If You're Lucky (16 page)

I heard the old man calling for me, but once I was away from the campground and inside the forest I was pretty sure he wouldn't find me. I dropped my backpack and sat next to it on a carpet of leaves and pine needles. I hugged my knees. I put the phone down next to me. I knew I had to get rid of it. Cell phones can be traced. I picked it up and clicked through the recent calls. There was nothing I recognized. I dialed Sonia's number. The phone rang a few times. I was ready to hang up and then she picked up.

“Hello?”

I couldn't speak.

“George, is that you? Talk to me. I'm so worried about you.”

She waited. “I can hear you breathing, George. I heard about what happened at the Inn. Please talk to me. I'm sorry about before.”

I clicked the phone off. Fin had already gotten to Sonia. It was too late to intercept the bullshit he probably told her about me.

I wanted to carry on but my legs couldn't move anymore. I would rest here for a few minutes and then ditch the phone. I didn't have a jacket or a sweater with me but it was warm for now. I curled up on the ground and used my backpack as a pillow. Just a few minutes, I told myself.

When I woke up the temperature had dipped and I was shivering. My bare ankles were covered in insect bites, my face too. I could feel my right eye swelling up. The sun was low in the sky. I heard a helicopter. I looked up through the tops of the redwoods. The helicopter was hovering directly above the small stand of trees I was hiding in. The phone. It had to be the phone. I waited until the helicopter moved off a bit and then I grabbed my pack and wound my way down through the scrub manzanita and the tall grasses, keeping low to the ground. Below me I saw a pullout and staging area for a walking trail down to a beach. There was a public bathroom there, but I would have to cross the highway. The helicopter was louder now. I crashed down to the road and darted across two lanes like a small animal. I made a beeline for the bathroom and dropped the phone into the inground toilet. I looked up at the sky. The helicopter was still a ways off, but it had turned around now and it was headed back toward me. The
thwap-thwap-thwap
sound that the blades made was deafening. I dashed back across the highway and scrambled up the rocky embankment that ran along the road. I dove into the brush. I decided to wait there till I felt safer. “Please go away,” I said, over and over, as I rocked back and forth.

When it started to get dark I headed back inland. I was cold now and exhausted and I wanted to go home, but I couldn't go there. Especially not the way I looked now. I wished Lucky were here to help me. Maybe he didn't know how to find me out here. What if that were true? I could build a fire. That's what I would do. Like when we were kids, a signal fire. I made my way back to the campground. A few more people had set up tents. Lanterns were lit and fires burned at each campsite. People sat around their fires in lawn chairs, talking and laughing. I walked quickly past them unseen. I walked all the way to the far end of the campground where there was no one. I put my backpack down next to the fire pit and walked over to a cinderblock open-ended shed filled with firewood. I hauled a few pieces and some kindling back to the site and dropped them in the fire pit. I took the lighter out of my pack and built a pile of dry leaves, pine needles, and grass under the kindling. I clicked the lighter several times. My fingers were numb and shaking. I finally got it to catch and a tiny flame appeared. I added more and more kindling and then a small piece of wood. I blew gently on it till it caught. I added a couple of bigger pieces. I finally had a real fire.

I lay down next to the fire with my head on my backpack and looked up at the stars while I waited for Lucky. I put my hands between my thighs and fell asleep. I dreamt that there were hundreds of helicopters like giant flying bugs chasing me through an open field. I ran till I dropped from exhaustion. I covered the back of my head with my hands and waited for them to carry me away.

I woke suddenly to a sharp stabbing pain in my spine. I opened my left eye. My right eye wouldn't open. It was daylight. My fire was out, and I was numb and stiff with cold. I felt around till I found my glasses on the ground next to me and put them on. I rolled over and sat up quickly. Two kids, a boy and a girl, were standing over me. They looked startled. The boy held a sharpened stick with burnt marshmallow goo on the end. They took a quick step back.

“What the hell?” My voice came out strained and husky.

“We thought you were dead,” said the boy.

“Get out of here!”

They darted back to their campsite, a few campsites away, shouting, “Mom!”

Their mom appeared and they said something to her, pointing at me. She gathered them to her and watched me. Her husband joined her with his hands on his hips.

