Authors: Amanda Hocking
“It is.” Linnea smiled up at her husband, and then she got to her feet.
It was a faux pas for her to speak while another person was toasting, and it was especially unheard of for her to stand up and join him. But when she looked out with sparkling eyes at the table, beaming with such wild delight, it was obvious that her excitement would not be held back by propriety.
“We both want to offer you our immense gratitude,” Linnea said. She lifted her glass high in the air, spilling a few drops in her haste, but she didn’t seem to notice or mind. “So to Kasper Abbott and Bryn Aven, I’d like to drink to you!”
She quickly took a drink from her glass, but everyone else was slower to follow suit. Kasper reddened and smiled thinly at her before taking a very quick sip. A King and Queen were never supposed to drink to their staff, but since Queen Linnea had suggested it, everyone had to do it or they would seem rude.
I finished my glass in one long swig because I had a feeling that it was going to be the kind of night where I’d want the wine to take the edge off, and as the dinner progressed, I was repeatedly proven right.
Linnea was almost giddy, and while Lisbet was much more composed and reserved than her granddaughter, she was also brimming with happiness. The two of them talked and giggled, steering most of the conversation. Queen Mina was determined not to be left behind, so she laughed louder and spoke quicker than she normally did.
King Evert, for his part, tried to look amused and interested, but he’d never been a good actor. I always thought that being a leader meant having a good poker face, but Evert proved me wrong in that regard.
Despite the antics of Linnea, it was her husband that kept drawing my attention. He didn’t seem annoyed or embarrassed by her behavior, nor did he seem to enjoy it. He rarely spoke, instead sitting quietly and eating his food without reacting much to what was happening.
He seemed so cold and distant. I couldn’t imagine that Linnea actually loved him or missed him the way she claimed to have.
And even as the happy haze brought on by several glasses of wine settled over me, I found myself once again wondering what exactly Mikko was hiding behind his blank stare.
My boots came up to my knees, and my jacket went down to the ground, but the cold air still managed to get through, sending a chill down my spine. Not that I minded. As the evening dragged on, the dining hall had grown increasingly warm and stifling.
Just beyond the palace door, I breathed in deeply, relishing the icy taste of the air as it cooled my flushed cheeks. The combination of being free from the dinner, the minor promotion in job duties, and the buzz from the alcohol all seemed to hit me with the exhilarating headiness of the wind. The night suddenly felt so very alive.
“I’ll meet you at the garage at seven in the morning,” Kasper reminded me. He and Ridley had been standing just behind me, making small talk about the dinner, and now Kasper had begun to say his good-byes.
“I’ll be there,” I said with an easy grin.
Ridley waved at him as Kasper left, watching as he walked away—nearly jogging in his hurry to get to Tilda’s apartment. It was less than eight hours until he would have to be up, getting ready to depart for Storvatten, so I’m sure he wanted to make the most of their last evening together for a while.
“I’m surprised you’re in such a good mood,” Ridley said, turning his attention to me. He moved a few steps closer, filling in the gap that Kasper’s absence had left. “After that
interesting
evening we had.”
I laughed. “Yeah, but it’s over now.”
“It makes me glad we’re not royalty. I’d hate to sit through those all the time.”
“It’s getting late.” I exhaled deeply, letting my breath fog up the air. “I should be heading home and to bed, since I have a long day tomorrow.”
“Yeah, I suppose.” Ridley glanced up at the night sky, then back at me. “You be careful this time, all right?”
“I will,” I promised him.
Then, since there really wasn’t anything more to say, I gave him a small wave before turning to walk away. I’d only made it four steps before he stopped me.
“Bryn,” he said, and I looked back over my shoulder at him. “Let me walk you home.”
They were five simple words that sounded almost inconsequential, especially since Ridley had walked me home on several occasions. But somehow tonight they felt like so much more. There was a weight to them that had never been there before.
It was in Ridley’s tone, which held a hint of urgency, his voice low but strong enough to carry. In his eyes that burned so intensely, I could almost see the hunger hidden in the darkness.
