Illicit Craving (Bend To My Will #5)

Illicit Craving

Bend To My Will: Book 5

By

Emily Jane Trent

Chapter 1

On the way back to the car, Jacob and Vivienne passed a flower shop, with baskets of blooms and bouquets overflowing out onto the sidewalk. The happy sight seemed out of place now that Vivienne’s heart was breaking. She glanced at Jacob, who stared straight ahead, as if the world around him didn’t exist.

The initial defensiveness that Vivienne felt had faded. When Jacob had outright forbidden her to go on a business trip, she’d reacted strongly. The idea that he wouldn’t allow her to go to Paris with Alfred Dunham was unbelievable. The man was her business partner, and it was a reasonable expectation that she would accompany him when necessary.

What Vivienne was unable to fathom is why that was unacceptable. She had not given Jacob any reason to be jealous, but for some reason he felt threatened. It hurt to think that after all they had shared, he still didn’t trust her. Yet that had to be the case.

If Jacob knew what was in her heart, and in her mind, a business trip wouldn’t give him pause. He wouldn’t doubt her, or consider it betrayal. Vivienne wasn’t capable of falling into another man’s arms, not when Jacob had her heart. But since Jacob didn’t understand such sentimentality, it seemed he also didn’t conceive of such loyalty.

It was too bad, really. Everything had been going so well. The day at the beach had been idyllic until the argument at the restaurant. Since she’d let her guard down, the whole thing had caught Vivienne by surprise. On such a relaxed day, chatting endlessly about whatever came to mind, the argument had been unexpected.

They reached the car, where Ian waited to drive them back to the penthouse. The driver greeted them, but after one glance at Jacob, he didn’t say another word. He appeared to be used to Jacob’s volatile moods, even if Vivienne wasn’t. She slipped into the backseat, and Jacob got in beside her.

On the way out of town, Vivienne spotted a lighthouse up on a hill, towering over a quaint building made of brick. Farther along was a wooden windmill with lush green trees lining the grassy area it stood on. Vivienne’s joy at the delightful, almost frivolous views was muted.

Jacob was upset, his body rigid and his eyes dark. Vivienne wasn’t certain if he was still mad that she had defied him, or just in a bad mood because of their argument. She guessed the former, because he’d blown up when she refused to comply with his wishes. But what he asked of her was unreasonable.

First of all, Alfred hadn’t set a date for her to return to Paris with him,
if
she even needed to. Yet Vivienne required the freedom to conduct her business as she saw fit, without undue restriction. Her relationship with Jacob meant a lot to her, more than she was able to express. But that didn’t mean she intended to give up everything else.

Although Jacob hadn’t spoken of it recently, she knew he preferred to keep such things as love and romance out of the playroom. Rationally, Vivienne saw the wisdom of such a division, knowing that Jacob had to maintain control during sex play. But emotionally, the arrangement was difficult for her.

Vivienne hadn’t brought the subject up, since Jacob had his mind set. She bided her time, thinking his attitude would change. Now she wasn’t so sure. Not only did Jacob want to control her in the playroom, but outside of it as well. She was too independent to allow that.

It wouldn’t work, anyway. Vivienne would be dissatisfied if she had to check with Jacob regarding life or business decisions. Even if she tried it, which she wasn’t about to do, it would blow up. The ire that had burst forth the instant Jacob forbade her to do something was only the tip of the iceberg. Such behavior on Jacob’s part would rip apart the relationship, as Vivienne was not a meek little mouse, looking for direction.

The drive back to the penthouse seemed unbearably long. The entire time, Jacob was silent, and Ian wisely kept his eyes on the road. The only reprieve was the music playing through the sound system and the green landscape as it flashed by the windows. The tension rose between them, and the longer the silence, the more uncomfortable Vivienne felt.

When they arrived, Vivienne went straight to
her
room and locked the door. It was a silly gesture, since Jacob wasn’t likely to come looking for her. But she was annoyed. After stripping off her summer clothes, she turned on the shower. When it was warm, she stepped inside, letting the spray wash away all the sand and grime.

