“Not
that
type of club,” I say with a deliberate edge to my voice.
“Was it love at first sight?” Lisa says excitedly.
“Come on,” Chris says, exasperated.
“What? It’s romantic!” Lisa says, a hint of a slur in her voice. I wonder how many glasses of wine she’s had.
“Aren’t these just obvious things everyone wants to know?” she looks around the room for someone to agree with her.
“I’d really prefer not to hear this right after I’ve eaten.” Mr. Scott sounds disgusted.
Something in me starts to rise, thinking about how he lied to me, his hatred for Cal, and how he’s pretty much pretended I haven’t existed since I’ve gotten here.
“No, not love. Just lust, pure unadulterated lust,” I say with a tight smile. Mr. Scott’s mouth drops open a little. When my eyes find Chris’s face he’s turned completely red.
“Oh shit,” Aidan says, covering his mouth and laughs.
I shouldn’t have said that. I shouldn’t have let him get to me like that but I couldn’t help it.
“But isn’t that all love at first sight is? Just lust?” Lisa is completely unfazed. It’s as if she’s about to turn this into a talking point. She should be a philosophy professor instead of a pre-school teacher.
“On that note, everybody have a good night,” Chris says sharply and gets up from the table.
“Come on, Chris, we’re just having fun” Aidan says, lifting his hands innocently. He doesn’t look at anyone except me.
“Stop being such a baby, Chris.” Lisa laughs.
“Are you ready, Lauren?” Chris asks, ignoring Aidan and Lisa’s nudges.
“Yeah,” I say, unsure of what is happening but I’m pretty glad to be rescued from this nightmare. I lift Caylen out of the highchair.
“Where are you going?” Mr. Scott asks sternly.
“I wouldn’t want to ruin your appetite anymore, Dad,” he says. I can’t hide my smirk and quickly follow him towards the door.
“Thank you for dinner, Mrs. Scott,” I say a little awkwardly as I grab Caylen’s diaper bag and my purse, thankful they’re easily in my reach.
“I can take them back to the hotel,” his dad says, following us out of the house. Like hell he will. I have my own car and I’ll drive myself before that happens.
“Yeah, I’m sure Lauren would love that since you’ve been such a nice guy to her the whole time she’s been here,” Chris says sarcastically. Mr. Scott looks down at his feet guiltily. I follow Chris, who’s stomping angrily towards what I’m assuming is his truck. It’s a big red Suburban. I smile as I see the purple car seat installed in the backseat.
“I picked it up earlier when I got the high chair,” he says, glancing up at me, his anger melting. “It’s cute.” I smile as I put in Caylen in her car seat. She likes it. A few seconds later we’re about to pull off when Mrs. Scott appears at the driver’s side of the car.
“I wanted to kiss my granddaughter goodbye, if that’s okay,” she says with a warm smile, seemingly unfazed by the previous fiasco. She opens the back door and gives Caylen a kiss on her forehead.
“See you soon, Princess,” she says to her and tries to hug her as best she can while Caylen’s in her car seat. She closes the door.
“You be safe, okay?” she says, patting the car door.
“Love you, Mom,” Chris says, his stern demeanor softening, and she smiles. He pulls off, and we ride in silence for a while. I want to ask how I’m going to get back to my car but I guess he’ll pick us up tomorrow. It’ll be nice to let Caylen see him again before we leave. It hasn’t been three minutes since we left and Caylen’s drifted off to sleep. I look at Chris out of the corner of my eye. He seems to be in deep thought. I wonder if he’s angry about the comment I made earlier. I could see it being a little embarrassing but I really just wanted his dad to shut up.
“I’m sorry about earlier,” I say glancing over at him. “I shouldn’t have said that.” I sigh. “I have the tendency to speak first and think later.”
He doesn’t say anything but I see a small smile on his face.
“I thought I’d gotten better since Caylen, but it just sort of slipped out,” I say, playing with my fingertips.
“I think you handled that pretty well,” He smirks, then laughs. I do as well.
