I Knew You Were Trouble: A Jessie Jefferson Novel (20 page)

When the last auditionee leaves, Agnes and I get up to join the boys.

‘No luck?’ Agnes asks Jack, as we wander over to them.

‘Nope,’ he says glumly.

‘We’ll have to cancel San Fran,’ Miles says.

‘No,’ Brandon states firmly.

‘What’s happening in San Francisco?’ I ask.

‘Upcoming gig for unsigned bands,’ Jack explains with a sigh.

‘I booked it before Eve quit,’ Brandon explains, flashing Jack a dirty look that he chooses to ignore.

‘It’s a pretty big deal,’ Miles tells me. ‘But I don’t see what else we can do. Whoever we take on has to learn all the songs.’

‘How many did you audition today?’ I ask.

‘Seven,’ Jack replies.

‘I thought the first guy I saw sounded pretty good.’

Jack raises one eyebrow at me as if to say, ‘
Really?
’

‘He did!’ I exclaim. ‘I know he looked like Jon Bon Jovi reincarnated, but he sounded good.’

‘I don’t think you can reincarnate someone who’s not actually dead,’ he points out reasonably.

‘Should Jon Bon Jovi be concerned for his life?’ I ask.

‘He should be concerned for his career,’ Jack retorts, delving into his jeans pocket.

‘Ouch,’ Agnes interrupts. ‘Don’t let Dad hear you talking like that.’

‘I’m kidding!’ Jack replies, putting up his hands in acquiescence. I notice he’s now holding a packet of cigarettes. ‘You know how I feel about Jon.’

The way Jack says it makes me think he knows Bon Jovi personally. I wouldn’t be surprised. His dad, Billy Mitchell, was pretty successful in the eighties.

‘I need a drink,’ Brandon says.

‘I need a smoke,’ Jack replies, popping a cigarette between his lips.

Agnes groans.

‘Next week,’ he promises her, then to Brandon: ‘There are some beers in the fridge. Help yourself. I’ll be right back.’

As I watch him go, I have a sudden craving for a cigarette, too, and I’m annoyed with myself. I had no desire to smoke when I was with Tom. What is it about Jack that brings out the bad
girl in me?

‘What does “next week” mean?’ I ask Agnes when he’s gone.

‘Next week is when he plans to quit smoking,’ she replies with a roll of her eyes.

‘He’ll never quit,’ Miles says with gruff amusement. ‘You do realise that, don’t you?’

‘I can but try,’ she says, looking straight at Miles, and I see the beginnings of a blush creeping up her neck.

‘Can I grab a drink?’ I ask to distract her. It’s easier to hide a crush when you’re the only one aware of it. I bet she wishes she hadn’t told me.

‘Of course.’ She heads to the fridge. ‘What do you feel like?’

‘I don’t know, a lemonade or something?’

I hear her small sigh as she bends down to retrieve a couple of cans, but I don’t comment on it.

We’ve barely cracked our drinks open when Jack returns, a certain buzz emanating from him.

‘I have someone in mind,’ he says.

‘Let me guess,’ Brandon interjects drily.

‘Hear me out,’ Jack continues with a grin. ‘I met her at Lottie’s.’ A dark feeling settles over me. ‘She was cool. She was dressed like a—’

‘—comic-book character,’ I interrupt.

He glances at me with surprise. In fact, everyone does. ‘I saw her, too,’ I say. ‘She looked amazing,’ I add begrudgingly.

Jack gives me an odd look before continuing. ‘Yeah, well, she said she’s a singer-songwriter. She might not be interested in trying out, but we could ask her.’ He glances at me
and quickly looks away again. He seems slightly disconcerted.

‘And I take it you’ve got her number?’ Miles asks wryly.

‘Yeah.’ Jack shrugs.

‘Fine,’ Brandon concedes, and my heart sinks. ‘But if she works out, and you screw this up, we’ll be auditioning for a new guitarist, too,’ he warns.

‘I won’t touch her, I swear.’ Jack grins and holds up three fingers of his right hand. ‘Scout’s honour.’ Then he pats his back pocket and pulls out his phone.
‘I’ll call her.’

He doesn’t look at me as he finds her number and puts the phone to his ear, wandering casually towards the games-room door. I hear him say hi in a deep, warm voice as he steps over the
threshold.

I suddenly don’t want to be here any more.

‘Well, that was fun,’ I force myself to say to Agnes in a cheerful voice, as I get out my phone to call Davey.

‘Are you going?’ she asks with surprise.

‘Yeah.’ I try to look sad. ‘Got to get back for dinner.’

