I Need You (18 page)

How did that do stuff in my belly?

Then finally he sucked, and as he sucked the connecting sensation in my belly pulled tight. How could he do that? It hadn’t felt like this with Jason––ever.

He lifted his head, “Are you still thinking about what I’m doing, or are you thinking of something else?”

I couldn’t answer. He wouldn’t want to know I’d thought of Jason, images of him when we’d been together had filled my head.

Billy’s blue eyes stared at me. “Just keep your mind on me and what I’m doing… If you want to get the best out of this…”

I had a feeling he knew my mind had slipped back to Jason, or maybe he thought it was fear. I hoped he thought it was fear.

“Lind?”

My mind had wandered again.

“I want this.” I answered, breathlessly. I did. I needed to get Jason out of my head, and I needed to––

“Well then,” his head bent, and the rest of his words came as warm breath sweeping over my breast, “compete. There’s no fight in you; you’re just lying here. Do something, Lind. If you don’t wanna touch me, touch yourself.”

“Myself?”

“Like you did the other morning…” He looked up, flashing a challenge in his eyes.

“How’s that competing?”

“Believe me, that will make me wanna come.” His gaze was dark and intense.

I shut my eyes as his lips brushed a kiss on my breast, then he tracked a path of kisses to the other side.

Biting my lip I slid my hand beneath the comforter.

Was I actually gonna do this?

He sucked my left breast.

I bit my lip harder and closed my eyes tighter. If I didn’t open them I could pretend I was alone.

My fingers found my sensitive spot and rubbed.

“Rock your hips,” he whispered over my breast. My whole body jolted. He wasn’t even gonna let me pretend I was alone.

“What are you trying to do to me?” I said into the air, my eyes still shut as a tremor ran over my skin while his fingers played with one breast and his lips taunted the other.

“Make you enjoy this so much you are never gonna care what your body looks like again… or use the words liked or good.”

There was a promise…

I touched myself more determinedly as he sucked me harder, this was a competition that didn’t seem to be involving him. But right now I didn’t care. I was thinking about what he did, and what it would be like to have him moving between my legs, giving me sensations that could make me forget everything.

A flush burned under my skin.

His fingers slipped down across my belly as he nipped at my breast with his teeth.

Frick. His flat tongue pressed and rubbed, easing the pain he’d just caused.

His fingers brushed my inner thigh.

My free hand clasped a fistful of his hair and my other hand stilled.

“Don’t stop, honey.” The warm air of his words teased my damp nipple.

I kept my eyes shut and carried on, gripping his hair and rubbing myself, and when his fingers slid into me I pressed my head back into the pillow with a soul deep sigh. His touch was gentle and tender.

No nothing Jason had ever done had felt like this. He’d always been gentle, but not with the knowledge Billy had. Billy was gentle but he knew where to touch.

I bit my lip again, my hips tilting up of their own accord.

“Yeah…” He breathed over my breast as his fingers got more active, and I moved my hips to the pattern as they slipped in and out.

Just keep your mind on me and what I’m doing.

I wanted to. I did.

Billy.

My fingers clasped even tighter in his hair, probably hurting him, as my body got lost in the avenues of feeling. Billy tied my belly up in knots.

The soles of my feet pressed into the sheet as his fingers reached deeper. My hips moved more strongly.
Competition.
A race
. I was racing him with my fingers too, working just as hard as he was inside me.

Something wrapped around me stealing the air. Shallow sighs left my lungs. I burned.

This was ten times what I’d felt when I’d done this alone.

Oh.

Ah.

Exclamations came constantly in my head but I didn’t have the confidence to let them out of my mouth, they left my throat as sighs as I hid in the darkness behind my eyelids, letting him touch me…

Let?

Nothing about this was letting.

I drank in what he did.

What are you trying to do to me? Make you enjoy this so much you are never gonna care what your body looks like again. Rock your hips.

Hidden behind my eyelids, I could be that person. My hips lifted against his invasion, over and over as he played with me, and I played with myself.

Then…

Oh then… The end stole up on me. It raced in––hitting me like a sneaker wave.

Oh my God. Oh… My… God… It crashed into me. This feeling… This thing… It ripped into my body, sparking in my nerves and racing through my blood, to my fingertips.

