I Want My MTV (20 page)

 

 

 

 

 

 

“WE WERE THE MEDIA OUTLAWS OF OUR TIME,”
John Lack says of MTV's original staff. “There was sex, drugs, and rock n' roll. We were creating new worlds. And when you're pio neers, half the world is going to think you're awful, and the other half can't get enough.” There was a definite disparity among the MTV team—they looked like yuppies but partied like college freshmen. The biggest rock star on staff was Les Garland, an optimistic, amiable guy who seemed to know everyone in the music biz yet still hung out with interns.

 

LES GARLAND:
We were approaching our first anniversary in the summer of '82. People had been working eighteen-hour days. Everyone was burned out. I went to corporate and told them we needed to have a major blowout for the staff. They said, “It wouldn't look good. We've spent too much money this year.” I was pissed. So I called the department heads into my office. Because I didn't want Pittman to find out, I said, “This meeting never took place. If any of you ever say it did, you'll be accused of being a liar. We need to quietly organize a big blowout for the staff. And where the money comes from, I never need to know.”

I decided the theme of the party should be gambling. If you won a certain amount of fake money—which, unbeknownst to me, became “Les Bucks,” with my picture on it—you could buy one of the prizes, which were left over from giveaways and contests. We had a TV, I think we even had a motorcycle. There was a stage, where people could get up and jam, and a casino. The party was raging.

JOE DAVOLA, MTV producer:
Les was basically saying
Fuck you
to Pittman by having this party. And it made him a hero to the staff.

 

ROBERTA CRUGER, MTV executive:
We all overindulged that night. Gale and I got up onstage and did cheers for MTV: “Give me an
M
, give me a
T
, give me a
V
.” We were acting like jackasses.

 

LES GARLAND:
Around midnight, people were demanding a speech from me. I did a pretty good Bob Pittman imitation, so I got onstage and started talking like Pittman, and when I looked stage left, there was Pittman. I could not fucking believe it. I wrapped up within seconds and left. Because this could be trouble. I'd had some tequila, and this was not the time for a confrontation.

 

GALE SPARROW:
Les was onstage when Bob walked in. Les said to me, “Hey, Bud, if we don't make it through this, we'll just start another channel.” We all thought we'd be fired. I called Les the next day and said, “It's been nice working with you.”

 

LES GARLAND:
At 10 A.M., Dwight Tierney, the HR guy, phoned my office. I said, “Good morning, Dwight. Do I need my attorney?” He said, “We have one issue here: the prizes. Tell me where the prizes came from, because they have value and we can't be giving $25,000 motorcycles to people.” So I told him. And he said, “There won't be another word about this. Happy birthday.”

 

GALE SPARROW:
Les was a great boss. Whenever we had a meeting with him, everybody felt good when they left, even though we were working around the clock and were completely burned out.

 

LES GARLAND:
We were all kind of famous for not sleeping much. I'd be out until four or five in the morning, sideways from tequila, and I was in the office the next morning sending out memos at 9 A.M. I was pretty famous for my stamina. They were like, “How the fuck does he do that?” I tell people to this day, I invented tequila. I'm the guy that brought it into the rock n' roll business. I wasn't afraid to go rippin' and roarin'.

 

BOB PITTMAN:
Les thought big and moved fast. He was one of the most creative people on our team. But Les was not very organized. At one point, Les became a senior vice president with no one reporting to him. But that turned out to be the right use of him.

MILES COPELAND:
Les Garland talked a mile a minute. You were never sure which, ahem, “substance” was inspiring his volubility.

 

ALLEN NEWMAN, MTV staff:
Rick Krim and I were referred to as “Garland's Boys.” And although Garland was absolutely the poster child for
party
, it never took place in the office. I did something stupid—there were some illegal substances that showed up in the office—and I was absolutely reprimanded. Garland said, “You're young and stupid, and we're gonna give you a second chance. Don't do it again.”

