Illicit Canvas: political romance and stand alone romance (19 page)

Chapter Twenty-Three

I don’t know what’s got into me. Ethan turned me into a sex maniac, into someone that doesn’t want to leave him even for a second. Right now he is on the phone. He is talking in English and his conversation sounds pretty important, so I put my clothes on and clear up the mess that we made on the table. I've had sex before, sex that I wanted to forget and sex that seemed great at the time, but Ethan… Its like an inferno rushes through me each time he touches me. I never want him to stop.

I wipe the table, giggling to myself, and put the cleaned dishes back into the cupboards. The pasta is already cold, but it still tastes great. Once I have some more, and I’m done with cleaning, Ethan comes back to the kitchen dressed in a suit.

“I have to go to work. There is some emergency.”

“What’s happened?”

“Not sure yet. They're calling everyone. It’s probably another crisis in the Middle East.”

“Well, I have to go anyway. I have a lecture early in the morning.”

“I’ll drop you home on the way.”
 

“No, I can get the Metro. You go and do your thing. I don’t want to keep you away from your responsibilities.”

He looks a bit disorientated, and then his phone starts ringing again. He takes it and tells whoever it is that he is on his way.

“I’m going, Ethan. Don’t worry about me,” I whisper to him.

Ethan presses his hand over the phone while I put my shoes on. “All right, I’ll call you later. Be careful.”

He puts his shoes on, talking, and within minutes he is gone. I lock up his apartment and run all the way to the Metro station, feeling like I’m on top of the world again. Ethan and I—we just made love, twice. It’s like that invisible thread holding him back had been cut and he finally came around, not thinking about the consequences. He caught me masturbating in the middle of the room. I can’t even get my head around it. That look in his eyes. I’ll never forget it. I have never done anything like that in my life.

The wide smile doesn’t vanish from my face even when I get home. I want to tell the world everything; tell Maja and my mother.

I unlock the door to my flat and walk in, ready to shout that something has finally shifted in my life, that I’m happy again, when I spot Colin on the sofa.

“Arwen, hey, are you all right? Maja let me in. I hope you don’t mind,” he says, getting up.

Blood rushes to my ears and I stand in the living room, shocked. Of course, I remember now. I told him to come over so that he can explain himself. That conversation had slipped my mind.

“Yeah, sorry. I was a little busy. What time is it?” I ask, trying to sound normal, but my heart accelerates. I just made love to his father. This is too weird.

“Quarter past eight,” answers Maja, appearing at the door of her bedroom. “A few girls were asking about you earlier on. I think they were from your course.”

 
I forgot that I suggested for them to come over to my flat earlier on. Time stopped when I was with Ethan. Shit, I probably look like a mess. Colin is staring at me intensely, but I have to behave normal. He doesn’t know or suspect anything.

“Right, sorry. I just need to use the toilet. I’ll be back in five,” I tell him and vanish inside the loo. When I look at my own reflection in the mirror I want to slap myself. My makeup is smudged and I’m flushed. My look shouldn’t surprise me. I’ve just experienced the most intense orgasm in my life with my ex-boyfriend’s father. This sounds unbelievable, even to me. I splash some water on my cheeks and smooth my hair, trying to make myself look decent again before I get back to the living room.

“Let’s go to my bedroom,” I say, hoping for some privacy, and he follows me.

“Are you sure that you’re all right, Arwen?” he asks, then looks at my clothes. “Your shirt is a bit big, don’t you think?”

I glance down at myself and for a moment my brain freezes. Of course Colin noticed. I’m still wearing Ethan’s shirt. This can’t get any worse.

“Oh this … I like it. It’s probably my mother’s fiancé’s. Mum had it in her wardrobe and I took it before I came to Brussels.”

My voice is too high and Colin is not an idiot. He will probably recognise that it’s his father’s shirt. He narrows his eyes and approaches me.

“Arwen, listen, I should have done this a while ago. I’m sorry about that night in the club. I lost it and I had too much to drink.”

He is standing in front of me, way too close. I start to massage the nape of my neck and walk around him to jump on the bed. I can do this—play hurt.

“Colin, you had no right to attack Gilbert. We were only talking.”

“He had his arm around your waist. Besides, he isn’t good for you,” Colin says, dismissing whatever he did wrong.

“Why not? Gilbert is actually a nice guy, but that’s not the point because this has nothing to do with you. I saw you with Valerie. She told me she likes you. You had no right to treat me the way you did.”

I’m angry now, pissed that he still thinks that there can be something between us, when he is sucking the face of another girl. He exhales, scratching his head, looking stunned that I know.

“She doesn’t mean anything to me.”