Before she can say anything else, Davey answers. He says he’ll be with me in five.

‘That’s a shame. I was hoping we could hang out.’

I feel a stab of regret. ‘That would have been nice, but… Next time?’

‘Sure.’ She smiles and I take another gulp of my lemonade before placing it on a counter in the small kitchenette. Agnes is seeing me out when Jack comes back.

‘Are you going?’ he asks.

‘Dinner with Johnny and co,’ I reply. ‘See you soon.’

I try to resist glancing over my shoulder at him, but the magnetism that drew me to him in the first place refuses to comply with my intentions. As Agnes and I turn the corner, I look back and
catch his eye.

Sometimes it feels like there’s a cord that connects me to him. It’s almost painful to pull away, but I force myself to turn to the front and keep walking. I have to believe that one
day that cord will snap for good. But only if I want it to, I guess.

That night, I have a nightmare about Mum, and it’s one that I’ve had before.

I’m in my house, but it’s not really my house. I’m trying to find Mum. The corridors are long and winding and I keep screaming out for her, but she doesn’t reply.
Eventually I stumble into a large, echoing living room and almost cry with relief when I see her sitting in her favourite place on the sofa. But she doesn’t look at me, and her face is pale
and lifeless. I run to hug her and my arms close round nothing. Then I remember.

I wake up, sobbing for real. I miss her so much. If she were here, she’d hold me tightly and stroke my hair and tell me that everything is going to be OK. But she’s not here. So I
can’t imagine that everything will be OK ever again.

And everything is so crazy. Until now, it hasn’t truly sunk in that I’m living in limbo while everyone else I know is carrying on as normal. Stu is back at work, back at home, no
longer a prisoner at Johnny’s house. Tom is playing football, going out with his mates. Even Libby and Lou have become friends, and Natalie left school months ago. It’s almost as if I
were never there.

I can’t shake off my slump that week. My lessons with Jan drag by at a slow and painful pace, and afterwards I feel so overwhelmed with exhaustion from my sleepless
nights that I spend the afternoons dozing in my room. I’m happy to be in LA, I am, but everything suddenly feels really overwhelming.

My nightmares about Mum keep recurring. I wake up every day in a mess, and I miss her more than ever now that I’m further away from our home in the UK. I miss Stu, too, and Tom, of course.
I often want to call him, but it’s rarely the right time – he’s either at school or getting ready for it.

Coming back from LA after the summer, I felt the happiest I’d been since Mum died. But now I feel like I’m back to square one.

Tom had so much to do with my feeling safe and content. Tom and Johnny. But life for the Jeffersons is also continuing as normal, and I’m just an add-on.

Johnny is often in his studio. Other times he’s gone for meetings with his record label without bothering to tell me.

Things are always better when Barney gets home from school. Playing with my little brothers is the one thing that seems to cheer me up, but they both get tired – Barney especially –
so I tend to retreat after a while, rather than risk tantrums.

Towards the end of another week, Meg stops me from going upstairs to my room after my lessons.

‘Do you fancy coming for a swim with Phee and me?’ she asks.

‘Not really,’ I reply. ‘I’m a bit tired, so…’

‘It’s a beautiful day…’

‘It’s always a beautiful day here,’ I reply.

‘Not true!’ she insists. ‘Go on,’ she encourages. ‘Come and chat to me.’

I hesitate, only because I don’t want to offend her. But company is the last thing I feel like.

‘I’ll go and get changed,’ I say eventually, and she smiles, looking pleased.

Upstairs in my room, I throw myself down on the bed, barely having the energy to strip off my clothes. As the minutes tick by and I lie on my side, staring into space, I can’t even bring
myself to care that Meg will be outside with Phoenix by now, wondering where I am. I don’t know how much time passes before I drag myself to a sitting position and slowly unbutton my dress,
but then the urge to cry overcomes me and suddenly I’m fighting back tears again. I give up, flopping back down on the bed and sobbing into my pillow.

After God knows how long, Meg comes to find me.

‘Jessie!’ she exclaims in dismay, rushing to my side and wrapping one arm round me. ‘What’s wrong?’

I’m incapable of formulating a response, so I continue to cry instead while she rubs my back and makes soothing noises. Finally my tears subside and my blurry vision clears enough for me
to see that her face is etched with concern.

‘I’m so sorry,’ she says to my surprise. ‘I thought you seemed quiet this week. Is it anything in particular or it is, well, is it
everything
?’

I sniff. ‘It’s just all starting to sink in, you know?’ My voice sounds croaky and I swallow, fighting back a fresh onslaught of tears.

