If You Love Me

written by Anna Kristell

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First Edition

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Ch
apter One

Ashley Brant’s green eyes flashed
with anger as she glared at her husband, Adam, from across the room. “
What
is your problem?”

Adam ran his hand through his thick,
reddish-brown hair and sighed. Finally he moved closer until he stood in front
of her. He replied angrily, “My problem, Ash? I think you’re the one with the
problem. You find fault with everything I do lately. There’s no pleasing you.”

“If you tried a little harder, maybe
I wouldn’t have so much to find fault with,” she answered sarcastically.

“Maybe my little brother was right
after all. He always said we rushed this marriage. He couldn’t believe we got
engaged three months after we met. I always scoffed at him, but now I don’t
know.”

“Are you saying you regret marrying
me?”

“No, Ash. I don’t know. Things were
great between us until these past few months. I don’t understand what’s
happening to us. We can’t seem to agree on anything these days. We fight about
everything, from who’s going to take out the trash to whether or not we’re
going to start a family. Is that the problem? You aren’t ready for kids and you
don’t want to tell me?”

 
“That’s not it and you know it, Adam. I want a
baby as much as you do. But I refuse to bring a child into this world with
things the way they are between us. Something’s got to change.”

“And it’s got to be me, is that what
you’re saying?”

“Think about it. Lately, you’re,
well, just different. You’re not the fun-loving, hot-blooded man I fell in love
with. You’re distant. You never want to go out and when we stay in, you ignore
me. You’re either glued to the television or the computer. That’s not what I
signed up for. I miss our good times together.”

“Is that what you think? Well, lady,
I’ve got news for you. You’re way off base. You’re the one who’s changed. That
sweet, crazy, happy-go-lucky gal I fell in love with has left the building.”

“Adam, we’re not two kids dating.
We’re married. We’re grown-ups with real, everyday problems. We have
responsibilities. Life isn’t always fun and games in the real world. We have
jobs, housework, bills to pay. Do you see where I’m going with this? Add a baby
or two to the mix and our lives will be even busier. Until we can learn to
balance the rest of it and still manage to love each other like crazy, we can’t
move forward and have a baby.”

“Are you saying you don’t want to
move forward with me now? Are you saying you want out?”

Ashley sighed deeply as the tears
threatened to flow. “I’m not saying that at all. What I’m saying is we need to
grow up. We should be able to handle the responsibility and still have fun. We
don’t seem to be able to do that.”

“So what you’re really saying is
marriage to Adam Brant isn’t what you thought it would be. I don’t measure up
to your idea of the perfect husband. News flash, baby, no husband is perfect
just like no wife is perfect. You’re going to have to learn to accept my faults
or move on.”

“You just don’t get it, do you?” She
turned to go.

“Everyone tried to tell me I was
just your rebound guy. I guess I should’ve listened. I let my heart rule my
head when it came to you. I was so crazy in love with you I didn’t care. I
wanted you, and I was determined to have you at all costs. I thought we could
make it work.”

Ashley turned to face him. “I can’t
believe you just said that to me. I wouldn’t have married you if I didn’t love
you, Adam. I still love you. I just think we need to work out our differences
and stop talking about having a baby until we do. I don’t find fault with
everything you do. You just infuriate me at times, when you don’t help out
around here, or when you think just because we’re married we have to stay home
every weekend.”

“Is that what this is really about,
Ash? Because I can assure you, your darling Ross wouldn’t have been perfect
either. Hell, he wouldn’t even stick around when you started talking marriage.”

Smack! Ashley slapped him hard
across the face. “You’re a son-of-a-bitch, Adam. To bring up what happened
between Ross and me when you know how hurt I was about it. I told you about our
break-up because I wanted you to know what happened, not because I wanted you
to throw it in my face every time we argue. I was being honest with you. When I
met you, I was still afraid to let myself fall in love again. By telling you
why I was afraid, I thought you’d understand my hesitancy to start a
relationship with you. Once you convinced me you weren’t going anywhere, I fell
and I fell hard, Adam. For you, not Ross. Apparently you don’t believe that.”

Adam rubbed his cheek. “Go find the
one that got away, Ash. That’s what you really want. That’s what this is all
about. You’re still in love with Ross Canter. You can’t stand the fact he
walked out on you. If it wasn’t true, you wouldn’t be so angry with me for
bringing his name up. I really thought I could make you forget the guy. But I
guess I was wrong and everyone else was right. So, no, I don’t believe you when
you say it’s me you want. Because everything about you tells me you’re still
not over him. You may love me in some way but not the way I want you to. You’ve
never fully given yourself to me. I know he’s still in the back of your mind and
in your heart. So go find him. See what you’re missing out on. See if he’s
changed his mind. Maybe the two of you will be ecstatically happy together.”

“You can’t mean that.”

“Try me. I’m giving you my blessing.
I can’t go on with you if I’m not the reason you wake up in the morning or the
reason you can’t wait to get home from work at night.”

“You. Make. Me. So. Mad!”

“Apparently, I do. I don’t see you
trying to end this argument. I don’t see you rushing into my arms. That must
mean you’re contemplating what I just said.”

Ashley turned and fled to the
sanctity of their bedroom, unable to control the tears any longer. She wasn’t
about to give him the satisfaction of seeing her cry. He’d only accuse her of
crying for Ross. Was he right?

Slamming the door, she went to the
bathroom, stripped, and ran a hot bath. After she’d soaked until her skin was
wrinkling, she stepped out and dried herself with a fluffy white towel. When
she was snugly settled under the blankets, in the queen-sized bed she shared
with Adam, her thoughts wandered. She thought back to the day she had once
thought her world had ended. She and Ross had dated for two years. He
was…well…hot. Tall, well-muscled, tanned, blonde, he looked like a surfer boy.
She had, in fact, met him at the beach, while on vacation. They immediately
bonded and soon after entered into a hot, steamy romance. He’d even moved to
the Midwest, to be near her. But as young girls often do, Ashley had dreamed of
a future with Ross, complete with white-picket fence, two kids, a dog, a cat,
the all-American dream. When she had mentioned her dreams to Ross, he simply
laughed and kissed her. Of course, all coherent thought was gone after that and
the subject was always dropped. Ross had known how to play her.

She would never forget the
conversation that ended it all. The day she refused to back down. Ross had
stopped by after work one Friday evening ready for a night of bedroom play. But
Ashley had other ideas. She brought up the subject of marriage again. When he’d
tried to kiss her, she’d pulled away. She wasn’t about to be put off again.

“Ross, we have to talk. We never
finish this conversation.”

“Okay, sweet thing, talk away,” he’d
said.