I think that I’m going to start pulling my hair out.

“Colin, we are friends, just friends. Nothing is going to happen between us. The sooner you get it the better,” I say louder than I should. “Valerie likes you and you can’t act the way you do without consequences. Besides, you should be thanking Gilbert. He could have pressed charges. You would have been locked up.”

“Thanking him! Are you kidding me?” he asks, shaking his head. “Is that where you were tonight? With him?”
 

Colin just crossed another line. It looks like I completely misjudged him. Maybe he was acting all this time when we were together. I take a deep breath and open the door to my bedroom.

“I want you to leave. We have nothing else to talk about,” I say.

He doesn’t move, staring at me with his fists clenched. “Okay, Arwen. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean to say that. I’m worried about you. You’re right. I was out of line the other night … but I was only looking out for you!”

“Colin, I’m tired. You’ve said enough. Please just go. We will finish this conversation another time.”

He stares at me, shifting his expression back to a much softer one. “Okay, but I want you to know that there is nothing between Valerie and me. I was drunk. It’s you I still want. Only you.”

Then he is gone. My breathing comes back to normal when I hear the door being shut. I flop on my bed with my face down, wondering how I could be so stupid. It’s clear that he only wants me because I broke up with him. How could I not see that he was possessive and probably delusional?

“That is Ethan’s shirt, right?”

I lift my head up and see Maja. She is leaning on the doorframe, watching me with her arms crossed over her chest. I get up, exhaling sharply. She has probably heard everything.

“It’s not my shirt, that’s for sure,” I reply, smiling.

“Where have you been all afternoon?” she asks and then adds, “You don’t have to tell me, but just so you know, the anticipation may kill me. I’ll be tossing and turning all night, dying to know what happened.”

I laugh, feeling the tension disappear. Maja is my best friend. I trust her, but bragging about the best sex in my life isn’t fair to her.

 
“Something happened tonight, something good.”

Her eyes widen and she runs to my bed, sitting next to me.

“Oh my God, tell me?”

I bite my lip, unable to hide this from her anymore.

“We had sex, lots of it and it was amazing,” I say, hiding my face in my hands. Next thing I know Maja is shaking me.

“You’re shitting me? What?”

“Oh, we didn’t plan it. It just happened. We were caught in the moment.”

“I’m happy for you, but what about Colin? I can’t believe that he thought he could apologise and ask you to give him another chance. And that bullshit about Valerie?”

“Yes, Colin could be a problem. He doesn’t know what he wants, but I’m fed up with worrying about him.”

“Good. He doesn’t deserve you.”

I don’t want to think about Colin at the moment, but Ethan can’t lose focus right now, before his first exhibition.

“He’s not important. I’m happy, more than I ever was in my entire life.”

Maja warns me to be careful, that this whole thing could be blown up into a scandal if anyone finds out. Ethan is the man that I want to spend the rest of my life with. Maybe it’s too early and I’m crazy, but my feelings are intense. There is no anxiety, no worries, just hope that it’s all going to be all right.

There is an emergency security meeting and all the members of Parliament have been called in. I’m distracted, but I put my head down and work for the next several hours. It’s 3:00 a.m. when I finally drive home exhausted, still smelling Arwen on me. The doubts are settling back in and I begin to question myself—question the decisions that I made.

Hours ago, I made love to her and I was finally happy. After ten years alone I had something to look forward to. When I get home and climb into my bed, I don’t want to think about the consequences, but there are still those twenty-three years between us. Bethany wouldn’t approve, especially not after what happened in the past, but I can’t help it. I’m falling for her fast.

Is it love? Is that what I’m feeling? I don’t know, it’s too soon to tell. My head hurts, my thoughts are racing and I don’t know what’s right or wrong. I lie there waiting and dreaming. I don’t know what time it is when I drift off, but then my alarm wakes me up.
 

I need more rest, but I’m in charge and it’s not my thing to let other people down. There is a text from Arwen on my phone; several, in fact. She is very poetic and graphic with her words. In the next hour I get ready, have some breakfast, a litre of coffee and then leave. Eight long hours pass by, very exhausting hours.

When I’m finally allowed to leave, I have a migraine. I need to recoup my energy, get some more sleep. Some people would blame it on age, others on the fact that maybe I’m not keeping up. When I pull up outside my apartment, I spot Colin. He is smoking on the street, probably waiting for me. Normally he doesn’t visit me during the week, so something must have happened. Colin finally spots me and throws the cigarette on the pavement. I can’t read him, but something isn’t right. It’s just the way he looks at me, or maybe I’m paranoid.

“Hey, Pap, I need to talk to you.”
 