Finally, I answered him, and I didn’t even know what I would say until the word came out of my mouth. “Okay.”
He looked relieved, and then he walked over to meet me. His steps matched mine easily. I wrapped my arms around myself to keep from shaking—if it was from nerves or the cold, I wasn’t sure—and he kept his hands in his pockets. The night was quiet, the streets were empty, and neither of us was saying anything.
It was a two-minute walk from the palace to the stables, and it had never felt so strange. My heart was racing, quickly pumping blood that felt too hot in my veins, and it caused a delirious heat to wash over me.
It was really the strangest feeling. Like teetering on the edge of a precipice. I
knew
something was going to happen. And the anticipation was killing me.
My apartment was a loft above the stables, and when we reached the staircase that ran alongside the building, I started to go up. But Ridley had stayed behind. I turned back to face him, standing at the bottom of the stairs and staring up at me with the same look he’d had outside of the palace.
“Aren’t you coming up?” I asked, and for one terrifying moment, I was certain he wouldn’t. And then he began to climb the stairs.
At the landing, I unlocked the door, acutely aware of Ridley’s body behind me. My hair had been pinned up in a loose updo, and I could feel his breath warming the back of my neck.
We went inside, pretending this was normal, that this was like every other time he’d been in my loft, but the air felt electrified. He commented on the dirty laundry overflowing my hamper, and I apologized for the cold while starting a fire in the woodburning stove.
I kicked off my boots and jacket then lit a few candles while he set aside his own jacket and shoes. Now we stood in the center of the room, a few feet of empty space between us, gawking at each other. The floorboards felt cold underneath my feet, and I kept staring at the few buttons of his shirt that had been left undone, showing off the smooth skin of his chest.
I opened my mouth, planning to ask him if he wanted to sit down or have a drink, but the words suddenly felt like a waste. I didn’t want to sit down or have a drink. I only wanted
him
.
I went over to him, and without hesitation, without thinking, without worry, I kissed him, knowing he would kiss me back just as hungrily. And he did not disappoint. He wrapped his arms around me, pulling me to him, but I didn’t feel close enough. I pushed him back until he hit the wall.
Ridley stopped kissing me long enough to smile crookedly as I started to undo the buttons of his shirt, but even that quick separation felt too long. Then his fingers were in my hair, and his lips were on my mouth, and I didn’t know if I’d ever wanted anything as badly as I wanted him. My body literally ached for him, starting in my chest and working its way down to a desperate longing between my legs.
His shirt was gone, and I’m not sure if he pulled it off or I did, but either way I was grateful. I ran my hands over the firm ridges of his chest and stomach, surprised by how warm his skin felt against mine. Then I felt his hand on my thigh, curious and strong.
Just as his fingers looped around the thin waistband of my panties, Ridley pulled his mouth from mine and looked me in the eyes. “Are you sure—”
But I silenced his question by kissing him again, and I put my hand over his and pushed down, helping him slip off my panties. I stepped out of them and back from him. As he watched me, I pulled my dress up over my head and tossed it to the floor.
His eyes widened in appreciation, and he whispered, “We should’ve done this a long time ago.”
Ridley started to unbutton his pants as he stepped closer to me. He reached out for me, but I pushed him on the bed so he was lying on his back. Grabbing his pants with my hand, I yanked them off in one swift move, and then I climbed over him, letting my body hover just above his.
I leaned down, kissing him again, savoring the moment. Our bodies were so close, I could feel the heat from his. He put one hand on my hip, his fingers gripping me desperately, begging for more.
And then finally, I lowered myself on him, and my breath caught in my throat. He gasped, almost in relief, and closed his eyes at first until we found our rhythm together.
I sat up, taking more of him and moving faster. He was breathing heavier, and just as the delicious heat exploded deep within me, Ridley sat up, still inside of me. He wrapped his arm around me, holding me against him at the moment he finished.
We both leaned against each other, panting, and my body felt like jelly. As if all my bones and muscles had melted into this wonderful, contented goo, and all I wanted to do was stay melded to Ridley like this forever.
