I Spy a Wicked Sin (32 page)

He’d thought he’d known hell.

He’d been wrong.

His floating consciousness registered nothing but unrelenting agony. He was formless, nothing but a mass of blackness, registering words and phrases. Disembodied voices, strangers.

Some voices were familiar.

The pain was too much. He tried to let go, but whatever cord bound him to this place refused to be severed.

So he relished the return of oblivion when he could, hoping each time he slipped away that it was the last.

He came closer to the surface, became aware of a hand holding his. Fingers stroking.

“Get well, please,” Lily. said “Liam is driving everyone insane—he’s so afraid for you. Come back, Jude. Don’t make me keep my promise.”

Promise? Oh. He remembered.

Did he want her to keep it? All he had to do was find the strength to utter the words, and she’d honor his wishes.

And now he found he didn’t want to leave. Did he feel stronger? Some, yes.

But, God, he was tired. He ached.

Not as bad as before, though. He could do this.

He wanted to tell her to have faith, to wait for him, but sleep claimed him once more.

Eight days. Excruciating days watching Jude hover near death, and waiting for her world to end. Watching sweet Liam lose his mind, shadows in his eyes. Despair.

And then, this morning, Jude had awakened briefly. Before going under again, he’d whispered, “Want to live.”

More wonderful words had never been spoken. She and Liam had rejoiced, told Michael, the doctors and nurses, his fellow agents. Everyone who’d listen. A new flurry of activity ensued and a campaign began to get him back on his feet. Everyone came to visit, talking to him endlessly, trying to spark something in him. Blaze Kelly came, recovered from the gunshot wound he’d sustained when he’d been ambushed by Dietz. Michael told him about finally cracking the file, and how he was making Dietz wait in anticipation of his punishment.

Jude was in and out of consciousness, but he seemed buoyed by this news and their visits. He didn’t talk much, and some of it didn’t make a lot of sense, but it was beautiful music all the same.

While Lily was overjoyed to see him making progress, the one dark spot on her happiness was her role in all of this. No matter what he said, the guilt was suffocating.

Liam had yet to say he forgave her. He didn’t speak to her about anything except Jude, and he hadn’t touched her since they’d arrived at the compound.

When after two weeks the doctors said Jude was out of the woods, Lily packed her meager belongings and went to Michael’s office.

When she walked in, he knew.

He shook his head, spreading his hands on his desk. “Don’t leave. Not now. Stick this out and see how he feels.”

“I can’t, Michael,” she said, dying inside. “It’s killing me, knowing what I’ve done. If I’d questioned Dietz sooner, none of this would’ve happened.”

“You did question him,” Michael insisted. “You phoned my estate several times trying to speak with me about your assignment, and I was so wrapped up in my grief over Maggie’s death that I put you off. I assumed my top man would take care of things, and boy, did he. If I had listened to you, none of this would’ve happened. How do you think that makes me feel?”

“I hear you. I do. But I have to go, sort some things out in my head. I hope you understand.”

“I understand, but I’d hoped you would do your sorting here.” He sat back in his chair. “All I ask is that you don’t resign without talking to me face-to-face.”

“Deal. But I’ll tell you now, my days as an assassin are over,” she said firmly. “My stomach is gone for that type of work.”

“You and I agree, then. I never would have put you back into that situation, not now. Think it over, give it some time. When you decide what you’d like to do at SHADO, let me know. Or if you want to move on to something else, I’ll be glad to put in a good word for you—off the record, of course.”

That earned a small smile. Michael had to keep a low profile and keep SHADO under the radar, always. “I will.”

“Give me your contact info when you get settled. I won’t be happy if I have to go to the trouble of finding you. And I would find you anyway, so save me the effort.”

“I’ll call you.” Reaching out, she offered her hand and it was immediately swallowed in the big man’s grip. “Thanks, for everything.”

“Just come back, Lily. That’s all I ask.”

“You don’t ask much.”

His eyes crinkled at the corners. “Never.”

Turning, she left his office, went to her room, and shouldered her bag, not even knowing where she was headed.

She didn’t find Liam and say good-bye. She couldn’t look into those gray eyes and see sadness, or, worse, relief to see her gone. So she took the coward’s way out.

Lily walked out and didn’t look back.

Jude paced his room in the compound, going out of his frigging mind. He was pissed. And hurt.

One month. A goddamned month of counterdrugs, vitamins, muscle therapy, a careful diet. No sex.

And no Lily.

He was fucking sick of these four walls and if McKay didn’t release him pronto, he’d walk.

From his chair, Liam piped up. “Calm down, man. He’ll be here soon.”

“You’re damned right, he will. Even if I have to hold him at gunpoint to make him sign my papers.”