“What's the matter? Everything all right?” I ask, maybe more intrusively than I should.

“Girl, woman, whatever, I can’t keep up with them. Have you got any beer?” he asks as we walk inside the building. I breathe out with relief. Girl problems, that’s all there is to it.
 

“Maybe. I need to check.”

When I unlock the door to my apartment and walk to the kitchen I stop abruptly. There it is on the floor: Arwen’s blouse that I ripped apart in the gallery. The evidence of both of us together. I came back late last night and I didn’t have a chance to clean anything. Colin passes me and stops in front of it. Our eyes meet and I wonder if he recognises it.

“You had a woman in here, Dad?” he asks, looking surprised. “Care to explain? Because, you know, I have a wild imagination.”

My pulse speeds up and I weigh my options as the sweat gathers on my forehead. He won’t believe me if I say that I had someone over just for one night. His eyes narrow as he continues to stare back at me.
 

“I set up a dating profile the other night,” I say, not really wanting to share this with anyone, but what choice do I have? Colin doesn’t know and it’s too soon. I have to prepare him before telling him about Arwen.

He laughs again and throws the blouse on the chair, shaking his head in disbelief.

“Dating profile? You? Fuck, Dad. You really must have been lonely.”

“It’s early days, nothing serious.”

“So who is the chick?”

“She works in advertising and she isn’t a chick. She’s a woman.”

“Good. At least you’re getting laid. I know that I screwed up the other night. Arwen is seeing that prick that I beat up from the club.”

I’m all alert again. What is he talking about? Arwen was with me since yesterday.

“Start from the beginning. You’re losing me, Colin.”

He drops on the chair, messing with his hair.

“I wanted to talk to her yesterday. I don’t know why. I guess I was embarrassed about the fact that I didn’t like that she was getting close to some French dude in the club. Things got out of control and I lost it.”

“Right, so you apologised?”

“Sort of. She promised to talk to me yesterday in the evening, but when I went to her flat, Maja, her roommate, said that she wasn’t in. I waited for an hour and then she showed up, acting weird.”

It was straight after we had sex. Arwen must have forgotten that she'd agreed to speak to Colin. I have to stay calm. Colin can’t possibly suspect anything.

“Acting weird—what do you mean?”

“For starters, she was wearing a man’s shirt. I asked her about it, but she lied, saying that it was her stepfather’s or something like that. It was obvious; she went to see that guy from the club.”

My shirt, she was wearing my shirt when she left my apartment. I try to stay impassive, but my exhaustion collides with fear. Colin is not stupid and he adores Arwen.

“What did she say? Did you ask her about him?”

“She got all defensive and angry. I don’t know, maybe I didn’t handle it how I was supposed to. We didn’t resolve anything.”

“Maybe you should just move on. It’s obvious that she isn’t interested in you anymore. There are plenty more women out there.”

“I don’t know, Dad. She got under my skin.”

I take a deep breath, wondering if this is the right time to talk to him about my business and the fact that his ex-girlfriend is helping me out. This will sound better if it comes from me.

“Listen, I have been meaning to talk to you about something. I’m going to resign and I’m planning to start a business.”

“A business … wow. What kind of business?”

“An art-dealing business. I have so many contacts around Europe and I’ve always been strongly interested in it.”

“Wow, Dad, that’s great.”

Now here comes the news.

“Yes, it’s good news. Arwen has been helping me out. She offered to donate some of her paintings,” I say, clearing my throat.

Colin frowns, looking a bit taken aback by this news, and I start to sweat. “Arwen? She’s helping you with this? How did this happen?”

“I bumped into her in a gallery the other day and we started talking. She has been very helpful,” I explain, digging myself in further than I want. Colin remains baffled.

“I forgot that she’s doing an art degree,” he says and I want to exhale with relief. “I think it’s cool, Dad. You always liked art; it’s a big step.”

“It is, but it will take time. I thought about it when I was with your mother, but I kept putting it off and off.”

“Maybe it’s a good thing that you’ll spend some time with her. You can find out if she is seeing that French prick,” he throws out there. Colin has no idea and he’s so self-centered. I don’t remember being that way when I was his age.

“I presume that you still want her? Even after she gave you a clear indication that she’s not interested in pursuing the relationship any further?”

Colin waves his hand in dismissal. “I want her, Dad. She’s the girl for me. I can’t do anything about it.”
 

I want to dig more, find out if he understands her at all. “Why? Why do you want her? I can see that she is quite pretty, but is it because she rejected you?”

Colin shrugs his shoulder and tries to think about his answer. “She’s the one and I just do. Anyway, where is that beer, Dad? I need a drink.”