I See...Love (A Different Road Book 1) (22 page)

Back at the house, Josh grabs two spoons and some blankets, then Joss takes my hand and we follow him down to the beach. Josh lays one of the blankets on the sand, places the other on top, and then he leaves. Joss takes my hand and guides me down to the blanket. It’s a little chilly, so I wrap one of the blankets around Joss’s shoulders. Joss takes the pint of ice cream out of the paper bag, then I hear her remove the lid and two spoons, and one gently touches my hand.

I’m trying desperately to push the grey matter out and just let what happens, happen. I take the spoon from her and grip it tight in my hand. Joss takes my hand and guides my spoon to the ice cream centered between the two of us. I hear her mouth open and the spoon gently glides over her teeth as she removes it from her mouth. I toss my spoon to the side and take her face in my hand. As I kiss her strawberry ice cream flavored lips, I gently lay her down on the blanket. Her hand and her spoon come to the side of my head as she returns the kiss. I remove the spoon from her grip and toss it to the side. Her fingers lace in my hair and she moans into my mouth. The waves lap on the sand just feet from where we lay. The wind blows her hair and it tickles the side of my face. I’m overloaded with sensations. My skin explodes with her touch. The waves and her moans thunder in my ears. The taste of her is irresistible and her earthy smell is intoxicating. Grey matter is dripping everywhere.

I place most of my weight on her as I kiss the last of the strawberry flavor off her lips. Her left leg rises ever so slightly and she puts pressure on the growing bulge in my pants. I take my hand and run it up her silky smooth right leg taking her lightweight dress upward as I go. As our heavy kiss begins to soften, a small smile forms on her lips. It’s like a short circuit in my brain every time she does this. It’s me that’s putting this smile on her face. I feel so guilty knowing one day eventually her beautiful face will be filled with tears as I destroy her.

I hear a dog coming toward us and I’m sure its master is sure to be with the dog as well. I slide her dress back down her legs and help her sit up. She reaches over me and retrieves our spoons and the pint of ice cream. She again hands me a spoon and we dig into the strawberry goodness. Just knowing her lips are again flavored with strawberry ice cream makes me want to rip her clothes off right here, right now.

The owner of the dog is playing fetch with him. I hear a large object, maybe a piece of driftwood being thrown out to sea, and the happy dog barks and splashes into the water to retrieve it.

“It’s a beautiful evening,” the stranger says, as he passes by.

“Yes, it is,” Joss replies.

The dog walks towards us and I hear the excitement in her voice as the dog walks onto our blanket.

“Sadie, come on, girl,” the man says. “Sorry if she got sand on your blanket,” he continues.

“It’s alright, she’s a beautiful dog,” Joss replies.

The man pats his leg, and then grunts as he again tosses the object into the ocean, and the dog runs toward the water.

I haven’t asked anyone this question in so long. I’m almost embarrassed to speak the words. But, I want to hear the description in Joss’s own words.

“What do you see?” I ask her, once the man walks far enough out of earshot from us.

She pauses for a brief moment, glues herself to my side, lays her head on my shoulder, and then answers.

“I see a man and a soaking wet, yet extremely happy black lab playing fetch. The dog’s tail is wagging back-and-forth a mile a minute with its excitement. The sky tonight is just breathtaking. The sun is almost at the horizon above the water. The sky is streaked with orange, pink, and purples against the whisper flat almost nonexistent clouds. The waves are gently rolling in towards us. The water creeps up the sand in a wavy, ambiguous pattern. As the water rolls back toward the ocean, the dark sand bubbles as it soaks up the water. Scattered here and there on the shoreline are remnants of the ocean’s gifts,” she says.

I close my eyes and listen to her detailed beautiful description. I wrap my arm around her waist and pull her tight against my body. I can bring up the picture of a black lab. I see the picture, but somehow along the way, over the years, I forgot that their tails wag when they’re happy. I can see the ocean in my mind, but somehow over the years the seaweed and shells that it brings in, disappeared from those pictures. The pictures I bring up in my mind have a new look to them with Joss’s description. They’re so much more beautiful.

Joss shivers in my arms, reminding me that I should be getting her home. We both have work in the morning.

“I should get you home,” I tell her.

“Before we go, can I ask you something,” she says.

“You can ask me anything. It doesn’t mean I’ll be able to answer,” I tell her.

She doesn’t ask the question right away, which tells me this isn’t going to be something I want to answer.

“Never mind, it’s nothing,” she says, and stands up.

I stand up as well and face her taking her shoulders in my hands.

“Are you sure?” I question.

“I’m sure,” she replies.

Maybe it was for the best that she doesn’t ask. I hear her gather up the blankets, then she takes my hand and we walk back toward my house. We walk up the stairs to the back deck and I hear Kate’s loud music filtering out of the pool house.

“Just one minute,” I tell Joss.