“Hey! What is your fucking problem?” I shouted at them. “I have as much right to be here as you do!”

I saw the husband take out his cell and punch some numbers.

“I didn't do anything!” I shouted. I grabbed my pack and ran deeper into the campground till I was out of sight. I came to another water spigot. I couldn't remember the last time I ate or drank. I felt like a shadow. I looked at my hands. They were black. My fingernails were ragged and filthy. I could smell my own sweat. I could smell my own fear. I washed my hands and gulped some water. I put my pack on and started walking. I stopped several times to check the sky for helicopters. It was clear for now but it was hard to hear them coming above the now constant chatter in my head
: Don't trust anyone. I can hear you breathing. Is he dangerous? Please be happy for me. Are you okay
?
I'm pregnant. You passed out. I'm recommending hospitalization. We're going to have to let you go . . .

I made it back down to the highway. I stopped next to the road and stayed crouched in the underbrush to see if the coast was clear before carrying on. I saw Fin's truck coming up the road toward me, moving slow. He was scanning both sides of the highway, looking for me. My heart pounded in my chest. I stayed there, perfectly still, till he was out of sight. Then I walked down to the shoulder. I was moving as fast as I could, but a sharp pain shot up my right leg whenever I took a step. I'd walked for at least a mile when I heard honking behind me. I started jogging as fast as I could, but that wasn't very fast. I heard a car door slam. I heard someone calling my name. I felt a hand on my shoulder.

“George, didn't you hear me?”

I spun around. It was Sharona. Her eyes grew wide when she saw me.

“Oh my God.” She took a step back. “What in the hell happened to you?”

I lowered my eyes. I was ashamed. “Nothing. I went camping. That's all.”

“Here, get in my car.”

“I can't go home.”

“No, no. I promise I won't take you home. Just get in my car and talk to me for a minute, okay?”

She held my elbow as I limped back to where her car was pulled crookedly off the highway and got in. Sharona got in the driver's side. She dug through the backseat and came up with a hooded sweatshirt.

“Here. Put this on. You're shivering.”

I pulled the sweatshirt over my head.

“Okay, what's going on? Who did this to you? Did someone hurt you?”

I shook my head.

“Then what? What happened to your eye?”

I exhaled. “You wouldn't understand.”

“Try me.”

“People are following me.”

“What people?”

I pointed to the sky.

“God?”

“No.”

“Come to my house with me. My mom's at work. I'll protect you,” she said naively, like she could.

“I can't. I'm waiting for Lucky to contact me again. And if Fin finds me he'll kill me. He wants me dead.”

“Fin? What do you mean?”

“Lucky talks to me. He wants me to help him.”

“Help him what?”

I stared out the windshield.

“George, help him what?” She raised her voice in frustration.

“Stop him.”

“Stop who?”

“Fin. Fin killed Lucky. Lucky wants me to stop him before he kills someone else.”

Sharona looked out the windshield and shook her head. “Okay, look, I'm going to take you to my house, okay? You'll be safe there.”

“I can't. I have to get out of here.” I grabbed for the door handle.

“Wait! Please! Come to my house and we'll sort everything out there.”

I looked at her. I wanted to trust her.

“Please.”

I let go of the door handle.

Sharona pulled back onto the road. She started driving north. I hunkered down in the seat and pulled the hood of the sweatshirt over my head.

The house was small but tidy and bright. Sharona took me by the hand and led me to the bathroom.

“Get undressed. I think you should wash your hair. Can you do that?”

I shrugged.

“You get in the shower and I'm going to make you some tea. Are you hungry?”

“I think so.”

“I'll make you some soup.” She closed the door.

I pulled off my clothes. They smelled really bad so I wrapped everything in a towel except Lucky's Bugs Bunny T-shirt. In Sharona's bright bathroom mirror I looked like a ghoul. My hair hung in long, greasy strands. My right eye was completely closed and I had swollen bites up and down my arms and on my neck. I was filthy. Sharona poked her head in the door. I quickly covered my naked body with a towel but I saw the shock in her eyes when she saw my rib cage and my bony hips. “Here, I brought you a pair of my jeans and a T-shirt. They're too big for you but they're clean,” she said.