I gripped his hair so tight I’d pull it out.

He’d lifted his head and his fingers had stilled in me as my toes gripped the sheet. I didn’t know what had happened in the last few seconds. I’d left even time behind.

I breathed hard as I came back to earth and opened my eyes, forcing my fingers to open and let go of his hair as my hips dropped back on the mattress.

He smiled, his fingers sliding out of me. Then he brought them up to his mouth and sucked them.

A tremor tingled in my belly as those fingers left his mouth and brushed across my lips.

I bit his index finger.

He laughed.

“How was it?”

“Good. I want you, Billy.” My blood hummed the words to a tune written by nature not me.

“Well that’s convenient, ‘cause I want the hell out of you…” He was already moving but turning away…

My heart kicked. What was he doing?––Reaching for his wallet, getting a condom.

The little silver packet slipped into his fingers. He ripped it open.

I rolled onto my back and bit my lip as he put it on.

I didn’t want to watch. This delay let the heat drip out of my blood and cold fear creep in.

Then he turned back and moved over me.

The comforter slipped down further so it lay over his hips and left everything above bare. He could see everything.

But then so could I.

“Ready?” His voice came out deep and heavy, loaded with emotion, like this meant a lot to him, as his weight pressed on his hands, dipping the bed either side of my shoulders.

His hips hovered over my parted thighs.

My heart pounded out a manic beat. The sheer size of his body gave me a sense of dark and dangerous, but when I met his blue gaze, I saw gentleness––Billy. Kind-hearted, lovable, Billy. My friend.

“Yeah.”

“Don’t shut your eyes,” he ordered, as he angled things. I lifted my hips without even thinking, because I wanted him there.

He didn’t ease into me like he’d done the time we’d done it in the SUV––and like Jason had every single time we’d done it––Billy shoved into me, a sudden hard invasion. It filled me up.

“Oh.” The exclamation escaped my lips. He had so much force in his muscular thighs and they pushed mine wider, and all the air out of my lungs.

“Keep your eyes open,” he ordered again, when I would have shut them. Then he was pulling out. My super-sensitized internal flesh grabbed at the sensation as a beautiful pain pulled at my consciousness. I’d swelled down there, as I had in the shower, blood throbbed sensation between my legs.

“Oh.” The sound slipped out as he pressed back in.

He smiled.

I gripped his muscle-packed shoulders.

He could cast spells. He’d been into Harry Potter when we were kids. I remembered that. “Wizard,” I breathed as his hips kept moving.

He did odd things, angling his hips, and pulsing on the edge, and… and… “Billy!” My fingernails cut into his shoulders as another sneaker wave hit out of nowhere, smashing into me.

Then he moved faster, smiling, pushing in and pulling out, over and over, the muscles in his thighs working hard.

Our gazes clashed. “You’re not fighting me, Lind. Fight for me…”

I bit my lip and shut my eyes––

“Keep your eyes open.”

Oh Lord. My eyelids snapped up and I pushed my hips against him hard. I tried to catch his rhythm. If kissing was tag, this wasn’t like a race, it was a dance… a blissful dance.

My body had woken up. Been switched on. Turned on… No wonder people said that.

Hot. Sweating. My mouth dry… My blood hummed… “I’m gonna come again.” This time I felt it approach, it simmered, rippling through my body, threatening to pull me back out to sea.

“I’m gonna come too…” Emotion burned in his eyes.

He looked down, watching our bodies join.

I stopped moving. “Frick, don’t stop, Lind. Don’t stop…”

I started again, shutting my eyes, because he wasn’t watching me, and let sensations skim through my nerves and take hold.

The fact that he watched made my skin burn hotter.

Sound left my mouth every time he pressed in and I pushed up.

He increased the pace. I followed his lead.

A race. A dance.
Move and counter move.

He penetrated harder, hitting me roughly…

The wave hit. It swilled into me, like it smashed into a narrow rock pool on the shore.

The earth rocked around us; he didn’t stop, but took over. The winner of the race, pounding into me, hitting my body with a force that kept my temperature up and the sensations spinning inside me.

Fighting. Racing. Pushing
toward his end.

My fingers clung in his hair, holding on. All I could do was hold still against this onslaught and let him do as he wished. There was no more dancing and I couldn’t race against this, I’d never win. He wasn’t allowing me back to earth until he’d got to his end.