 

HARVEY LEEDS:
Besides golf, the thing Les loved most was smoking dope. He'd call me in the middle of the day and say, “Hey, Bud, come on, let's go wash my car.” We'd get in his car, drive up the West Side, smoke dope, and go to the car wash. It was great for me, because I'd have his complete attention for an hour.

 

STEVE SCHNUR:
On my first day as an intern, Les said, “Hey, Bud, what are you doing for dinner tonight?” Two hours ago, I didn't know who this guy was. He said, “You're coming out to dinner with me and some buddies.” And that night I found myself having dinner with the New York chapter of the Hell's Angels.

I came in the next morning and there's Garland, looking perfect. No bags under his eyes. That afternoon, he said, “Hey, Bud, we had a good time last night. Come over to my house later.” My first impression was
Wait, what kind of creepy situation did I get myself into?
Anyway, I go to his house, and sitting there is the
Penthouse
Pet of the Year. This is unbelievable, right? We're eating this wonderful dinner, Les is chain-smoking and playing one great tune after another. I said, “Garland, I can't believe I'm getting college credit for this.”

 

JOAN MYERS:
My primary duty as Les's secretary was to juggle his girlfriends, which was nearly a full-time job in itself. I was the gatekeeper. He dated [actress] Maria Conchita Alonso for a while. One year, he brought her to my Passover Seder.

 

STEVE SCHNUR:
Les never had a problem with the ladies. I'm a heterosexual and I've got to tell you, Les is one of the most handsome human beings I've ever seen.

 

RONALD “BUZZ” BRINDLE:
I joined MTV as director of music-video programming. One year on Les's birthday, we were in a meeting and there was a knock on the door. Les's secretary brings in this woman in a gray business suit, carrying a boom box. She plays the boom box. And then she starts stripping. As she's taking her clothes off, Les starts taking his pants off. Next thing I know, she's topless and bouncing her breasts off my bald pate, while I'm trying to continue the meeting.

 

STEVE SCHNUR:
I'd answer Les's phone, and it would be Huey Lewis or Grace Slick. They would say
hi
and ask for Garland. There were no barriers. We were completely accessible. Most of the programming MTV developed—like the first VMAs, with Madonna coming out of the cake—happened because of our relationships with artists, and that was because we spent time with them. We were fun to hang out with. And a lot of that, if not all of that, had to do with Les Garland.

 

RONALD “BUZZ” BRINDLE:
Les Garland was in Eddie Murphy's hotel room, and he called and told me to play the “Axel F” song, from
Beverly Hills Cop.
I couldn't just throw it on the air. I had to research it—did we play the song fifteen minutes ago? But Les told Eddie he was gonna get it on the air within the next ten minutes, and he wanted it on. I can't say I wasn't annoyed.

 

MARK PELLINGTON, MTV staff; director:
Les was larger than life. He'd walk out of his office with his shirt open and you'd think, “Was Les just fucking that girl in his office? That's a strong possibility.”

 

KEN R. CLARK:
There was a big MTV executive whose office was next to the VJ lounge. Missing Persons were in the building one day, and our studio manager walked to the VJ lounge and saw something he shouldn't have seen: Dale Bozzio fellating the MTV executive. The executive bellowed, “Shut that door!” I did not see this, but
everybody
talked about it.

 

BETH McCARTHY, MTV producer:
I saw that. Mark Goodman asked me to go to his dressing room to get some notes for him—I was the assistant to the line producer, so I would do errands for the VJs. I ran to his dressing room, opened the door, and, um, Les was getting a blow job from Dale Bozzio. I saw this out of the corner of my eye and closed the door very quickly.

 

ALLEN NEWMAN:
I can confirm that story—it happened in my office. I couldn't understand why the door was locked. I found out once I unlocked the door and went inside. Garland didn't even have permission to use my office.

DALE BOZZIO, Missing Persons:
I don't have any comment. I appreciate your time, but I'm not interested in being interviewed, okay? I'd rather have nothing to say.

 

LES GARLAND:
Dale Bozzio was one of the most beautiful women I ever saw. Very erotic. She was a dear friend, and, of course, Missing Persons were huge on MTV. But I never had sex with her in the MTV offices. Absolutely never.