Back on comfortable ground, I take Joss’s hand and walk toward the pool house. I knock on the door, but Kate can’t hear it over the loud music she’s playing. I try the handle and the door opens right up. Instantly the music is lowered and Kate walks toward us.

“Hi, River. Hi, Joss,” she says.

“I’d like to not receive complaints from my neighbors about the loud music. You’re going to have to switch over to headphones,” I tell her, knowing she needs the noise to function.

“Sure, sorry River,” she says.

“Good night, Kate,” I tell her, and take Joss’s hand again.

The instant we’re in the house, Josh makes an appearance.

“We’re ready for you to drive Joss home,” I tell him.

The drive back to Joss’s house is quiet. Her description of the things she saw is still fresh and vivid in my mind. Josh pulls up to Joss’s house and he stops the car in the driveway. He walks around the car and opens the door. I scoot out after her and take her hand as I walk her to the door.

“Thank you for not having to condition your hair tonight and spending the evening with me instead,” I tell her.

I run my hand down the back of her arm and pull her into me. She smells like a mixture of strawberry and nutmeg. I slide my lips down her cheek until I reach her smiling lips. I kiss that smile right off her lips as I thrust my tongue into her mouth. She gently wavers back and forth, as I remove my lips. I run my index finger down her cheek to make sure her smile has returned, and then I walk back to the car.

The entire ride home my lips tingle with the memory of her kiss. My mind is reeling with long lost visions I thought my brain had closed the door on. I also find a need to get a dog. A black lab. When I come home from work and walk in that front door, I’d love to feel their tail whipping against my legs as they wag it with excitement because I’m home. What would it be like to have Joss waiting for me at home? If she were, would she be happy that I just walked in the door, or would she plaster on a fake smile? I’ll never know because I’ll never see it.

Today was a confusing day. I couldn’t let my weakness rear its head because I showered at Joss’s house this morning. I saw things through Joss’s eyes and it was spectacular. Yet, lingering in the background are my demons. I know they’re there and I know I can’t control it. I know in the end I’ll only ruin the woman that Joss is, and the fact that I still want to see her only confirms that I am a monster just like my father.

Tonight was amazing. I was stunned when River asked me to describe what I’d seen. I had been studying the sunset, the beach, and the dog for quite some time. When he asked me to tell him, I recited it from memory. I was looking into his eyes the entire time, studying his face as I spoke. The way his throat bobbed up and down and the way his eyes glistened broke my heart. I almost couldn’t get it all out. It was as if he had forgotten what they all looked like. How much can you remember from the age of ten? It makes me sad to think of all the things he’s never seen and the things he’ll ever get to see.

I could kick myself for not asking him what I wanted to ask him. I know River has issues going back to his childhood, even before the accident, but I wanted to ask him about his uncle Sebastien and Fawn. God, I can’t even bring myself to say her name in my mind without a nasty taste in my mouth. Please tell me that’s not her real name? Of course, it’s not her real name, she’s a prostitute for crying out loud!

Nina is already in bed asleep as I walk into a completely dark house. I lock the front door, leave all the lights off, and head to my room to crawl into bed. I reach in my nightstand and remove River’s tie, then place it on the pillow next to my face and fall fast asleep.

The next morning, bubbly Maddy walks into the house carrying a gorgeous bouquet of red roses.

“Oh my gosh, those are beautiful! Do you have a secret admirer that we don’t know about?” I ask, on my way into the kitchen.

“Nope. These were on your doorstep. There’s a card on them and it has your name on it, Joss,” she replies, with a happy smile.

“They’re for me?” I ask, surprised.

God, River is such a sweet man. What did he do? Leave here and pick up roses, then bring them right back? Or, is he already up and dropped them off bright and early.

I take the card and sure enough, it has my name on the outside. I open it, and there’s only one word written on the card -
faiblesse
.

It must be a foreign word. I’m sure River probably speaks a dozen languages in his line of business. I don’t have time to look it up right now. Nina and Maddy are already in the office waiting for me to have our morning meeting. I have a bunch of deliveries today and three chef clients, I’ll have to look it up later.

After our meeting, Maddy and I grab our bags and get ready to load our vans. I glance at the flowers sitting on the counter and I pout. I really should put them in water. They’re absolutely beautiful and they must have cost a fortune.

“You go. I’ll put them in water for you,” Nina says, coming up behind me.

“Thank you! You’re the best,” I say, but before I go, I take one red rose from the bunch to keep me company all day.

I load the back of my van, and then I help Maddy load hers. I close the back of her van, and then bang on the back telling her she’s all set to go. I watch Maddy drive down the street and I smile. I still can’t believe we have a full time employee. Before I turn around to get into my van, a black limo driving down the street toward me comes into view. Since I’ve known River, I’ve never seen him in a limo. I know he uses them from photos of him at gala’s and events, but I’ve never seen him in one in person. How sweet that he’s stopping by before work, he must have dropped the roses off last night right after he dropped me off. Then the limo driver comes into view and it’s not Josh.