If I Break THE COMPLETE SERIES Bundle (93 page)

He looks at me, completely baffled. It’s funny that Chris has never talked about how he feels about Cal. I mean, I know he isn’t happy about him but I never got the impression that he has the same disdain for him as his dad. I somehow thought he’d come to terms with the fact that Cal is
him,
but from the way he’s acting now, he doesn’t.

“Nope. It’s awesome,” he says even more sarcastically than before. I feel myself growing defensive and I’m really trying not to be. We both sit in silence, awkwardness filling the car.

“Well, are you going to do it?” I ask trying very hard to restrain my aggravation.

“I kind of have to.” He sounds bitter. At this moment I realize just how much I’ve filtered myself when it comes to Chris.

I’ve done it since I’ve known him.

Ever since our disastrous introduction, I’ve been trying to keep my emotional outbursts on lock down. But, in reality, thanks to Cal, my tongue has become pretty sharp when I’m upset. I usually say things without thinking about them. I tried to be pre-Cal Lauren. I wanted him to see that I’m not psychotic. Maybe, in the back of my head, I’ve sort of shown him what I imagined he wanted me to be. I haven’t been dishonest about who I am, but he certainly hasn’t seen me in my full glory, which is laughable since his fiancé is a complete... I won’t even go there but what he’s just said triggers something in me and the tight rope that’s been holding me together and keeping the old Lauren, Cal’s Lauren, from rearing her head just snaps. I don’t know if it’s the city, the fact that I’m hungry and tired from sitting in a waiting room for three hours or the fact that what he just said is so out of character from the man I used to know that the kids gloves come off.

“You don’t
have
to do anything, Chris.” He’s caught off guard by the bluntness of my statement.

“You always have a choice in life. You don’t have to do that assignment if you don’t want to. You could crumple up the paper and throw it out the window right now. You could go back and tell her you aren’t going to do it; you can walk away from this doctor and never look back,” I say looking him directly in the eye. I expect him to give some sort of response but he doesn’t, he just shrugs and chuckles. Now I am pissed off.

“Did you want to get something to eat before we hit the highway or wait till we get home?” he asks, yawning quietly. The next moment he rests his head against his arms as they drape over the steering wheel. His sleepy green eyes look downward and a small smile spreads across his face; and, just like that, my anger disappears. He doesn’t want to debate, fight or piss me off, he just wants peace, and I feel a warm calmness spread through my body.

“I can wait,” I say. It’s funny how ridiculous I can be. I was angry for nothing, really.

“But you look tired. Are you sure you’re up for the drive back with no rest?” I ask him.

“I’m good,” he says yawning again and I laugh aloud this time.

“I have an idea and you are under no obligation to say yes if you don’t want to,” I start with a disclaimer. He looks at me apprehensively but I can tell that I’ve piqued his interest

“Our…My house is less than fifteen minutes away,” I continue. His face remains impassive and I take that to be a good omen.

“We could order some food and get a couple of hours of sleep before hitting the road again,” I finish, giving him my most innocent smile.

“You might even be able to knock your homework out in one day,” I say, giving him a little nudge.

“Why not?” he says simply. That was easier than I thought it would be. Sometimes he does surprise me.

I’
ve
only been to Chicago once, that I can remember. I was in high school for a class science trip. So, it was a little eerie that I’m able to drive to Lauren’s house without directions. I want to think it was just a fluke, but honestly, it’s more like I’m on auto-pilot. The visit with the doctor really drained me and I just drive without thinking.

Lauren tells me to stop in front of the building addressed 304. I do as she instructs and when I look at it, I’m astonished. There are at least thirty floors and it looks more like an expensive hotel than an apartment building.

“This is it?” I’m sure she has noticed my apprehension. She gives me a nod and a beautiful smile. “Where do I park?” I ask. But before she can respond there’s a guy in a suit near my door.

“He’ll park it,” she says and gestures for me to let down the window.

“Hi James, can you take it around please?” Lauren replies.

“Of course Mrs. Scott,”

“Good evening sir,” he says opening my door.

“How are you?” I’m not really sure how to act.

“Wonderful and you?” he says.

“Great,” I reply looking over at Lauren in disbelief.

“You can get out, it’s in good hands” Lauren’s tone is playful and I notice the man is returning her smile. I feel left out of the joke.

“Do you need any help upstairs?” he asks.

“I’ve got it,” I tell James as I step out of the car.

“Have a great night James,” she says as we head to the entrance of the building.

“What about the keys?” I ask.