She nods solemnly and strokes my hair. ‘I do know.’

‘I feel like I’m in limbo.’

She nods again encouragingly.

‘I don’t live there, I don’t live here. Everyone else is carrying on as normal and I feel like… Is Phee OK?!’ Panic shoots through me as this thought strikes
me.

‘He’s fine,’ she reassures me. ‘Eddie’s got him in the kitchen.’

I nod. ‘Oh, I don’t know. It’s all just a bit messed up.’

‘Do you like your tutor?’ she asks.

‘He’s alright.’

She frowns at my lack of a glowing reference.

‘He’s a good teacher. He’s just not very pretty to look at.’

That makes her laugh.

‘I’ll be OK,’ I say with a sigh. ‘Things will settle down.’

‘They will,’ she agrees with a nod.

I don’t know when Meg speaks to Johnny, but I assume that she does because on Friday afternoon he comes to find me.

‘You and I are going out for dinner,’ he tells me.

‘What, just the two of us?’ I ask with surprise.

‘Yep. To The Ivy, for a pizza, on my bike.’

‘Your motorbike?’ My heart skips a beat. Is that safe?

‘Yep. You up for it?’

‘Um…’ What would Stu say?

Stu’s not here.

‘OK!’ I agree.

Meg helps me to get ready. I wear jeans and my leather jacket and she suggests I tie my hair back in a ponytail. Johnny gets stopped by Annie, his PA, asking a question, so Meg walks me out to
the garage to try on a couple of helmets.

‘Does he drive fast?’ I ask her nervously.

‘Oh, yes,’ she replies firmly with a grin. ‘But I’m sure he’ll take it slow with you on the back. He’s a very good driver.’

‘Has he asked Stu?’
Why oh why did I say that?
The question slipped out without me even thinking, but I don’t want Johnny to change his mind.

‘I don’t think so,’ she replies, frowning. ‘Do you think he should?’

‘No!’ I exclaim. ‘No, it’s probably better that he doesn’t.’

‘You’ve got me worried now,’ she says. ‘Will Stu flip out?’

‘No, I’m sure he trusts Johnny. And anyway Johnny’s my dad. He’s allowed to take me on his motorbike if he wants, right?’ I sound on edge. Can she tell?

‘Well, yes, OK, I’m sure you’re right,’ she says with a smile. ‘I was just thinking that it’s about time your dad showed you LA. I can’t believe he
didn’t do this in the summer.’

‘Someone must’ve told him I needed cheering up,’ I say pointedly and she looks down, before meeting my eyes.

‘Don’t blame him for being a bit hopeless sometimes,’ she says, her hand on my arm. ‘He’s still not that used to having to look out for anyone but himself,’
she adds with a smile.

I grin back at her.

‘Are we ready?’ Johnny’s voice calls and we start away from each other to see him walking towards the garage, his helmet dangling from one leather-clad arm.

‘Yep!’

He nods at my head. ‘Helmet fit OK?’

‘Perfectly.’

He puts his hands on it anyway to check, moving it around a little. I can’t help but look up at him, at his tanned face, the stubble on his jaw, his green eyes furrowed with concentration
as he tightens the strap under my chin. He meets my gaze and smiles. ‘Good. Come on, then.’

My heart starts to pound a little faster with adrenalin as he leads me to an enormous black, shiny Ducati. He pulls his helmet on, followed by gloves, and then throws one leg over and flips the
kickstand up, balancing the bike between his legs. He nods at the seat behind him.

Meg helps me to climb on, placing my feet on the footrests behind Johnny.

‘Keep your toes here,’ she says, ‘not your whole foot, so you’re out of his way.’

I nod because at that moment he starts up the engine and it fires into life. Whoa. Noisy.

‘Have fun!’ Meg shouts. Johnny squeezes her arm and she smiles back at him.

‘Hold on tight!’ he shouts at me, so I wrap my arms round his waist and a moment later he drives out of the garage.

Eek! He’s going pretty fast!

He slows down as we reach the gate, saluting Sam in the guardhouse. Then he pats his gloved hands on mine and sets off down the hill.

ARGH! OH MY GOD!

The breath is sucked right out of me and I hang on for dear life as he takes a corner. I thought the driveway ride was fast, but that was a snail’s pace compared to this. I’ve never
been so scared in my life! I can’t even scream, I’m so terrified.

He pats my hands again. ‘LET UP A BIT!’ he shouts.

What? No! I’m not loosening my grip – I’ll fall off!

‘AM I GOING TOO FAST?’ he shouts.

I scream my response.

His ribs shake as he laughs. ‘Sorry, I’ll slow down.’