“You shut my dad up. Most people aren’t able to do that,” he says, glancing over at me. “You know, I don’t really get why he has so much hostility towards you. It pisses me off because out of everyone involved in this, you bear the least blame,” he frowns. He’s pissed off at his dad because of me. It feels wrong that I’m a tad bit happy about it but the better part of me scolds my joy.
“I don’t think it’s me, per se, that he’s pissed off with. He’s angry at Cal. I’m associated with him. I represent or am a reminder that he’s real and of what he’s done. He can’t take it out on Caylen, he won’t take it out on you, so I’m his scapegoat,” I reason. I feel guilty whenever I talk to Chris about Cal. I’m not sure why, but maybe Chris feels the same way his dad does. He has to. He’s just much better at hiding it.
“It’s so easy for them to separate the two of us. I think they’re doing a better job at it than I am,” he says as he makes the wide turn that leads to the Ritter Inn.
“What do you mean?” I ask curiously.
“I keep trying to...” he trails off and sighs. He glances at me momentarily and I can read every emotion on his face. He’s frustrated and a little sad. It’s almost refreshing to be able to tell what’s wrong with him so easily. I was pretty clueless as to what Cal thought or felt.
“It’d be easy for me to just think of this guy as another person. Right?” he says, and I nod. I thought that was what we were doing. Even if we weren’t, it makes things a lot less complicated for me.
“My parents, my friends, Jenna, well maybe not so much Jenna… They’ve separated the two of us. Cal did this, I did that. Cal married you, I proposed to Jenna.” He sighs.
“But Caylen discredits all of that,” he says, looking at me for a response. I’m not sure what to say. We’ve now pulled into the small parking area for the Ritter Inn. Chris turns off the truck but neither of us move to get out.
“How are you doing with separating us?” he asks. I’m afraid to look up at him but I do. Our eyes meet, but it’s getting dark out so it feels like a filter.
“You’re so different,” I say, forcing the words out of my throat. “I haven’t had a lot of time to get to know you but thinking back on the time I spent with Cal, there were moments that… that he reminded me of you,” I say, and I feel my heart pounding. “Of how you were today at least,” I clarify.
“Seeing you in those pictures when you were a little boy, in high school, your life before me—before Cal—I’m guessing.” I take a deep breath. I will not cry.
“I was able to understand a little better that anytime Cal was with me, your life was interrupted. That you have a life.” I take another deep breath.
“So I appreciate you not reacting the way your father has towards me.” I smile and look away from him.
“Uhm, I, I think you should hear something,” he says. He maneuvers in his seat and pulls out his phone. A few seconds later the voicemail states he has one saved message. The moment it starts to play I freeze and my breath catches.
“You really are more fucking dense than I thought. All of these years, and you still think you’re just having blackouts? I don’t have much time so I’ll get to the point. You can’t get married because you already are, dumbass. Talk to Dexter. Make this right, or I’ll have to do it for you. Stay away from any altars
.” The voice chuckles.
“No pun intended. If you don’t, there will be hell to pay. You can bet on that. Oh and by the way, since no one gave two shits to inform you, I’m Cal.”
I have to react. I want to show Chris I’m not affected by this but I am.
That was Cal.
That was him, pissed to the max and acting like a complete asshole.
But that’s Cal…my Cal.
I’m going to be sick. After the euphoria from hearing his voice wears off, I feel betrayed. Completely and utterly betrayed. I’m furious. For the first time, it really hits me that he kept all of this from me. He didn’t trust me enough to tell me about any of this and that Dexter knew all along. I’ve been thinking of Cal as a victim but he’s not the victim. He could have made this right at any time but he didn’t—and
now
, now after all this, he demands that Chris make it right. I’m gripping the seat so tightly that my fingers feel hot. When he came back, the little time he had, he didn’t use it to talk to me, to warn me about what was going on, to tell me he loved me. He used it to taunt Chris?!
“I didn’t play this to upset you,” Chris says quietly, and I nod but I can’t look at him. Right now he has Cal’s face. And I really want to slap that face right now.
“Your dad’s right, he’s an asshole, a fucking asshole.” I’m so angry, I hit the dashboard. I feel my throat start to burn. I look back to make sure Caylen’s still asleep and didn’t hear the words that slipped out of my mouth.