I didn't want to get in the shower. I wasn't sure I could trust Sharona; I was afraid that she would call someone. But I turned the water on and got in quickly while it was still cold. I scrubbed myself as fast as I could. My hair was so tangled that I couldn't even get my fingers through it. I turned the shower off and stepped out. In the medicine cabinet, I found a small pair of scissors and started cutting. Damp coils of blond hair fell onto my bare feet. I hacked away, closer and closer to my scalp, until my hair was short and jagged. I put my glasses back on and was startled at what I saw. I didn't know who I was looking at.

I heard Sharona talking on the phone. I quietly cracked the bathroom door and listened.

“. . . I found her limping up the highway, looking half dead.” There was a pause. I pulled on my underwear, the Bugs Bunny T-shirt, and Sharona's clothes.

“I can't put her on. She's showering. No, don't come over here. I promised her I wouldn't call anyone.”

I grabbed my backpack.

“Okay, I'll try and get her in the car. Honestly, though, I think she needs a hospital.”

“Go!” said the voices. They said it loud. I tiptoed down the small hallway, grabbed my sneakers, and pushed the screen door open. The spring made a whining sound. I leapt off the porch and ran through Sharona's neighbor's backyard. I heard the door whine open again. Sharona was on the porch now. She called out to me but I kept running. I headed toward a hedge on the far side of the next property. I crouched down, panting like a wild animal. I sat there like that for a minute till Sharona stopped calling my name. Maybe she was going for help. I picked the pebbles out of the soles of my feet and quickly pulled my sneakers on. I heard voices coming from the trees above my head. I clapped my hands over my ears but I could still hear them. They bled into the breeze in the treetops and the ocean below. They sounded like a hundred whispering children.

Sharona or someone else, someone worse, would come looking for me soon. I waited a few minutes, and then I crossed the highway and headed inland and over the hill in the direction of my house to come at it from behind. I remembered an old equipment shed at the top of the hill behind our house. It sat at the back of a small pasture on the bluff. Lucky knew about it. We used to play there when we were kids. He could find me there. I prayed it was still standing. I found the path and started moving faster. The path would take me just north of Sonia's house but it would be a long walk, especially with my injured right leg. Sharona's jeans slid off my hips every few steps but I yanked them up and kept moving. I could watch for Fin's truck on the highway from the path. I checked the sky for the helicopters again. Nothing yet, but they would show up soon. A police cruiser appeared, traveling slowly north on the highway. I froze until he was well past me. After about an hour I came up next to Sonia's house. There were no cars in the driveway. I walked quickly past her kitchen window and started up the hill past my own house. Fin's red truck was in the driveway next to my mom's Volvo. My dad's truck wasn't there. I crept along the fence line and quietly opened the gate and then darted through it and hid behind the jasmine where I could see into my mom's studio. My mom was in there, sitting with her back to me at her worktable with her head in her hands. Fin was sitting next to her, his arm wrapped around her shoulders.

I couldn't remember when I'd last been home. Was it yesterday? My brain didn't offer me the information. Maybe it had been longer. Maybe they thought I was dead. But Sharona had called them. When was that?

I caught a glimpse of my reflection in the glass window. With my glasses and my swollen eye and my hair hacked off I could be mistaken for homeless, yet I was standing five feet from my home. Fin lifted his head and slowly turned toward the window. I froze. He sensed me. His eyes came to rest on me. I stumbled back through the gate and started along the path that led up the hill above our house.

I stopped several times on the path up to the shed. There was a terrible pressure on my lungs. Every breath I took was painful and my temples pounded. I felt feverish and clammy, and then I felt so cold that my teeth chattered. I stumbled and fell down once, tearing Sharona's jeans and scraping my knee. A trickle of blood started down my leg. I contemplated staying there on the ground like that but then I slowly, painfully, got myself back up and carried on. When I finally arrived at the top I was so light-headed I felt I might pass out. I stood there for a moment, trying to catch my breath. My nose had started to bleed, and I wiped at it. An angry smudge of blood appeared on my forearm. I looked down at my house. Fin's truck wasn't parked next to my mom's in the driveway anymore. I continued up a path that led through some trees and then into the old pasture.