But I couldn’t. I leaned back a bit, trying to catch my breath. My hair had come free, and Ridley brushed away a lock that had fallen in my face. He let his hand linger, warming my cheek, and by the look in his eyes, I knew he wanted to say something he wouldn’t be able to take back.
“Don’t,” I whispered.
He shook his head. “Don’t what?”
“Don’t say anything that would spoil this. Let’s just leave this as it is.”
He let out a deep breath. “Okay.”
I smiled at him, pleased that he wouldn’t push anything, and I climbed off him. I blew out the candle on my table and the one next to my bed, so the loft was in near darkness with only the fire in the stove casting light.
I climbed back in bed, lying on my side with my back to Ridley. He waited, sitting on the bed where I’d left him, but now I felt the bed moving as he settled in behind me. I scooted back on the bed, moving closer to him, and he put his arm around my waist, strong and warm against my bare skin.
His body felt wonderful against mine, spooning me to him. I closed my eyes, wishing I could fall asleep like this every night, but knowing I never would again.
The fire had gone out in the stove, so it was cold and dark as I scrambled around my loft. I’d pulled on a sweater and moved onto digging through my top drawer for a clean pair of panties and a bra, but I kept coming up with mismatched socks instead, making me curse myself for not doing laundry more often.
The bed creaked behind me, and I hurried to yank on my underwear. I could make out the dim outline of Ridley as he sat up, and my whole body tensed up as my stomach dropped. I’d been hoping to sneak out of here before he woke up, so I could avoid an awkward morning-after conversation.
“Sorry if I woke you,” I said, since standing in tense silence wasn’t making the situation any better.
“No, it’s no problem.” He leaned forward and clicked on my bedside lamp, bathing the room in dim light.
Ridley sat at the edge of my bed, the covers draped across his lap and covering the more intimidating parts of his naked body. He was hunched forward slightly, staring down at the worn floorboards, and he ran his hand through his tangles of sleep-messy curls.
I waited, hoping he would say something,
afraid
he would say something. But when he didn’t, I burst into motion. As uncomfortable and even painful as this morning was, I still had a job today. I had twenty minutes to pack and meet Kasper at the garage before heading out to Storvatten.
“Sorry, I have to get going,” I tried to explain so he wouldn’t think I was rushing out on him, even though I would’ve wanted to rush out on him whether I had somewhere to be or not.
“No, I get it.”
Throwing my duffel bag on my old couch, I quickly made trips from my dresser and armoire, loading it up with everything I thought I might need. It was a little tough packing, because I wasn’t entirely sure how long I’d be gone. It could be a few weeks—maybe even longer.
Plus, I need clothing for every occasion. Jeans for working, suits for meetings, uniforms for formal affairs, and even a couple of dresses. Thankfully, in tracker school, we’d actually had classes on learning to pack quickly and efficiently.
“Listen,” Ridley said.
I paused long enough to look at him, and I realized that I’d been so focused on packing that I hadn’t noticed him getting out of bed and dressing. His shirt still wasn’t buttoned, and he was fixing the collar as he spoke. Still only wearing a sweater and no pants, I suddenly felt exposed.
“We don’t need to talk about last night.” I tried to brush him off and run back to packing, but he put his hand on my arm as I darted by, stopping me.
“I want to, though,” he insisted.
Swallowing hard, I looked up at him. “Okay.”
“Last night…” Ridley’s eyes were slightly downcast, so he wasn’t looking directly at me. He took a deep breath. “Last night was kind of amazing.”
“Yeah,” I said, since I couldn’t think of anything more to say.
Last night actually had been amazing. I could still taste his lips on mine and feel his hands on my skin. In the moment afterward as I lay in his arms, my head against his shoulder, both of us gasping for breath, our bodies entangled—I’d never felt closer to anyone. I’d had this sense of utter completion that I’d never felt before.
Now, I felt a strange, cold emptiness inside me, an absence where he’d been.
“I don’t know why it happened. I mean, I’m not complaining.” He gave a weak smile that quickly faded away. “But it doesn’t matter why, I guess. It just … We both know that it can’t happen again.”