“But you love him,” Chris says quietly, looking at his lap. I chuckle and wipe away the single tear that has escaped. I feel like a complete idiot for having to admit it.
“Yes.” I laugh at myself because I’m a joke, a complete and utter joke. I start to feel claustrophobic in the truck. I let down my window for some fresh air.
“Are you okay?” Chris asks, growing concerned. I haven’t been okay in a long time but no less okay than I’ve been the past week.
“Yeah, I’m fine,” I say, thinking that if I keep saying it enough maybe I will be. I let out a deep breath and slap my hands on my lap. I look over at Chris who’s looking at me as if I’m a lost puppy.
“I really am, Chris. Thank you for letting me listen to that,” I say, plastering my fake smile on my face and wiping the wetness from my eyes. I grab Caylen’s diaper bag off the floor and open my door to get out.
“I’ll help you up, Lauren,” he says quickly getting out of the truck. I’m a little taken aback at how fast he gets out. It’s not that big a deal. I’m used to juggling Caylen and her diaper bag, but it’s cute. He’s much better at getting Caylen out of her seat than putting her in, but she’s sleeping so that makes it a little easier. I head toward the door of the Inn but he steps ahead of me to open the door. That’s also cute.
“Mr. Scott!”
I look back at Chris surprised.
“Amanda, hi. A little late for you to be working, isn’t it?” he says. His voice has changed; it’s deeper and a bit more authoritative. His posture’s even straightened. The girl at the desk giggles and twirls the ends of her hair. She can’t be more than seventeen and the way her face has flushed pink, I think she has a crush. Not that I blame her.
“It’s not even 9:30 and I’m not a kid,” she says with a shrug and a flirtatious smile, and for the first time, she notices me and the child he’s holding.
“Oh my God, she’s so pretty,” she says, glancing over at Caylen. She’s asleep, her face resting on Chris shoulder. He walks closer to the counter and turns so she can get a better look.
“She’s adorable,” she squeals. “Is she your niece?” she asks, touching Caylen’s hand. My stomach drops. Of course, she wouldn’t think she’s his daughter. No one knows about her or me. I feel my chest tighten, wondering what he’s going to say. If he’ll be ashamed or embarrassed. I don’t think I’ll be able to take it if he is.
“She’s my daughter,” he answers proudly. The girl’s eyes widen, and I let out the breath I was holding. I didn’t expect him to say it so simply.
“Oh,” is all she can manage to say.
“This is her mother, Lauren,” he says, and she looks over at me, her mouth agape. I definitely didn’t expect him to add that.
“Hi,” she says, barely above a whisper.
“We met earlier when I checked in,” I say. She looks as shocked as I am relieved. I suddenly feel light and there’s a joy coursing through me. He hasn’t really done anything but to hear him say that feels good. Even though I’m not really sure who she is to him, or if she’s important at all. It feels good that we’re not a dirty little secret.
“Right. Room five,” she says, recovering from her initial reaction.
“Yup,” I nod.
“Did you need anything?” she says tightly.
“No I’m fine.” I shake my head and start up the stairs to my room.
“Good night, Amanda,” Chris says and follows me to my room.
“See you, Mr. Scott,” she calls out after us. It’s so much easier to unlock the room when I’m not juggling Caylen. I open the door and flick on the lights.
“This room’s bigger than your last one,” he says as he comes in behind me. He noticed. The room I had the last time I was here was tiny.
“It was only an extra thirty dollars,” I say, closing the door behind him. He stands for a bit in observation. There are toys scattered about but the bed’s made and the room is neat. He walks over and sits on the sofa. He carefully takes off Caylen’s coat and shoes so as to not wake her.
“You’re pretty good at this,” I say, a little surprised as I take off my own coat and shoes.
“Really?” he asks, with a wide smile that makes me forget what I just said.
“I’ve never been around kids this little,” he says honestly.
“Well you’re doing really well,” I tell him, fixing the space on the bed for her. He lays her down, then kisses her on the cheek. It’s moments like these that make all the drama I’ve gone through today worth it.