Ill Wind and Dead Reckoning: Caribbean Pirate Adventure (Valkyrie) (47 page)

Gabriella was badly affected by Klara’s death. I knew it, her crew knew it, but Gabriella would not acknowledge it. She’d been distressed in the cabin, but once I’d taken her away from Klara’s body, she acted as if nothing had happened. She offered no tears, no laments, she simply got on with the business of sailing.

She hadn’t thrown any recriminations or accusations at me. It was as if nothing had happened. Nothing. No love, no hate, just blank. Like the still sea in the dead calm that we drifted in, we were wallowing in place, going nowhere, and it was time to bury our dead.

Klara, Annika and Butler, shrouded in canvas, lay on a pile of splintered wood, ripped canvas and a scattering of black powder inside one of
Freyja’s
longboats.

‘Cast off,’ Gabriella said quietly, and Jayde untied the boat’s tether, tossed the line on top of the corpses and pushed the boat off.

‘Stand by, Andy,’ Gabriella instructed. ‘Carmen, carry on please.’

I was surprised. I’d expected Gabriella to say the service, not Carmen. She intoned the usual service of the dead, but finished a little differently.

‘We now commend the bodies of the Valkyries, Charles Butler, Annika Svennson and Klara, to Valhalla. Courageous warriors all, we thank them for their sacrifice, and honour their deeds in our service.’

She stepped back and Andy touched an arrow to a lantern sitting on the deck beside her, notched it to her bow string and fired it at the boat grave.

The Valkyries cheered as flames leapt up and called out the names of their dead. I noticed some of my Freedom Fighters were moved, but not Gabriella. She stood still and silent at the bulwark, grasped the rail of her prize and stared at the burning boat-grave drifting westward on the swell. Nothing showed on her face at all, only in the whites of her knuckles. I wished I knew how to help her.

Obi watched the flames take hold, then turned and walked away.

I thought back to the first deaths I’d borne as captain, and knew Gabriella’s impassivity was a lie. I knew she felt responsible. Whatever was happening inside her, she had to let it out sooner or later, and the longer she let it brew, the more violent would be its release.

Hornigold and the other dead Freyjamen went overboard in weighted canvas shrouds with no ceremony, then Gaunt thrust a couple of brimming rumpots at us. Gabriella emptied hers in one. I took a smaller drink, then urged her to leave the rail and join the others. She shook her head and headed awkwardly down
Valkyrie’
s mainhatch. I followed her to the cabin.

‘Gabriella, don’t.’ She’d downed another full rumpot.

‘Gabriella don’t? Gabriella don’t?’ she repeated. She didn’t look adrift in a calm now, quite the opposite. Her cheeks flushed red and her eyes flashed as her voice rose. I dodged the empty beaker she threw at me and she drank from the bottle instead.

‘Gabriella, please, the child!’

‘The child? The child? You didn’t care about the
child
when you hit me or threatened to lock us up!’ she screamed at me. ‘How dare
you
remonstrate with
me
, now? How dare you!’

‘Gabriella . . .’ She wasn’t being fair; I’d known nothing about the child. I moved towards her, then stopped at her glare.

‘Don’t you come near me. Don’t you touch me! What are you even doing here? You made it damned clear you didn’t want me – you’re only here for Hornigold. Tell me, how does it feel that I succeeded where you failed?’

‘I’m not here for Hornigold, Gabriella. I’m here for you. Whatever you believe, I’m here for you,’ I repeated.

She threw the bottle at the bulkhead and opened another as rum and broken glass pooled on the deck.

‘Gabriella.’

Nothing. I carried on regardless. ‘I know I let you down and I promise I will never threaten you again. You
are
a captain in your own right. You
have
succeeded where I failed,
and
bested Hornigold. You are my equal, and my future.’ I paused. ‘A future,
our
future, that is right here in this cabin, and I will do anything in my power to keep that safe. To keep you and our child safe and together.’

I moved towards her again, she was crying now, hopefully her rage was spent. I put my arms around her, but she pushed me away and slapped my face, hard. I stared at her. I could not let her provoke me. She had to know she could trust me again. I kept my eyes on hers and made no effort to control my breathing, which was as heavy as hers. My hands had clenched into fists, but stayed at my sides.

Her eyes changed and she reached for me. I stiffened to take the blow, but she grabbed my shirt, hauled me towards her, and kissed me roughly. My shirt tore and she yanked it off me. I reached around and took hold of her own shirt and tore it from her body. Our lips parted and we pressed our foreheads together, panting heavily. I waited to see what her next move would be, and caressed her back, hoping it wouldn’t be violent.