Unfortunately, the water couldn’t wash away the hurt that Vivienne felt inside. It wasn’t fair. Jacob expected too much. She wondered if this was how he behaved with any other woman who’d shared his playroom, but she thought not. The difference was that she also shared his life, and did so despite the inherent risk. Unwittingly, she had instigated the argument, although she felt that Jacob was just as responsible.

After Vivienne shampooed and rinsed her hair, she stepped out to dry off. It was good to be clean again. For dinner, she dressed casually and put on some makeup. Her blond hair was wild, similar to how she felt inside, so she left it that way. Then she flopped on the bed.

Hugging the pillow to her, Vivienne tried to make the ache in her chest go away, but it was useless. She had no idea what was going on with Jacob, and, even after knowing him this long, didn’t understand why he behaved as he did. If only he would share what he referred to as
the darkness
, then Vivienne might comprehend what she was up against. She might even be able to help.

Yet Jacob was convinced that speaking of his past wasn’t good for
her
. That he was doing the right thing by protecting her. Vivienne only wished she knew what he was protecting her from, because she didn’t need to be shielded from whatever Jacob agonized over. She’d rather be a part of it than be excluded. But Vivienne didn’t know how to make Jacob see that.

*****

Jacob nursed his second whiskey, waiting for Vivienne to come down for dinner. There was no way he was going upstairs to get her. She needed time to cool off, and he did too. Each time he thought of Vivienne going off to Paris with another man, anger surged. It didn’t matter that the man was probably ten years older than Vivienne, or that he was a business partner.

Vivienne likely thought his reaction meant he didn’t trust her, but that wasn’t it at all. He didn’t trust
another man
, alone with Vivienne, on a trip. Couldn’t she see the dangers there? Traveling, and in close proximity, there would be ample opportunity for the relationship to get personal. That was something Jacob would not allow.

Vivienne was
his
, and he intended to keep it that way. But she had issues with obeying him. Fortunately, her defiance did not extend to the playroom. Still, there were other occasions when she needed to listen to him, but she was so darned willful.

Jacob pondered the situation, and had to admit he’d likely approached it the wrong way. With a woman like Vivienne, more tact was called for. More than once, she’d thought of him as
rude
, and the argument had driven that home. If he’d discussed his reasons more, possibly she would have agreed that it was best not to make a business trip alone with Alfred.

But Jacob had been in no mood for talking about it. He’d just reacted. Vivienne probably thought he was jealous, and maybe he had been. Yet it was more than that. Vivienne had become a part of his life, and he wasn’t dealing with it very well.

There hadn’t been a woman like Vivienne before, so it had been simple to keep his sexual lifestyle compartmentalized. The playroom was a powerful release, one that Jacob needed. But he hadn’t foreseen where that might lead with Vivienne. He did things with her, and allowed her privileges that were inconsistent with being her master.

Now Jacob had to pay the price. It was too late to retrace his steps. Going out midweek, calling each other, kissing, and sleeping in his bed were now expected. Even if he could put his foot down, and tell Vivienne that was over, Jacob didn’t want to let go. It disturbed him that he’d become accustomed to having her close, and was unwilling to confine her to the playroom activities only.

There was a clang of pots and pans in the kitchen, reminding Jacob that Colette had prepared dinner. If Vivienne would come down, the meal could be served. Possibly, she would be over the upset and things could return to normal. Even thinking so, Jacob knew better.

Vivienne wasn’t one to ignore such an incident. She would still be annoyed. Most likely, she remained determined to run her own life without interference. It was a reasonable request, although Jacob wasn’t fully rational about it quite yet. He took a deep breath and downed the last of his whiskey. There was a sound on the marble staircase, and his heart leapt.

Looking up, Jacob saw Vivienne descending the stairs, and attempted to assess her mood. She didn’t look angry, exactly. Her expression was more melancholy than anything. The slim pants she wore with a light green sweater made Jacob want to have her. She was so damn beautiful.

