Authors: Ellen Hopkins
Most of Me
Does hate my life.
But this tiny sliver
is more afraid of what
life might become
than it is of pain,
ever-present now.
At least I recognize
the boundaries imposed
on me. I know how
far to push. I know
when to step back.
I know when to tuck
tail and run. I know
when not to twitch.
I love my mom, hate
when she disappears.
I love when she comes
home, hate when she
hides inside herself.
I hate my father, love
when he puts distance
between us. I hate
how he treats me.
Love when he makes
me feel loved.
School Is My Refuge
At least for today. At least,
most of it. Mr. Lawler chooses
elections as the topic of the day.
Guess who’s front and center.
What can you tell us about your
mother’s political ambitions?
he asks, rather pointedly.
Has she
thought beyond this election?
Is he talking like Mom as president
or something? I shrug. “They’re
her ambitions. You should
probably ask her about them.”
He smiles.
Fair enough. So
what about you? How do you
feel about your mother running
for Congress? Are you proud of her?
I really wish he would quit
shining the spotlight on me.
How am I supposed to answer?
“How else would I feel, Mr. Lawler?”
My tone tells him to change
the subject, and he moves on
to infamous elections in the
distant and not-so-distant past.
I Couldn’t Care Less
About any election, including
the one going on right now.
All I can think about is seeing
Ian. We have drama today, so
we’ll get to rehearse together.
Not that I’ve had a lot of time
to practice lately. I’ll probably
blow every line. But at least
the romantic scenes should take
on an air of definite credibility.
I’m stuck in thoughts of dramatic
interpretation when the door opens.
It’s some office intern, with a hall pass.
For me.
Your mom’s here to pick you up.
Everyone stares as I gather my stuff.
Mr. Lawler waves me out the door
and resentment builds inside me.
I know I’m off to be presented
as familial bling, when all I want
is to be left way alone. With Ian.
Bling for a Day
That’s me. Photo this. Interview
that. And every damn word is a lie.
“Of course I’m very excited about
my mother’s prospects today….”
The whole thing fills me with dread.
“Oh yes, I think she deserves to win.
She’ll work for positive change….”
For the country, if not for me.
“Well, if she doesn’t win, she’ll try
again, I’m sure. This is her dream….”
Does she still dream? I’m not sure.
“The best part of the experience? I guess
seeing politics in action. I’ve learned a lot….”
There is no best part of this experience.
“The worst part? Having her away so
much, I suppose….”
The worst part? That she
so
wants to go.
The Afternoon Ticks By
By eight, when the polls close,
the house has filled with people,
good Republicans all. I swear,
I’m registering Dem. That will
make it just that much easier
to never vote for my parents.
Daddy is up for reelection in two
years, and he’s sure working
Mom’s crowd now. He’s not
about to play bling when there’s
so much Money floating around
the living room, drinking Dom
Pérignon and nibbling canapés.
Ranchers. Winemakers. Small
business owners. Developers.
All might one day call in favors
for the votes they no doubt cast
today. Then there are cops.
Prison guards. Other judges.
And, oh yes, there’s the mayor,
a stout, youngish conservative
who rubber-stamps growth—
like if he builds enough new
neighborhoods, he might actually
find a life partner in one of them.
Conspicuously absent is Hannah,
who helped pull this shindig
together. Guess my big mouth
made her fade into the background,
at least until Mom takes off again.
In hindsight, it was amazingly
stupid to delete her from this
complicated equation. Idiotic.
Oh. Wait. Here she comes.
Glass in hand, Daddy
glances at the new arrival.
His first reaction is to smile
widely. Then he notices Mom,
weaving through guests on the far
side of the room, and his smile
slips ever so slightly. Hannah waves,
and Daddy moves toward her.
Mom misses nothing, though she
doesn’t miss a beat of conversation.
But when Daddy reaches Hannah’s
side, takes her arm, Mom starts
in their direction. This evening
might get interesting after all.
I Angle Closer
The last catfight I witnessed
was my own, with Madison.
This one should prove more fun.
But, no, Mom remains the steadfast
politician. She extends a hand.
So lovely to see you again. Ray?
Please get Hannah something to drink.
Too subtly for the untrained eye
to notice, she extricates Hannah
from Daddy, who ambles toward
the bar like a half-trained puppy,
glancing back for trainer approval.
I move even closer, knowing
Mom is not about to leave
things up in the air. I am so right.
I hear you helped organize this
evening,
she says.
Thank you
so much
. Then, smile slipping not
one inch, she lowers her voice.
I also hear the two of you have
become rather close. I do hope
you understand the nature of
politics. Scandal will not
be tolerated. My people will
see to that. Perhaps a mutual
decision to move on with
your separate lives is wise.
Mom pauses, but Hannah gives no
immediate response. I wait for
a threat. Instead Mom offers a bribe.
I’ve told my personal assistant
to see what he can do about
your outstanding student loans.
Hannah remains quiet for several
seconds, as the weight of Mom’s
words sinks in. She glances over
at Daddy, who has found her
a glass of champagne. He smiles,
but she doesn’t dare smile back.
Before he can rejoin her, she
meets Mom’s steady gaze.
And all she says is,
I understand.
She’s In Over Her Head
And she 100 percent knows it. Mom will kick her
figurative butt if she chooses to disregard the overt
warning. Instead, play it smart, come out way, way
ahead. Mom, of course, is truly the smart one.
Give Hannah a way out, but make it clear
she’d better latch onto it. Run with it. Run.
Funny, because, wrapped up in my
own little corner of the universe,
I always thought it was Daddy
who carried the power here.
Now I see how wrong
I was. Now I see why
he wields such a big
stick when Mom
isn’t around. It’s
the only way he
can feel like
even half a
man.
Daddy Returns
Offers her the glass of bubbly.
I keep my back half to them, at
a respectful distance, but close
enough to successfully eavesdrop.
Daddy doesn’t notice me
at all.
So what did she have
to say?
he asks.
I assume
she issued some sort of threat?
A glance over my shoulder
reveals Hannah, sipping Dom
and scanning the room.
She
said to take a hike. What else?
I see.
Daddy clears his throat.
And do you plan to take orders
from my wife? Depending on
what happens tonight, she’ll—
You said the magic word, Ray—
wife. I’ve always known this would
be a temporary fling. This is
probably a good time to end it.
She hands her glass to Daddy,
kisses him softly on the cheek,
starts out the door. He looks like
he’s going to follow her, but…
Just Then Someone Turns Up
The volume on the television,
where regular programming
has been interrupted for an
election update. The polls
closed
hours ago and returns trickle
in. In the Twenty-fourth U.S. Congressional
District, Kay Gardella currently
leads with 52 percent of the vote.
That comes as little surprise
to me,
of course. A cheer goes up
in the room. Unless there’s
a major turnaround, Mom’s
got it in the bag. Looks very
much like we’ve lost her
for good.
I look at Daddy, who is torn
between running after Hannah
and strutting beside his wife,
the likely congresswoman.
Guess who wins out. Hannah’s
gone,
he’s still here, where the votes
are. I so despise politics. Pit
them against family. Pit them
against love. The Game conquers,
always.