“They’ll send them up,” she’s amused by my uncertainty. I follow her into the building and we head to the elevator. This can’t be an apartment building. I feel like I should be paying to walk in.

“This is nice,” I whisper feeling like I’m in a museum.

“You have good taste,” and she winks at me as the elevator closes.

“I picked this place?” I can’t believe that I would pick a place like this. When she presses the button for the thirtieth floor I take a deep breath. I think I might be sick.

“You’d been here a few months before we met,” she smiles at me. It’s a little weird how she’s not saying Cal but me. I put one of my hands on the wall and take a few more deep breaths as the elevator makes its way up.

“Are you okay?” she asks nervously and I nod my head.

“Yeah, I just don’t really like high places,” I say swallowing the sick feeling in my stomach. Her eyes widen in surprise.

“I forgot you’re afraid of heights,” she says covering a laugh.

“I wouldn’t necessarily say afraid, it’s more like I hate them,” I say with a laugh. But I’m going to throw up if we go any higher.

“Well, I may need to get curtains or something then,” she says exiting the elevator when it stops.

“Why is that?”

“You’ll see,” she says with a slight giggle. When she opens the door to the apartment my jaw hits the floor as she turns on the lights.

“This is it,” she says as she closes the door behind her.

She’s watching me, waiting for a response. If I hadn’t felt like I walked into someone else’s life before, I definitely do now. Everything in this place screams expensive. For one, it’s huge and even I know that space equals money in the city. There’s a seventy inch television, leather furniture that looks imported, and a kitchen where everything is stainless steel and modern. It looks like a show room or bachelor pad except for the play pen and toys everywhere…

“I’m pissed! Just leave me alone Cal!” Lauren says snatching away from me, but I grab her and push her up against the window, our bodies pressed against each other.

“I don’t think that’s what you want,” I say as my hands go underneath her dress and my fingers slip inside her. She moans as I do.

“Now I know that’s not what you want,” I whisper into her. She reaches down to move my hand but I just move it away with my free hand and push deeper inside her. After a minute she relents, spreading her thighs apart.

“I haven’t seen you in two weeks. You make me sick! I’m not screwing you tonight,” she says bitterly between soft moans.

“Not a problem. I’ll screw you.”

“What do you think?” her voice pulls me out of, I don’t know what to call it, a trance, fantasy or shit! I look at her trying to keep my expression calm and unaffected by the vision I just had. I look at the window, the exact place where I—he held her. It’s been awhile since I’ve had visions this way. Recently, these memory are where I’m a third person watching. This time it’s me, I’m there…doing those things.

“Can I get a glass of water or something?” I ask. My voice is shaky. She looks at me curiously for a minute but then she nods.

“Sure,” she says as she makes her way to the kitchen. I try to forget about what I just saw, how hot her skin was, how good she smelled and felt.

“Kittens, grandma, Spongebob, rats, math,” I mumble trying to think of every turn off I can. When I look up and see her heading towards the spot I just saw her pinned up against, I make a beeline to the couch. She looks a little caught off guard stopping midway.

“Are you okay?” she asks a little nervously.

“I’m good,” I say folding my hands together. She smiles skeptically and hands me the glass of water. I finish it in record time.

“This must be weird, huh?” she asks her voice light but a little shaky. She has no idea, but then again maybe she does.

“A little bit,” I answer, gripping the glass tighter in my hand.

“I guess I need to show you around,” she smiles and sweeps a piece of hair away from her face.

“Cool,” I say.

“Well this is pretty self-explanatory,” she gestures towards the living room and kitchen area.

“There’s a bathroom right there,” she points to what I thought was a closet in the far corner. She heads up the stairs and I follow. Her butt is right at eye level now and I try not to stare at it. I find myself struggling with the urge to grab it as I follow her every move.

What the hell is wrong with me?

Thank God we’re up the stairs so I’m no longer directly behind her. We walk down the hall to the right and she opens the door.

“Caylen’s room,” she says. She steps aside to let me enter. I do, but only halfway. It’s pink. There’s a rocking chair, a bookcase filled with children’s books and glowing stars on the wall and ceiling.

“Cute,” I laugh and she smiles. The next stop is a small bathroom. Then she stops in front of two doors. She hesitates, I hear her sigh before she opens the doors.

“This is my room,” she says quietly. She stands aside so I can go in. It’s really big. Bigger than my room. There are floor to ceiling windows lining the entire left side and a door to a patio. In the center of the room is a gigantic bed. I recognize the black ceiling fan from that dream, or maybe not so much a dream. On the right side of the room I see double doors I imagine to be the closet and a single door I assume is the bathroom.