My head pressed into the pillow and my toes curled gripping the sheet. Let… But it wasn’t that sort of let. This was nothing like anything that had happened before.

I came again, the feeling even more intense. How could it happen again, when I was still high on the last one?

“Ahhh.” Billy shouted, announcing his end, a low animalistic roar of sound, as he pushed in deep and hard. He pulsed inside me, holding still, his body rigid.

I opened my eyes. He looked at me, but his gaze had clouded. He shut his eyes and a low growl left his throat as he withdrew then rolled off me. Then he laughed. “Shit.” His hand came up and gripped his hair.

His body glistened with sweat in the light from the bedside lamp, making the ridges and hollows across his chest and abdomen more beautiful. The comforter rested over his groin, revealing that little cut of muscle at his hips.

He’d only just finished and I wanted to do it again.

His leg bent up beneath the comforter. “That was something…”

I guess he wasn’t disappointed. He breathed hard, his fingers still in his hair. Then he sat up, his eyes opening. “I better go get rid of the condom.”

When he disappeared into the bathroom, I pulled the comforter up. My arms held it over me. I’d been disloyal to Jason. I’d cheated. He’d dumped me months back and had a completely new life––a wife and kid. But my heart still belonged to him. I’d broken that––and discovering I could enjoy sex with Billy, Jason’s best friend, made everything all mixed up and wrong.

Tears tingled a path down my cheeks. I wiped them away as I heard Billy pee.

I felt awkward. I was back in the room, naked beneath the comforter, lonely and scared.

He came back in naked, beautiful, big and confident.

My heartbeat pulsed out appreciation. The ache between my legs reminding me there was no doubt my body liked his.

I swallowed against the dryness in my throat. “Can you get me some water?”

“Yeah, course.” He turned to get a bottle, then threw it on the comforter in front of me.

I sat up, holding the comforter over my breasts, opened the bottle and sipped from it as he got back in bed.

I put the bottle down on the chest beside the bed. When I turned back, he lifted his arm. “Come here.”

I did but I cried again, my arms reaching about his midriff and then clinging as he held me against his chest. I got his velvety skin wet.

His fingers brushed through my hair. “What are you crying for?”

“Because it was good.”

“And that’s made you cry…?”

“Yeah, it doesn’t feel right. I don’t know. I shouldn’t be here. It’s like it’s a dream and I’ll wake up soon,”
with Jason
.

His fingers stroked through my hair. “It’s okay. It feels like a dream to me too. Switch out the light and we’ll go to sleep. Maybe it’ll feel more real in the morning.”

I rolled away and flicked the switch, then lay on my side, facing away from him and curled up. I didn’t know what had hit me or what was wrong with me. I had too much going on in my life. I’d escaped it for an hour of bliss but that made the burden of reality even heavier…

This wasn’t a dream. Jason wasn’t ever coming back.

But it wasn’t the thought of Jason making me cry anymore. It was Mom. How could I have forgotten about Mom?

Billy moved behind me and curled around me, spooning; his breath caressing my shoulder.

Chapter Nine

Billy

I’d been watching Lindy for ages, my head balanced on my palm, as I lay on my side next to her.

For a girl who hated sex she’d been hot last night. It hadn’t ever been that good with anyone else. But maybe that’s ‘cause it was her.
It’s like it’s a dream.
I got that emotion.

Lindy and me.

The girl I’d wanted for as far back as I could remember…

I wanted to touch her face. But I didn’t want to wake her.

I was the first person who’d seen her like this. Without makeup. Truly naked.

Lust twisted in my belly, tangling up with the love playing guitars in my heart.

How could she not see how beautiful she was? She looked pretty frickin’ awesome to me. The naked tone of her lips was a very light pink. Her black-tinted eyelashes flickered. My gaze lifted to the thin lines of her plucked eyebrows; she’d tinted them too. But her cheekbones were strong and natural and her nose had that cute little upward tilt. My fingers itched to play with the waves in her blonde hair as it spread over the pillow. I’d stroke a finger along her nose too, touching because I could, sweep a finger along her jaw and down the column of her neck. Her skin had tanned since we’d got here so it didn’t look so pale.