Authors: Sophie Monroe
“Answer me
Fiona
. If I ended it right now would we be together?”
He pleaded
.
“I can’t answer that right now.”
He pulled
my face to his and kissed me. T
his kiss was
different from the other times it
full of hunger and desperation.
I kissed him back with equal passion.
“Please don’t walk away.” He knew me so well.
I can’t do this.
I needed to think.
I pulled out of his grasp
and ran away
.
Cooper
“What’s with you always watching Fiona. You look like you’re getting ready to play fetch or something.” Riley said.
“I don’t know what you’re talking about.” If I was watching Fiona it was purely subconscious.
“You always watch her. I’m your girlfriend how about you look at me instead.”
I’d
been seeing Riley for a few weeks
now and things were
not
serious
. She was a
usually a
sweet girl and came from a nice family, though they needed time to grow used to me
. T
hey automatically assumed that because of my looks and my motorcycle that I was a bad boy, I wasn’t,
well
not anymore.
I felt bad since I was really only using her to make Fiona jealous but it wasn’t working how I’d hoped.
Riley
was
already pushing
to take the next step
in our relationship.
S
he
was pushing
me to take her virginity
,
I didn’t want to
. First I didn’t love her and the second
reason
was
e
mbarrassing
because
I could
n’t
even
get it up around her
if I wanted to
, thankfully I didn’t
.
I only wanted to be with Fiona
and ‘little Cooper’ seemed to be in agreement
.
Every time I
saw Fiona
I literally fell to pieces, I missed her so much sometimes it was even hard to breathe. Today was her eighteenth birthday and I’d been working on her present tor the last few days. I sketched a p
icture
that I’d taken of her on one of our “dates” when we went to a fair a couple t
owns over.
S
he was grinning cheekily
eating funnel cake. I
t was my favorite photo she looked like the carefree happy teenager
that
she should be with none of the bullshit that we were dealing with right now. She was going to freak out about the other present, which was more for me than her.
At lunch I
was standing with Riley and a couple of her friends she kept eyeing the large rectangular box that I’d been carrying around all morning. As soon as I saw Fiona come in I walked over to her and
handed her
a
the
box
I
wrapped in unicorn paper
, our little inside
rainbows and unicorns
joke.
“Open it.”
I watched her peel back the paper and lift
the lid. Inside was a framed sketch
I’d made for her
. “Happy birthday C
rash.”
I kissed her on the cheek
, aiming closer to her mouth
even though it hurt me to do it
.
I wanted to kiss her lips so bad
.
I still wanted
her.
She opened my card and read it.
I could see her eyes starting to grow damp. I didn’t want her to cry.
Riley was glaring
at Fiona and it was pissing me off.
I
t was time for us to part ways
.
“Tattoo?” I asked.
“Don’t get mad okay? I did this for you too.”
I lifted up my
shirt
and showed her the new tattoo I got for her
on the inside of my bicep
,
a white orchid flower
.
She stared at it open mouthed.
“Fiona means, white or fair and the orchid means beauty, strength and love.”
“It’s beautiful. But I don’t know why you’d do that. We’re not together Cooper.”
Not by my choice I wanted to say but bit my tongue.
“I told you my tattoos are the scars I choose. Wait that didn’t come out right… you’re not a scar. What I meant to say is that I wanted something that would always remind me of you.”
I ignored her
question.
I was still carrying a torch for her
and
I think the tattoo made it
blatantly
obvious.
“Got any big plans?”
I wish I was able to take you to a nice dinner.
“Actually I’m going to my family
’s
lake house.”
I knew from Luke that she’d been spending a lot of time there lately.
“By yourself?”
Please say yes
so I can invite myself
.
Wow I sound like such a loser even in my own head.
“Um, actually no.”
“Oh, you bringing the girls? That will be fun.”
“No they’re not coming either. Actually I
kind of
have a boyfriend now.”
I felt like someone stabbed me right in the heart. A boyfriend?
“Oh
. H
ow long has this been going on? Anyone I know?”
Please not be anything serious.
I’m so in love with you.
“A little over a month and maybe. He’s from Delaney.”
Great. Fucking fantastic.
“You’re kidding?”
I was trying to hide my anger though I don’t think it was working.
“No.”
Why, why not me Fiona? But I couldn’t ask her that.
“Well what’s
his
name?”
I was trying to keep my temper in check.
“Garrett York.”
FUCK! Not good, not good at all.
“You’re fucking kidding me right? After our
you know,
I tried for over a month straight to get you to give me the freaking time of day and just like that you end up with him.”
Damn Fiona, he’s bad news. But if I said anything it was going to cause
her because she would just think it was me being a jealous asshole (which I was)
and she’d hate me
anyway. I had to find a way to break them up before anything happened.