The dilapidated equipment shed was still there. I walked as quickly as I could toward it and staggered through the wide doorway. Hundreds of pigeons were perched high in the rafters. Except for a couple of empty beer cans in the corner, it looked abandoned. I dropped my backpack and fell to the dirt floor. I lay on my back, looking up at the sky through the missing boards on the roof. My head was spinning. Would Lucky remember this place? I would wait here for him. My eyes started to close and I was sure that I would die in this spot. I fought to stay conscious. I wanted to be awake if Lucky was coming. This was a good place to wait for him. Maybe he could tell me what to do next. I drifted off for a bit. I don't know how long. When I opened my eyes, the voices started again, whispering at first and then mumbling something. The voices were coming from the pigeons above me. I tried to understand what they were saying, but I could only make out some of the words:
Dead, water, black, water, neck? Fire, Fire, Fire!
They watched me with their beady red eyes.

I smelled woodsmoke. Something near me was burning. I lifted my head painfully. After a moment I saw it. One tiny flame curling lazily up the walls of the shed. A few more danced along the ground, then a few more. Then flames leapt angrily up all four walls. The pigeons flapped their wings and took off in a flock, rushing the door. I watched the fire take over. I heard a loud creak and a piece of a rafter, alive with flames, came crashing down, landing inches from my feet. I dug my heels in and pushed myself back as another piece fell. I raised my hands to protect myself and tried to stand but the wood knocked me back down to the dirt floor. I started to cough. The smoke was black and thick now. I struggled to get up but I had nothing left. Someone was moving along the side of the shed, coming toward me, through the flames. Fin.

I dragged myself pathetically away from him.

“Where ya going?” he stood on my hand with his boot. I screamed out in pain.

“You're such a confounding girl, George. And I've got to hand it to you, you don't give up so easy.”

I grimaced in pain.

“Aaah, there's the face. You know, Lucky had exactly the same series of expressions on his face when I held him under: confusion, and then panic, followed by understanding, and finally, acceptance. He fought hard too, but in the end he went quietly, one bubble at a time, smaller and smaller and then . . . well . . . you know the rest, don't you?”

The flames were approaching him from behind. I tried to move again but I couldn't.

“You won't get away with this,” I croaked.

“I've already gotten away with it. When are you going to get it? I'm not leaving. You are. I've worked hard for what I have now. Not like Lucky. Everything came to him so damn easy that he took it all for granted. Not anymore.”

“Please . . . don't.”

“It's your doing, George. If you would have shut the hell up, we could have all been so happy together. Couldn't you have just played along? You ruined everything. And there's nothing you could have done that would bring Lucky back. And now you've thrown away your own life too. What a waste.” He shook his head.

There was another loud crack. Another rafter beam fell, hitting Fin on the right shoulder. He fell to the ground, disappearing into the thick black smoke. Then, from behind me I felt arms gathering me up. I was off the ground now. I was moving. I saw the taut tendons in Lucky's neck as he strained to carry me out of there to safety. I coughed and gasped for breath.

“Wait here,” he said. “I'll be right back.” But it wasn't his voice. It was Sonia's. I heard footsteps running away from me. Everything went dark.

I woke up on the ground outside the shed, coughing. My lungs burned. I held my hands out in front of my face. Blisters were starting to appear on my palms. My skin curled up like tissue paper. Over my shoulder, the shed blazed. I looked around for Fin, but I couldn't see him. I called out for Lucky. My voice was a dry rasp. I curled up in the dirt, coughing, and squeezed my eyes shut. I would stay here like this, listening to sirens off in the distance, until Lucky came back. I hoped it would be soon.

A few moments later there were loud voices everywhere, but someone was right next to me, speaking quietly to me and touching me carefully. I was lifted onto a stretcher. I turned my head and I saw a police car and a policeman. I saw the back of Fin. He was handcuffed and he was being led, limping, to the police car. Sonia was talking to another policeman. She was pointing at the shed and then at Fin and then at me. She was crying. They put Fin in the back of the car and shut the door. He watched me out the window as the car drove away.