 

ARNOLD STIEFEL, manager:
One time Les Garland called me and said, “You've got to come over. I'm in a bungalow at the Beverly Hills Hotel. You're not going to believe this. I've got a hooker here. She can shoot six Ping-Pong balls out of her twat. I catch them in the trash can. Come over now.” I swear.

 

STEVE SCHNUR:
Through Garland, I became friendly with Rod Stewart. This was a typical night: I'm lying in bed at one, two in the morning, the phone would ring, and it'd be Garland: “Schnur!”—he always called me by my last name—“Schnur! What are you doing?” “I'm sleeping.” “Rod and I are hanging, come on out! And pick up some cigarettes on the way.” So I'd get my ass out of bed, go to the club or the bar, and there was Rod and Garland. Les would say, “Rod, you know Schnur, right?” And I'd met Rod a hundred times before. He goes, “Yeah, Schnur.” See, Rod began to think that Schnur was my title and not my name. He though a “schnur” was someone you could call at one in the morning to grab cigarettes and show up at a club. One night we were all out and Rod turned to Les and said, “Garland, I've got to get me one of these schnurs.”

 

LES GARLAND:
One night, Rod and I went to the River Café in Brooklyn. It was the two of us, Rod's manager Randy Phillips, and four lovely ladies. We get there and we're feeling pretty good. It's Christmastime, everything's festive, everybody's tipsy, and Rod announces that we should play Truth or Dare. He says, “There are a couple of rules. You can only take two truths and you must take a dare. Also, there's another thing. We have to play with our pants down. And mine are already down.” Rod was wearing a beautiful Versace suit. The lady sitting next to him reaches over and touches his leg and sure enough, she nods and say, “His pants are down.” And next thing you know, we're all dropping our trousers down around our ankles. There was a tablecloth, so nobody in the restaurant knew we're sitting there with our pants down. It's kind of stupid, right?

One of the ladies would say “Truth,” and Rod would ask, “Did you ever have sex in the backseat of a car?” Pretty soon, someone dared one of the ladies to ask the waiter where the ladies' room is, then grab his groin and walk off to the bathroom. And she did it. The waiter didn't know whether to laugh or cry. Pretty soon it comes around to the lady who was wearing a low-cut dress. She had a nice figure. Rod says to her, “I dare you to drop your dress straps and take your breasts out until the count of three.” Boom, she does it. One, two, three. And she puts herself back together and the game goes on. Pretty soon, it was Rod's turn. There was a couple there who'd been gawking at him, checking him out, so someone dared Rod to go over there and say to the guy, “May I kiss your girlfriend?” He pulls his trousers up, goes over—a perfect gentleman—and the next thing you know, he bends her back like out of a 1940s romance film, sticks his tongue down her throat, and gives her a big kiss.

So now it comes around to the lady who had to drop her top, and she's gonna get even with Rod. She says, “Rod, do you have your trousers down?” He says, “I do.” She goes, “I dare you to stand up and salute the Statue of Liberty.” You can see the statue right outside the restaurant window. And damned if he didn't do it. By now, the game's been going on for a while. We're eating, champagne's flowing, tequila's flowing. We're not out of control, but we're close. Rod turns to me and goes, “I dare you to get up with your pants down, waddle over to the bar, get a shot of tequila, slam it down, and come back to the table.”

 

RANDY PHILLIPS:
Rod dared Les to take his pants down and walk around the restaurant with his “knob” showing. And Les did it. It just goes to show you, with Les Garland, there's no job too big—or in this case, too small—to keep an artist happy.

 

LES GARLAND:
No one had refused a challenge dare yet, and I wasn't going to be the first. I stood up, waddled across the restaurant, walked up to the bar, ordered a shot of tequila, slammed it down, came back to the table, and sat down. The owner came over and said, “Gentlemen, this party's over.” So we paid the check and left. I couldn't believe we got to stay as long as we did.