“We’ll go get her soon. Just hang in there.” He paused. “I miss her as much as you do. I’m afraid I wasn’t very thoughtful of her when she was here, but I was so afraid for you, I wasn’t thinking of anything but getting you well. I think she might’ve gotten the wrong idea, that I was mad at her.”

“Well, she’ll get a big clue before long.” Groaning, he pushed on his zipper, adjusting his neglected cock.

“You planning to save some of that for me?” He heard the grin in his friend’s voice.

Jude glared in his direction. “It’s your fault I’m so hard I’m cross-eyed,” he hissed. “You’re the one who won’t even spring for a quickie.”

“Hey, McKay said strenuous activity might set you back,” he said, defending himself. “My first concern was for your health, not getting off.”

“Sorry.” He shot his friend a contrite look. “I’m just—”

“Here we go,” McKay said cheerfully, striding into the room crackling a sheaf of papers. “Congratulations, St. Laurent. You get to walk. You’re a medical miracle.”

“So I’ve heard.”

“Sign where I place your hand. Just make a scribble, best as you can do.”

Jude took the papers and a pen, and he was a free man. Damn, that felt good.

McKay took the papers back. “Michael wants to see you before you guys take off. Says it’s important.”

“I’d planned on it anyway, but thanks. And thank you for saving my ass.” He offered his hand and the other pumped it with enthusiasm.

“Anytime . . . but not anytime soon, okay?”

“No worries. I’m taking a leave of absence, starting now.”

“Good man.”

After he’d gone, Jude and Liam walked to Michael’s office. Liam helped guide him while he tapped with his new cane. He’d lost track of the old one somewhere in the chaos.

The door was open, the man inside. Jude knocked and stepped in, Liam behind him.

The big man sounded as though he was smiling, something he rarely did. “God, you’re a sight for sore eyes. A little thin, but vastly improved from a couple of weeks ago.”

“I feel almost as good as new. Lost twenty- three pounds, but I’ll gain it back. Wasn’t a bad trade-off.”

“Hear that. So. I assume you’re here to demand the location of a certain agent who also happens to be on leave?”

“Now will you tell me?” During their last three conversations, Michael had refused, holding the information as a way to get Jude to work even harder at his recovery before he spilled. It worked.

“Now that you have your release papers from McKay in hand? You bet. Though I bet you could figure it out on your own, given a day or two.”

“Michael.”

“Okay, I give. She called yesterday and said she’d decided to head back to Los Cabos—”

“Hot damn!” Jude laughed. “Michael, I love ya, man, but don’t call me for at least a month.”

“Yeah, I sort of figured. I’ll tell you what I told Lily. Give me a ring when you decide what you want to do here. I’ll accommodate you any way I can.”

“I appreciate it.”

“Now get out of here. I think you have a woman to rescue.”

He didn’t wait around to hear more.

L
ily sat in her lounger on the beach, watching the ocean lap gently at the shore. Despite the warmth, she felt desolate inside. gently at the shore. Despite the warmth, she felt desolate

She’d spoken with Michael several times over the past few weeks, and he’d insisted Jude was going out of his mind demanding to know her whereabouts. But that could mean anything. He might only want to have his say, and bring things to a close between them.

So she sat here or wandered the resort, fending off advances from sexy would-be playmates. Without Jude, the thought of sex with strangers no longer held any appeal, more than on a base level.

And that was no longer enough. It was the connection, the sharing, between them that made their adventures so special. Without the ones she loved forming her anchor in life, the act held no joy.

“Sparing any thoughts for me, baby?”

Oh.
Oh, please.

Pushing out of her lounger, she turned and saw him. Jude, holding a new cane, looking thinner but healthy, auburn hair on fire in the sunlight. He was dressed for the beach, in swim trunks, and nothing else. Obviously he’d checked in, and her pulse leaped at the implication.

With a happy cry, she closed the distance between them and launched herself into his arms. His body pressed into her, warm and safe, surrounding her. He smelled so good, felt so right.

He was hers, and had come to reclaim what was his.

She lifted her face and her mouth was claimed in a kiss that melted the ice in her chest. Set her ablaze. Their tongues danced, stroked, affirming their reunion. Reestablishing the bond that hadn’t been broken after all.

They went down on the sand together, unwilling to be parted, touching every available inch of skin. Jude loosened her bikini top, then yanked at her bottoms. In seconds, she was naked, reaching for Jude’s trunks, pulling them down. He was hard and leaking, cock standing at attention.

“Spread your towel on the sand, baby,” Jude murmured in her ear. “I want you.”

Oh, yes! She spread it quickly and pulled him down with her. “I missed you so much,” she whispered.

“I missed you, too, sweetheart. Let me show you how much . . . and how much I love you,” Jude added, swooping in for another kiss.