I waited.

She pulled the dagger from my belt and I caught her eyes again. I couldn’t hide my nerves. She looked at me, and I didn’t care for the smile that flickered across her lips. Then she made her mind up, and, obviously amused, stabbed the blade into the wood of the chart table. Quickly followed by my cutlass. I breathed a sigh of relief and she pushed me hard towards the bed. With her belly bulging with life, I did as I was bid, and she stood over me, her eyes wild.

‘Care,’ I whispered, stroking her stomach. She slapped my hand away, pulled her own dagger out of her belt and cut the ties that bound my breeches, then lightly traced the blade over my chest. I held my breath. Enough was enough. She lifted the dagger and I grabbed her wrist and pushed it away from me. We stared at each other, chests heaving and she smiled, then let the blade drop to the deck. Her breeches followed and I wriggled out of what was left of mine so that she could climb on top of me.

Gabriella was back.

My eyes fluttered open though it was still dark and very quiet.
Why is it so quiet? Why are we not under sail? Something’s wrong.
Then I remembered:
Freyja,
Klara, Leo. I startled wide awake, and realized Leo’s arm was slung over my belly. I was lying on my side, with Leo nestled behind me. I could smell him: sweat, salt and something else, something indefinable, something that was just . . . Leo. I couldn’t decide if I felt protected – or trapped.

I slowed my breathing and stayed still. Judging by Leo’s snores he still slept, and I didn’t want to wake him. I didn’t want to talk to him, or even look at him. But I didn’t want to move away from him either. I squeezed my eyes shut and felt tears trickle down my face and into my ear. I didn’t dare move to wipe them away and had to put up with the tickling.

What am I going to do now? What do I
want
to do?
My best friend was dead, my ship stove into another, and my child would be coming soon.

It was all too much. Leo might have come back to me, but I’d never felt so alone. I sighed and moved my arm to grasp his strong forearm resting on my belly. I loved him. Despite everything, I knew I loved him, and my belly clenched as I remembered our passion of the night before. I wanted him and I’d missed him. But he’d threatened me, betrayed me, and I thought I hated him a little as well.

I let my hand drop back down to the bed.
What do I do?
I couldn’t lose command of myself now, I’d worked too hard to let go of the ropes, to let Leo take over and make my decisions for me, but what did I really want?

This was getting me nowhere and I tried to think like a captain, like the captain I was. First the boats,
Valkyrie
and
Freyja
. I’d lose them both without
Freedom
and Leo, I knew that. Without him, my best chance at saving my crew would be to stow them into the longboat and limp ashore. But none of them would choose that, they’d all elect to sail with
Freedom
. No one else had wanted to leave
Freedom
in the first place. I’d be left with nothing and no one and would likely die alone at sea; and what about the child? What if she came when I was adrift in a longboat? She’d die too. And she wasn’t mine alone, didn’t she have a right to know her father? He hadn’t harmed her, how could I take him away from her?

I blinked more tears away and froze as Leo’s fingers stroked my skin. He was waking. I wasn’t ready to speak to him yet. I concentrated on keeping my breathing steady, trying to fool him into thinking I was still asleep. His fingers stilled and he moved his head on the cushions, burrowing a more comfortable nest. His breathing grew louder again. He wasn’t snoring, but I relaxed, he was still more in sleep than out of it.

My hand stroked the fabric I lay on, feeling the soft nap of the velvet. This was where Klara had died, and all the old bedclothes had been burnt in her boat-grave with her. I’d got a bit carried away in replacing them, finding the richest brocades and softest cottons. The crew had been happy to indulge their pregnant captain after our victory, and had raided
Freyja’s
and
Freedom’s
holds as well as our own to collect the richest cloth taken as plunder all over the Carib Sea.

Klara. She’d known me better than anyone, yet had begged me to forgive Leo, almost with her dying breath. But
could
I forgive him? I could honour her by taking him back, yes, but could I forgive him? And the child. Of course, the child. His child.

I sighed. The ships, the crew, Klara and the child. I needed to accept Leo again for all of them. But what about me? What did
I
want? What would win? Love? Or hate? But was it really hate, or was it fear? Fear that living with Leo would end up like living with Erik? I’d had enough of living in fear,
and
enough of living in hate. How could I be sure that living with Leo, that loving Leo, would be different?