At the bottom of the stairs, Vivienne walked over to him without looking up. When she stood a foot away, her green eyes met his. Jacob saw what he’d already known: how much he’d hurt her. But there was no way to take it back, even if he wanted to.

“I’m glad you came down, Vivienne. I hope you’ll have dinner with me.”

Vivienne glanced at his empty whiskey glass, then back at him. “We need to talk, Jacob.”

“I agree. Let me get a bottle of wine, and we’ll go to the study.” Jacob chose a bottle from the wine cooler, hardly noticing what it was. He headed for the other room, with Vivienne a step behind. There was a portable bar, where he retrieved a couple of glasses and poured the wine. When he turned, Vivienne was sitting in a leather chair by the fireplace.

Jacob handed her a glass of wine and sat across from her. Vivienne’s blond waves framed her face, and her sweater hugged her curves. He wanted her, but didn’t completely regret his behavior. Allowing her to go off with another man was unwise. Still, a compromise might be agreed on.

“Don’t you trust me, Jacob?”

The look on her face was pure anguish, and it dawned on Jacob what the real issue was. “That’s not it, Vivienne.”

“Then what?” Vivienne held her glass without sipping. “Because I have to admit, I don’t understand.”

“There’s not that much to understand,” Jacob said. “I don’t want you going off with another man.”

“But Alfred is not
another man
; he’s my business partner.”

“That makes no difference. He’s still a man, and being away, alone, is not a good situation.”

“For
me
?”

“Yes, for you,” Jacob said. “You don’t realize how attractive you are, and how easy it would be for any man to want you.” He let that sink in.

“So it’s the
other man
you don’t trust?”

“That’s right.” Jacob saw an opening. “If you are required to go to Paris, then I’ll go with you.”

“So you can keep an eye on me?”

“I wouldn’t put it that way.”

“How would you put it?”

“So we can be together, Vivienne. From the beginning, I’ve made no secret that I wasn’t keen on you taking on a business partner. If you needed anything, you could have come to me,” Jacob said. “It was my mistake if I didn’t make that clear.”

Vivienne looked at him, but Jacob couldn’t tell what she thought.

“Now that you have entered into this venture with Alfred Dunham, I only ask that you consult me on such things as business trips.”

“You mean
ask permission
?”

“No, because I realize you’ll fight me on that.” Jacob gulped his wine. “And even if you don’t think so, I do understand that you need to make your own decisions.”

“You do?”

“Yes, I really do,” Jacob said, then sighed. “So I propose this: if you need to travel for business reasons, I’ll accompany you.”

Vivienne looked at him long and hard. “Okay.”

“Okay?”

“Yes, I said okay,” Vivienne said, then she smiled. “But don’t be so bossy all the time.”

Jacob couldn’t help but smile back.

Vivienne came over and sat on the arm of his chair. “If you have an issue with something, don’t order me around. Just talk to me about it.”

“No promises.”

“I thought that’s what you’d say.” Vivienne sipped her wine.

“Since we’re talking…” Jacob said.

“Yes?”

“There’s something I want you to consider.” Jacob put his hand on her knee. “I realize that you are giving up a lot to be with me.”

“I don’t understand,” Vivienne said.

“You could have a normal life, baby…meet a guy who is into romance,” Jacob said. “He’d be the type of guy who would talk instead of exploding. And he could give you a future that I can’t.”

“Meaning you aren’t the marrying type?”

“More than that. I’m not used to sharing my life with a woman, and I’m doing a lousy job of it,” Jacob said. He squeezed her knee and took another gulp of wine. “I’m bad for you, Vivienne…in many ways. I know that.”

Vivienne didn’t say anything.

“But I’m a greedy son of a bitch, and as long as you stick around, I’ll indulge my craving for you,” Jacob said. “You drive me crazy, inside the playroom and out. But I’m not completely heartless.” He paused. “If you leave, I’ll understand.” He hoped he sounded more convinced than he felt.