering. “I … thought … you … were not … coming back.”

He smiled at me and ran his fingers down my cheeks, wiping up my tears. “Of course, I was.”

But get a girl crying real good and she can’t stop. I started sobbing even worse. Soon, I was a complete wet and snotty mess. He acted like he didn’t care and told me to scoot over in bed. I did, and I folded myself around him, laying my head on his chest.

I
t was so nice being there like that. He was warm and snuggly, and he kept kissing my cheeks and mumbling how much he’d missed me. He’d just needed time to think, and never thought I’d think he was taking off. I said I’d thought he was and would never speak to me again.

Then it came to me I was in my nightgown
minus breast support, a fact which soon communicated itself to him because he started making funny faces at me, smirking. And that made me giggle.

We weren’t either one being too quiet.
Mistake.
Because next thing I know the door flies open, and Travis is standing there. If I could have captured his expression for all time and sold it for pennies, I’d have enough to live off of.

“I knew it!” he declared. “I knew you’d both been doing this, and I knew one day you’d mess up and I’d catch you.”

“Oh, shut up,” I said. “We aren’t animals for you to catch, and we aren’t doing anything.”

“
But look at you … and him … in your bed. You’d better hope I don’t tell mom.”

Travis was such a pest. He wouldn’t tell mom; I’d see to that. I glared at him. “Travis McKinsey, I dare you to speak one word.” Then I said the one name that always shut him up. “Susan Bell.”

He got all blustery, his face shading crimson, and in a huff, shut the door.

My giggles returned. Helpless to stop, I buried my face in Jackson’s chest and laughed until I lost my breath.

He was looking at me then, his eyes twinkling, but the question was written across his face.
Who is Susan Bell?

I pulled myself together. “Susan Bell,” I said,
“is my mother’s boss. Well, was my mother’s boss. She’s not there anymore. But when Travis was just out of high school, she hit on him. Like unbutton the shirt, lick your lips, hit on him. He was so freaked.”

I laughed again and had to compose myself.
It was so priceless. “He let her know he wasn’t interested, her being older, and she went ballistic. Started threatening Mom’s job if he wouldn’t see her. He came to me asking what he should do. Like, what do I know? So I told him Mom would be upset to lose her job and more upset he hadn’t told her what her boss said, to take his pick. He goes to see her at her house and tell her his decision, and honest Abe, I don’t know what he chose, but he opens the door and she’s standing there stark naked. He got so upset he puked all over her feet.”

Jackson was laughing now, holding his sides, and that made me laugh again. Then a noise in the hallway shut us both up.

“Lucy?”

Mom.

“Who you talking to?”

“Go. Go. Go.” I said to Jackson. He slipped from the bed and out the window.

I mussed up my hair and cracked the door. “Nothing, just … you know … having a bad dream.”

“About Travis?
I thought I heard him too.”

“He … came to check on me.”

She smiled real wide. “Well, I was worried. You’ve been so down in the dumps.”

“I’m all right now,” I said. “Jackson’s coming for breakfast today.”

She scratched her head and moved toward the bathroom. She had to get ready for work. “That’s nice. He’s a sweet boy.” She closed the door and water gurgled in the sink.

I returned to my room and looked out the window. Jackson was crouching underneath. “You
were
coming for breakfast. Weren’t you? Because I’m making waffles today.”

He smiled real big. “I wouldn’t miss it.”

I tapped him on the nose with my finger. “Good thing I’m your neighbor or I think you’d starve to death.”

EPILOGUE

Almost a year later

A camera went off in my face, and I blinked through the dots in my eyes. “Is that it?” I asked. I really h
oped it was because I couldn’t take much more picture-taking.

“One of you w
ith Jackson,” Jackson’s mother said.

I
moved to his side, and he put his arm around me. The flash went off again.

Travis showed up out of nowhere. “If it isn’t the happy couple,” he said.

I made a face at him. “If we’re happy, then what are you?” I’d be glad when he graduated from college and made himself scarce.

Jackson’s mom walked up to us. Behind her, like way behind, was his dad. They’d sat in opposite places from each other. To be expected I suppose, but at least they hadn’t argued. His sister was somewhere. I looked around for her, but she’d run off with one of her friends.

“Where’s mom?” I asked Travis.

His answer made me snicker.

“She saw Susan Bell and went to say hello.” His face was white as the snow, or I guess it was. I’d never seen snow.

“You mean you didn’t want to go with her?” I asked. Oh, that was funny to me, but to Tray, not so much.

“So what’s next?” Jackson’s mom asked.

He’d started calling her when the school year began, and they’d worked out some of their issues. I shrugged. “No idea. I’m sick of people telling me to go to college. I hate school.”

“Well I know where I’m going,” Jackson said.

I looked up at him.
This was news to me. I knew he wanted to play college basketball. I also knew he’d been offered a couple scholarships, but frankly, I blocked a lot of that out because it meant him being away from me.