“What’s your problem, you gave up on me remember?” Riley was watching our little tiff with daggers in her eyes
and Fiona started crying
.
Shit, this was not going as planned. Best just stick with the truth
,
well the truth with omission.
“Hey, look I’m sorry.” I ran my fingers over my cheek catching the falling tears. My heart sped up
with the touch of her soft skin
.
“God Fiona I fucking love you! I love you so fucking much it hurts. There will never be anyone else! I never gave up! I fucking fell in love with you the day you almost hit me, you looked so sad that day but you were the most beautiful girl I’d ever seen, you take my breath away. I vowed to make you smile. Christ I’d marry you right now if you’d let me. The only reason I let you go was because it was killing me to see you all the time all broken and know you wouldn’t let me help you.
I thought maybe if you saw me with Riley you’d get jealous and realize what I’ve known all along. I won’t give up on us Fiona,
I’ll stand up for you forever, you’re my true love, my whole heart. Please don’t throw that away
.
” I took a deep breath before continuing.
“
Riley was distraction. I’ve died everyday waiting for you to come back to me but you didn’t. I
t’s not like that with her, I told you that. We’ve kissed and even when we did that I felt like I was dying inside. The whole time I wished it was you. I love YOU!”
I didn’t realize how loud I had gotten until I
saw Fiona’s face a
nd I knew by her look that Riley had heard everything.
I was slightly proud that Fiona looked smug.
I should have felt guilty but the only thing I felt was relief that I was finally able to get that off my chest.
“But yet you
’
r
e
still together.”
She
spat.
I wanted to tell her that Riley and I are only
together because I was sick of being alone all the time and felt
like a stalker pining after her
all the time
.
That I had to leave my phone in the kitchen so I could keep myself from calling you every five minutes that I play
our one perfect night over and over in my head at least five times a day
.
The
way you seemed so carefree; happy, the way that I want to make you always but I held back knowing that I already said enough.
“And what if we weren’t? What then?”
I
asked
dead
serious.
“I don’t know.”
I could tell she was torn.
“Answer me. If I ended it right now would we be together?”
Because
it will only ever be her
. I loved
her and she as all I ever wanted
.
“I can’t answer that right now.”
Dammit!
I crashed my lips to hers begging her to remember why she should give me a chance, she was kissing me back.
Come on Fiona, let go.
“Please don’t walk away.” I said knowing exactly what her next move would be.
She pulled away from the kiss and
ran away. Shit!
Fiona
As soon as I started running I ran to my car hoping that no one, mostly Cooper would follow me.
I decided it was best for me to skip the rest of the
day;
I
needed to do some serious thinking
. I texted Garrett letting him know that I was out early and changed our plans I told him to meet me at four instead of eight.
I popped in
my
new P!nk CD
The Truth About Love
and headed towards the lake house
. I was torn and
confused
,
part of me wanted to break up with Garrett and tell him it was fun but then it wasn’t really fair to him
. H
e didn’t do anything
and I’d been so wrapped up in thinking about Cooper I never really even let him in
either
. I knew I loved Cooper there was something special between us
,
is was palpable.
Then
there’s the
tattoo, why’d he do that? We’re not even together and he goes and gets something that reminds him of me
,
permanently
. I ran through the pros and cons in my head of each of them
,
which left me higgledy-piggledy
.
O
ne lyric really resonated with me.
“It’s in the stars, it’s been written in the scars of our hearts, that we’re not broken just bent and we can learn to love again.” Could I allow myself to love, really truly love again?
If you asked me three months ago I would have said absolutely not,
never again,
even after our one night together I would have said probably no
t
but more out of fe
ar than the overall idea of it. I wanted to be loved but I just felt so broken, scared and maybe even undeserving. Now I truly thought I might be able to; maybe I was just really bent but could put the pieces back together.
I needed to pick one it wasn’t fair to them or me t
o keep going on like this.
I
knew I
should
give Cooper a chance since
he was there first and
I never really
did give him the opportunity and he tried so hard. H
is tattoo proved he
never gave up on me
and I was
so wrapped up in the fact that I was
damaged goods
that I didn’t
let him in
.
I replayed our last night together over
and over and how perfect it was. He
was right
when he said
things between us were
effortless
, it’s
like we were made for each other
.
Then there was Garrett who was fun and charming, he made me feel happy but there wasn’t that spark that I felt with Cooper
. It almost felt like I was pretending with him, like it was over before it ever began.
He was attractive but for some reason he didn’t make me get all hot like Cooper could just by winking at me. There had to be a reason that I didn’t want to take the next step with him
and it all boiled down to Cooper…