‘Buenos días, querida.’ Leo stroked my belly again. He knew I was awake. I didn’t trust my voice, and stroked his arm in greeting. My breath hitched in my throat, and I clamped my lips shut, hoping he hadn’t heard.

His hand moved higher, cupping my breast and his thumb circled my nipple. It betrayed me and hardened and my breath caught in my throat again. Part of me wanted to stop him, but I made no move.

His hand moved lower, back over the swell of my body, then lower still. I stiffened, then relaxed. I was glad he was behind me. I couldn’t see him, or touch him. I didn’t have to take any part in this. I could feel tears flowing freely down my face, but I made no sound. I didn’t want to do this. I didn’t want to stop this.

He moved and I felt him behind me. I gasped. That wasn’t distress. I didn’t want him to stop. Whatever happened, I did not want him to stop. I moved against him, made it easier for him, yet my tears still flowed, silent.

He kissed my shoulder and neck and held me to him tightly, moving against me and groaning. He was gentle, tender, and we rocked together. My breathing quickened and grew heavier, but I was still aware of my tears. I gripped his arm, wanting him to hold me tighter, tighter, and I knew I loved him. I knew I needed him. I was crying as much for missing him as for what had been lost, and I didn’t want this to stop. I didn’t want to have to look at him, to talk to him, I just wanted to love him.

His movements grew more urgent, and I went with him, pitching through the stormy sea, then, with another groan, it was all over and he was just holding me.

He sighed and pulled me on to my back, propping himself up next to me and we finally looked at each other. He wiped the salt water from my face and smiled. Despite myself, I smiled back.

‘I keep thinking of Klara and Obi. How their time together ended too quickly, and kept thinking,
what if it had been you?
I missed you so much, Gabriella, I couldn’t stand it if I lost you. We have to make the most of all the time we have. Marry me.’

My smile shrank and I stared at him in horror.

‘What?’

‘Marry me.’

‘I’m still married to Erik,’ I pointed out, staring at the deckhead. I wasn’t ready for this. I couldn’t answer this.
What is he doing
?

‘I hadn’t forgotten,’ he said. ‘Nor have I forgotten Klara’s request. We can honour her, free you and rid the Carib Sea of one of its devils – two if we get Blake as well.’

‘I’m not sure I want to be legally tied to a man again; any man, even you,’ I carried on. ‘I don’t want to be viewed as property, or servant, or slave.’

‘¡El infierno! I will never view you as property, woman,’ he retorted. ‘Or servant or slave! I love you. I want you by my side, I’ve tried living without you and it’s no life. I live for freedom, and have shown you how to be free.

Marrying me won’t be a shackle but a declaration. A declaration to each other, to the world, the sea, and to everyone on it. As my wife, you’ll have the protection of my name. As your husband, I’ll have the protection of yours, as well as the promise of many adventures to come. I want us to be together, forever. I want us to live together, sail together and fight together. Even die together – eventually. I want to tell the world we belong together. I want a place in history as the richest husband and wife pirate team on the seas. I want to be with you in every way I can.

We’ve already lived as husband and wife, let us seal it, on board. A pirate wedding, at sea, aboard
Freedom
, let’s start a new life together – now.’

I thought back to all my doubts, all the reasoning I’d done in the dark, to my last conversation with Klara, and held my hands to my belly. I’d recently sworn I wasn’t going to run again, and I’d faced Hornigold and won. I looked up at Leo’s worried frown and hesitated again.
Can I really do this?

‘Isn’t it only the captain who can perform a wedding?’

‘Yes, so? There are two of us you know, it shouldn’t be a problem.’

‘But if we’re doing the marrying, how can we perform the service?’

He laughed. ‘We’re captains of pirate ships, querida. We can do what we like. If the ceremony doesn’t work for us, we change it until it does! We’ll even do it before we head to Sayba, it doesn’t really matter to me whether Erik dies before our wedding or after. What do you say?’

I relaxed. That was more like it. A marriage where we set the rules, that was tailor-made for us. No interference from anybody else. No judgements, no arbitrary rules pushed on to us. This would be a marriage I could live with, be proud of and feel loved and safe in. A marriage I could bring our child into.

I reached for him again, pushing away the doubts. I didn’t have the strength to fight him any more. I didn’t have to do everything on my own any more. I wasn’t sure I could do this, but I’d try. For Klara, for Raphaella, even for myself. I’d try.

‘Yes.’